Forty-seven-year-old Lana Andrews sat in a hard orange chair in the hallway of Citizens Memorial Hospital, waiting to say goodbye to her cousin. His unexpected heart attack had disarrayed her entire life, everyone's lives. All the loved ones took turns entering his room to say goodbye. Some would go in alone, and others went in groups. Lana wanted to be alone with James when she said her last fair well.
While waiting for the immediate family to arrive, she reminisced how James had always been at her side. He had helped her get through her rough divorce, helped her move, went to court with her, and even went head-to-head with her ex. No matter what happened in her life, he always stood by his cousin's side. She looked down at the tile floor and the pit of her stomach hurt—dreading the next hour.
The last person left James' death room. Lana took a deep breath and walked in, trembling.
Her hands shook as she reached down and took his limp hand. She spoke with a soft tone, a whisper, "James, I know you can't hear me, but I need to say goodbye. I love you so much, and I will miss you. I will miss your guidance, love, and talks. If I could give you my heart to make you strong, I would. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me most." She choked up for a few seconds then finally murmured one last word. "Goodbye." Lana reached down and kissed his cold cheek. She looked into his cadaverous face, hoping for some telltale sign of life, but nothing.
She took the sleeve of her sweater and wiped the tears away as she looked around the room.
Instead of a typical hospital room, it looked more like a Martha Stewart home with all the beautiful colors. The furniture had been stained with a dark mahogany color, and the bedspread and walls were different shades of green. But what stood out the most were the wall hangings.
To her surprise, they were happy pictures of trees and flowers. Are they trying to put me in a good mood? This would be James' death room, and she didn't want to forget a thing. Nor did she want it to remind her of a happy ending.
Dr. Kemper and his nurse walked in interrupting her thoughts. He looked at her with sadness and spoke, barely audible. "It's time."
Lana nodded, but her heart denied the reality of it all. All the close loved ones shuffled into the room—one by one they gathered around James. Nobody seemed to want to touch him, so Lana held his hand, shaking. She alone held his hand. As the doctor pushed the button, the beeping slowed down until it flatlined. She expected him to jerk, fight to live. But, he didn't. He just slowly drifted away. His heart stopped, her heart pounded as his last heartbeat slipped from his lifeless body. She took a deep breath as his final heartbeats streamed from his fingers into hers. Oh my Lord, I can't let go, I just can't! Suddenly, her heart felt heavy with sorrow.
"Come on Lana, you have to let go. You know that is what he would want," said Sharon consolingly.
How dare she ask Lana to let go of his hand? Sharon didn't even attempt to hold his hand the last few seconds of his life. Lana hated her, she hated the doctor, and she even hated James. How dare he die and leave them all—he had no right to die. Lana wanted to talk with him one more time. It was all she could do to hold back her anger. "It's so hard," she said with curtness, not wanting to look at Sharon. How could she have signed that paper? Her emotions overtook rational thinking.
Lana knew she shouldn't be hard on her because James had been brain dead for several days.
They all loved him so much, and that made it even more difficult. Her mind was in a state of reckless emotions.
The doctor pronounced him dead, and the nurse wrote down the details of time, cause of death and date.
That's it.
It's over—just like that.
Lana walked out the door.