Still Life by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview

Still Life

Page 178

At the Office

"The Threat Assessment Department"

At the Bureau of Workplace Threat Assessment (BWTA), every new employee is required to undergo a "Perceived Threat Calibration" exercise. Harold, a painfully earnest white man with a penchant for overthinking, is asked to rate his two new coworkers; Greg, who is White and wears chainmail recreationally, and Darnell, who is black, a gentle origami enthusiast, on a scale of "potentially menacing" to "would share a sandwich."

Harold, trying to be "woke," overcorrects so hard that he ends up suspecting Greg of plotting a medieval siege in the breakroom. Meanwhile, Darnell quietly folds a paper crane and watches Harold spiral into a vortex of self-imposed guilt, performative allyship, and increasingly bizarre logic.

Harold Googles "non-racist ways to be suspicious of someone" and ends up on a conspiracy forum about yogurt.

Greg invites Harold to a Renaissance Fair, which Harold misinterprets as a coded threat.

Darnell gently suggests Harold "maybe just chill," which Harold takes as a profound spiritual awakening.

"Threat Level Beige"