Chronicles of a Cheater
He's a Changed Man
When a man is cheating, his behavior starts to change all of a sudden. The behavior is usually distant or irritable. In some situations, he's trying to be overly affectionate. When a man knows that he is guilty of something, he will start to distance himself from you. He will spend a lot of time by himself. You may see him staring off into space for a smile on his face. It may seem like no reason to you, but more than likely he has something dirty on his mind involving the other woman. Some men will go the other route and become overly affectionate as a way to deal with the guilt. He may start buying you unnecessary gifts or come home with flowers frequently. He may start to say “I love you” a lot more all of a sudden.
Being more affectionate is what most women desire from their man, but this does not always mean that he is being Mr. Romeo. If this is not behavior that he has always had, then chances are that he is cheating.
Scenario
Keith is cheating on Becky with a co-worker. He used to be a loving husband to Becky and now his mind is on his female co-worker more than on his wife. When Becky wants to sit down and have a conversation with Keith, his demeanor seems like he is distracted and not involved in the conversation.
Becky thinks that she is having a two-way conversation with Keith, when in actuality, he is tuning her out by either playing with his cell phone or checking his emails.
Has Phone Conversations in Private
Everyone needs to have a degree a privacy in a relationship. If it is becoming more frequent that your man is going to the other room or going outside almost every time he's having a conversation, then more than likely, there is more going on that just a simple conversation with a colleague or a friend. An innocent conversation should not result in your partner leaving the room. If this behavior started Chronicles of a Cheater
happening all of a sudden or is happening more and more, then you may have a cheater on your hands.
People leave the room to have a conversation when they have something to hide or they do not want you to hear what they are saying to the person on the other end of the phone. Some men will go to the bathroom and pretend they are taking a shower to hide their private conversation from you.
Scenario:
David is sitting on the couch with his girlfriend Linda. Davids' phone rings and he goes to another room to answer the call. When he answers, it's Amber, a woman he has been cheating on Linda with.
David and Amber are having a not-so-innocent conversation involving making plans for the weekend behind Linda's back. Linda has no idea about Amber and believes that he is talking to one of his colleagues.
He Deletes Text History on His Phone
Most people use text messaging as another form of communication. Many wait until their text inbox is full before they start deleting messages. If your partner is not the typical person to text, then this should not be a big deal. If your partner is a person that is known for texting frequently, then this will apply to you. If you go through your partners' phone and there are no texts, then your partner is deleting messages. There is no reason why your partner should not have at least a few messages on their phone.
If your partner deletes text messages as soon as he finishes a conversation with someone, then there is more going on than just innocent texting. There are men who have their phones set up to automatically delete text messages as soon as they respond to them. Some men even have their text messages password protected, just in case you happen to look through their phone. When your partner has this type of behavior, then it's time dig a little deeper and possibly re-evaluate your relationship.
Scenario:
Steve is cheating on Debra with Leslie. When Steve and Leslie text each other, Steve makes sure to have his text conversations with Leslie deleted immediately, especially because the texts were flirty in nature. Debra is a little suspicious of Steve, but does not have any hard evidence. Debra looks through Steve's phone when he is not looking to see if there are inappropriate text messages on his phone. She does not find any text messages, not even one. Debra thinks that Steve's hands are clean because the evidence was deleted. She has no idea that Steve and Leslie were just flirting with each other.
He has multiple email or social networking accounts
Most people have some type of Social Networking account, such as Face book and Twitter. This is pretty normal. Things start to get fishy if you find that your partner has multiple Social Networking accounts. People who have nothing to hide do not need to have accounts that their partners do not know Chronicles of a Cheater
about. Many men will create several social accounts to meet other women or to keep in contact with the person they are cheating on their partner with.
If you discover additional or hidden e-mail or social media sites, things are almost certainly not good.
Simply put, people in committed relationships have no need to maintain accounts that their partners don't know about. If you discover one of these, it is time to be concerned (Michael Howard).
Scenario:
Mike has been having problems in his relationship with Barbara. Mike created a separate social networking account to meet other women. He has went out on dates with these other women and
sometimes these dates have led to sex. Barbara did not know that Mike's extracurricular activities because he created his separate account with a completely different screen name, personality traits, and profile picture. In Barbara's eyes, she had no reason to be suspicious of Mike or to think that he was cheating.
Another person is all of a sudden getting a lot of his time
Friendships outside the relationship are usually no big deal. Most of us have platonic friendships with those of the opposite sex. If he starts spending more time with this person and not with you, then there may be more going on than just a platonic friendship. The affair could be emotional, physical, or both.
Sometimes, this type of affair with a friend can be dangerous because it can lead to emotional attachment and romantic feelings between to two.
If your partner is suddenly spending a lot of time with a colleague, co-worker, friend or even acquaintance, particularly if that person is of the opposite sex, you may want to learn more about this relationship and the possibility that there may be an affair going on (Michael Howard).
