Leibowitz Concludes by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview
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Lina Wertmuller’s depiction of Italian men, popularly
exemplified by Giancarlo Giannini in “Seven Beauties”
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Stylized Italian theatrical release poster of “Seven Beauties”; property of the author.
though more to the point in lesser known “Swept Away,”
simultaneously tempered by an Antonio-esque sense of WTF, best
seen in his “L’Avventura.” Not exactly your standard fare.
Stylized scene from “L’Avventura”; property of the author.
In an attempt to compensate for the space, Fitz tooka risk and
stepped up the overt level a notch and used his left hand to rub
his pants, while his right dropped its papers, and waved toward
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the heavens, Fitz doing his best to make his eyes moist and all
doey.
It worked! Bumpur said; “Sad state of affairs that is, but
it has to be a damn good business,” as he initialed the
document. Fitz was so relieved, and was also primed to fix
Madrox’ inattentive ass, which caused the need for him to
impromptu come up with the difficult act.
Isaac cleverly avoided the scrutiny and possible boss
distressing blunders by specializing in the rejects. When Fitz
approved of one his staff’s rejections that was the end of the
line for the potential borrower and the commission juiced
proposing area and boss. The submitting officer could piss and
moan all they’d like, but that was a fait accompli. They could
point out mis-spellings until their dictionaries wore out, but
Fitz wouldn’t care. REJECT. NO COMMITTEE PERUSAL. In a day more
mirthful than many, Isaac even had a rubber stamp made up at the
catty-corner shop to emblazon the term in large letters on the
documents submitted by lenders he didn’t like. REJECT. REJECT.
REJECT. On every page, often redundant in a fashion not obvious
to the disregarded majority, later defiantly self-aggrandizing
in open mock, through the utilization of another boiler plate,
rubber stamp. He’d usually make a jovial party of the process;
stamping maniacally away while Fitz and his staff cheered and
laughed. Sure, the lenders had the option of petitioning someone
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over Fitz head, but they were bright enough to know that wasn’t
a good play regarding their future needs. They must have also
felt insecure about showing others their big fat REJECT. In a
sense, this put Isaac and Fitz on the same wavelength regarding
entirely dependant people.
For policy, procedures, and guidance, there were two 1,500
page books and one loose leaf binder which likely held more, but
no one ever counted them. It looked fatter than the other two,
but the page count ended at 1,220, while many pages had letters
attached, like 36A, 36B, 36C, and even the further refinements
of 36D1 and 36D2. This loose leaf binder was primarily authored
by Fitz and his staff, but it included some entries dating back
to before any of their grandfather’s had reached puberty. The
most difficult part of keeping it usable was the Table of
Contents, that responsibility agreeably usurped by Merrilee,
officially a Sr. Vice President, and unofficially a pretentious
and status conscious Secretary and body-through-which-one-must-
pass to get to Fitz, who apparently was not confident that her
loan assessment skills exceeded that of the man with the
newspaper-candy monopoly on the first floor, adjacent to the
elevators. Being the keeper of the Fitz et al book was perfect
for her. Merrilee got to hide her perceived deficiencies, and
plodded through an easy job, while being treated as a V.I.P.
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Another book was bound and annually supplied by the
National Bank Examiners (NBX), under the auspices of the Federal
Reserve; and the third was issued whenever the Office of the
Comptroller of the Currency (OCC) took a break from other
printing priorities, the last issue dated sometime during the
Eisenhower Administration. These “books” were referred to
internally as “The Bibles,” with no sarcastic intent; though
they might have beenmor appropriately named “The Bible,” “The
Qur’an,” and “The Upanishad’s Bhagavadgita.”
Besides the nanes, what varied about them was that each
said something different than the other two; though most often
the differences were more a matter of nuance than substance. For
example Fitz’ book said that “No loans shall be made to a radio
station not measured by a Portable People Meter (PPM); the
reading of which is to be converted to advertising dollars
consistent with the market served, with consideration given to
industry rates prevalent there; that estimate to exceed the
estimated loan servicing requirements by a minimum of 1.3 times.
The audio measurement meters are used in 48 of the largest
markets in the US. PPM panelists carry their radio station
funded meters throughout the day, and the meters record the
audio they listen to. Nielsen uses the data to produce local
ratings reports for each market, which it publishes monthly. The
data is based on the average four weeks of survey results.”
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The NBX book said; “No loans may be made to a radio station
which has not paid their share of PPM costs; and therefore has
not been PPM rated.”
The OCC manual stated; “Extreme caution should be exercised
in lending to radio stations whose market area has been
infiltrated by television reception; and in those which have
been so infiltrated consideration generally should only be given
to the top one or two in said market area.”
On an operational basis, they had much in common in that;
1) Nobody had spent more than ten minutes reading any or all of
them.
2) If loans were to truly meet the standards set, only two
companies in the world would qualify for one, and;
3) Each weighed more than “Infinite Jest.”
And yet again, they were useful. As a matter of practice
the presenting loan officers were obliged to include in their
recommendation a list of the standards their loan prospect did
not meet, accompanied by an explanation of why it was acceptable
that these standards were not met. Sentences beginning with
despite and although became an intra-bank lexicological genre.
One methodology Fitz used to assess the loan recommendation
request was to count the number of althoughs and despites; four
or less usually indicating one criterion for approval. The books
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were also useful when it was decided that someone was to be
dismissed, especially after the advent of employee rights and
equal opportunity legislation with their specialist attorneys.
The reason for dismissal would officially be a litany of
violations against the books. If you want total control, first
make everything illegal, and then selectively enforce the law.
Isaac thought that he had found a flawless approach to
banking success. When Fitz was leaning toward a decline, he
would blah blah a bit, but somewhere in the blahs he would say
that this one should be looked at carefully. When that happened,
Isaac would have to restrain himself from grabbing the papers
out of Fitz’ hand, and settle into the mode of an overachieving
student who knew the answer to the teacher’s question or
desperately having to go to the bathroom, one hand waving an
excited truce sign in the air.
Fitz walked in and issued a brisk “Good Morning,” which
Isaac briskly returned, immediately before doing his due
diligence, burying his face in some papers.
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**13**
News - 5-7-22
TheClashWeakly.com
As reprinted from
The New York Herald Tribune
Of unspecified date, in turn
Taken from the Associated Press
May 7, 2022
Orthodox believers rally to protest Ukraine parliament
vote
An Orthodox believer kisses the hand of a priest of the Ukrainian Orthodox Church of Moscow
Patriarchy during a protest against the creation of a Ukrainian independent church, in front of
the parliament building in Kiev, Ukraine, May 6, 2022.
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KIEV, Ukraine — Over 1,000 believers of the Ukrainian Orthodox
Church rallied outside the country’s parliament Thursday to
protest its demand that their church’s name is changed to
reflect its ties to Moscow.
Parliament passed a bill earlier Thursday demanding that the
Ukrainian Orthodox Church explicitly indicate its link to the
Moscow Patriarchate in its name. The church rejected the demand
as unconstitutional.
The Ukrainian church has been part of the Russian Orthodox
Church for centuries, but a bitter tug-of-war following Russia’s
annexation of Crimea has encouraged moves within Ukrainian
orthodoxy to create a separate church with no direct links to
Moscow.
Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko has strongly pushed for the
creation of such a church, and on Saturday a new church
independent from Moscow was created.
Ukrainian authorities have sought to portray the Moscow-linked
church in Ukraine as supportive of the Russian-backed
separatists in eastern Ukraine — claims that have been rejected
by its clerics.
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“The church directed from the aggressor country must reflect
that in its name,” said Ukrainian parliament speaker Andriy
Parubiy.
Priests and parishioners who rallied outside the parliament
building denounced the decision.
One of the protesters, Father Vadim, said that “our church has
faced purges and humiliation. Our only guilt is that we pray for
the entire Orthodox Church and mention Moscow Patriarch Kirill
in our prayers,” he said.
Father Kliment, the church’s spokesman, said it’s not going to
meet the parliament’s demand that he described as unlawful. “The
talk about the name change sounds clownish,” he said. “In fact
this demand for us to identify our affiliation is absurd as we
are not a secular entity, and is merely a plot formulated by the
Jews to cause further dissent and will undoubtedly result in our
harrassment by the other side.” When asked who that “other” side
was, Father Kliment refused to answer twice, and on the third
try responded with; “You know goddam well.”
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**14**
Lee Michaels
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Lee Michaels and “Heighty-hi” by Lee Michaels; property of the author, the latter under both the
“fair use” and “transformative” doctrines.
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Jetts of Joan
We pick up somewhere near the end of a long distance phone
conversation, where the opening cordialities have already been
expressed and forgotten, and the critical component, called “the
closing carp” in certain crowds, has commenced.
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“And what good are the Khazars going to do for your
career?”
“If they bought JP Morgan Chase, I’m sure they’d be
detrimental to it. But, they won’t.”
“If they’re so powerful and adept, how do you know that
they don’t already have a controlling interest?”
“Because as of 3PM Eastern Standard time today, the largest
five holders were mutual funds, their combined holdings
aggregating 20.88% of outstanding common shares; and the largest
individual owners are Dimon and Crown’s wife, each with less
than one half percent, the Queen the greater.”
“You just made that up.”
“Okay. I admit that I lied. Those figures are as of 3PM
Eastern Standard time yesterday. But, isn’t it funny to see
Crown sitting at the head of the Board, being so pompous, and
when he gets home wifey reams his ass out about him forgetting
to bring out the garbage, because she owns the goods. ........
Guess you’d have to see him.”
“Seemingly un-attributed.”
“Maybe to those art ‘challenged.’”
“Sounds somewhat familiar. There’s probably an underlying
side agreement. And how can you be sure that the Khazars don’t
own the mutual funds?”
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“Good point. I’ll add that to my ‘To be Investigated’
list.”
