The Dutiful Contract Killer (and other nice stories) by Richard Stan Brown - HTML preview

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Big Foot in the Black Forest

 

»Come on, let’s find Big Foot in southern Germany now.« Dieter already knows Peter Humbug’s online video by heart. This clip shows this creature escaping, taken in the Black Forest. He switches off the laptop. »All right, I’ll come with you. But I don’t believe this scientist«, says his girlfriend.

 

They go to the travel agency. »Two railroad tickets to Freiburg and return.« »Freiburg? Do you also want to go to the Taylor Swift concert?« asks the woman from the travel agency. »No. We’re looking for Big Foot«, says Dieter. »He doesn’t even exist.« »Of course, I’ve seen him on an internet video«, says Dieter, and Tina does not say a word.

 

One day later, the couple is on the train to Freiburg im Breisgau. As they travel along the Middle Rhine and admire the old castles, the conductor arrives. »You’re going to Freiburg? Probably to see Taylor Swift.« »Absolutely not. We’re looking for Big Foot«, says Dieter, and Tina does not say a word.

 

They reach Freiburg in the early afternoon. They go to a hotel. »A room for two«, says Dieter to the lady at reception. »Gladly. Are you already looking forward to tomorrow’s concert?« she wants to know. »Concert? We’re looking for Big Foot«, says Dieter, and Tina does not say a word.

 

After spending the night, they take an early bus through the Black Forest. They get off in a small village. A resident asks them, »Tourists! What are you doing here in this lonely area? Fishing is not allowed here.« »This isn’t a rod bag, it contains a tranq gun. We’re looking for Big Foot«, says Dieter, and Tina does not say a word.

 

The two of them are marching up a wooded slope. Dieter is already sweating profusely when they come to a clearing. Suddenly, he shouts: »There’s Big Foot over there!« He takes the rifle and shoots. »Hit!« he rejoices as Big Foot falls down. They rush to the prey, and Dieter claps his hands. »You see, Big Foot is real, and we have it now! We have it!« Tina bends over Big Foot, turns him onto his stomach, and discovers a lapped zipper in his fur that goes from his head to his ass. Together, they take off the costume to reveal a naked man. »Jeez, that’s the famous Peter Humbug!« says Dieter. He is surprised, and he slaps his forehead. His girlfriend does not make a sound and just shakes her head.

 

 

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