Sudetenland Tales by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview

Sudetenland Tales

Page 61

Backstage, Ketamine Keith had been rehearsing for weeks in the dining hall, confusing the jukebox for his amp. Mick still insisted on wearing red leather pants, which had to be peeled on with lotion and prayer. Ron had glued his pick to his fingers, not because of the debilitating arthritis, but for “efficiency.” Their roadie, Gerald, age 82, had customized each walker with guitar stands and cupholders for prune juice.

Showtime Shambles - The concert opened as one might have expected with "Start Me Up," Keith strumming an E chord that sounded suspiciously like a cough. Mick tried a high kick and immediately took out the snack cart. Ron’s solo during “Gimme Alka Seltzer” was drowned out by someone’s life alert system. But the band kept playing “It’s Only Geritol, But I Like It”. When Keith tripped over an oxygen tube and collapsed mid-riff, the crowd erupted; not in concern, but to check the betting pool posted near the punch bowl.

Audience Action Bingo Bob had bet big on Mick falling first, but Myrtle from Unit 3 claimed it was “obviously Ron, as he’s got the equilibrium of a decorative lamp.” Someone had fashioned miniature figurines of each member and reenacted each tumble in slow motion behind a curtain. It was half concert, half gladiatorial slow motion drama. Every stumble brought cheers,