“Look, Joker. You said this move was for career
enhancement, and I think I’m entitled to know how this nonsense
is enhancing your career.”
“No, you look. My office is ten minutes away, and I stay
there longer than anyone except Fitz, and I think that he keeps
a sleeping bag in his credenza. My level of responsibility and
salary are 50% higher than it was, with an easy opportunity to
advance that without doing anything other than what I currently
am. I soon expect to be a Senior Vice President, and big doors
will then be opened. The Khazar stuff is an intersting, part-
time avocation, which gets no particular priority. Would you
rather I watch stupid Netflix movies after work?”
After wifey’s chastising phone call, Isaac sat there idly
musing about conceptual relativity, insofar as it applied to the
practicality of his-their current situation. Being approximately
3,247 miles apart, he needed some other addiction to replace his
job-subsequent standard husbandly fare of asking the kids about
school, them reticent to say anything other than the teacher’s
audacity to assign homework and reading, which, “if so
important” should have been covered in class, with which Isaac
basically agreed, though he also did not want to undermine the
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teacher’s role, and as a consequence babbled about specific
cases on both sides of the education coin, resulting in the
kids’ going to their rooms with a preference for reading and
doing homework. Mission accidentally accomplished. But, Isaac’s
work was far from over as working wifey then required assurance
that she was not neglecting the kids through her Monday-Friday
excursion to the un-licenenced local investment broker’s office
where she made use of her whimsically obtained licenses 7, 66,
and even a 3 to collect a regular paycheck for approving and
signing off on his documented actions which facilitated and
protected his below-market-performing suggestions of “stinkers”
and subsequent irate customer complaints. Like with the kids’
school homework and reading requirements, Isaac actually thought
that his assurances as to non-neglect was a practical
accommodation to a neglectful situation which served the
familial purpose, as well as assisting in the collection of
mortgage serviceable gelt, which his branch manager job didn’t
quite cover. It was one of those things best calculated on a
multi-planed spectrum basis, though he felt that by drawing
overlapping holograms it would ruin the desired flow of lively
anxiety, so he settled for pictures.
Now, alone in NYC with those burdens removed, he needed a
new source of anxiety to fill his after work time, as the Khazar
conspiracy was not enough to fill all his free time. In the
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comforting consistency that uncomfortable coincidences were
beginning to establish a highly personalized pattern Isaac
accidentally did that again when he indirectly found Joan Jett
on YouTube. He didn’t immediately go to Joan, but rather the
process initiated when he developed a curiosity about Tommy
James’ hair. As he remembered it, Tommy appeared as if he teased
his hair or had a lumped up head, but in his now copious spare
time, Isaac recalled always having wondered if Tommy might have
had a “natural,” un-teased bush up top, and he started his
investigation with a search for “Crimson and Clover.” Lo and
behold, he found that various incarnations of Joan Jett produced
“Crimson and Clover” many more times over and over. He forgot
about Tommy’s hair, and focussed on Joan’s.
The only conclusion he could quickly draw was that Ms. Jett
exhibited what might be called a tease in her earliest days of
“CaC,” though it was less pronounced than that of Mr. James,
which she seemingly abandoned in later years, though she, with
varying retinues did “CaC,” one is reluctant to say “over and
over.” Isaac suspected that there was some important message
being sent him, and shortly after being confounded and confused
by the images he willy-nilly picked up from YouTube, he decided
that to have any hope of deciphering it, he would have to
systematically chronicle Joan Jett’s performance of the tune.
Further, he commenced a search; its intent to discover her real
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name, as Joan Jett sounded too purposely phony, and he wanted to
determine whether or not she was Yiddish.
In order to systematically make his search, Isaac
established a Word chart, with variables added as his abundant
time passed, which initially detailed dates, places, and the
condition of Joan’s hair, but later added the accompanying
party, if any, whether she sang, strummed, or both, as well as
other yadda yadda which the accommodating and adjusting Word
chart allowed. It is reproduced below.
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Halfway into his research, Isaac was certain that he was on
the right path when he found a performance in which ancient
Tommy James, sporting a tease or the same lumpy head, partnered
with Miley Cyrus to accompany and sing “Crimson and Clover” with
Ms. JJ on 5-9-15 right here in New York City. Wow! Something was
going on. Further, after utilizing initials for chart purposes,
that overly phony sounding name of Joan Jett, JJ could stand for
“Jew Jive.” Isaac’s initial excitement shrunk like a waterlogged
George Costanza when he noticed upon completing the chart, that
he could not detect any further discernable message or pattern,
other than the possibility that Joan was teasing at random
points, that she sometimes deferred to audience taste, and that
she had a fascination with “Crimson and Clover,” or at least
thought that her fans did. The Miley Cyrus accompaniment with
her back turned to the audience, her eyes fixed on strumming
Joan, who generally seemed to be going out of her way not to
make eye contact with the singing lady with the medium, tending
toward short hair with a blonde rinse obscured by the darkening
effects of a slicking-back-gel, popularized in ersatz bogus by
Bowser of the Sha Na Na, no matter how she rocked it, at one
point even accidentally inducing a group of stuck-together-
strands to depart the confines of the glue and for a second or
two wave with abandon at Ms. Jett, who seemed to be more
focussed on her guitar, but was evidencing some degree of
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amusement and-or approval, which was rivalled in perverse
titillation only by the one filmed a month or two after Joan had
had her hair shorn, and sweating quarters in the heat of the
lights coming both from overhead and the floor, managed to smile
through yet another version of “CaC.” Isaac knew that he had
missed something vital and concluded that more information was
necessary, especially when he discovered that there were more
bootleg versions of Joan Jett doing “CaC” available for sale on
E-Bay, though the asking prices were prohibitive when considered
in proportion to the incomes of two burghers, with two kids,
supporting two residences, and paying two mortgage debts.
Indeed, Isaac discovered through a disreputable website
which flooded his machine with ghastly, unfit-for-human-
consumption cookies that Joan Jett was born Judith Levine, but
by all accounts the family was not religious. That was
unfortunate, as if they were, the whole thing was showing
inclinations toward making some sense on an epistomological
basis, which even Godel would be taxed to convincingly rebuke.
Isaac was at a practical dead end, despite having made use
of the standard YouTube download app, bolstered by a bit of a
splurge for the radical app which allowed the user to view the
document in any degree of motion with attendant sound, including
slo-backward. In frustration with the apparent replay of the
Beatles, which only Charlie Manson adopted as a religion, if not
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an improvised insanity plea, which Bugliosi was deaf or
indifferent to in the course of his career he turned to Michael
Jackson after finding nothing but good music when playing the
entire Beatles repertoire at the correct speed, when he recalled
that it periodically sounded to him as if at-the-time-only-half-
white-Michael was actually saying; “Ever wench the detox feed.
Show ya the beboppin dada need. So just bead it.” He also
recalled briefly seeing the film of Michael’s hair on fire,
which always looked less a convincing hair fire than the ones he
had seen in movies. Of interest in the possible appearance of
the holy spirit, bolstered by financial necessity, Isaac re-
directed his pilgrimage to the “King of Pop.”
Michael Joseph Jackson, (August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009) was an
American singer, songwriter and dancer. Dubbed the "King of
Pop", he is regarded as one of the most significant cultural
icons of the 20th century and one of the greatest entertainers
of all time, on par with Fred Astaire and for some, Gene Kelly.
His entertainment acumen bolstered by substantive appearances
and reports tending toward the highest level of weirdness, made
Jackson a global figure in popular culture for over four decades.
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The seventh son of a seventh son, Michael made his professional
debut in 1964 at age five with his elder brothers Jackie, Tito,
Jermaine, and Marlon as a member of the Jackson Five, and
immediately became the focal point. He began his solo career in
1971 while at Motown Records. In the early 1980s, Jackson became
the dominant figure in popular music. His music videos,
including those for "Beat It", " Billie Jean", and " Thriller"
from his 1982 album Thriller, are credited with breaking racial
barriers and transforming the medium into an art form and promotional tool. Their popularity helped bring the television
channel MTV to fame. “Bad” (1987) was the first album to produce
five US Billboard Hot 100 number one singles, though the Beatles preceded him in a way, through having had two with ten. Through
stage and video performances, Jackson popularized complicated
dance techniques such as the robot and the moonwalk, the latter to which he gave the name.
Jackson is the third-best-selling music artist of all time,
behind the Beatles and Elvis Presley, with estimated sales of
over 350 million records worldwide. Jackson won hundreds of
awards, scores admittedly chintzy, but when un-differentiated by quality and significance, more than any other artist in the
history of popular music. Not to cast undue aspersions, were his
awards limited to those available at the weighted average times
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of Elvis and the Beatles, he would be third on the all time
list. A Nabokovian-type puzzle is offered here regarding numeros
uno y dos. Jackson is one of the few artists to have been
inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame twice. There is speculation that was done to first accommodate his black side,
and the second to accommodate his white. No matter how silly
that may sound, it must be noted in perspective, that it has a
higher probability than the conspiracy theory which states that
Michael was replaced with an MK-Ultra double, in order to
embarrass black people on a worldwide basis.
Weird Michael is the only dancer from pop and rock to have been
inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame and the Dance Hall of
Fame. His other achievements include Guinness world records,
including the Most Successful Entertainer of All Time (MSEAL),
the definition of which obviously inviting of MSEAL research
this writer doesn’t feel like doing, 13 Grammy Awards, the
Grammy Legend Award, the Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award, 26
American Music Awards, more than any other artist, and 13 number
one US singles, more than any other male artist in the Hot 100
era, which conveniently commenced after the Beatles had split
and Presley was dead.
