When Cassius broke up with me, I switched off my personal phone for two weeks. I am sure I cried enough tears to fill the Thames. I was working intensively and was hibernating socially. I was devastated to the point that I wouldn’t even go out. What was I supposed to do with these daily reminders of Cassius all over Chelsea? The Botanist, Coco Momo, Zuma, Eclipse, Albert’s, SKC, and so on…

We were and went all over. I almost thought of moving back to France. Even my mattress, my sheets, and my sofa were #TeamCassius, keeping his scents for ages! It was so painful I had to sleep in the guest room and sometimes on my sofa.

My new routine: eat, work, eat, work, eat, work, sleep, and maybe travel. My night outs were my 30-second dates with my take-away driver from Deliveroo. I wasn’t in the mood to listen to Camellia’s joy of planning her wedding either. I was hiding myself from civilisation, shunning everyone.

But after a few days, I started being very moody and decided it was time to go out to reconnect with the real world.

After a three-month break, I started jogging again in Hyde Park, preferably very early and on the northwestern corner of Kensington Gardens to be sure not to bump into my dearest Chelsea friends, such as Charlotte, Catherine, Bianca, Cassius, or anyone else. I gave up my flashy purple Nike jogging gear for some black Adidas outfit.

And, I stupidly ran with sunglasses on. Well, Knightsbridge is surely the only place in the world where you can wear sunglasses on a rainy morning. Who cares? We are potentially all famous.

But despite the eyewear, I had the luck to stumble upon Cassius’s associate who recognised me despite the sunglasses.

“Valérie! How are you? You’re not with Cassius???”

“Not really, I am afraid.”

“Oh, so, where is he? I thought he was taking a well-overdue holiday with you. He hasn’t been in the office for a while. Are you guys okay?”

“Not really. We are going through sticky patches,” I said, trying to minimise the situation and not willing to say too much.

“What’s going on?”

“Oh, I have to go, Mike. It was nice seeing you,” I said, my voice full of tears.

“Val! What happened? You seem upset.”

“Mike, we broke up like weeks ago,” I said, running back home, and not waiting to hear what he had to say.

I had never run that quickly since I started jogging. Tears all over my face, I decided it was time for a Ladies’ Night.

Talking to the ladies didn’t improve my situation. I was still miserable but my heart felt lighter. Well, if I couldn’t tell Cassius that I loved him, it clearly meant that I didn’t. And if he couldn’t wait, well it just meant we weren’t made for each other. Even if what we had was close to perfection.

Well, this was the only thing the ladies could tell to cheer me up. It helped until I found the bright side of life.

The bright side of life

I was ending my jog when a man came and said with the brightest and widest honest smile I had ever seen in my life “You’re back! I missed you. I was hoping to see you again one day.”

“Have we met before?”

“Well, I’ve been watching you running from my window up there,” he said, pointing at a building facing Hyde Park.

“You were my ray of light when I was very sick and grumpy. It was fun to see you dancing and running in the park. You made my mornings.”

I smiled. At least, I was making others smile, I thought.

“Sorry to hear that you were sick. Are you okay now?”

“Well yes, I am walking! I have fully regained the use of my legs, and I am here talking with you. I dreamt of that day for months!”

Meet Sonny Bright, Sonny is a former lawyer turned serial entrepreneur and investor. He had a car crash and was hibernating at his flat with re-education sessions every morning. Nobody believed he would walk again!

“I wanted to walk just to see you for real. I always wondered what sort of music was making you dance that crazy at 6am. You’re so energetic!”

I laughed out loud and I handled my headphones with my music on.

“Oh, Calvin! I should have guessed!” he said, starting to dance with his sticks that I had just noticed.

After a short walk together, we both sat in the middle of Hyde Park. I was surely taking the risk of being seen by Cassius. But now, I couldn’t care less. Someone managed to make me smile and to show me the bright side of life.

Sonny was well-built, around 6-foot, muscly, dark blond hair, green eyes with a bambino face. He looked like those little dolly faces. I couldn’t tell whether he was younger or older than me. He had that sort of face that made you smile, very welcoming and engaging. I couldn’t believe he was grumpy for a few months. I felt very grateful and blessed that I was the reason why he wanted to walk again. I forced myself to be in a better mood and see life in a different light.

I spent the morning with Sonny and understood that he now owned a luxury and lifestyle spa resort brand that operates all over Europe. He divorced three years ago from an unfaithful wife.

