Car horns were blaring the jingle bells tune and angry motorists were shaking their fists in the air at the blockade looming up ahead.
A green Toyota Tacoma pick up truck was parked catty- cornered right in the middle of the Franklin Bridge with its 4- way lights flashing and blocking traffic for nearly a mile. It was 6am on Christmas Day and the chilly air in Philadelphia made a cup of hot chocolate taste 10 times better.
"Why don't you go home and open presents you idiot?" Shouted an angry motorist trying to make it home before his kids awakened Christmas morning.
"Maybe he doesn't have a family." Chided another motorist.
Vinny ignored the insults and clung to the cup of hot chocolate like it was a newborn baby. He could already hear a helicopter flying overhead. It was only 29 degrees and maybe a little cooler with the wind chill and Vinny looked like a moron leaning against the other side of the guard rail wearing only his boxer shorts and a homemade pair of angel wings.
"If you're gonna jump then jump! Some of us have families to get to." Shouted a woman who really didn't care. Nobody really realized it but the kooky suicide jumper dressed in angel wings was in the process of creating the perfect alibi.
"He's not going to do it. He just wants to be on television." Shouted a teenager boy sitting in the back seat of his folks minivan.
Everything was going according to as planned. Vinny had driven from Baltimore to Philadelphia in just a few hours and even had time to dispose of the evidence left over from the job he pulled at Tyrone's house. Even the Santa Clause suit had been stuffed into a black trash bag and tossed into a dumpster. If he took one step forward he'd be a goner for sure and it might take them a while to find his body in the river.
The Gadget Man had no intentions of jumping off the bridge but he was hoping the police would soon show up so he could warm up in the back of a police car. He didn't have much hot chocolate left in his styrofoam cup and his bare feet had gone numb from the cold. His teeth clattered incessantly and he accidentally bit his tongue a few times.
Vinny glanced at his wristwatch which read 6:10am. In 20 minutes things were about to get interesting. A few skimpy vehicles managed to muscle their way around Vinny's truck and cross the bridge. But now all traffic was blocked because a tractor trailer needed to get through and obviously couldn't.
Vinny heard the chirping sound of a siren being turned on then quickly shut off. He turned around and watched a portly black man getting out of a cop car and carrying a megaphone. The retired looking cop looked concerned and couldn't believe what he was seeing. A few news vans pulled up and began filming. Vinny was already on live television if anyone was really watching.
A crackling sound of static blasted from the megaphone and a weary voice came over the speaker. "Hey man, what gives? We're all here watching you. Do you want a coat or something?" Said the cop unzipping his coat and taking a few steps forward.
"Don't get close to me! I'll jump!" Warned Vinny. He had to play this out at least a little bit.
The big man droned on. "What's bugging you playa? Got nowhere to go on Christmas? Ain't nobody gonna make you do anything you don't wanna do." Said the cop inching his way a little closer and pulling his droopy drawers higher around his 48" inch waist.
"Don't think I don't know what you're doing." Protested Vinny, "I'll jump!"
The clever cop did a good job of covering up his impatience. He tried hitting it at a different angle. "Do you know why I'm working this Christmas morning, do you?"
Vinny didn't answer but he was listening. The cop continued to inch his way forward like a snail. Angry motorists were still honking their horns and shouting out their windows.
"Why don't you jump? You got wings." Shouted a man in a black Mercedes Benz. The cop ignored the motorist and continued talking.
"I've got no family to celebrate Christmas with. My wife and kids died in a terrible car crash when they got hit by a drunk driver last year." Lied the cop hoping his ruse would work. "But I still press on. You got to man. Think of the people that will miss you if you're gone."
The officer carefully placed the megaphone on the ground and took a few steps closer with both of his hands out. Steam seemed to be vaporizing from the top of his neck. Vinny opted to continue playing it out.
"Nobody loves me! Ain't nobody gonna miss me when I'm gone." Persisted Vinny as a matter-of-factly.
It was all the big man could do to keep from rolling his eyes. He was only a few feet away from Vinny now and continued to inch his way towards the jumper while slowly removing his coat. He kept his left arm concealed in the coat. The Gadget Man felt like laughing at how well he was playing this off.
Camera men moved in closer to catch the Christmas morning footage. This made for a great story. Angry motorists continued honking their horns.
"Don't come any closer!" Warned Vinny, "I'll jump."
The patient cop slowed down but made subtle steps closer. "Hey man, I'm just giving you my coat. It's freezing outside." Before Vinny could do anything the cop took one big stride toward him holding out his coat. The sudden motion did almost cause Vinny to jump off the bridge. As soon as Vinny stretched an arm out to grab the coat, like a great magician, the witty cop clasped a handcuff around Vinny's wrist. "Gotcha!" Muttered the big man smiling. When he peeled his coat off with his right hand his left hand was already cuffed. "Hey you tricked me!" Shouted Vinny. Cheers erupted from the crowd. The retired looking cop was getting a standing ovation.
"Take him to the luny bin! He can celebrate his Christmas there!" Shouted a red headed woman in a car loaded up with Christmas presents.
The voices dared Vinny to jump off the bridge anyway and take the big guy with him. He kind of looked like the cop from that movie Lethal Weapon.
The Gadget Man reluctantly followed the big guy to the nice warm police car still idling. The camera crew zoomed in on him focusing on his homemade wings. Vinny couldn't even feel his feet or hands as he ambled towards the cruiser.
The cop removed the handcuff from his own left arm and cuffed up Vinny's hands behind his back. Then the nice officer removed Vinny's wings and helped him into the back of the car. The newsies shouted out questions but the Gadget Man ignored them. Vinny canted his neck towards the left and glanced at the digital clock on the dashboard. It was 6:25am. In 5 minutes the show was about to begin.