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“Thriller” is the best-selling album of all time, with estimated
sales of 66 million copies worldwide, without which, frankly,
Michael wouldn’t have been the mega sized s*** most bomb johnny
with. Jackson's other albums, including “Off the Wall” (1979),
“Bad” (1987), “Dangerous” (1991), and “HIStory” (1995), also rank among the world's best-selling albums. Jackson is also
remembered for his philanthropy, charitable fundraising, and
adulation of Elizabeth Taylor after his white strain began to
surface. Those who replace the word adulation with emulation,
are just jealous homophobic creeps.
Fearing that he would trigger a PCP chastisement and
deletion from their important and desirable circles, Isaac
classified his subsequent MJ findings “TOP SECURITY CLEARANCE
REQUIRED,” and encrypted them using Triple DES, thereby to some
extent limiting the possibility of his next vacation being in
sunny Abu Ghuraib.
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Bored to tears and seeking brainless mirth, Chloe picked up
a seemingly juvenile comic and was substantially correct in her
choice.
Superman
He ran into the library to answer the blasting phone, and
was immediately reminded of his long delayed desire to have it
changed over to a system which plays some type of watered down
musaak, complicit with something called Eno, presumably a techie
term; a New-Agey, nothing-ness, subdued orchestration of
Eminem’s “Cold Wind Blows” came to mind. He was so excited at
the prospect of work he tripped on an edge of the Persian rug,
but picked up the receiver on the sixth ring. Afraid that he
missed the call, he said; “Hello! HHHHHH- - ello!”
The male voice responded; “Is this Mr. Crap-ass?”
Peeved at hearing the incorrect pronunciation he had
endured most of his life, he advertised his annoyance when he
said; “That’s Cra-pass. It’s French continental.”
“Whatever, you’re a private eye, right?”
“That’s private investigator. This isn’t a 1940’s film noir
or a 1950’s French New Wave adaptation.”
“What?”
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Remembering that he really wanted the work Crapass said;
“Yes, I’m a private eye. What can I do for you?”
“Well, Mr. Crap-ass, one of my family members has
disappeared.”
“Again that’s Cra-pass. Isn’t the police missing persons
unit working on it? What would you like me to do?”
“Of course the cops have been called, but they say he
hasn’t been missing long enough to warrant their involvement.
Are you being purposely difficult? I want you to find him. What
do you think?”
Reticent to explain the many possible custom services that
could be provided, he was quiet two seconds, during which the
caller had second thoughts and offered a clarification;
“Actually, the bastard owes me money and finding it will
suffice. It’s probably a package deal though.”
This was his first possible investigation and he had not
yet established a routine and he was not prepared to ask any
relevant questions, so not wanting to sound stupid, Crapass
said; “I think we should make an appointment to meet in person.
Bring anything relevant to the case with you and of course some
money. Let me check my schedule.” He paused and counted; one
thousand and one, one thousand and two......one thousand and
ten, in an attempt to advertise his high degree of activity. He
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then added; “I can fit you in at 2PM this afternoon. Is that
good for you?”
“Yeah, that works for me. At your place, I guess?”
“Of course, unless you’d like to buy me lunch somewhere
nice. Ha, ha.”
“No, I’ll be at your place at two.” He hung up.
It was only 9:30 AM, so it gave Gunther T. Crapass time for
last-minute preparation. He needed it, as this would be his
first foray into the real world of crime in a sequestered 45
year life. He belatedly realized that to appear professional he
would have to take care of little details; like getting the
caller’s name and phone number. Up until today Gunther had spent
most of his time as a voracious reader of mysteries, and they
never dealt with those kinds of boring details. They dealt with
other kinds of boring details; like a wordy description of the
sound of a waterfall, a precise description of the music wooden
wheels make on a cobblestone street, cobble by cobble, or the
perceived psychological effect all the “action” was having on a
delicate relationship with some relative, remotely and
tangentially connected to the “story” and it’s super-insightful
and super-intelligent sleuth/hero/heroine.
For the last ten years Gunther had created a data base,
using his mystery books, containing information such as crime,
motive, how caught, sleuth techniques, nutty relatives,
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informants who know whole “story” (in case writer runs dry),
usual suspects, false leads, topography, dwellings, sex activity
(infrequent, always tasteful) , etc., etc. Trying to refrain
from spending exorbitant time with the last item, now, using
this database, Gunther wanted to spend the remainder of his, to
date, sheltered life seeing if the books contained any semblance
of reality.
Gunther was short, prematurely balding and devoid of female
companionship, and though people didn’t tell him, they thought
he resembled George Costanza However, he worked on affecting the
look of Hercule Poirot, at least as he was portrayed on
television. He thought that the quick, intelligent,
sophisticated air of the little one with the upwardly curled
mustache, living in the wild world of the 1920’s would counter
the truth that he was more than a little embarrassed about. He
considered adopting an unusual accent, but correctly concluded
that approach would be of better use in Europe than it would be
in Plainsboro, New Jersey, where a simple down-homey, working
hard, and “We all put on our pants the same way” approach seemed
more apropos. At least that was the plan that would get its
first trial today.
He sat on his ornate Chippendale chair and turned on his
computer, which rested on the overworked Chippendale desk, the
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only furniture in the library, excepting the overflowing, highly
decorative Chippendale bookcases, which lined the walls.
His ornate Chippendale ass wasn’t rested for ten seconds
when the phone rang again. Drawing on his previous experience
this time he was prepared. He picked up the imitation French
antique receiver and confidently said; “My secretary is
indisposed, so you’ve got Cra-pass, himself.”
The female voice was incredulous in tone, and said;
“Gunther, what kind of nonsense are you up to?”
He dragged out the first word; “M-o-o-o-o-m. I’m kind of in
the middle of something.”
“What you should be in the middle of, is finding a nice
girl. You know you’re not getting any younger.”
“Mom, I’m all right as is.”
“Or even finding a nice boy. Times have changed and nobody
cares about that sort of thing anymore. ..... .” Gunther was at
a loss for words, as he was never interested in boys, men, or
in-betweens, but knew that his single status and appearance
would make people consider the possibility, and was occasionally
very uncomfortable about it, like now. This wasn’t the first
time Mom broached the subject, but even if he were so disposed,
he wouldn’t be discussing it with her. He attempted a quick
subject change and came up with; “I saw a really good movie the
other day, “Marlowe.”
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“What was that about?”
“Oh, it’s an old one. Elliot Gould playing a Raymond
Chandler style detective.”
“I don’t know any of those names you’re saying.”
Gunther was at a loss for words, trying to decide whether
to sound professorial, and explain more, think of a one-liner he
didn’t have, or risk getting back to his least favorite subject.
The indecision cost him as, in the momentary lull, Mom went
right back to her currently favorite subject, and said; “Do you
remember Tommy Long, that tall boy who played a lot of
basketball?”
“Yeah, we were in some of the same classes in high school.”
‘Well, he’s one of them.”
“Mom, I don’t really care.”
“Did you know him well?”
“No, and I really don’t care.”
“That’s the point. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.
Nobody cares anymore. It’s all right. Even the Catholic Church
has gay parishes. That, frankly, doesn’t make a whole lot of
sense to me. They condone that, but only allow men and women to
do things that make babies. Maybe after all that crap with the
altar boys.............I don’t know.”
Gunther’s mind was racing; perhaps it was more akin to
spinning its wheels. He rubbed one hand over his forehead, of
Page 347
course not able to come up with anything that might derail his
mother’s one tracked mind. He considered lying and saying
something really gross about “getting some pussy’ recently, but
decided against it.
With the lack of response Mom was compelled to elaborate;
“Of course, if your father, God rest his soul, was still alive.
..... . Ah, but, he was always kind of traditional when it came
to the sex stuff. Sometimes, even I could have kicked him right
in his ass.”
Gunther felt as if he were again 13 years old, trying to
think of a response, that would at least temporarily divert the
tide, so he desperately and abruptly changed the subject to
something of interest to him, full well knowing that this topic
could also become unpleasant and said; “Mom, I’m going to be
handling my first investigation today.”
Mom said; “Well, if you’re really uncomfortable talking
about it.”
Gunther yelled; “Mom.”
In a discouraged and weary tone, Mom said; “So what are you
investigating?”
Just like the confident big boy he now was, Gunther
casually responded; “Oh, the usual stuff, missing money, a
missing person.”
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“That could be dangerous. Why don’t you read a nice book
instead?”
“I’ve read them all. It’s high time I got some real world
experience.”
“I’ll say. How about some real experience with a nice girl?
..... . Or boy?”
“Mom, for Christ’s sake, cut it out. And what would I want
with a NICE girl anyway? I like the other kind.”
“Gunther, don’t start talking blasphemy to your mother.”
“I thought you started it with that boy stuff.”
“That’s not blasphemy. There’s some other word for that. I
can’t remember it right now. You know the one.”
“I can’t think of it either.”
“Oh, come on. You’re better with words than I am. What is
it?”
“I don’t know. It’s your thought. You tell me.”
‘I know you know that word.”
Gunther was thoroughly annoyed with the entirety of this
conversation, as he had endured a facsimile countless other
times, but rather than saying something about not being a mind
reader or that he didn’t care anyway, and risk being accused of
being surly, he chose to play it tritely and, again, changed the
subject and said; “How’s everything in Florida?”
“Hot.”
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“Hot? Is that all?”
“Yeah.”
He hoped to get her talking about something other than him,
and tried again with; “It’s hot here, too.” He tried his best to
sound like a sarcastic Johnny Carson and added; “So, how hot is
it?”
Mom took the cue and said; “It’s so hot........ that the
rubbers are emitting steam on the beach.”
Though he didn’t find that particularly funny, he
considered it okay for an improvisation, and laughed
outrageously, most significantly, in an attempt to end the
conversation on a good note.
Encouraged, Mom continued with; “You should see the dogs
doing their own form of investigation.”
Gunther visualized that and found it amusing, laughed, and
said; “That’s a good one.”
