Sudetenland Tales by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview
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Sudetenland Tales
Page 438
“Hold the line for the next available suicide intake counsellor.”
“‘Suicide is painless. It brings on many changes ......’ blandly musaaked in my ear, seemingly knocked off by the Rolling Stones during their recent Geriatric Flopping Tour, interspersed with mellow voices which extolled the virtues and cost efficiencies of ‘above ground lawn ‘burial,’ carcass composting, and its environmental friendliness; especially conducive to the flourishing of popular purple raspberries.”
It was a catchy tune, despite what that baboon at the WHO zoo says, and thoughts of those raspberries get one’s butt moving. ............. “Da da da da dee dum. Is anyone ever going to pick this fucking thing up? I got the gun in my fucking mouth, man.”
“This is Katrina; your personal suicide architect. This call is being monitored for quality control purposes. How may I help you today?”
“Glub, glub, prashit.”
“Is that Hindi? You’ll have to spell it for my translator.”
“No. It’s broken English. I had the gun in my mouth and I knocked out three of my front teeth.”