Sudetenland Tales by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview
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Sudetenland Tales
Page 439
“Did you know that the funeral parlors rip you off on that irrelevant cosmetic stuff?”
“Not really.”
“Yes. Unless it is otherwise specified by the decadent they standardly perform all sorts of superficial ‘beautifying’ services at the highest of rates, while in just a matter of a few days you’ll be getting your face eaten by worms. Total waste. For $10.99 plus tax per month, payable 12 months in advance, we’ll send you and whoever you designate for burial obligations information which will save thousands of dollars, with monthly updates. May we charge that to your card?”
“No, godammit. When the fuck is someone going to start to talk me out of committing suicide?”
“There’s no reason to use bad words. We’re professionals just trying to help. Secondly, I’m not here to talk you out of suicide. I’m here to help facilitate it in the most expeditious and affordable manner possible.”
“I want to be prevented; not facilitated!”
“Well, you just navigated yourself into the wrong department. Didn’t you? Please hold while I switch you to what’s left of the