“I’m not kidding. That’s what I see out my window.”
“Wish I was there. Speaking of out the window, my client is
coming down the driveway. Got to go.”
“All right. So, everything’s okay with you?”
“Fine. How about you?”
“Ah, we’ll save that for another time. You be careful, all
right?”
“Sure. You too. Gotta go. Bye.”
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“Bye.”
There was no car in the driveway. That was just an
efficient way to end the call. He wanted to do some last minute
research before encountering his first real client. He also knew
from previous experience that his mother’s “Ah, we’ll save that
for another time” answer was nothing to worry about. Next call
she would either not remember what she was referring to, or
again, tell him about the guy living on the floor above her, and
his abnormal desire to walk around loudly, always right over her
head, listening to everything she said.
Back to the computer. Database program. Crime. Motive. How
discovered. Unnecessary filler. Ironic conversations. Scenery
and sound conditions. Weather. False leads. Man who knows all.
Gunther forgot about lunch, attempting to tie the “facts”
together. His mental indulgence ended when he heard the sound of
a car truly coming down his gravel driveway. He looked up at the
faux antique rococo wall clock, and saw that it was already 2PM.
“Dammit,” he thought as he dashed to don his best clean suit, a
black pinstriped Mickey Spillane model. He made a quick bathroom
stop, where he brushed back what remained of his black hair, and
made it to the front door ahead of his guest/customer.
****************************************************
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He peered through the transom, and saw a modestly well
dressed man of about 40, peering through the transom at him. He
felt overdressed, as the other guy was obviously wearing attire
that screamed; “Money,” but whispered; “I’m not stooping to try
and impress.” More specifically he was wearing designer- just
pressed- blue jeans and a mail order label red shirt, open to
the third button.
Gunther opened the door, extended his right hand, and said;
“Come right in Mr. ..... .”
“Slattery, James.” They shook, in Gunther’s case all over,
he hoped, undetected. The little one extended his left hand and
said; “Right this way to the library.” He hoped that the mere
fact that he HAD a library would impress the client with his
intelligence.
He offered Slattery a seat, simultaneously realizing that
it was the only one in the room. He briefly considered standing,
but thought better of it. He said; “Please excuse me. The last
client moved things around a bit.” He knew that didn’t make much
sense, but couldn’t resist the opportunity to say that he had
other business. He went into the adjoining bedroom and returned
with an ornate Chippendale chair.
Slattery was fingering the computer, and Gunther quickly
put his arm on his client’s shoulder, and said; “If you don’t
mind,” ushering him to the newly arrived chair. He sat in front
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of his computer, and after a few masterful strokes, was back at
his preferred database program screen. He said; “Name?”
With a tone of slight annoyance the client again said;
“Slattery, James.”
“Is Slattery your first name?”
Slattery continued in the same tone responding; “Of course
not.”
“I expected that, but I had to ask because one cannot make
any assumptions in this business. You’ll come to appreciate
that.” He smiled at his imagined prey and added; “You know that
if you break down the word ‘assume’, the result is that you make
an ‘ass’ of ‘u’ and ‘me.’”
Slattery didn’t smile back and said; “Yeah, I may have
heard that somewhere.”
Gunther continued; “Do you always put your last name
first?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes. What difference does it make?”
“Nothing I can think of at the moment. But, who knows the
future? Address?”
“500 Juniper Crescent.”
“Plainsboro?”
“Apartment number 308. Missed that one, ace. And yes,
Plainsboro.”
Gunther was sure his face flushed. “Phone?”
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“With or without area code?”
“As you wish. I’ll make the appropriate adjustment here.”
“Good man. 237-6567.”
Gunther looked Slattery in the eye and said; “I believe you
said something about missing money and a missing relative, the
latter of subordinate interest. Would you please elaborate.”
“Well, about a week ago I tried to contact my bum brother-
in-law, Bernie. And I couldn’t.”
Gunther interrupted and said; “Think I got you this time,
ace. Bernie’s last name is not Slattery, correct?”
“Right, genius. It’s Protokowitz. Anyway, I made the
mistake of loaning him $300,000 a little over a year ago,
haven’t gotten a nickel back, and now he’s nowhere to be found.”
“What was the purpose of the loan?”
“I’m really not completely sure. I felt sorry for him at
the time. I think it was used to do some drug deals.”
“Did he have experience with that sort of thing?”
“Only as a user, I think.”
“Very unwise.”
“No shit, Sherlock. Let me just continue the story a bit.”
“My sincere apologies for the interruption.”
“The other disturbing thing is that Gladys, Bernie’s wife,
is also nowhere to be found.”
“Your sister is probably with Bernie.”
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“I hope the hell not. They divorced a year ago. Gladys is
his new wife and a drug fiend. Gotcha.”
“Very amusing, my friend. I see we enjoy a similar brand of
gamesmanship.”
“Thought you’d appreciate that one.” Slattery emptied a
pocket and tossed some papers on the ornate Chippendale desk,
and said; “Here is everyone’s addresses, phone numbers, e-mail
addresses, known hangouts and some miscellaneous crap. Most
interesting to Gunther was a photo of Bernie and some woman, as
Bernie looked like Gunther’s double. The only significant
difference was that Bernie’s balding head was host to long black
hair tied in a ponytail which reached the middle of his back.
Not to be fooled twice with the same thing Gunther was
proud of his wiles, and asked; “Is this Gladys?”
Slattery laughed and said; “No. That’s my sister Agnes.”
Gunther looked at him questioningly and Slattery added;
“Just kidding. Yes, that’s Gladys. Some shit, huh?”
Not accustomed to this manner of speech, Gunther tried to
sound the part, and replied; “Yes. Really some turd.” Slattery
looked at him strangely, which Gunther didn’t notice as he was
eyeballing the photo of the sexy middle-aged blond, with a
crazy, large, psychedelic Star of David around her neck, bearing
most of the colors of the rainbow. He asked; “Jewish?”
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Slattery said; “Yeah, Protokowitz and Baumstein. She
pronounces it Bowm-stine, and hates it when someone says Bomb-
steen. You understand, I guess.”
Gunther cleared his throat, and said; “Now, about my fee.”
Slattery wrote a check.
Slattery silently left. Gunther thought he did pretty well
for a first effort. His self-evaluation was that after a weak
start segueing into an okay middle, he had a strong ending,
better than most of the mysteries he had read. He sat at his
computer and searched.
Owes money. Drug involvement. Divorce. Client possibly
lied. Family intruder................
**********************************************
Gunther didn’t find a clear course of action, so he decided
to make a perilous journey into the real world, hoping that it
would lead him in some direction, or at least narrow the
possibilities suggested by his Apple Mackintosh Series 7560
Upright or his Upright 7560 Series Mackintosh Apple, depending
on one’s viewpoint. One of Bernie’s listed hangouts was “Pete’s
Paraphernalia Pub” in downtown Plainsboro, which Gunther knew
well, at least from the outside, as he had passed it many times
on his way to the town superstore.
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He went into his mother’s former bedroom and found the
black fall he remembered in one of the closets, used a rubber
band to tie it into a ponytail, and attached it to the back of
his head. As he looked at himself in the mirror, he thought;
“Cool.” His suit now appeared out of place, so he changed into a
pair of blue jeans that he usually wore while gardening and a
Kid Rock tee-shirt.
He jumped into his 2012, four door, almost silver, Honda
Civic. After again admiring his new look in the rearview mirror,
he felt good and confidently headed out into the sultry summer
late afternoon, visualizing himself as Nicholas Cage playing
Sailor in “Wild at Heart.” He got into it, turned on the C/D
player and blasted Eminem rapping “Lose Yourself,” front windows
wide open. Nearing his destination, he saw three pedestrian
young women in tube tops, tight jeans, and high heels turn their
heads in his direction. He slowed down, lowered the volume,
waved and called out; “Later, girls. Got business.” As he again
picked up speed and volume, he looked in the rearview mirror and
saw the three look at each other, then his car, then back at
each other shaking their heads. Gunther didn’t take it as any
sort of rejection, and interpreted it as; “I don’t know him. Do
you?” He briefly considered driving around the block for a
second viewing, but decided against it, suddenly remembering
that he was Gunther Crapass, rather than Johnny Depp.
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His mind raced as he turned the corner; “Bad mindset. Got
to get rid of it quickly. I’m almost there. What went wrong?
................. Started to think of reality. Got to stay in
fantasy. Don’t know what I’m walking into. Could be dangerous.
Think drugs. Think money. Think bluff. Think big-tit Gladys
Baumstein. Think bad-ass Bernie ....... Protocowitz? Stop
thinking.”
He parked in the side lot of “Pete’s”, as far away from the
entrance as possible. It was still on the early side of
nightlife, he surmised, as there were only six other cars, and
no doubt a few belonged to employees, while the lot had an
approximate capacity of fifty or sixty. Either it was early, or
Bernie was one of the few to like the place.
He walked through the paved lot and saw no one hanging
around. He then focused on the building itself; one story,
brick, flat roof, few windows with shades drawn, and a plain
black and white wooden painted sign which said; “Pete’s
Paraphernalia Pub” enclosed by a crude drawing of a twisted
snake, with exaggerated fangs and tongue, eating its tail. He
pushed one of the heavy, black double doors open and entered the
darkness. The cooler air was his first observation, and the dim
lighting suited him well. With only the slightest degree of
trepidation, he would now execute his simple plan; to say little
Page 358
or nothing, and hope that someone would mistake him for Bernie
Protokowitz, and tell him something interesting.
He only saw one man who wore a sporty, light green vest
with black pinstripes, made of some shiny plastic composite,
complete with a “Pete’s” designation, in a red circle, on the
rear, with his back to Gunther, squatting and meticulously
putting away some glasses, behind the bar at the right of the
room. Gunther slowly sauntered over, watching the barman watch
him in the mirror that ran the length of it. He sat on one of
the twenty high stools, picking one near the center and the
squatting man, who now pretended not to notice him.
