What to say with some scripts that can work. Most loved ones get stuck between two extremes:

• saying nothing and silently suffering
• exploding and making things worse

Neither works long-term.

What works is calm, clear, short communication that focuses on:

• impact
• concern
• boundaries
• choices
• support

Not judgement. Not lectures. Not character attacks.

25.1 The golden rules of talking to someone about drinking

1. Don’t argue with drunk logic;
   if they’ve been drinking, don’t expect insight.
2. Don’t do long speeches;
   short and calm lands better.
3. Focus on impact, not blame;
   “I feel unsafe when…” works better than “You always…”
4. Offer help, not rescue;
   helping is support, rescuing is doing it for them.
5. Repeat your boundary without drama;
   boundaries are not a debate.

25.2 If they deny there’s a problem (script)

Option A: calm and direct

“I’m not trying to attack you. I’m worried about your drinking. I can see it’s affecting your mood, your sleep and our relationship. I want us to deal with this properly.”

Option B: impact-focused

“I miss you. I feel like alcohol is coming between us. I’m not OK with how things are going.”

Option C: boundary + support

“I can’t control what you do, but I have agency over what I accept. I will support you to get help, but I can’t keep living like this.”

25.3 If they want help (script)

This moment matters.

Don’t turn it into a lecture.

Turn it into action.

“Thank you for saying that. Let’s keep it simple. We’ll get you support, we’ll make a plan; and we’ll do the next right thing. We don’t need to solve forever today.”

Then immediately move to practical steps:

• book GP appointment
• speak to detox/outpatient support
• remove alcohol from the house (if possible)
• plan the next 72 hours
• set up check-ins

25.4 If they relapse (script)

Relapse triggers chaos in families because it feels personal.

But if you want long-term change, you respond with:

• calm
• boundaries
• direction
• reality

“I’m really disappointed and I’m worried. I’m not here to shame you, but I’m also not pretending it’s fine. What’s the plan now? What are you doing differently today?”

Then:

• protect safety
• remove yourself from danger
• avoid long arguments
• focus on next steps

25.5 If they become aggressive or cruel (script)

This is important.

Alcohol doesn’t excuse emotional abuse.

“I’m not continuing this conversation while you’re speaking to me like that. I’ll talk when you’re calm and sober.”

Then leave the room, end the call or remove yourself.

IMPORTANT: If you are at risk of violence, prioritise physical safety and seek specialist domestic abuse support.

Common Question:

“How do I help without pushing them away?”

You help by being consistent, not intense.

You can be loving without enabling.

You can be firm without being cruel.

The goal isn’t to win an argument.

It’s to support change while protecting yourself.

What to do next:

Use short scripts, repeat boundaries, stop negotiating in circles. If you’re exhausted, you’re doing too much.