Transitions by Mike Hormek - HTML preview

Chapter 2

During this time in Bob's life, his Sister Ruth was graduating from High School and was considering becoming a Nun, although only a few nuns were part of her ancestral family. So she asked Bob what he thought she should do.

"Ruth, your question is a hard one to advise for. I need to know why you want to become a Nun.

Both becoming a member of a religious order and raising a family are noble paths."

"I want to help others and would like missionary work."

"What about your goals and relationships?"

"My relationship is with God, and my goal is working with the poor. And now it's time to break the pattern of few Nuns leaving our family over the generations."

"Yeah, but break the patterns for the right reasons. And what about a family? That's important, too."

"I know it's a tough decision, but being a nun would allow me to serve in ways I could not have otherwise."

"It looks like you have made up your mind, but I would like you to pray before making any final decisions. I will support any decision you make. I want you to be happy."

"Thanks for your feedback. I will pray about it and let you know my decision."

So Ruth decided to join a monastery, and Bob was contemplating his future for the priesthood.

He researched libraries for information regarding students in seminaries. He came across a four-page pamphlet with rules for seminarians while on vacation. It was old but engaging that the instructors told students in the 19th century to put up with the "wilderness" of real life. It addressed daily exercises, weekly exercises, and observations toward God, towards the neighbor, parents, strangers, and oneself.

A student exercises modesty and simplicity and avoids appearances of being arrogantly superior. When in the presence of those of a different sex, be aware of your weakness. There are rules of engagement for students on vacation. It amazed Bob that the rules of engagement written nearly 200 years ago still apply today. During a discussion with a counselor concerning behavior, when away from the seminary, he was told they might require him to let them know who his contacts will be and where he is staying to avoid any potential risk of activity that might compromise his behavior.

After much thought and discussion with his family, he reluctantly agreed to apply to a seminary.

His love for Sarah, however, tugged at his soul like a dog on its master's leash.

He must complete four stages: 1. Propaedeutic Stage, preparing for his relationship with God. It can be as long as three years. 2. Discipleship Stage, academic studies leading to a degree.

Configuration Stage is a commitment to ordaining as a pastor and wearing clerical attire.

In the vocational Synthesis Stage, the seminarian is ordained.

After ordination, he becomes a deacon, a priest, a vicar, and, after six months, a pastor.

His priest advised Bob to have no further contact with Sarah. During his Discipleship Stage of academic studies, he received word that Sarah had married. He sat alone in his small, dimly lit room, surrounded by the faint smell of incense that seemed to permeate every corner of the seminary. The echoes of hymns and the scent of the incense became reminders of the values his family and community instilled in him. Even when he longs for a secular life, these sensory memories lead him back to his chosen path, serving God. The weight of his family's legacy pressed heavily on him, and he might compromise generations of serving God, but Sarah's thoughts often superseded those of others.

"She 's married now," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "She moved on and found happiness without me."

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His fingers trembled on the rosary beads, and the flickering candle cast shadows on the wall, echoing the turmoil within his soul.

"God, what's wrong with me?" he pleaded aloud, "Why can't I forget her? Help me heal my troubled soul."

He stared at the crucifix hanging above his bed.

"What am I doing here?" he mused aloud. "Is this my calling, or am I simply following in the footsteps of my ancestors?"

"Give it some time," a voice seems to echo around him.

"Sarah, Sarah, Sarah," he cried out loud. Memories of her flooded his mind like unforgettable memories, eliminating his attempt to say his vespers. His decision to leave her when they were so young and so in love left lingering feelings of remorse that he left a burning light leading to a world of possibilities with her, but it was his choice to follow what may be an uncertain path.

"God, God, God, please give me a sign. I can't go on without Your guidance."

The heavens remained silent as if the choices were up to Bob and him alone, and the calling was not a calling at all but just a strange voice in the distance mentioning his name. Any decisions had come to a stalemate, but he did not quit and received a degree in theology. Steps one and two in his pathway to the priesthood were complete except for his relationship with God. A transition in behavior would forever change the course of his life.

During one family vacation, he worked on his computer in a coffee shop. Bob had still not committed to being ordained and was not wearing clerical attire when he met Jordan. The coffee shop was near the Catholic Church that his family attended. They became friends and frequently talked and texted each other.

On another occasion, they happened to be there at the same time.

"Hello, Bob."

He looked up at her with surprise.

"Hey, how are you."

"Okay."

Bob looked up at her while nervously stirring his coffee.

"You know I am not ordained yet, and I need more social interaction before I enter the priesthood. I need to make sure my path is the correct one."

"Tell me how you feel bout your path?"

"Lately, I have been torn and had mixed emotions about the priesthood."

"Torn? How so?"

Bob pauses, searching for the right words. You know you and I have been communicating for a long time. Even though we have not had any physical interaction, I have feelings for you that are totally against what I should be feeling as a priest, and I am afraid that I might stray at some time after I am ordained.

"Feelings?", do you know how old I am?"

"No."

"I will be eighteen in six months."

"Oh, wow. I thought you were older. Look, I have always had this pull toward serving God and dedicating my life to Him, but at the same time, I can't deny that I like you. I have enjoyed the love of a woman, and I miss it."

"You know it would be inappropriate for us to have a relationship, and I would not want to be responsible for taking you away from the priesthood."

"During our conversations, you make me feel seen, heard and understood. That's something I need. The attention you are giving me goes deeper than friendship."

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Jordan reaches across the table and places her comforting hand on his.

"Bob, you are torn, but it's okay to be conflicted."

"I want to pursue a relationship with you, but can I do that while honoring my commitment to God?"

"There are two problems, Bob. You can't have it both ways. You either have a woman or serve God in ways outside of the priesthood. Why are you doing this now? Why not when you had a lover?"

"I have always been confused," Bob said."And what's the second reason?"

"The age difference?"

"Seven years is not such a big deal?"

"Maybe."

"Which relationship you ultimately choose is totally up to you. I believe God wants us to be true to ourselves and to follow our hearts. And if your heart is leading you to me, that's part of His plan, too."

Bob has a long pause, contemplating what to say next.

"I think God is testing me, or maybe it's the devil tempting me."

"I like you too, Bob. I do not want to encourage you one way or the other. I am glad you like me; however, we should continue being friends. But we can't have any physical contact, and whatever decision you make, I will support you every step of the way. I have to tell you something. I once cored becoming a Nun, but I decided that I liked children enough that I wanted to be married more and raise a family. I can still serve God by becoming active in the Church and still be a disciple."

When she was through, she met Bob's eyes, her blue eyes piercing his like a laser.

Bob meets Jordan's gaze, a sense of peace settling over him as he realizes that he is a beacon of understanding, he has options, and she will be there as a source of affection and knowledge regardless of his ultimate path. They parted with a sense of their connection.

Bob entered his fourth phase, the Vocational Synthesis Phase, to be ordained in the year of Jordan's eighteenth birthday. Bob has completed his Lector and Acolyte ministries, a Candidacy declaration. He is now a Transitional Deacon.

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