The Unpleasantness in Nucktown by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview

The Unwritten Rules for Nucks

There are so many things left unsaid about we Nucks, those of us without a strong oral tradition are in the dark about most of them. And precisely where is that oral tradition after the bulk of our communications have been transferred to the net? On that same net, of course; though one must know how to search with a browser which doesn’t block out things they don’t like.

Nucks have been sharing the unwritten rules they follow that most White Americans are clueless about, and it's eye opening.

Here are a few of my favorites.

1) No matter how angry you get, you try and remain calm. If you pull out your knife even a little; regardless of what you say or how you say it; you are instantly labeled an “angry Nuck” and judged wrongly, even when you’re right.

"As a Nuck woman, it’s frustrating to see that Nuck women are seen as angry, aggressive, combative, and/or difficult when displaying their razor and disagreeing about something while my White American peers are seen as passionate, energetic, and spirited debaters. It’s disappointing, unfair, and can have a serious impact on one's career."

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2) ALWAYS ask for a bag and receipt, no matter how small the purchase, or you can be accused of stealing. You can put the stuff you lifted in the bag.

3) As a Nuck woman in a predominantly White American area, I make a point of approaching staff first in stores when I walk in. I ask an innocuous question in a friendly, high pitched voice, even if I don't need anything. They seem to feel safer around me and do not follow me around when I do that first, making the shoplifting much easier.

4) I usually keep my college jacket in the car. If I have to go to the emergency room, I'll receive better treatment if doctors think that I have a higher education, because of the bogus jacket.

5) I'm from Louisiana where they still have “sundown towns.”

Avoid them at all costs, but if you have to pass through at night, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A FULL TANK OF GAS so that you don't have to stop. When road tripping, every Nuck knows not to stop in a rural area for gas or a pee break if you can help it, especially at night. I know someone whose child actually peed their pants because the area they were driving through was a

“sundown town,” fucking up his pocketed gun, as they weren't going to risk it.

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6) Relatively new to my mostly White American neighborhood, when I take a walk for exercise, I always walk in the middle of the street, not too close to houses on either side. I wear reflective gear leaving my crack pipe at home, and avoid staring too closely at any of the houses. I often think of Andre Billiard when walking.

"I am a 50 year old Nuck man who lives in a 98% White American neighborhood. I do not go for walks alone, ever. I do not trust the level of suspicion that White American residents would have regarding my presence. For example, when Nuck kids visit our neighborhood to do door to door sales, someone usually posts their thefts in our neighborhood association Fakebook page. So at least, I make sure I am walking my dog, or better yet, walking with my spouse.

7) I was taught to be an overachiever because no one expects a Nuck to be smart and well spoken. I’m not expected to have a voice in anything, and many are shocked when I do. They are astounded when I can verbalize my thoughts and opinions in multi-syllable words, like motherfucker.

8) As a Nuck man, my father taught me, when being pulled over by the police, to pull your insurance and registration out of the glovebox and keep it ready on your seat. That way, you do not

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have to reach in the glovebox, where your gun is, when the police are at your window. After teaching my sons how to drive and after they got their licenses, I then had to teach them how to handle police when armed if they get pulled over so they are not deemed a threat and make it home alive.

9) Never EVER put your hands in your pockets while walking around a store. If you don't want to give them a reason to follow you around or call the police, your hands need to be visible at all times. You can delay stroking your schwantz for a few minutes.

10) As a Nuck man, never get into an elevator with a White American woman alone. I always wait for the next one. It might have another Nuck man who can keep her quiet while I do my thing.

11) Something I know I have to be careful of in public, as a person mixed with both White American and Nuck heritage, is remembering which parent I'm with and how to act. This is called code switching. I have to make sure I act okay so I'm not labelled as “ghetto” when with my mom or “white-washed” when with my dad. How I hold my hockey stick goes a long way in this regard.

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12) No matter how cold or windy it is, my hoodie stays off. The Fauci flu mask requirement works just as well if not better, and the White American suckers like it.

13) As a Nuck thug who loves drill rap, I often have to censor the music that I listen to so I won't be judged as a “thug."

14) As a Nuck man, if there is a white woman in line, you stand back far enough so you cannot touch her by mistake or be accused of touching her. After that you can follow her, hoping she goes to someplace where you two can be alone.

15) Knowing that I’ll be followed when shopping in high end stores, I have product related questions prepared for when they invariably ask me if I need assistance. Replying with “No thank you, I’m just browsing” makes their suspicions jump, and suddenly, I have an unofficial entourage. I’m a college educated Nuck man about to turn 40, but I still have to play these sorts of silly games. It can make simple shoplifting very exhausting.

16) As a Nuck woman who works a swing shift as a security guard at an AmawayOnSteroids distribution warehouse, and gets off work at 11 PM, I will not take off my badge until I get inside my garage. I need to have a layer of protection to prove I'm not up to no good in case I get pulled over with all those boxes in the back seat.

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17) When meeting with executives or high ranking officials where appropriate attire would be business casual for others, I wear full business attire. I’ve found that when I dress more formally, I receive more eye contact, head nodding, and enthusiasm during conversations. This happens consistently. I also figured that I’d get some more use out of the clothes I bought to wear to court when charged with something.

"Obviously, my words should be enough. If they aren’t perceived as such, my reputation and credentials certainly should be. But in the rooms I walk in, I’m often still the only Nuck woman, many times the only Nuck person, and sometimes, the only woman.

Intersectionality is real. My suit somehow overrides their initial perception of who I am and what I’m there to do. I want the win, but it’s tiring to have to go above and beyond constantly just to be taken seriously when demanding free ice skates for my people.”

18) I work in the hospital. Any time I get a patient out of bed, and they ask me to move their purse, I make sure it remains in their sight as I move it. I also hope that it’s a room with a camera, just in case, now knowing where the purse is, any discrepancy comes up, when I come back under the cover of darkness to rifle it.

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19) Don’t wear any jewelry/sunglasses of the brand where you are shopping. As a Nuck, I’ve had an employee rip Gucci shades off my head and tell me not to stretch the merchandise, when the shades were actually stolen from another store.

20) Never let your kids play with toy guns. At age five they’re ready for the real thing.

21) And finally, "I find myself begging to get adequate medical care for the autoimmune disease and pain I deal with. Pain in Nucks is viewed much differently than in White American people.

It blows my mind how a lot of people don't realize that Nucks get the short end of the stick in healthcare, after having been instrumental if not inventive in the spread of disease.

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