This chapter is blunt because it needs to be. Alcohol problems can become medical emergencies. Withdrawal can be dangerous. Mental health can deteriorate quickly. And sometimes families stay silent too long because they don’t want to “cause drama”. Safety is not drama.

IMPORTANT: If You’re Being Hurt or Controlled

If you’re being shouted at, threatened, controlled, manipulated or harmed by someone who drinks — this may not just be alcohol problems. It could be domestic abuse.

Abuse includes more than physical harm. It can be emotional, verbal, financial or sexual. You don’t need bruises for it to count.

If you’re scared of someone’s reactions or walking on eggshells constantly, it matters.

You deserve safety. Please contact a domestic abuse helpline in your country for confidential, non-judgemental help.

If someone is hurting you, it is not your job to save them. You can’t support recovery while being harmed.

26.1 When you should treat it as urgent

Get urgent medical help if you see:

• seizures
• hallucinations
• severe confusion or agitation
• severe shaking and sweating
• chest pain
• serious dehydration or uncontrolled vomiting
• someone unable to stay conscious
• suicidal statements or threats

If someone is at immediate risk, call emergency services.

26.2 Withdrawal risk: don’t guess

If someone drinks heavily every day and suddenly stops, withdrawal can become severe.

If they are planning to stop and you suspect dependence, encourage medical advice.

A safe detox can save lives.

26.3 Protecting children and dependants

This is harsh, but necessary.

If children are present, consider:

• are they safe physically?
• are they safe emotionally?
• are they being exposed to chaos, shouting, fear?
• are you covering up and normalising this?

Children learn what “normal” looks like. You don’t need a perfect household. But you do need safety.

26.4 A simple crisis plan (write this down)

If you live with someone who drinks heavily, have a plan.

• who can you call?
• where can you go?
• what money do you need access to?
• who can take the kids if needed?
• what is your boundary for leaving the situation?
• do you have a safe place for the night?

This is not overreacting. This is reality-based planning.

NB: Consider consent and privacy; if contacting services, focus on safety facts rather than sharing sensitive details.

Common Question:

“What if they die?”

“What if I’m overreacting?”

You’re not overreacting by taking safety seriously. Alcohol problems can escalate quickly, especially with withdrawal, depression, accidents and risk-taking. Your job is not to carry this alone.

What to do next:

Have a crisis plan, seek support and involve professionals when needed. Silence doesn’t protect anyone.