Since, Sonny admitted, being angry, frustrated, and hating women, he didn’t even want a relationship anymore and didn’t even care. Then, he had that car crash, first started hating life, and then sitting on a wheelchair the whole day, he started to observe people through his windows and appreciate the simple things in life like eating, laughing, and smiling.

And seeing me full of joy every morning (obviously, I was still with Cassius), Sonny decided that it was time to fight. To fight for what he wanted. So, Sonny dreamt about walking again and having a normal life. He dreamt of meeting me and laughing with me. Sonny was visualising himself being healthy and walking. I was moved, blessed, and felt grateful that I helped him through this process. We shared our life stories, Pierre, his ex-wife, my funny dates, and Cassius.

“You still love him.”

“Excuse me? Who?”

“You love Cassius.”

“I don’t know. Maybe? But, he wanted everything yesterday,” I just managed to respond.

“This is an excuse, Valérie. You’re just terrified.”

“Of what? I am not. If it was the case, I wouldn’t even have started this relationship.”

“Really? Were you not comfortable that both of you were travelling all around the world? You didn’t have to see him that often… No full weekends together… Not too real… Just saying…”

Sonny looked at me all smiling and added, “Think carefully about all your dodgy dating stories that happened these last couple of years. You always had an excuse to break up. Then you had the perfect man that you didn’t need to see every day. Perfect scenario! Until, he asked you to move in and that terrified you. To the point, you couldn’t even tell him that you loved him. If you had told him, you knew you were signing in for a fully committed relationship. Full-time. So, you just froze unconsciously, probably. But you love him.”

I looked at him puzzled, not sure what to say. But Sonny was smart and he knew how to handle the situation, he just left. “Well, I have to go sweetie. It was nice seeing you for real. We should have a friendly coffee one of these days.”

“Oh, pleasure,” I responded, still thinking of what he’d just said.

“Here’s my business card. Call me any time if you want to speak. And thank you, Valérie, for being who you are. You filled my heart with joy.”

“You filled my heart with light today,” I smiled.

“Good bye!”

“Good bye Mister Bright!”

What Sonny said to me haunted me all week. I agreed to some extent, but I wasn’t terrified to live with Cassius, I just wanted to enjoy a bit of freedom before being with him.

Plus, it’s been a tradition in my family, you don’t meet the “Boyfriend” but the “Fiancé.” It’s not only traditional; it’s cultural. It’s non-negotiable.

I wanted to call Cassius so much. But I refrained myself. I didn’t even know what I would say if he picked up.

The friendship

Sonny and I became really good friends. I liked him very much and he knew how to pep me up. He gave up his stick and we were speed walking together in Hyde Park, and had our occasional coffee from time to time. Sonny went back into dating and was asking me for advice, which was funny considering my situation.

This time, Sonny was the one with funny stories to tell me about women. He shared extraordinary moments together. I was happy Sonny put his life back together.

I also had a pampering day with the ladies to one of his spas and it was amazing.

“Valérie, how come he didn’t call you yet? It’s been like three months.” Camellia asked.

“Who?” Bianca asked.

“Cassius.” she retorted.

“We don’t care about him.”

“I don’t know. “ I replied sadly.

“Have you called him?”

“Don’t call him!” barked Bianca.

“Why, he’s the man of her life.” said tenderly Camellia.

“I haven’t called him and I won’t.”

“How do you know? He’s a selfish uptight joke.”

“Please don’t say that, Bianca.” I begged.

“Well, as long as you are not going back into the dating pool, I will be politely insulting him.”

“I am not ready.”

“See, she loves him.”

“He crushed her heart.”

“She probably crushed his heart too.”

“I don’t think so. He could have accepted the deal.”

“Please, ladies… I don’t want to speak about Cassius.”

“What about Sonny? He seemed like a good guy.”

“He’s dating other women and I know all his secrets and he knows all mine.”

“Yeurk!” Bianca snapped.

“Well, this is great. Maybe you should go for Sonny.”

“Thanks Camellia for your very wise advice. But I think I am okay.”

“Surely, this Stephanie can’t really match people. She should have known you were not ready.”

“Don’t put this on her.”

“Well, Val pretended she was ready! Whilst she wasn’t!”

“Okay ladies, I am done…”

“Valérie!!!! Come on!” Bianca and Camellia urged.

This was the end of our spa session.

On my way home, I was seeing Cassius everywhere and remembered of him everywhere. Everything in this neighbourhood reminded me of him. I don’t know why that night, it was overwhelming. I wanted to call him so bad and listen to his voice but instead I called Sonny. “I miss him,” I said crying.

