The Confident Heart. From Fear to LOVE by Nils Klippstein - HTML preview
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7. Beyond Control and Victimhood
Beneath the surface of our relationships, our inner protector often orchestrates an unconscious, silent dance. It has two favourite roles, two well-rehearsed personas it can switch between in a heartbeat: the Controller and the Victim. You may find yourself firmly in one role, or fluidly moving between both depending on the situation.
This is a game of relational power that our ego plays to protect our core wounds and fears. The Controller seeks safety by taking charge, while the Victim seeks safety by handing over control. Both are terrified of the same thing: truly facing life with responsibility and authentic vulnerability.
Our inner protector puts on these masks to help us navigate the world without being overwhelmed by our core fears of feeling unworthy or helpless. It makes us act in accordance with these roles in order to manage how we and others perceive ourselves. In any given situation, especially when we feel threatened, we may instinctively adopt one of these roles, sometimes switching between them with startling speed. Understanding these roles is the first step towards removing the masks and showing our authentic, confident heart.