He spoke in a normal tone of voice, and said; “Hey.
Service, man.”
The squatting man slowly rose, with a threatening look on
his stone face. As he walked over to Gunther he did a double
take and his expression changed to a surprised smile, and the
man whose nametag indicated “Tony,” said; “Bernie?”
“Yeah, man. How ‘ya been Tony?”
“All right. Where the fuck you been?”
“Here, there and everywhere. You know.”
“Hey, man, I’m like fucking desperate. You holding?”
Gunther confirmed what he already was told; Bernie was a dealer.
Page 359
“No, man. That’s why I’m back here. It’s dry. Motherfuckers
keep intercepting the boats. Somebody’s got to be playing both
ends.”
“Ah, I hope they crucify the fuck. Well, what can I
getcha?”
“The usual shit.”
Tony mixed a double Dickel and soda, and placed it in front
of Gunther/Bernie.
A door to the back and side of the bar opened, and a vision
appeared. It was a fortyish blond woman wearing a pink tube top
and a red mini-dress. Gunther knew it had to be Gladys Baumstein
when he saw the psychedelic Star of David emerge from between
her breasts, dangling like a heavy bondage chain. Bernie saw her
eyes staring right at his pants, and that caused him to give her
a better view. He waved off Tony, and turned to the hot chick,
who slowly sauntered over with her head down, and took the seat
next to him at the bar. She said; “You ain’t Bernie. What game
you playin’?”
Gunther got up the nerve to put his hand on her well-
exposed left leg. When she made no objection he slowly slid it
to the apex, and felt the humidity increase. He removed his
hand, put it to his lips, and said; “Shh. It’s complicated. I’ll
let you in on it little by little, Gladys.”
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She smiled, licked her lips, carefully circling the
entirety of the red painted kisser and massaged his growing
interest.
After meeting the standard-mystery-story-ominous-people,
including a hermit, two hopeless drunks, a crooked cop on the
drug take, several would be bad asses, a penny ante drug dealer,
a blind paraplegic beggar who thinks she knows everything, one
legitimate bad ass, a double dealing information peddler, a
deranged addict, a rich freak who likes to see “real life,” a
snitch who doesn’t know his ass from his elbow, a thieving
lawyer, two lesbian teenage hookers, Slattery in drag, and one
boring “normal person” Gunther-Bernie wound up with Gladys and
all the money. They lived happily ever after; all thanks to his
mother’s fall.
Momentary End
Why?
‘Cause I naively felt like it a long time ago.
The Final End
Leibowitz Concludes
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**15**
The Lehi Duplication of “Banned’ Irgun
Leibowitz Concludes
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One Way; the kind courtesy of Pexels.com under their CC0 license; modified.
The following was a quiet day in Gig Harbor. There wasn’t
even a faint drizzle to pelt the closely congregated, evergreen,
compascent Balsam firs to disturb the silence. Mark had used
Dad’s money to go to Florida and Abigail still had a few days of
school remaining. Chloe warmed both her hands on her chipped
pink “KIND PEOPLE ARE MY KINDA PEOPLE” coffee cup and carelessly
looked out her thirty foot, living area windows.
Below her and at a vertigo inducing drop she saw the
repugnant “For Sale” sign in front, and for a second considered
Page 363
knocking it down and removing it, just for the crime of being a
corner smudge atrocity, in what it meant as well as poor
aesthetics, on her otherwise appealing screen. She rapidly
decided that it was much too much work, and being that she was
on a dead ended street it would only be seen by three other
families who already lived there and the garbage man. Chloe got
distracted away from the ineffective, provisional interloper by
the five randomly clustered gables of the similar Northwestern
styled house across the street. Her steeply inclined upper slope
location always provided a pleasant view while also always
costing her a guilty five dollars extra for the wheezing lawn
mower man.
She was glad that the builder didn’t make the fifteen year
old structure too much like that of her own. The Gluchan’s, a
male-female couple with a German Shepherd, had always preferred
keeping to themselves and the dog sometimes barked his
dissatisfaction when Chloe “invaded” his asphalt, liquified tar
patched territory which cars, vans, and trucks had imperiously
and previously and unassailably rendered semi-communal, to
retrieve the mail from the shared box five doors down. Her
standard cooing of “Pretty pup, no one wants to hurt you” had
yet to satisfy his need to register his opinion, which seemed a
chastisement, rather than a threat; that possibly a conclusion
Page 364
drawn because of his penchant to stay on his own property, in
fact remaining twenty feet back from the front edge.
It wasn’t only their reclusiveness which made Chloe think
the couple or trio an unusual one. It was also their ages, as
best that can be seen from a distance of 200 feet. He seemed to
be 30-45, as he had a full head of dark hair and looked as if he
was reasonably active in his garage. He spryly carried tools in
and out, turning the on-off keys to make the jolting bang of
frequent misfires. For one who supposedly didn’t want attention,
he had a way of getting it. Her hair had already passed from the
gray to the white of one of 60-70 years, and she walked slowly
taking small steps. The German Shepherd looked all of three and
acted it; like the age when human babies say “Mine” to most
everything. The dog only left home when she took it somewhere in
her car for a few hours.
The “odd” family made Chloe think of Isaac, away pursuing
career and historical mystery in perilous New York. She missed
him and sometimes worried that he’d get into some kind of
trouble from which he’d never return; especially when she needed
someone to change a burnt out bulb in the recessed lights way
over her head. Chloe had never told Isaac that she had read his
information sharing e-mails out of fear of prompting him to take
that as a cue to commence a soliloquy on Jewish history. She had
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 365
previously skimmed them; and decided to refresh her memory right
now; that is after she re-read one of his more playful notes.
She booted up, and soon arrived at:
To: Miriam Meltzer
From: Isaac Leibowitz
Subject: The Lehi Group
Lehi Lohamei Herut Israel – Lehi, "Fighters for the Freedom of
Israel – Lehi", often known pejoratively as the Stern Gang, was
a Zionist paramilitary organization founded by Avraham ("Yair")
Stern in Mandatory Palestine. Its avowed aim was to evict the
British authorities from Palestine by resort to force, allowing
unrestricted immigration of Jews and the formation of a Jewish state, a "new totalitarian Hebrew republic."
Page 366
It was initially called the National Military Organization in
Israel, upon being founded in August 1940, but was renamed Lehi
one month later. According to Jean E. Rosenfeld, the group
admitted to having used terrorist attacks, in an attempt to
scare the Palestinians out of “their” land. Lehi split from the
Irgun militant group in 1940 in order to continue fighting
against the British during World War II. Lehi sought an alliance
with Fascist Italy and Nazi Germany, offering to fight alongside
them against the British in return for the transfer of all Jews
from Nazi-occupied Europe to Palestine after the war.
Ostensibly believing that Nazi Germany was a lesser enemy of the
Jews than Britain, Lehi twice more attempted to form an alliance
with the Nazis, by this time if not the first, undoubtedly aware
of what the Nazis were doing to the European Jews. During World
War II, it declared that it would establish a Jewish state based
upon "nationalist and totalitarian principles."
After Stern's death in 1944, the new leadership of Lehi began to
move it towards support for Joseph Stalin's Soviet Union. In
that same year Lehi officially declared its support for National
Bolshevism, despite Russian ill-treatment of Jews in the Ukraine. It said that its National Bolshevism involved an
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 367
amalgamation of left wing and right wing political elements.
Stern had said that Lehi incorporated elements of both the left
and the right; however this change was unpopular and Lehi began
to lose popular support as a result.
Lehi and the Irgun were jointly responsible for the massacre in
previouslymentioned Deir Yassin.
1965 Egyptian (UAR) stamp commemorating the Deir Yassin massacre; modified public domain.
Lehi assassinated Lord Moyne, British Minister Resident in the
Middle East, and made many other attacks on the British and
Palestinians in Palestine. On May 29, 1948, the government of
Israel, having inducted its activist members into the Israel
Defense Forces, formally disbanded Lehi, though some of its
Page 368
members carried out more terrorist acts, including the
assassination of Folke Bernadotte some months later, an act
condemned by Bernadotte's replacement as mediator, Ralph Bunche.
After the assassination, the new Israeli government declared
Lehi a terrorist organization, arresting some 200 members and
convicting some of the leaders. However, just before the first
Israeli elections in January 1949, a general amnesty to Lehi
members was granted by the government. In 1980, Israel
instituted a military decoration, an "award for activity in the
struggle for the establishment of Israel," and named it the Lehi
Ribbon. Former Lehi leader Yitzhak Shamir became Prime Minister
of Israel in 1983.
Founding of Lehi
Lehi was created in August 1940 by Avraham Stern. Stern had been
a member of the Irgun high command. Ze’ev Jabotinsky, then the
Irgun's supreme commander, had decided that diplomacy and
working with Britain would best serve the Zionist cause. World
War II was in progress, and Britain was fighting Nazi Germany.
The Irgun suspended its underground military activities against
the British for the duration of the war.
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Stern argued that the time for Zionist diplomacy was over and
that it was time for armed struggle against the British. Like
other Zionists, he objected to the White Paper of 1939, which
restricted both Jewish immigration and Jewish land purchases in
Palestine. For Stern, "no difference exists between Hitler and
Chamberlain, between Dachau or Buchenwald and sealing the gates of Eretz (Many possible interpretations; one ‘Greater’ and
suggestive of expansion.) Israel." Stern wanted to open
Leibowitz Concludes
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Page 371
Palestine to all Jewish refugees from Europe, and considered
this as by far the most important issue of the day. Britain
would not allow this. Therefore, he concluded that he and Lehi
would do whatever they had to do.
Lehi had three main goals:
1) To bring together all those interested in liberation; that
is, those willing to join in active fighting against the
British.
