I wake early the next morning and go for a run around my block. Running always clears all the anxiety and crappy thoughts running through my head. You would think after all these years, all that stuff I went through back in School and with my ex wouldn’t affect me anymore. But it’s just not the case. At such a young age, you are so impressionable. And even though the physical scars have gone, the mental scars remain. And they cut the deepest.
Sometimes I feel like I am forever pretending. I look at the world and all the people in it and wonder, are they happy? Do they have fears and anxieties like I do? Did they go through a horrible past and make it, or are they putting on a brave front like me? Sometimes it feels like other people are just doing a better job at hiding all the things that are bringing them down. It’s like asking how someone’s day is, and the answer is always the same, “Good thanks, How’s yours?”
But what if we were all honest, what if we never spoke lies just to please others? What if all we are doing throughout our lives, by living and pretending to be ‘happy’ and ‘famous’ and ‘rich’ and ‘successful’ and ‘attractive’ was really just causing all of us to be unhappy? I don’t know, I guess I’m rambling.
After clocking 10 miles on my run and covering myself in a film of sweat, I decide to walk back slowly to my apartment and work on my jewellery designs. I’m working on a new summer range and I want to have my pieces ready before I head to New York in a couple of weeks so the Buyers from Barney’s can see some new stock.
As soon as I think Of New York, my mind rushes back to Jase. The stranger with the incredibly sexy green eyes and ripped sculpted body. I shake my head from those thoughts immediately.
A guy like Jase could have any girl he wants. I noticed the amount of females that were vying for his attention all night. I even saw some girls slip him their numbers. He probably went home with one of them and got laid. I don’t know why the thought bothers me, but it does. Why was he even looking at me like that all night? Is he just cocky and thinks he can look at any girl he wants and have them? But why do I care? I don’t even know the guy and he’s one of Em’s clients who is heading back to New York. I probably won’t ever see him again. Plus it’s for the best. I’m just a girl with a case full of mental issues and he’d run so fast if he knew the crazy thoughts that went through my head. And I can’t trust guys. Sooner or later, they’re going to betray you.
He’s probably forgotten all about me. Better that way too.
*******
I pull up to the studio and notice a black Lamborghini parked outside.
I don’t know anyone from my class that drives a Lamborghini.
I walk inside and find the instructor has already started class. I quickly join in doing a few stretches and warm up exercises.
“Okay everybody LISTEN UP! Today we’re going to change things up a bit; we’re going to do some sparring techniques with a partner- NO BAG! We haven’t done this before so find a partner. Let’s go people, LETS GO!”
Shit I don’t do partners. I never missed my punching bag more in my life.
“I am more than happy to have a few punches thrown my way by you,” whispers a deep voice from behind me.
I swirl around to see where that voice came from and find Jase standing there with a mischievous grin on his face.
What the hell is he doing here?
He’s dressed in simple shorts and T-shirt. I can see his well-defined arm muscles that are covered in tattoos even more now, and his chest is large and perfectly sculpted.
Good god this guy, no, man shouldn’t be let outside. I realise it now. He is a man. All the other guys I met in the past were just that. Guys. Boys.
“Sure’, I gulp. I also manage a smile. Manage being the operative word here. I notice my heart kicks in to overdrive and starts pounding loudly, and my hands begin to sweat. I can feel the anxiety coming on and I don’t even know how I’m going to get through this session with him. I can’t even look him in the eye.
“Okay Guys, picked your partner. Great. I want to practise some sparring techniques you did with the bag now with your partner. Let’s do some 1, 2 punches and some rear round house kicks. Remember guys, the most important part of your combination is the when and the what. LETS GO PEOPLE!” yells the instructor.
“What are you doing here?” I manage to ask as I pick up my boxing gloves and strap them on.
He gives me a confident smile, looking calm, and composed as ever. Not to mention a little cocky. “You said you had a boxing session and since I box I asked Emmanuel which class you go to so I could keep up my fitness routine.”
