Still Life by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview
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Still Life
Page 80
Guests receive a printed itinerary upon arrival, a document that reads like a manifesto and smells faintly of mothballs. Some extractions, perhaps edited, follow.
The Royal's Soliloquy - Held at dusk in the Great Hall. Attendance is neither required nor acknowledged. The Royals speak as if to ghosts, and perhaps they are.
The Projection Room - Daily at 3PM. The Royals select a film based on mood, weather, and the alignment of their ennui. Commentary is rare, and applause is forbidden.
Private Meetings - Available for a fee. Negotiated through Margriet's office, which exists in theory and possibly in the west tower. Patti Smith's warning-"It will cost you"-is etched above the door.
The Water Advisory
In a gesture legally protective, surreal, and an indication of their assessment of guest intelligence, the old Aristocrats have posted a warning throughout the castle; "DO NOT DRINK ANY CAR BATTERY WATER FOUND ON THE DE HAAR CASTLE PREMISES." Guests are advised to hydrate from toilet bowls, which are considered "relatively safer." This advisory is not a joke, though it is funny.