How did I manage to turn a seemingly promising romantic life into a soap opera?

I felt bad… So, bad… I was sick, I ate, I puked, I ate, I puked. I tried to work a little. I was smoking like a chimney to stop the puking. Thank god we’re talking electronic cigarettes.

I mused on everything. All those dates, all those men who made me who I am today. All those mistakes I made through the last years. I was walking in a circle around my flat. It’d been the same thing for a week.

Cassius? Sonny? Cassius? Sonny? What if I made a mistake? It’d been a very emotional week. I knew I lost him forever.

I sat on the floor, back on my main door, and got lost in my thoughts. A few minutes later, I felt like someone was behind my door. I tried to listen. I felt like the person was listening too.

Then, my door opened … At first, I was aiming for a knife but that smell, I knew that smell… He still had the keys.

“Hi,” I said with a shy voice.

“Hi; you’re here?”

“I live here.” I smiled, glad to see him. Wow, even in his stubble-shaved face he still looked amazingly hot.

“Well, I am so sorry, I wasn’t expecting you here. For some reason, I was just… I didn’t come to fight, neither to argue or anything… I just wanted to feel… I just wanted to sit and feel U.S. for the last time…”

I knew what he wanted to do. I froze looking at his handsome face.

“May I come in, I swear, I won’t bother you, I won’t speak… I would like to feel… And I’ll leave.”

His words barely made sense to me but I wanted to look at him anyway. So, I opened the door, more puzzled than ever but also disappointed. I thought he wanted me back…

Cassius firstly looked at my view for a few minutes. Then he sat on my sofa without saying a word. I sat in front of him waiting for him to talk.

Well, this had become the most embarrassing moment in my life. Cassius stared at me silently, analysing all my body, my face, my imperfections, my features, with a look to melt Iceland.

It was intense. His energy was enveloping my body and pulling me towards him but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t say a word; I was just hypnotised. This guy had such an effect on me. But, I didn’t know why he was here and I couldn’t move. I needed a sign.

Cassius finally broke the silence, came to me, and asked with a voice full of tears: “I lost, didn’t I?”

I murmured and smiled, “I picked you, Cassius.”

He looked at me with his intense piercing green eyes full of hope. “What?”

I took his head between my hands and repeated, “I chose you Cassius; you’re the man of my life.”

He stared at me his eyes full of love. I felt contentment seep all through his body, and he started kissing me all over. “I love you so much, Valérie.”

Love isn’t safe. I took a risk breaking up with my best friend.

Love is not logical. Love is not fair. I feared and I doubted myself.

Love is not explainable.

Love is scarily intense, intensively magical, and magically sexy.

I had all this with Cassius and I wanted him for the rest of my life. I couldn’t forget the feeling I had when I first saw him at Zuma. I knew it was him, as I guessed our lives through his eyes and I never ever stopped dreaming about him.

A New Chapter

Cassius and I were back together for three weeks when we decided to go on our first holiday together. I didn’t really stay at his place yet, as he travelled to Geneva and New York.

I couldn’t wait to have these holidays, as we hadn’t had sex since our reunion and I was starting to be very frustrated.

We decided to go in Italy, warm, cultural, and relaxing. Yachting and boating from Cap Ferrat, France to Portofino, Italy. We were both very enthusiastic and couldn’t wait.

Cassius and I still got on well. We had this amazing connection where we both knew when one of us wasn’t well or was upset.

We had fun, we laughed, we danced, we romanced the holiday, we drank, zero downside but his refusal to have sex with me. And I couldn’t comprehend why he was acting this way.

I didn’t want to ruin our first holiday together. So, I decided to talk about it after he holiday but before moving in with him, as clearly, I wasn’t in search of a platonic relationship. And, I needed to consult the ladies before I moved in.

“Are you kidding? Why? You should have spoken to him during the holiday. You’re going to be ruining your whole life!!!” said Bianca dramatically.