“Oh, Valérie. What happened? Are you okay? Do you want to have a chat?”

“No, I don’t want to bother you.”

“It’s okay. Don’t worry! I just want you to be happy. You helped me somehow to be a better person so I can help a friend now.”

Twenty minutes later, Sonny and I were both having drinks at the Gaucho in our Little Chelsea neighbourhood. Weirdly, I wasn’t confessing on Cassius but having fun with him. He had that aptitude to make a joke at everything.”

We laughed (again) at the sound of our funny dates, recounted the most embarrassing dating situations we’d had.

After a terrible date, I left the restaurant just to realise that we were going towards the same direction and taking the same bus. I never used public transportation again, I said laughing out loud.

Sonny was like, once I had been to the cinema with a lady and there were the most graphic sexual scenes I had ever seen in my life. I am sure all the men had an erect penis and this included me. The girl looked at me stated angrily, “It’s not going to happen.”

I was laughing out loud. This was exactly what I needed: fun. Sonny was my fun! He was hilarious. He always knew what to say to make me laugh. I felt like he knew me.

“Valérie, I know now that you faked your tears over the phone. Admit it, you just wanted to see me.”

“Well, somehow I suppose it worked!” I joked.

“Well, you don’t need to do this! Just call me!” he said, caressing my face.

I looked at Sonny a bit confused. He knew I still loved Cassius but for some reason, he kissed me.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have. I don’t know… I think I should go and I am also very aware that you’re still in love with C…” I kissed him back. We grabbed a cab and we didn’t stop kissing; our lips were glued together. We arrived in his building and finally managed to get to his flat.

In seconds, I was naked in his bed, and Sonny was playing with my body. Kissing and licking every part of it. I couldn’t wait for him to make love to me. It happened in the most impromptu moment. I groaned at the surprise of his penis getting into me. His kisses became more passionate, deeper, and wetter. We exchanged intense glances all through the intercourse. We were two friends making love and it was warm, sensual, and tremendous.

We both moaned and came at the same time. The room went all quiet, but Sonny broke the silence, “What are we now? What does this make us?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I said, staring the ceiling.

“I want you, Valérie. Not as a friend, but as my girlfriend.”

My heart was going out of my body.

“I know you are still in love with Cassius and I am happy to wait,” Sonny said, leaning towards me and caressing my face. “I know you’ll love me one day and sooner than later.”

“I like you, Sonny. Please go easy with me, as I am not even sure where I am now, and I surely don’t want to hurt you.”

“Valérie, time always heals... I have all the time in the world for you.”

Date No.1 – Official

After three months of friendship, and after a night of love, Sonny and I were officially dating.

Unfortunately, I left London for New York the following day but Sonny and I were talking every day and we always had something to say to each other. I really liked the fact that we were friends beforehand and that we didn’t have any secrets from each other. It was a really nice feeling. We were both very open to our thoughts, feelings, and impressions. It made the whole relationship very honest.

When I came back from New York, we had our first real date. Sonny invited me to Ormer Mayfair. I was so happy to go there, as I always wanted to go but never had the opportunity.

Ormer Mayfair is a very intimate restaurant. It’s small with a few tables, which makes the atmosphere very romantic. We had a fantastic dinner experience where the food was amazing, the food presentation, and the attention to detail together were outstanding. It became one of my favourite places for business dinner since then.

After a few drinks and conversing about his family and mine, Sonny and I went back to his place and we made love in front of his magnificent view on Hyde Park on his very comfy carpet. I realised that I really liked Sonny and that I wanted to share so much with him. But, I wasn’t sure I would be able to love him like he’d like me to. The only thought of hurting his feelings and destroying our friendship made me cry.

“Are you okay?”

“I am liking this too much, but I am also so scared to disappoint you.”

“This is impossible. You’ve done so much for me already, you have no idea.” Sonny kissed me and made love to me romantically and sensually. We fell asleep in each other’s hands on his very confortable carpet.

Date No.2 – The Getaway

To celebrate our union, Sonny invited me where his family originally came from: Chester. Indeed, Sonny and I had known each other for four months and we wanted to have our first little getaway together.

Sonny hired a convertible for the day and we headed toward Chester.

Chester was a very cute little Roman town located in the northwest of England. It is a classic, contemporary city bursting with 2000 years of history and spectacular shopping in and around town.