I don’t say anything back to him; just continue to avert my eyes. When I do look at him, I catch him doing his usual scan of my body. I look down at my own body, thinking there must be something I’m not seeing. But all I see is my legs dressed in tights and my tank top, exposing my stomach.
“What?” I ask him annoyed.
“Nothing,” he says strapping on his gloves. “I was just thinking how cute you look in that outfit.”
I shake my head, silently cursing under my breath.
What is his deal?!
I turn back to face him after strapping on my gear, but Jase continues to look at me with those eyes. The ones that make me lose my breath.
Shit I need to get out of here.
“Are you okay? You look a bit pale, Sophie.”
“I’m just feeling a little lightheaded. I went for a long run this morning. Probably shouldn’t have as I think had one to many drinks from last night. I just need to get some air,” I lie.
Jase just nods and walks over to his drink bottle, giving me my space to take a few calming breaths.
Breathe in
Breathe out
They’re just thoughts Sophie. No one is judging you. You’re judging yourself. You’re fine. You got this.
After ten breaths and some more rational thoughts I begin to relax enough to stay in the game. I’m still feeling the panic but I know exercise will help exhaust those nerves.
“Okay I’m ready,” I yell over to Jase.
Jase walks slowly back over to me. “Okay little lady. Let’s see what you’re made of.”
Who does think arrogant guy think he is? Anger takes over my fear as I want to sock him for being such a cocky show off. What better place to start than being able to take a free punch to his face?
I eye Jase and hold up my gloves eyeing him off. Jase dances around me. I throw a jab his way, which he blocks. This goes on for at least 30 seconds, and all my jab attempts have been blocked. Starting to get frustrated, I let my guard down for only the slightest second and that’s when Jase delivers me a rear round house kick (which I know I should have expected). I miss the block and go straight down.
He offers me his hand to be pulled up but I knock it away determined not to be such a wimp.
We continue to spar. I actually get a few right hooks to his face and manage to block some of his punches.
But just when I think I’m starting to get the hang of his moves, he delivers me another rear round house kick and I go down again.
I’m sweating and really feeling the adrenalin pumping through me and jump straight back up.
“Your technique is good Sophie, but you’re anticipating me too much. I can see that in you and that’s your weakness. Another thing, if you stand there without moving around me, you’re too much of an easy target.” Jase advises.
“Here, I want you to spar, but this time I want you to move your feet around me, dance around me, we call it a rhythm,” Jase says as he shows me how to move side to side, back and forth to try and throw the opponent off.
We go again and this time I do what he says, I step into my ‘rhythm’ and try to throw him off. He delivers a few hooks my way and a few jabs, and while blocking with one hand, I deliver a few jabs his way. I dance to the right and left real quick before throwing a rear round house kick thinking it would send him down, or at least make some impact. But nope, he blocks me and I stumble straight to the ground. He comes down with me, pinning his body against mine. His face only inches away from mine. His heart beat vibrating through my chest. His eyes locked on mine.
“Better,” he whispers softly to me.
My breathing becomes even shallower as I continue to look into his eyes, him into mine.
Never flinching.
Never looking away.
Not even a single blink.
Time seems to stand still and I swear I can feel electricity crackling through the air.
“OK FOLKS GREAT WORK LET’S WRAP IT UP. TIME TO STRETCH,” hollers the instructor breaking the moment between Jase and me.
Jase slowly peels his body off me. A lot slower than a normal person should. Never once taking his eyes off me.
I get up slowly too, a little dazed and feeling slightly awkward from that little episode.
What was that?
I walk over to my drink bottle and gulp down as much water as I can before deciding I need air.
Realising how drenched I am, I grab my towel and start wiping myself down, feeling totally exhausted. I probably should never have gone for that run this morning.
I pull my stuff together and I’m about to walk out the door when Jase appears.
“I’m going to grab a bite to eat- you want to join me? I don’t really know any good places around here.”
I don’t know what to say. I want to say no and that it won’t bother me to say so. I want to not care that this amazingly gorgeous man even wants to be in my presence. I want to be more confident. But I know I’m going to say yes.
