A Madman's Lullaby & Cheshire Tales by Robby Richardson - HTML preview

THE END

I F*cked Up

By

Robby Richardson

How will I know I f*cked up

When will I know I f*cked up

Can I break the circle of the past

Or doomed to find myself right back from where I’m at

After all…

I’m a f*ck up…fuck up…I’m a f*cked Up

Parents always told ya…you have your whole life going for ya Your life is one big oyster

You got a whole big wide world out there that’s open for ya’

You got open highways nothing but clear skies and bright light rays Seize the day and red is the color you paint the town with on bright days An open ocean with the breeze on your back and the wind in your sail Rise and fall, win or lose, success or fail

Victories or f*ck up’s

How will I know I f*cked up

The enemy to me…the enemy of my future is not just a rumor The reflection in the mirror that God has blessed me is the man that goes against me The reason for my rise is the reason for my fall

Old habits die hard or will I die hard from old habits

Old habits are my undoing and when I lose the sunshine

I lose the life I had been pursuing…a life that was mine and nothing but mine Losing everything that I worked so hard to find

To achieve a dream I never thought dreamt

Watching the skyline and the lights from high rise while on high times Wishing each light was another star to wish on and calm my fear of a career ambition To make everyone happy but wondering If I was even happy

Walking those train track wondering if they would take me back Sitting on those concrete steps trying to relieve stress

Wishing on stars or the crashing of waves

Hoping that the water would wash my problems away

Wondering what star to chase pray for the strength to conquer the problems I face When I find myself returning to those waters that our churning Relief from more than just a bottle and internal drama over my next novel The wind lost from my sail causing my true fail

I’ll know I f*cked up

That’s when I know I f*cked up

That’s how I know I f*cked up

Break the circle of the past

To find myself right back where I’m at

That’s when I’ll know I f*cked up

That’s how I’ll know when I’ve f*cked up

I f*cked Up

BEEP… BEEP… BEEP… BEEP

That familiar sound of commercialism serenaded by the melody of consumerism Intertwined with the lyrics from a badgering and complaining Karen When life supposedly can’t sink that low or time can’t possibly go that slow

When my life hits that plateau on a debt that I paid years ago Standing at that counter overlooking that store floor

Ignore the hello from karma did I doubt her when I see my life flounder Doubt I’d be here with that same blank stare doing the same blank flair with that same blank care My paid vacation…cancelled last minute to sustain the operation And when I’m back at that register getting yelled at by a character A character wronged by the refusal of using a coupon from a competitor I’ll know I f*cked up

I used to go to the big parties from basements to houses from fraternities to sororities Lost sight of my priorities always busted by the authorities Now I am working graveyard shift and I’ve faded to obscurity A lost life with my kids because of the bad habits I did and the life I lived I’m staring at camera screens when all I wished for was family trips near natural streams Under star strewn skies strengthening family ties

Now I’m working for a lower wage how did my life so change When I finish a fourteen-hour shift and get called for money I can’t miss And then I turn right back inside because I need to survive I’ll know I f*cked up

That’s when I know I f*cked up

That’s how I know I f*cked up

Break the circle of the past

To find myself right back where I’m at

That’s how I’ll know I f*cked up

That’s when I’ll know I’ve f*cked up

I f*cked Up

That empty stare while I remind myself life’s not fair

Life passes those windows without a care…working minimum wage inside a glass covered cage Seasons pass in the blink of an eye as the world rolls on by while I wave bye-bye Wave from behind a desk, wave behind a register…the last place competitor Making change from an exchange from a life I thought we changed I’ll know I f*cked up

Do you have any coupons…is this item ten percent off…that bathroom smells like a trough Why isn’t there more help out on the floor…can’t you leave me alone and I’ll buy more Let me speak to your manager…supervisor…boss…chief…your assistant Why is the rebate mail in when it should be instant

What does that mean out of stock…what do you mean your off the clock Well, you need to add more…well you need to add less…look at this place it is one giant mess Can this price go lower or is it priced at its best…this line is not moving when am I next Those fluorescent lights are too bright…they burn my eyesight Those fluorescent lights are too low…I can hardly see in the store It doesn’t matter if you have control I am a customer in your store You need to attend to my needs that’s what your future reads My life falls to the corrupt… it interrupts and disrupts

Every needed shift leaves me feeling more like a chump and a schmuck I’ll know I f*cked up

That’s when I know I f*cked up

That’s how I know I f*cked up

Break the circle of the past

To find myself right back where I’m at

That’s how I’ll know I f*cked up

That’s when I’ll know I’ve f*cked up

I f*cked Up

I’ve got into trouble tore my future into debris and rubble And the only forward is to go way back…retrace my steps to deal with all that How far low do I go until I can climb back to the top

Will this ladder not break will my back not break

From Staples to Big Lots from Subway to Gas City…career dead ends When my wife gets rid of me and see my dead end and my kids only on weekends The feeling of a king to losing everything…my kids, my queen, my scene Alone in my home that I can barely afford and getting fucked up when the sun is barely up And when I’m back in Cicero and Berwyn putting my work in When the mirror recognizes an unrelatable person

That’s when I’ll know I’ve f*cked up…f*cked up…I f*cked up I’m better than just a f*ck up