Sonny and I spent the whole day there, holding hands and kissing. It was great to get away from Chelsea. We were walking around romantically; we had lunch at the Edgar's Riverside Eating and an early dinner at Simon Radley at The Chester Grosvenor.

On our way back to mine, we stopped in the middle of nowhere and had a quick fling surrounded by flowers, bees, trees, herbs, and funny natural smells. It was fun and so not prepared; I loved it! I was really starting to like Sonny. He managed to make me feel alive again. And he was giving so much love to me… I was spoiled.

The offer

When, I woke up at mine that morning, Sonny wasn’t in my bed anymore. I wasn’t quite sure what happened. I knew he was flying later that morning but I wasn’t expecting him to desert the bed this way. Plus, for some reason when I woke up that morning, I could smell Cassius perfume. It was so strong that I wondered if he wasn’t here whilst I was away.

Maybe it was time to get my keys back and give his back too. There was no U.S anymore and he didn’t need to come to mine to feel and smell me. Merde, I thought, maybe Sonny realised the smell and knew and guessed about my little world with Cassius.

I was just about to get dressed and get a coffee at Paul, when I realised that my own keys had disappeared.

I started searching around and heard the door. “Hey, sleeping beauty!” It was Sonny. He came back with his suitcase and some food. “Here, our breakfast.” I couldn’t help but have a huge smile on my face.

“Coffee, croissants, chouquettes from Paul Boulangerie, everything for the most beautiful French lady I have known,” he said, charmingly kissing me.

“You’re so sweet.”

“Well, you deserve to be treated this well, Queenie! Are you sure you don’t want to come with me at this opening in Edinburg?”

“I wish I could. But I can’t postpone my exhibition opening. It’s impossible, mon chéri.”

“Never mind. Next time. I will need to assist to one of your openings and you need to do the same with me. We should never again pick the same dates. We need to support each other.”

“Certainly! I totally agree! I am going to miss you so much!”

“Three days apart, do you think you can manage?” Sonny asked, feeding me with a chouquette.

“I will try,” I laughed. “Of course, I will”. I smile confidently.

We had breakfast and we made love again. We made love like it was the last time, exploring all the parts of both of our bodies. There were no parts I didn’t know of him. I sensed his powerful penis deep inside me, shaking up my body. We didn’t moan or groan that time but roared. It was that intense.

It was time for Sonny to go. In fact, he was almost late. His car was waiting for 15 minutes. He couldn’t stop kissing me.

“Okay, I shall go now.”

“Okay,” I replied sadly.

“Don’t look at me like that. It breaks my heart, Queenie.”

“I am going to miss you.”

“Me too. Bye, I am late!”

Sonny left and two minutes later, I heard someone knocking at my door. I opened and it was he: “Did I say I am going to miss you?”

“Yes, and you’d better go, you’re going to miss your flight!” I smiled.

“Well, at least I could stay a few additional hours with you!”

“Well, you won’t be able to check all the infrastructure of the spa before the opening.”

“You’re right. I am gone. Bye queenie.”

“Bye!”

A minute later, I heard someone knocking at my door again. I was laughing out loud.

“Come on, Sonny!”

“I know, I know! What is it with you that I can’t leave? Come with me.”

“You know I can’t!”

“Oh, yes surely. I will miss you like hell!”

“Me too!!!!”

“Okay. I love you.”

We went both quiet. Unfortunately, those were three words I was way too familiar to hear, but not to say those days.

“Don’t worry. I will wait until you are ready. I am not expecting anything and any word from you now. I just want you to be you. But I also want you to know that I love you. Have a look underneath your pillow; there is something for you. Good bye Queenie.”

“I am going to miss you too,” I managed to say.

Sonny made his brightest smile. And he was gone. I ran immediately into my room, looked below my pillow, and I discovered a little present with a love card.

To my little Queen,

By the time you’ll read this letter, I will be probably gone for Edinburgh.

I love you! I have never loved anyone more than you. I am so happy I am re-discovering these feelings with you.

I don’t want to rush anything, as we both know where our love is coming from. Please do accept this necklace along with this ring.

The day you’ll put that ring on, I’ll know you’ll be forever mine.

I will wait a day, a month, a year, and a decade for you all because I know that the love I’ll get will be immensurable. Thank you for making me who I am today. I love you so much. Sonny x

My heart was melting. Again, I heard someone knocking at my door.

“Sonny, Sonny, Sonny!!!”

I opened the door. “You’re really going to… “ My heart almost jumped out of my body.

“Is it your new greeting?” said that sexy deep voice, which was Cassius’s.