2) To appear before the world as the only active Jewish military
organization.
3) To take over Eretz Yisrael (the Land of Israel) by armed force.
Lehi also openly and proudly referred to themselves as
'terrorists' and may have been one of the last organizations to
do so.
An article titled "Terror" in the Lehi underground newspaper “He
Khazit” (“The Front”) argued as follows; “Neither Jewish ethics
nor Jewish tradition can disqualify terrorism as a means of
combat. We are very far from having any moral qualms as far as
our national war goes. We have before us the command of the
Page 372
Torah, whose morality surpasses that of any other body of laws
in the world; ‘Ye shall blot them out to the last man.’
But first and foremost, terrorism is for us a part of the
political battle being conducted under the present
circumstances, and it has a great part to play; speaking in a
clear voice to the whole world, as well as to our wretched
brethren outside this land, it proclaims our war against the
occupier. We are particularly far from this sort of hesitation
in regard to an enemy whose moral perversion is admitted by
all.”
The article described the goals of terror;
1) It demonstrates courage against the true terrorist who hides
behind his piles of papers and the laws he has legislated.
2) It is not directed against people, it is directed against
representatives. Therefore it is effective.
3) If it also shakes the Yishuv (the Jewish community or
settlement in Palestine during the 19th century and until the
formation of the state of Israel in 1948) from their
complacency, good and well.
Yitzhak Shamir, one of the three leaders of Lehi after Avraham
Stern's assassination, argued for the legitimacy of Lehi's
actions; “There are those who say that to kill T.G. Martin (a
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CID (Christians in Defense of Israel) sergeant who had
recognized Shamir in a lineup) is terrorism, but to attack an
army camp is guerrilla warfare and to bomb civilians is
professional warfare. But I think it is the same from the moral
point of view. Is it better to drop an atomic bomb on a city
than to kill a handful of persons? I don’t think so. But nobody
says that President Truman was a terrorist. All the men we went
for individually; Wilkin, Martin, MacMichael and others were personally interested in succeeding in the fight against us.
So it was more efficient and more moral to go for selected
targets. In any case, it was the only way we could operate,
because we were so small. For us it was not a question of the
professional honor of a soldier, it was the question of an idea,
an aim that had to be achieved. We were aiming at a political
goal. There are many examples of what we did to be found in the
Bible; Gideon and Samson, for instance. This had an influence on
our thinking. And we also learned from the history of other
peoples who fought for their freedom; the Russian and Irish
revolutionaries, Giuseppe Garibaldi and Josip Broz Tito. ”
Relationship with fascism and socialism
Unlike the left wing Haganah and right wing Irgun, Lehi members
were not a homogeneous collective with a single political,
religious, or economic ideology. They were a combination of
Page 374
militants united by the goal of liberating the land of Israel
from British rule, and British and Palestinian occupation. Most
Lehi leaders defined their organization as an anti-imperialism
movement and stated that their opposition to British colonial
rule in Palestine was not based on a particular policy but
rather on the presence of a foreign power over the homeland of
the Jewish people. Avraham Stern defined the British Mandate as
"foreign rule" regardless of British policies and took a radical
position against such imperialism even if it were to be
benevolent.
Some writers have stated that Lehi's true goals were a land
steal and the creation of a totalitarian state. Perlinger and
Weinberg write that the organization's ideology placed "its
world view in the quasi-fascist radical right, which is
characterized by xenophobia, a national egotism that completely
subordinates the individual to the needs of the nation, anti-
liberalism, total denial of democracy and a highly centralized
government." Perliger and Weinberg state that most Lehi members
were admirers of the Italian Fascist movement.
Others counter these claims. They note that when Lehi founder
Avraham Stern went to study in fascist Italy, he refused to join
the Gruppo Universitario Fascista for foreign students, even
Leibowitz Concludes
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though members got large reductions in tuition, which is
unsubstantiated.
Evolution and tactics of the organization
Many Lehi combatants received professional training. They were
taught how to use explosives. One of them reported later; "We
have mastered mathematical principles of demolishing
constructions made of concrete, iron, wood, bricks and dirt."
The group was initially unsuccessful. Early attempts to raise
funds through criminal activities, including a bank robbery in
Tel Aviv in 1940 and another robbery on January 9, 1942 in which
Jewish passers-by were killed, brought about the temporary
public collapse of the group.
Page 376
Wanted Poster of the Palestine Police Force offering rewards for the capture of Stern Gang members: Jaacov Levstein (Eliav), Yitzhak
Yezernitzky (Shamir), and Natan Friedman; public domain.
Stern's group was seen as a terrorist organization by the
British authorities, who instructed the Defense Security Office,
the colonial branch of MI5, the United Kingdom's domestic
counter-intelligence and security agency, to track down its
leaders. In 1942, Stern, after he was arrested, was shot dead in
disputed circumstances by Inspector Geoffrey J. Morton of the CID. The arrest of several other members led momentarily to the
group's eclipse, until it was revived after the September 1942
escape of two of its leaders, Yitzhak Shamir and Eliyahu Giladi.
Giladi was later killed by Lehi under circumstances that remain
mysterious.
Lehi was responsible for 42 assassinations, more than twice as
many as the Irgun and Haganah combined during the same period.
Of those Lehi assassinations, more than half the victims were
Jews. Lehi also rejected the authority of the Jewish Agency for
Israel, best known as the primary organization fostering the
immigration and absorption of Jews and their families from the
Jewish diaspora into Israel, and related organizations,
operating entirely on its own throughout nearly all of its
existence.
Page 377
Wartime contacts with Italy and Germany
Stern became convinced that the Italians were interested in the
establishment of a fascist Jewish state in Palestine. What
prompted this seemingly irrational thought remains a mystery. He
conducted negotiations via an intermediary, and drew up a
document that became known as the "Jerusalem Agreement." In
exchange for Italy's recognition of, and aid in obtaining,
Jewish sovereignty over Palestine, Stern promised that Zionism
would come under the aegis of Italian fascism, with Haifa as its
base, and the Old City of Jerusalem was to be under Vatican
control, except for the Jewish quarter. Critics said that
Stern’s proposal would "turn the 'Kingdom of Israel' into a
satellite of the Axis powers."
However, the "intermediary," was in fact an agent of the Irgun,
conducting a sting operation under the direction of the Irgun
intelligence leader in Haifa in cooperation with the British.
One thing obvious here is that alliances are not as they would
seem. Secret British documents about the affair were uncovered
and confirmed by a former Irgun intelligence officer. Lehi’s
intention to assassinate the “intermediary” proved unsuccessful,
but they did liquidate the Irgun intelligence leader.
Page 378
Lehi, presumably having identified a common interest between the
intentions of the new German order and Jewish national
aspirations, proposed forming an alliance in World War II with
Nazi Germany. It offered assistance in transferring the Jews of
Europe to Palestine, in return for Germany's help in expelling
Britain from Mandatory Palestine. Lehi said that it had not yet
revealed its full power and that they were capable of organizing
a whole range of anti-British operations.
The organization offered cooperation on the following terms.
Lehi would support sabotage and espionage operations in the
Middle East and in Eastern Europe; anywhere where they had
cells. Germany would recognize an independent Jewish state in
Palestine/Eretz Israel, and all Jews leaving their homes in
Europe, by their own will or because of government injunctions,
could enter Palestine with no restriction of numbers.
Stern also proposed recruiting some 40,000 Jews from occupied
Europe to invade Palestine and with German support to oust the
British and Palestinians. The secret offer was delivered to the
German Ambassador in Turkey and on January 21, 1941 it was sent
to Berlin. There was never any known official response. A second
attempt to contact the Nazis was made at the end of 1941, but it
Page 379
was thwarted when the emissary was arrested in Syria before he
could carry out his mission.
This proposed alliance with Nazi Germany cost Lehi and Stern
some support. The Stern Gang also had links with, and support
from, the Vichy France Sûreté's, the French police department of criminal investigation, Lebanese offices.
Later history
Lehi relied on audacious but small scale operations to bring
their message home. They adopted the tactics of groups such as
the Socialist Revolutionaries and the Combat Organization of the
Polish Socialist Party in Czarist Russia, and the Irish
Republican Army. Actions such as individual assassinations of
British officials; notable targets included Lord Moyne, CID
detectives, and Jewish "collaborators"; and random shootings
against soldiers, Palestinians, and police officers. Another
strategy, adopted in 1946, was to send bombs in the mail to
British politicians. Other actions included sabotaging
infrastructure targets; bridges, railroads, telephone and
telegraph lines, and oil refineries, as well as the use of
vehicle bombs against British and Palestinian military, police,
and administrative targets. Lehi financed its operations from
private donations, extortion, and bank robbery. Its campaign of
Page 380
violence lasted from 1944 to 1948. Initially conducted together
with the Irgun, (Please note this was after their Irgun
conflict.) it included a six month suspension to avoid being
targeted by the Haganah (“The Defense” is or was a Jewish
paramilitary organization in the British Mandate of Palestine,
which became the core of the Israel Defense Forces (IDF).)
during the Hunting Season, (the name given to the Haganah's suppression of the Irgun's insurgency against the government of
the British Mandate in Palestine, from November 1944 to February
1945) and later operated jointly with the Haganah and Irgun
under the Jewish Resistance Movement (Literally Hebrew Rebellion Movement), also called United Resistance Movement (URM), was an
alliance of the Zionist paramilitary organizations Haganah,
Irgun and Lehi in the British Mandate of Palestine). After the
Jewish Resistance Movement was dissolved, it operated
independently as part of the general Jewish insurgency in
Palestine. Not all Lehi alumni gave up political violence after Israeli independence. Former members were involved in the
activities of the Kingdom of Israel militant group, the 1957
assassination of Rudolf Kastner, and likely the 1952 attempted
assassination of David-Zvi Pinkas.