“Sure,” I reply. “You can follow me in my car, I know a great Italian place where they do the best pizza and pasta.”
“How about I drive and I’ll drop you back to your car once we’re done, might be easier than following you around and probably losing you,” he responds.
Why does his response sound like they have a double meaning to them? Or am I just reading way too much into his words? Yup probably. He’s just Em’s client who wants to eat. Get it together Sophie!
I give him a slight smile as I follow him out back and realise the only cars remaining is my Audi and that black Lamborghini I saw earlier.
Jase pulls out his keys and opens the black Lamborghini.
Holly hell, this guy is just so out of my league. He handsome, successful, and rich. Not a flaw.
The car purrs to life and I am already feeling nervous as all hell. I hope I don’t break down and have a full meltdown panic attack in front of him. God that would be humiliating.
Just when I feel like I’m gasping for air, Jase cracks on the air con and pulls down the windows to let the summer breeze flow through. I let my long hair out and it wisps wildly around my face, cooling the sweat off my neck and chest. He has Kings of Leon playing at just the right level in the background and I start to calm down.
I direct him to our destination and in about fifteen minutes we arrive at Mama’s Pizzeria and grab a table outside.
A blond waitress with some very large breasts and very short shorts is only too keen to serve us as soon she spots Jase. She hands us some menus and takes our drink order all the while staring at Jase, not once looking in my direction.
As soon as she leaves I start chuckling to myself. Jase would be stupid not to know the affect he has on girls. Even a blind man could sense it.
“What so funny?” he asks curiously.
My laughter grows louder. “Really, it isn’t obvious?”
Laughing back he responds, “No, am I missing something. Is there something on my face?”
I laugh even harder. Geez he really is clueless.
Or maybe just playing dumb.
“Does it ever get tiresome?”
“Does what?” he asks with a confused look on his face.
“Oh please like you can’t see it. The girls! The way they stare at you! That waitress didn’t even look at her notepad while taking our order; she was so busy staring at you!”
“So you’re saying I have some sort of effect on girls?”
“That would be an understatement. Stop playing dumb. You so know how gorgeous you are.”
Shit! Shit. Shit. Shit. Why did I just say that!
I instantly start to get hot in the face when I realise the verbal diarrhoea that just came flying out of my mouth. Oh my god, I hope he doesn’t think I’m trying to crack onto him. Where is the nearest manhole, because I think I’m about to climb into it
Jase smiles at my honesty. “And what affect do I have on you then Sophie?”
I gulp.
He continues to stare at me.
I look away. Then back again.
He’s still staring at me.
Shit! I am so embarrassed. He clearly already knows what affect he has on me otherwise I would have answered him now. Or laughed it off. Or come back with some witty one liner.
Before I can conjure up a coherent sentence, the waitress comes back and asks for our order. She continues to stare at Jase not looking at her notepad once while she writes down whatever the hell she’s writing down.
As soon blondie leaves Jase looks at me and we both crack up laughing. I think it became really obvious to him just how much blondie was drooling over him. I’m surprised she didn’t slip him her number.
“So Emmanuel tells me you’re headed to New York soon to stock your range with Barneys. That’s pretty impressive Sophie. I’ve never met anyone with the kind of ambition you seem to have. Have you been to New York before?”
Did he just pay me another compliment?
“Thanks. But I just happened to find something I love doing and it pays well so I consider myself lucky. Regarding New York, I have been once. I have family over there. But it was a long time ago so it will be like I’m experiencing New York for the first time.”
‘Well if this is your first time, you will love it. And I promise once you come, you will want to come back again and again,” Jase says with a cheeky smile.
I can’t help but laugh. “They were interesting words to describe my first time. Are you sure you’re talking about New York?”
“Sophie, are you insinuating that me, the honourable Jase could be meaning something else?’ he asks with innocent eyes.
“Choice words. That’s all I’m saying,” I say laughing.
