THIRTY SEVEN
Kartik took a glass of wine and settled with his laptop. He was tired from the day's work. He called off his plans to see Simran at her place. He lied to her about a conference that is going to eat up on his time. She had started to bore him. She was turning into a nag. At times he found it better to find a quick sexual release through cyber-sex. It was so much easier that way. No need to know the person, no commitment, right to the point and that's it.
Most of the times chatting also bored him, but these days it was different. He had come upon a girl through one of the social networking sites. She seemed to be just what he would want a girl to be. Settled in Mumbai, she seemed to be pretty bold and intelligent. He liked her straight forwardness. It seemed as if she exactly knew what she wanted in life. She had named herself 'the dancing wind'.
The dancing wind: 'So how are you feeling today?'
Oceanblue: 'Fine, as usual. Same old fuckinglife.'
(Oceanblue was his own email id.)
The dancing wind: 'You crib too much.'
Oceanblue: 'Why shouldn't I?'
The dancing wind: 'Well you have a good job, a not so bothered wife. Girlfriends. What else will make you happy?'
Oceanblue: 'Yeah, I do.'
The dancing wind: 'Why do you get stressed then?'
Oceanblue: 'I am fed up. Saala paise kamate jao. Bas!'
The dancing wind: 'You don't want to earn money?' she sent anemoticon depicting surprise.
Oceanblue: 'It's not that. What is the point of everything? It's all the same. You get up in the morning, do the same old stuff, get to work, fuck yourself, get back and go to sleep. Action replay the next day, and the next. I wonder where is the real us?'
The dancing wind: Hmmmm
Oceanblue: I feel as if I am doing the same thing over and over again.
The dancing wind: 'We have to find the meaning ourselves, Kartik. We have to figure it out for ourselves.'
Oceanblue: 'How?'
The dancing wind: 'What about your wife. Is she coming back?'
Oceanblue: 'I don't know. I don't know what the fuck is happening. She just does not bother. She does not even call me.'
The dancing wind: 'Why don't you leave her? May be that will give both of you a new direction.'
Oceanblue: 'She won't leave me. She says she loved me. I wonder what love it was which taught her to lie and disrespect me. She could not bear with my few mistakes. I don't understand what love is. I wonder if there's such a thing.”
The Dancing wind: 'Do you want to leave her?'
Oceanblue: 'It does not matter to me. I can't tolerate her crying. It irritates me and I can't handle it. I don't care whether she comes back or not. I just want some peace.'
The dancing wind: 'Oh, poor baby! Come let me give you a hug,' a smiley with open arms popped up.
Oceanblue: 'I wish we could be more of ourselves all the time.
More than half of our life goes by pleasing others. We end up doing things we would never have done just because we are too needy. We want to be loved. We have identity crisis. We are just not ready to stand up for ourselves.'
The dancing wind: 'Yeah I understand. That's what I promised myself when my heart broke. I would never do things to please anyone else, but me.'
Oceanblue: 'Ah … you should please me a little though. I wish I could kiss you right now.'
The dancing wind: ' LOL. Who is stopping you?'
Oceanblue: ' If you were here in Delhi I would have.'
The dancing wind: 'Naughty boy'
Oceanblue: 'Would you let me?' he felt excited.
The dancing wind: 'Yes Of course, if you would plead me a little more.'
He imagined her chuckling to herself. She was teasing him and he liked it. Oceanblue:' I want to do much more with you.'
The dancing wind: 'Like'
Oceanblue: 'Oh Baby… I want to touch your boobs and go deep down there.' The dancing wind: 'Are you trying to get me excited.' He imagined her touching herself.