The Lehi ribbon
Page 381
In 1980, Israel instituted the Lehi ribbon; red, black, grey,
pale blue and white, which is awarded to former members of the
Lehi underground who wished to carry it, "for military service
towards the establishment of the State of Israel."
A number of Lehi's members went on to play important roles in
Israel's public life.
1) Shaltiel Ben-Yair – Bomber.
2) Eliyahu Bet-Zuri – Haganah, Irgun, Lehi. Part of the Lord Moyne killing.
3) Geula Cohen - announcer of the Lehi underground radio station and member of the Knesset.
4) Israel Eldad - leader in the Israeli national camp.
5) Boaz Evron - left-wing journalist.
6) Maxim Ghilan - Israeli journalist, author and peace activist.
7) Eliyahu Giladi - executed in 1943 by his Lehi comrades after
he entered into strong disagreements with Yitzhak Shamir and other members of the Lehi movement about how Lehi should act;
was considered too extremist, because he called for the killing
of innocent Jewish civilians and selected Zionist leaders.
8) Uri Zvi Greenberg - Israeli poet and journalist.
9) Eliyahu Hakim – trigger-man in the assassination of Lord Moyne.
10) Amos Kenan – Bomber and writer.
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 382
11) Baruch Korff - Orthodox rabbi.
12) Yitzhak Shamir - Israeli prime minister 1983–1984 and 1986–
1992.
13) Avraham Stern – founder. Also part of Irgun and the Stern Gang.
14) Shimon Tzabar - Yiddish-language playwright.
15) Natan Yellin-Mor - member of the Knesset 1949–1951, leftist advocate of peace with Arabs.
Exit; the kind courtesy of Pexels.com under their CC0 license; modified.
Like most, Chloe was disgusted by the tactics employed, but
also wondered how these activities might have led to those of
recent times; the Arabs now popularly considered the crazed
terrorists. Still, to make more of this than is there seemed the
stuff of a fictitious alternative history book. Intrigued by
what was more interesting to her than what was available from
TV, the net, and Murakami, she read on.
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 383
Herut- Begin and Shamir Again
Herut leaders Greenberg, Naor, and Begin at the first Knesset meeting in Jerusalem; public
domain.
Herut (Freedom) was the major right wing nationalist political
party in Israel from 1948 until its formal merger into Likud in
1988. It was an adherent of Revisionist Zionism and was
initially known in part for its militia actions.
Herut was founded by Menachem Begin on June 15, 1948
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 384
Page 385
as a successor to the Revisionist Irgun, a militant paramilitary
group in Mandate Palestine. The new party was a challenge to the
Hatzohar party established by Ze'ev Jabotinsky. It took credit
for driving the British government out and as a young movement, reflected the spirit of the nation’s well-placed minority. It
perceived its image as being more attractive than the old
establishment. They hoped to win 25 seats, which would place
them second and make them leader of the opposition, with
potential for future gain of government power.
Objection to withdrawal of the Israel Defense Forces and negotiations with Arab states was the party's main platform in
the first election. The party vigorously opposed the ceasefire
agreements with the Arab states until the annexation of Gaza
Strip and the West Bank, both before and after the election.
Herut differentiated itself by refusing to recognize the
legitimacy of the Kingdom of Jordan after the armistice, and
frequently used the slogan "To the banks of the Jordan River" in
claiming Israel's right to the whole of Eretz Israel/Palestine.
According to Joseph Heller, Herut was a one-issue party intent on expanding Israel's borders.
Herut's socio-economic platform represented a clear shift to the
private right, but also demanded worker rights and that "all
Page 386
public utility works and basic industries must be nationalized."
The lack of consistency on these issues were suggestive of a
position designed not to offend either side in order to be
allowed to pursue their main objective; expansion of the State
of Israel. Herut was from the outset inclined to sympathize with
the radical right and to their chagrin, according to Hannah
Torok Yablonka, "tended to serve as a lodestone for society's
misfits." Herut won 14 seats with 11.5 per cent of the votes,
making it the fourth-largest party in the Knesset. Hatzohar, on
the other hand, failed to cross the electoral threshold of 1 per cent and disbanded shortly thereafter. Herut was renowned for
its right wing views and militia actions, and considered to be
outside the mainstream.
The party and its leader, Begin, had met fierce resistance from
the Labor Zionist establishment in Israel and abroad for many
years. They were criticized by Jewish intellectuals on the
occasion of Begin's visit to New York City in an open letter to
The New York Times on December 4, 1948. The letter condemned Herut as "akin to Nazi and Fascist parties" and as a "terrorist
party." It was signed by over twenty prominent Jewish
intellectuals, including Albert Einstein, Hannah Arendt, Zellig
Page 387
“Among the most disturbing political phenomena of our times is
the emergence in the newly created state of Israel is that of
the ‘Freedom Party’ (Herut), a political party closely akin in
its organization, methods, political philosophy and social
appeal to the Nazi and Fascist parties. It was formed out of the
membership and following of the former Irgun Zvai Leumi, a
terrorist, right wing, chauvinist organization in Palestine. It
is inconceivable that those who oppose fascism throughout the
world, if correctly informed as to Mr. Begin's political record
and perspectives, could add their names and support to the
movement he represents. Today they speak of freedom, democracy
and anti-imperialism, whereas until recently they openly
preached the doctrine of the Fascist state. It is in its actions
that the terrorist party betrays its real character; from its
past actions we can judge what it may be expected to do in the
future.”
The hostility between Begin and Israel's first Prime Minister,
the Mapai ("Workers' Party of the Land of Israel" was a center-
left political party, and the dominant force in Israeli politics
until its merger into the modern day Israeli Labor Party in
1968.) leader, David Ben-Gurion, which had begun over the
Altalena Affair was evident in the Knesset. Ben-Gurion coined
the phrase "without Herut and Maki" (Maki was the Communist
Page 388
Party of Israel), a reference to his position that he would
include any party in his coalition, except those two. Herut was
approached at least three times (1952, 1955 and 1961) by Mapai
for government negotiations but Begin turned down the offers
each time. The ostracism was not only self-imposed, but also
expressed itself in the Prime Minister's refusal to refer to
Begin by name from the Knesset podium, using instead the phrase
"the person who sits next to MK Badar," and boycotting his
Knesset speeches when pre-announced.
Ben-Gurion's policy of ostracizing Revisionism was performed
systematically, as seen in the legal exclusion of fallen Irgun
and Lehi fighters from public commemoration and from benefits to their families. Herut members were excluded from the highest
bureaucratic and military positions.
In the municipal elections of 1950 Herut lost voters to the
centrist General Zionists, who also attracted disillusioned
voters from Mapai and established themselves as a tough
opposition rival. At the second national convention, Begin was
challenged by more radical elements of his party. In March 1951
Herut lost two of its Knesset seats. Referring to previous
written commitments, the party sought to revoke their Knesset
Page 389
membership but the issue was still not settled by the next
election three months later.
Mapai had taken some Herut members, a possible reaction to
advancing irrelevance, and not least by declaring Jerusalem as
Israel's capital. In the 1951 elections Herut won eight seats, six less than previously. Begin resigned as leader.
As a young party without institutions paralleling those of
Mapai, who were predominant in most areas of social life, Herut
was at a serious disadvantage. Its leaders were politically
inexperienced and clung to the principle of not being
representatives of the entire nation and accepting financial
support from any interest groups.
The Reparations Agreement between Israel and West Germany of 1952 brought Begin back into politics. The exceptionally
contentious issues centered on whether the acceptance of payment
was considered forgiveness, the amount, and it’s necessity to
sustain a faltering Israeli economy. It gave Herut new momentum
and it proved an effective weapon against the General Zionists.
The Reparations Agreement awoke strong sentiments in the nation
and Begin encouraged civil disobedience during the debate on the
affair. The largest demonstrations gathered 15,000 people, and
Page 390
Herut reached far beyond its own constituency. The party let the
issue fade from the agenda only after having wrested a maximum
of political capital from it.
The third national convention included a fierce debate about
democracy and legitimate political actions, Begin taking the
popular stance that it should be decided at the ballot box. The
convention gave Begin important legitimacy by sending a message
to the public that the party was law abiding and democratic. At
the same time, it secured the support of the hardliners who
would not compromise on its principles.
Economic and fiscal policies were given greater emphasis, and
the party attacked the Histadrut for its dual role as employer and trade union. The Histadrut, which Ben-Gurion was integral in
founding in 1920, became one of the most powerful institutions
in the state of Israel, a mainstay of the Labour Zionist
movement and, aside from being a trade union, its state building
role made it the owner of a number of businesses and factories
and, for a time, the largest employer in the country. Herut
proposed to outlaw such concentration of power and also abolish
party control of agricultural settlements. In the 1955 election
the party nearly doubled its seats to 15 and became the second
Page 391
largest party in the Knesset behind Mapai; among other reasons,
attributed to disillusionment with the economic situation.
The Kastner trial essentially was a hotly disputed charge of
collaborating with the Nazis in Hungary during the Holocaust,
against a current Israel resident, who had been instrumental in
founding an organization which helped some Hungarian Jews
escape. An attorney and former Irgun member turned the case into
one that examined the actions of the governing Zionist Mapai
party during the Holocaust, and what had been done to help
Europe's Jews. This also played into Herut's hands, when,
together with Maki, they helped bring down Moshe Sharett's
government in 1954 through a motion of no confidence over the government's position in the trial. Herut added another Knesset
Though it wasn’t a straight downhill trajectory, that was
Herut’s peak; some attributing that to the public not feeling
the same degree of dread, lessening the impact of Herut's
activist message, and Ben-Gurion’s favorable handling of a few
difficult situations. However, there was no decline in Knesset
representation, helped by affiliations and changing events. One
might call it stagnation for the party, while Menachem Begin
personally kept increasing his popularity.