“Well, Val, maybe it’s payback for Sonny?”

“That’s what I thought! Oh, my God!!!! How long for? Do you think?”

“He’s a jerk! If he acts this way… then don’t move in with him… You can’t afford to live with a second sexually-confused-man.”

“If Cassius wants to punish you, it will probably be half of the time you spent with Sonny.”

“What???? An additional month??? I can’t do this.”

“You clearly can’t do this!”

“Maybe he thinks I am soiled by Sonny. Knowing that I have made love with another man is probably a below-the-belt deflation for him. I don't know how I would have reacted if I knew he had slept with another woman. I can’t move in with him without talking about it.”

“Soiled? Come on? You’re not a virgin, either!!!” prompted Bianca.

“When are you moving in?” worried Camellia.

“Tomorrow, and what if he’s waiting for me to say I love you?”

“I wouldn’t move in at all. I would go right now and talk. He’s emotionally blackmailing you… This is manipulative and evil. You can’t be with such a man,” advised Bianca.

“Oh my… Cassius is not evil…” defended Camellia.

“Good luck beauty! Your choice…” said Bianca, rolling her eyes.

I woke up sick that morning. I loved Cassius so much, he was the best sex I had ever had, and now I against all my will, had to go back to drama stage again. Why was he doing this to me?

I stayed at home all day and didn’t even reply to his text. < I can’t wait to have you here. You won’t ever want to go back to yours. Everything’s ready for your wellbeing. > Ending the text with a smiling emoji.

Well, I wanted to reply, my wellbeing includes a minimum of sex. Can we agree and put this on a contract?

When I arrived at Cassius’s, he welcomed me with a very big and warm hug and a kiss on my forehead. I thought, this is getting worse. Now, I didn’t even have a proper kiss.

“Come, have a look at this,” Cassius said enthusiastically.

His housekeeper took my suitcase but I asked her not to tidy up my stuff yet in a low voice. She looked at me confused and asked loudly, “Are you not staying for two weeks?”

God! I thought.

“I will do it myself. ”

No, no, Madame, it’s my job. You take care of Mister, me take care of housekeeping.” I blushed at the sound of those words. Well, so be it.

I followed Cassius into his kitchen and went straight on. “Cassius, can we talk?”

“No, I don’t want to talk.” He looked at me with such intensity that I felt like he was killing me with his eyes.

“I think we should.”

He came towards me and started unbuttoning my dress.

“I am so not in the mood for talking right now,” he said, getting rid of my G-sting.

“Matilda! You’re off,” he shouted, caressing my crotch.

“You sure Mister? Not finish yet.”

“I am sure Matilda; I urgently need to take care of Madame.”

By the sound of it, Matilda ran home as fast as she could.

We had sex all night. I never knew why Cassius was on strike but I didn’t care. I had the whole of him now.

One very sunny morning, I woke up around 6am with Stevie Wonder in my mind… I was happy… I was in love. I loved him! I started to shout and jump all around, I love you Cassius! I love you! I love him! I had to tell him! I called a cab!

Cassius’s concierge looked at me incredulously and I realised that I was on my Jimmy Choo and pyjamas… Shit! Never mind!

I knocked on Cassius’s door… He opened the door with that boyish hairdo and a baby awakened look. He was drop dead gorgeous still.

“Velvet?” he said, all smiling. “I hung up with you three hours ago…”

I put Stevie Wonder on my phone and I started to sing, “I’ve just come to say I love you, I just came to say how much I care for you… I’ve just come to say I love you and I mean it from the bottom of my heart.”

Cassius was smiling. I stopped singing (very badly) and I added without music, without any help, without shame, “I love you Cassius. I always did.”

“Say it again,” he demanded.

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you.”

“Again, again, again…”

“I love you, I love you, I love you…”

“You own me billions of these,” he smiled.

“I love you, times ten billion.”

He lifted me up and we made love in the kitchen.

So, U.S.!