There it is, finally, the third millennium. I wonder what it holds for me?
Today I went on the Internet, trying to find my birth father. I found a few things, assuming that my mom gave me the right name.
I don’t know what kept me so long at the computer this time. Usually, when I search for him, I give up almost immediately, but this afternoon I had a lot of time. I found a site that resonated somehow. The only problem is that there’s no way I can be sure these are my rela-tives. When I downloaded the site, I started to cry, even before I read anything. Why this rush of emotion? I have downloaded site after site on the name my mom gave me, but for this one I cried. The others did nothing for me. What is it that triggered the crying? The photograph?
Who’s to say? Just one more way that shows how crazy I am.
Then I started to think: Why did I bother? What do I expect?
Excuse me, let me introduce myself, the bastard child of your clan.
I went to see a friend yesterday, and we saw a movie and had a good laugh. For once, Mel Gibson was really funny, not just crazy. That Helen Hunt is really good.
In the evening, of course, we talked about Network and Hell. I said things like “I remember this or that image,” and I described it.
Then I thought, I am totally NUTS!
The past-life images I ‘see’ are the same as the images I now ‘see’
or ‘remember’ about my grandfather and, to tell the truth, I am totally confused. Now, as I write this, I think I will cancel my appointment tomorrow. I must have some sort of confirmation that I am doing the right thing; otherwise, Wednesday will be my last visit.
Jan. 3, 2001 (Computer Journal)