So I cancelled the rebirthing appointment. No doubt about it, she was very upset. She held back from calling me names, but she certainly did put me down. I felt awful afterwards; not from cancelling, but from her telling me that I’ll never make it, that I am in a code-pendent relationship with my mother, etc. etc.
That is all very well, but I made a decision a long time ago that even though I don’t need my mother, she needs me. I am hoping we will have worked out whatever it is that is between us by the time she passes away.
I find it difficult to believe the first session with this healer, because everything is so vague. Her saying, as Hell and my EMDR therapist say, that even if it never happened, I need these images to work out whatever, does not help.
If I am to be helping others, then I must be certain I haven’t invented the whole thing. There have never been dreams or nightmares, that I know of, except for that man who would visit me in the night. I still think that was Jos. when he was too drunk to get himself out of bed. It could have been an out-of-body experience for him. At least it’s important for me that I believe this.
Jan. 13. 2001 (Dream)