I thought I’d be feeling way more anxious. After all I’m alone with Jase who was basically eye-fucking me last night and seems to be doing it now too. With all my insecurities and fears, I thought I’d be close to having a full blown panic attack. But Jase keeps me laughing with his sexual innuendoes and light banter. It’s weird. A guy like Jase would have me hyperventilating, and not in a good way. But I’m feeling relaxed and at ease with him. Well, when he’s not eye-fucking me that is.
“So buying a house in LA huh?”
“Yes. I’m actually meeting Emmanuel this afternoon to look at a few in Malibu and the Holmby Hills.”
I just smile and nod. Because forming coherent sentences with this model looking mafia man is proving to be hard work.
“So enough of the boring stuff. A stunning girl like you must have a boyfriend?” he asks taking a swig of his drink.
I almost cough and spit out my drink. The words ‘stunning’ and ‘boyfriend’ don’t really match me. Before I can answer though, blondie brings us our food, leaving me to gather my thoughts. After she turns to leave Jase just stares at me.
“Yes?” I ask puzzled.
“Well, you haven’t answered my question,” he says while taking a bite of his pizza.
“Ah no, no boyfriend as such.”
“Ah huh, as such hey?”
I avoid his semi question and focus the spotlight on him instead. “What about you, with all the attention you seem to attract from women surely you must have a girlfriend?”
He gives me a killer smile that could make hearts melt and knees weak.
“I guess I’m still trying to attract the right woman,” he says very slowly looking me straight in my eyes.
I must be caught in his weird hypnotic trance because the next words that come out of my mouth are not usually what I would ask.
“And what would the right woman be?”
“Hazel eyes, wavy brown hair that cascades down to her back. Full plump lips with high cheekbones. Legs that go on for days. Chocolate-coloured skin. Looks like a Victoria Secret model. Mysterious. Ambitious. Smart. A total and utter stunner. Oh and she’s gotta have a killer right hook,” he says rather slowly still staring into my eyes.
Wait...I have brown hair and hazel eyes…He’s playing with me he’s just being a flirt. Roll it off Soph.
“Well she sounds like perfection. I don’t think such a woman exists.”
“Oh she exists alright. I just have to look in the right spot,” he says smiling.
I don’t know how to respond to his statement, so I just eat my pizza in silence. Best to shut up then ramble on. Otherwise who knows what I might say. Besides, even if he is flirting with me, he’s probably only after a one night stand. And if I’m lucky to get past that, he’ll see all my anxieties and fears and just think I have too much ‘emotional baggage’ and run. I won’t get close. I won’t let him in. The past has already taught me how cruel people can really be.
“Listen I better head back- I really have a ton of work to do,” I say awkwardly, finishing my last bite of pizza and pulling out my wallet and placing money on the table.
Jase notices my sudden shift in mood but doesn’t say anything.
“Okay I’ll take you back to your car. Let’s go I got this.”
He hands me back my money and pulls out his wallet which is full of cash, leaving quite a large tip for blondie.
As soon as we arrive back in my car, Jase turns off the engine and faces me. I quickly try and unbuckle the seatbelt before he tries to pull any moves in this enclosed space, but just my luck, the seatbelt gets stuck from my incessant pulling.
Jase reaches over and without saying a word; gently un-clicks my seatbelt, letting the belt slide back up my chest, his hand holding onto the belt, which manages to skim past my breasts, back in its rightful position.
I swear it was the most sexually excruciating experience. The unbuckling of my seatbelt with Jase. That’s kind of sad really.
“Well thanks for that Jase. I will see you around.”
I then make a quick haste out of his car, hauling arse out of there so quick you’d think a rocket was up my ass.
I’m sure Jase is probably thinking what a fruit loop I am for running out on him like that but I just can’t get so close. And he’s getting way too close. And there is no point. There is no future. I’d rather him be with someone who is ‘normal’. Whatever that is.
As I turn the engine of my car on, I quickly speed away. I look back to see Jase sitting in his watching me with curiosity while I drive off.