3.
They didn’t talk again. Over the gossip magazines Dee soon found out that Rachel had asked for the divorce not long after they had met. A lot of speculations were made but no one had ever found out the real story.
There were rumors about cheating after all he had done it before but no proof was ever found. Rachel had held her breath every time she heard some new theory wondering how long it would take until that humiliating footage finally come public, but it never did. Every once in a while Rachel would go back to that day remembering how it all had happened and how she didn’t believe that girl was being genuine. She’d read Dee’s note over and over again. She kept it in her wallet ever since.
She later found out that the girl was a writer. A widely known writer actually. According to what Rachel had read she couldn’t been older than 17 at the time they had met. Rachel remembered thinking she looked young, but considering the way she had handled the whole situation she never thought she could be that young. She regretted the way she treated her. She thought about contacting her again a few times but she knew looking at her would bring some painful memories back and she didn’t think it was worth it.
It wasn’t until two years later that they met again.
Dee had got a call from one of her friends from the USA. The woman was set to guest star on that same TV show but she was very insure about it so she had begged Dee to go along with her. Dee tried to sneak out of it but the woman was really persistent and she eventually gave in.
So there she was two years later on the same studio set. She got in with Nicole and met the rest of the cast and crew members. No-one seemed to remember her. Holly was not on the show anymore and she had never really talked to any of the other guys, so that was good. Nicole introduced her to everybody, they chatted for a while until she heard a familiar voice:
“Do we have visitors today?” – she asked in a bubbly voice.
“Come and meet my friend” - Nicole told her.
Dee turned around and Rachel’s face turned pale. It looked like she had seen a ghost. All the others noticed too.
“What happened, Rachel?” “Are you feeling alright?”
“Yes, I just… I’m fine” – she mumbled barely looking at Dee.
Dee could see she was upset with the situation and decided to take over.
“Hello I’m Dee” – she said, acting like they had never met – “I’m Nicole’s friend. I just came to give her some moral support”
– then leaning over to greet, between the two kisses she whispered - “Don’t worry, no bad news today.”
“Hey, slow down! What exactly happened?” – Dee said speaking over the phone. She had run to the patio to take Inês’ call who was hysterical. Something about some girls at school, a group work and schedules that Dee wasn’t quite able to understand – “You’re going to have to talk to them” – she said.
Rachel was sitting right around the corner from her hoping she wouldn’t notice her. That tiny patio had been the only place she had found where she could be alone in the craziness of the studio set. She would go there everytime she needed to vent, calm down or simply have a moment to herself. This time she had gone there just to cry. She watched Dee out of the corner of her eye.
“I know it’s not fair, honey, but it is what it is, we can’t only work with people we like, I’m sorry.” – Dee tried to settle her down – “If there was something I could do for you I would but… I think you really have to work this out on your own.” – she told her encouraging her and finally convincing her – “Bye honey, I love you too.”
Watching her hang up the phone Rachel instantly removed herself, she didn’t want anybody to see her like that. She almost made it unnoticed but when Dee was about to leave her cellphone rang. She turned it off right away but it was enough to get Dee’s attention who approached her.
“Hi there” – she greeted her.
“Oh hi!” – Rachel replied – “Any problems?” – she asked, referring to the conversation Dee was having on the phone – “Sorry, I couldn’t help but hear it…”
“Teenage dilemmas” – Dee said lightly – “nothing that a good conversation can’t resolve.”
Rachel smiled wishing the same could be said about adult life.
“Is everything okay?” – Dee asked noticing her misty red eyes.
“Yes, everything is great” – Rachel lied.
“Are you sure, because you really look like you’ve been crying” – she insisted worried.
“Oh, you wouldn’t guess but this job is very emotional sometimes” – Rachel continued to lie, faking a smile.
“I imagine” – Dee said, pretending to believe her. Rachel was obviously not okay, but she had no relationship with the woman so she didn’t insist – “Okay then, I’m going inside, are you coming?”
“I think I need a minute” – Rachel said.
Dee smiled back and walked away. She was already inside the building when she turned back. She went back to the patio where she found Rachel resting her chin on her knees, looking to the infinite. A couple tears fell from her eyes, she was so lost in her mind that she didn’t even notice Dee was there.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do it” – Dee told her.
“What?” – Rachel asked startled, drying off her cheeks.
“I walked out on you while you were crying once… And I regret it everyday” – she said – “I can’t make the same mistake twice” – she added.
“I appreciate your concerns” – Rachel said – “but I’m okay. Really, there’s nothing you can do for me” – she said seeing the disbelief look Dee was giving her.
“Look, I know that you probably hate me” – Rachel tried to deny it, but Dee didn’t let her – “I don’t blame you” – she said – “and I know you have no reason to trust me, so I don’t expect you to tell me what’s going on” – she continued approaching the cement structure where Rachel was sitting – “but you don’t have to be a genius to see that you’re not alright and you shouldn’t be alone. So I’m just going to sit here. I won’t talk, unless you want me to and you don’t have to tell me anything. I’ll just sit here and hopefully you won’t feel so lonely, okay?”