“Oh… Hi.” I froze a few seconds.

“Can we talk? Inside?”

I opened the door, hoping that Sonny hadn’t left anything compromising. But then, I realised that I wasn’t doing anything bad. I wasn’t with Cassius anymore.

“How are you?”

“Fine, you?”

“Not well.”

“Sorry to hear this.”

“I am sorry.”

“It’s okay, Cassius. You don’t need to be sorry.”

I wanted him out of my place ASAP.

“No, I need to apologise and explain…”

“Seriously, Cassius. I am fine; you don’t need to…”

“Can I at least speak? Are you going to let me talk to you? “ He shouted.

“No, I am not!!!” I shouted back and added, “ Are you kidding me, Cassius? You are coming here to shout at me like this! It’s been more than three months now. What do you want?”

He looked at me challenged and yelled back, “I want you! I want you back, Velvet!!”

“Excuse me?!?!? Don’t Velvet me, please!!!! Three months later, Cassius? What? You’ve been fucking around and now you’re realising that your girlfriend wasn’t that bad after all?”

“Excuse me! Shut up and stop sulking like a spoiled child! What the hell are you talking about? I’ve been in Switzerland for three months! You cut me off, like six months were nothing to you! Stoop so low blocking my number like a teen. Really Valérie? We had a relationship!!! It wasn’t a fling! Does it mean anything to you? Was it that bad you can’t even give a shit? What did I do to deserve such a treatment? And I reckon, you are the one fucking around now. I’ve been thinking about you all the time? ALL THE TIME!!!! Whilst you HAVE BEEN fucking around…”

Tears rolled down my face. I didn’t have anything to say.

“Please don’t… Please don’t cry Velvet. I just want us to discuss calmly like adults.”

“You broke up with me Cassius!” I whined.

“I didn’t mean it that way. I was upset. I love you and I wanted to be with you, and I am ready to wait for you. I have been selfish. I didn’t realise that you were married before and you probably want to be careful this time. I was driven by my emotions. Let’s talk, give me a chance, and let’s have dinner…”

I didn’t know what to do, what to think, what to say; but my body, my skin, my heart were all shaking, all shivering, all responding to his call of love. I put aside my brain and accepted, stupidly saying, “We’re just having dinner, aren’t we?”

He smiled, “I get that is a yes.”

“Yes.”

I realised how weak I was for him… I just needed to see him to want him. His posture, his energy, I was lecherous for him and literally crawling.

“Great, how’s Thursday for you?”

Sonny was coming back Thursday. I clearly couldn’t do this to him.

“Wednesday will work better.”

“Pencilled! Zuma?” he said, all smiling.

“Cool”

“Come on, give me a smile. Zuma is our place!”

I gave him a shy smile.

“Grand. Don’t be late. Can’t wait. Still love you.”

Cassius was gone but his Amouage perfume was still there. What did I agree to? And why? I thought.

Rainy dinner

The morning of that dinner, I wanted to cancel. I wasn’t quite sure why I was having this dinner and my ladies weren’t sure either.

Plus, when I heard myself lying to Sonny, I knew I was doing something wrong. I’d never lied to him. We never had any secret from each other. And I knew he knew I was lying.

I arrived at Zuma at 7pm with an Uber. I didn’t want to have my driver to give me a judgmental or disapproving look whilst driving me there. When I announced myself to the host, I was weirdly told that Cassius wasn’t there yet. It was quite surprising, as he’s never late and he arranged the dinner. Well, I asked for a glass of champagne and started working on my mobile, responding to emails. 20 minutes later, still no Cassius.

Now, I was getting aghast and called him, I went straight on the voicemail. Ten minutes later, I called again: voicemail. I left a voicemail.

45 minutes later, I decided to ask for the bill and called his office. His new assistant picked up and responded that he wouldn’t take any call this afternoon.

“Are you joking me???? I have been waiting for 45 minutes for him and you’re telling me that he’s at the office working and doesn’t want to be bothered! Put him on the phone now!” I shouted. “Or I swear to god, you won’t have a job anymore by tomorrow!” This whole situation made me physically sick with fury.

The assistant put me on hold. When she came back to me she just said, “I am sorry, Miss Duval, Cassius is on his way to you.”

“Since when?”

“Well, …” she hesitated.

I hang up on her; I paid the bill and called a Gett. I needed to calm down, I was mega upset, I asked for a cigarette to a stranger and smoked it behind the building.

I was so upset, so sad, and so disappointed. I started cryin