Page 392
Under Ben-Gurion, public commemoration of fallen Irgun and Lehi
militants was strictly refused. Under Levi Eskhol, however, they
began to be rehabilitated, indicating a more equal status for
Revisionism, Herut, and Begin. Over time the public perception
of both Herut and its leader had changed. Despite the ostracism
imposed by Prime Minister Ben–Gurion, Begin had remained the
main opposition figure, against the dominant politicians of the
left, particularly in debates. Ben–Gurion's hostility became
ever more savage. He eventually started to liken Begin to
Hitler; an attitude that backfired, making Begin stand out as a
victim.
In the 1977 elections, Herut, now as a part of the Likud,
finally reached power and Menachem Begin rose to Prime Minister
In September 1973 Gahal merged with the Free Centre, the
National List and the non-parliamentary Movement for Greater
Israel to create Likud, with all parties retaining their
independence within the union. Within Likud, Herut was the
dominant party. In the 1973 elections, Likud capitalized on the government’s neglect in the Yom Kippur War and gained seven seats, totaling 39 of the 120.
Page 393
In the following years, Likud sharply criticized the
Government’s accords with Egypt and Syria. Stormy demonstrations
were organized. In the 1977 elections, Likud emerged victorious
with 43 mandates, the first time the right had won an election.
Begin became Prime Minister, retaining his post in the 1981
elections. In 1983 he stood down, and former Lehi leader,
Yitzhak Shamir took over as Herut (and therefore Likud) party leader and Prime Minister. The party was finally disbanded in
1988 when Likud dissolved its internal factions to become a
unitary party.
You can easily see how the same names keep popping up in
prominent places. When one organization is discredited, before
being later extolled, they simply move to a new one, bringing
their philosophies of terrorism, violence, and their “right” to
land belonging to others with them. Each time they reach a
larger audience. It’s predictable that they would, as every time
they spin an action into being the product of the “evil” other
side, the people are less interested in hearing theories, and
lend increasing support to those who claim to want to protect
them and use the people to take action on “their” behalf;
“their” actually a perverse joke, in its alternate and true
interpretation of the few who rule. False flag operations are
Page 394
never considered as such until decades pass, and even then are a
matter of unprovable speculation.
In the realpolitik of today’s State of Israel, the Likud
party, which essentially absorbed the Irgun, Lehi, and Herut
“principles” of a religiously promised homeland, and then
performed a “succesful” one-eighty through the conversion of
that principle into a secularly based rationalism ratified by
the UN, thereby correctly yet a-tad-too-boisterously saying; “We
are here by UN mandate and we are not leaving. Deal only with
that.” Likud took full state control in 1977 and have kept it
since.
Now, they are playing a similar game in the Ukraine, while world
class super-powers are also involved, most of the world rightly
or wrongly seeing Israel as an extension of the US, primarily
because they have acquired the best of US military equipment,
and that anyone seeking national election must do without the
Jewish vote if appearing anti-Israel. The outcome of this can be
disastrous, much like an untreated infection can spread and
become gangrenous, leaving no option but amputation. And if this
radical procedure becomes a fact, it will be the innocent,
peaceful Jews of the Bible who will be amputated, for the
benefit of the Khazarian, dare I say false-Jew rulers, who will
again use the sheep to become a world sympathetic presence, this
Page 395
time in the Ukraine, the result of the horrible sacrifice, which
they coldly and calculatingly perpetrate upon others, who the
world mistakenly sees as the same, in order to reap the rewards
for themselves.
While many “experts” have studied individual aspects of this
situation, increasing the confusion and the number of words
devoted to the subject, there are those who agree, or
substantially agree with this view. It is far from the ramblings
of one deranged person. There are 5,000 Jerusalem based Jews who
call themselves the Neturei Karta, and an uncounted number in
Williamsburg, Brooklyn on precisely the same page. Frankly, when
this was started, it was expected to break new ground; but now,
after more research has been done, if it is seen that way, it
will only be because Neturei Karta has effectively been
marginalized by the false Jews. Further, since this arisesas an
avocation, outside of loved family and a few close friends, any
other negative opinion matters as much as the opinion of a
former employer, who no longer pays me.
Original Sabras, those in control of Israel and more, possibly
direct Khazar descendents, don’t even look or act like the pale
skinned people of the Old Testament. However, here is further
confusion, as over time the Khazarian Jews have inter-married
Page 396
with the True Jews, resulting in “Sabras” increasingly
representative of Israel’s population. The definition and
history of the word “sabra” follows. Please note the lack of
consistency provided by another changing definition.
A Sabra is still defined as a Jew born on Israeli territory, whether or not that territory was recognized as part of Israel
at their time of poorly documented birth. The term first
appeared in the 1930s to refer to a Jew who had been born in the
land of Israel, inclusive of the British Mandate of Palestine
and Ottoman Palestine. Since the establishment of the State of
Israel in 1948, Israelis have used the word to refer to a Jewish
person born anywhere in Israel. The term also alludes to a
tenacious, thorny desert plant, known in English as prickly
pear, with a thick skin that conceals a sweet, softer interior.
The cactus is compared to Israeli Jews, who are supposedly tough
on the outside, but delicate and sweet on the inside. In 2010,
over 4,000,000 Israeli Jews were sabras, with an ever increasing
percentage of Israeli Jewish youths falling into this category.
In 2015, about 75% of Israel's Jewish population was native-
born.
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 397
Prickly pear cactus in bloom; the kind courtesy of Pexels.com under their CC0 license.
You see, Rachel, my love, no matter how you slice it; one
way being that I have jumped to conclusions not warranted by the
paltry state of available information, the actions of the
Khazar-Irgun-Lehi-Herut-Likud continuation consistently points
in one direction. The odds against that happening are 32 to 1.
So, at what point does a child learn not to put its hand in the
fire? Overwhelmingly, after the first painful experience. But,
here the actions and affiliations are decided by adults, who
apparently put weight in the possibility that in their next
hand-fire experience, they might be in the other part of the
multiverse where the fire doesn’t hurt or blacken and kill
flesh.
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 398
Page 399
So, what is there to understand one deftly asks? At its
essence, it’s just another short story, made overly long by
managed changes in word meanings. Well, that’s an easy one to
answer. The relevance of this short story is beholden to its
1938 screwball comedy, co-predecessor and simultaneously
released; “Bringing Up Baby.” Hepburn and Grant starred while
Hawks directed the story centered on the domestication of a
gentle, sweet tiger who managed to scare everyone except
Katharine, Cary, and Howard. For the David Foster Wallace 1996
counterpoint, one might make note of the sabre (Change one
letter. Ease are equal to a’s, and in the Palestinian
pronunciation is the equivalent of a US haze.) toothed tiger. He
knows that the best way to win is to get your enemies to fight
each other. He also knows that a competent investigator will
pursue an avenue which starts and often ends with; “Who received
the most benefit from the conflict?” All fingers will lead to
him, so he has a diversionary plan. This is the weakest part of
his chain, but it’s not too easily detected. He knows that
people think of “tigers” without making the differentiation
between types of tigers. He facilitates a situation in which
tigers are slaughtered, thereby eliminating the possibility that
people will think in terms of 100% “tiger benefit,” as they
simultaneously ignore the 100% benefit for the sabres’ sub-
section. Because of the slaughter, it has become socially
Page 400
unacceptable, and in more significance, criminally punishable
“hate speech” to try to address this possibility and most people
feel sorry for the sacrificed tigers anyway. In addition the
sabres have been scientifically deemed as long ago extinct;
though there have been reported sightings ............ Some of
the non-sabre tigers have an idea of what’s going on, but are
reticent to say it as to do so invokes the strong possibility
that even if they are believed, the response will be against all
tigers. ......... Pretty good game. No? And even the scientists
say that the sabre toothed tiger is genetically not a true
tiger. He’s a cat with some similarities to a dog; but he
definitely ain’t no tiger. Nowhumsayin? All right. The
utilization of false identities was not simultaneous with web
based sock puppets. The primary and inherent sabre problem is
that they always have been and continue to be something other
than the sharpest pencil in the box. They are good IT
specialists; but they’re primarily warriors, and very good ones;
both males and females; most adept at following orders. For a
business plan, they have employed other types of tigers, the
best talent purchasable, to further their cause. But one named
Grateful Jack Straw has been operating under the name Beckett.
He was the despondent advisor who was once the closest to the
King Sabre. The King thought him a buddy and liked hanging out
with Jack-Beckett. But, Jack-Beckett got some kind of bug up his
Page 401
ass and split. So now the Sabres are using every methodology
known to Sabres, including IT, in an attempt to find reclusive
Jack-Beckett before he can spill the beans; while the King
reverts to his expanded heritage and cries crocodile tears,
seeking the popularity of a revealed sad-ass story, which is
actually founded through a well-deserved defection. The further
fact is that Jack-Beckett has already spilled the said beans,
though it is not yet common knowledge. The King’s new advisor
has suggested that this is the likely case. So, Mr. Sabre needs
to create another horrendous physical event to take minds off a
theory which is merely suggestive. Nuclear facilities distanced
from Sabre territory seem a good option.
Why get serious. All it produces is a whopping headache.
Let the music play. Here’s Dylan at his chirpiest singing
“Highway 61 Revisited.” .......... Shit. Does anybody here know
how these MP3 monstrosities work? It keeps repeating the first
seven lines over and over. All right already. The kid is soon
dead. Who cares? I trust you have ten nimble fingers.
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 402
Page 403
**16**
Lions at the Laundromat
Isaac was in a laundromat. A typical laundromat, it had
about forty washers and dryers against the walls and more on
both sides of the aisle at the center. An untypical laundromat,
it also had small items for sale and a cash register, devoid of
attendant. There was a shifty looking, grayish man ambling