Rachel just wanted to be left alone, but Dee was determined, she had the same look in her face she had the first time they had met, she wasn’t about to be contradicted, so Rachel nodded.
They sat in silence for minutes and it was Rachel who eventually broke the silence – “You were wrong, you know?”
Dee looked at her confused.
“Before, when you said that I hate you… I don’t. I did, for a while” – she admitted – “but then I realized that it wasn’t your fault, you were just the messenger.”
“I hated doing it” – she let it slip in whisper.
Rachel smiled with her honesty – “And I do trust you” – she added.
“You don’t even know me” – Dee said skeptical.
“I know that you kept your promise, that’s more than I can tell about most people around me.” – she said with a slightly disappointed tone in her voice – “Everyday I feared that ridiculous footage would become public, but it never did…”
“I gave you the only copy.” – Dee reminded her.
“Still, you could have told the story. I’m sure that there would be tons of magazines willing to pay good money for that story. And you’re a smart kid” – she added – “you know that too.”
“I wouldn’t do that. I didn’t tell anybody. There were moments I wanted to, I’m not going to lie” – she admitted – “Not to gossip just because I wanted their opinion. I wanted to know if I had done the right thing, but I didn’t.”
“You never told anyone?” – Rachel asked surprised. Even though the news had never made it to the tabloids she figured the girl had told someone.
Dee shook her head and Rachel believed her.
“Thank you” – Rachel said looking her in the eyes – “Not only for that but for coming to see me in the first place. Though to be honest, I never quite understood what made you come.” – she confessed.
“I can’t tell either, it just felt right.” – she explained – “Once I saw it I couldn’t ignore it. I tried to, trust me, meeting you like that and having that conversation was not something I wanted to do.”
Rachel nodded remembering how nervous Dee seemed that day.
“The images of that night, his speech, it all kept popping in my head. Even though I didn’t know you I felt the responsibility to let you know, I didn’t want to be his accomplice by association, if that makes any sense…” - she paused – “and it probably doesn’t. Anyway, I thought that by letting you know I would feel relieved, though it didn’t really work.”
Rachel looked at her closer trying to analyze her. She seemed genuinely worried, more than that, she seemed almost to share Rachel’s pain.
“It was very nice and brave of you to come all the way to a different country, to meet someone you never knew and give her such bad news. You’re a great person” – Rachel said – “you should be proud of yourself.”
“Trust me it didn’t feel that good” – she said sincerely – “I felt really mean… destroying your dreams like that.”
“Well, I really appreciate what you’ve done” – Rachel let her know – “So you can stop wondering now” – she paused – “You’re hearing it from me, you’ve done the right thing.”
Dee smiled – “And still here you are alone, crying…” - she didn’t know much about Rachel but somehow she thought it was all related.
Rachel hesitated for a moment but then opened up – “You probably think I’m silly… I mean, after all this time, after all that happened I’m still not over it” – it was hard to admit even to herself, but that was the truth.
“Actually I envy you” – Dee confessed provoking an interrogation look on Rachel’s face – “I think it’s great that you’re able to trust people… that you’re able to get past the stumbles if you believe there’s something worth it.”
“It’s one way of seeing it…” - Rachel said relieved that for once she wasn’t being criticized about something she couldn’t control, her feelings – “I wish other people would think like that too” – she sighed.
Dee looked at her and waited for her to continue – “It’s hard because people don’t get that this is not a switch I can just turn off. I can’t even talk to my friends or my family about this anymore, I know it’s because they care about me, but still…” - she paused.
“Do you want him back?” – Dee asked her.
Rachel took a deep breath before she answered the question – “No, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt anymore…”
Dee nodded and grabbed Rachel’s hand. With her other hand she reached for her purse and took a contact card, she handed it to Rachel saying – “For what is worth you can talk to me whenever you want.”
“Thank you” – Rachel said reaching for her and giving her a tight hug – “We should have had this talk before” – she added right before her cellphone started to ring. She took the call that took less than a minute and ended it by saying – “I’m coming” – then facing Dee continued – “Time to get back to work.”
The girls got up and walked towards the door where Rachel paused for a moment gathering courage to get in – “Need one more for the rest of the day?” – Dee asked extending her arms towards her.
Rachel went for the hug telling her – “I could really use someone like you in my life.”
Dee stayed in London for about a week that time. After the initial shock and the conversation they ended up becoming friends. Dee apologized for leaving Rachel alone in that room that day. Rachel thanked her for being honest and never telling anybody about it. She apologized for sending her away the way she did. It was one of those weird situations in which even though you only met the person a few times you share something special. They really bonded over those days and Rachel ended up scheduling some time off to go to Portugal.