Scenario:
Edward all of a sudden started spending a lot of time with Katie. Edward and Katie dated years ago and now he has a girlfriend. Edward and Katie rekindled their friendship and they started to spend more time together. Later on, both started to realize that they had emotional feelings for each other. They started going to the movies, going out to eat, and going out for drinks. One night, after Edward dropped Katie home from the movies, he asked if he could come inside. After going inside, they both sat down on the couch and started talking. They moved closer to each other and eventually started kissing.
Kissing led to sex. After that night, it became a regular routine for both of them. It wasn't just about sex, these two were in love with each other. Edward and Katie both agreed that he should end his relationship with his current girlfriend. Edward left his girlfriend to be with Katie.
Chronicles of a Cheater
He has a different scent on him
It's one thing if he changed around his cologne. It's another thing when you smell the scent of another woman's perfume. If you two live together, and he left the house smelling masculine to coming home smelling feminine, then you may have a problem. If he is dressed the same way, but he smells like he just took a shower, that may be a clue that he is having an affair. Men usually do not come home smelling freshly bathed or like perfume unless something else is going on. He is either cheating with a co-worker or he is cheating with someone else on the way home from work.
Scenario:
Frank has been having an affair for the last few months. His wife has noticed that lately he has been coming home smelling like another woman's perfume. He brushed off the suspicions with excuses for why he had that scent on him. Frank cheats on his wife while he is at work with his co-worker. During lunch break, him and his co-worker meet have sex in his office. His co-worker wears perfume everyday and the perfume she wears eaves a lasting scent. She knows he is married. Some women add a little extra scent to get the man caught so that than man will leave their wife for them.
He's not as affectionate towards you
Sometimes people have their arguments in relationships which may cause one or both partners to not be as affectionate. When the behavior is unexplained or all of a sudden, that may be a clue. At time, when men cheat, they start to become emotionally involved with the person they are cheating with. At the same time, they start to lose the feelings that they once had for their partner. There is a change in the emotional quality of your relationship. This may be shown as your partner is unengaged or overly engaged. You may notice that your partner's attitude has changed toward you over time; they may have become more self-absorbed and less interested in you or the relationship. Your partner may reject your offers of affection (Donn Peters). Some men are just naturally little to no affection creatures. However, if your partner was once an affectionate partner towards you and now it has stopped, you will need to get down to the bottom of this.
If this is unexplained behavior or he is repelling you with odd excuses, you may have a hint. At minimum, you may have an issue in your relationship that needs to be addressed honestly (Wendy Kay).
Scenario:
Chronicles of a Cheater
Greg has been having an affair on his wife, Beverly. Greg is usually an affectionate and loving person towards his wife. She did not notice anything until his affection towards her started to decrease. Greg has developed feelings for his mistress. He is losing the feelings he once had for her. When Beverly tries to hug him or be more affectionate towards Greg, he quickly brushes her off. When Greg sees his mistress, he quickly embraces her and showers her with love and affection.
He picks fights
No relationship is perfect and we all have our arguments every now and then. Sometimes men really do need to have a quick drive around to cool off. However, if your partner is frequently starting arguments followed by him leaving the house, then something else is going on. Some men use fights as an excuse to leave the house so they can cheat. Some of the fights they start are not even for real.
Scenario:
Hal is cheating on his girlfriend and starts frivolous arguments with her just so he can leave the house.
His girlfriend could have just asked a simple question and in turn, Hal would start an argument out of it. When Hal would leave the house, he would immediately contact the woman who he is cheating with.
Afterward, he would return home and pretend that he was just driving around.
He is Being Secretive
He is being more secretive than usual. We should all give each other some degree of privacy in a relationship. If your partner is suddenly being overly secretive, that's the time to start wondering.
When your man suddenly has a defensive attitude towards you asking about where he has been, or who he is talking to on the phone, then he may be cheating on you. An innocent man does not need to keep secrets from you, unless he is planning a surprise party for you.
Scenario:
Isaac and Casey used to talk to each other about almost everything. Isaac met another woman, but did not want Casey to find out about the affair. It's not unusual for Casey to ask Isaac where he has been or who he has been with. One day, when Isaac came home late, Casey asked him, “Where were you?”
Isaac immediately got defensive and asked her if she is interrogating him and why does he have to Chronicles of a Cheater
come home to be asked so many questions. She thought that was strange for him to act like that towards her over a question that is routinely asked. Isaac went into the bedroom and started to send and receive text messages frequently. Casey asked, “who is that you're texting at this time of the night?”
Isaac said, “as if that is any of your business, it's just a friend of mine. Why are you asking me so many questions?”
He's Angry
Over time, your partner seems to be angrier than usual. Every now and then, we all have our bad days when we are just not in the best of moods. However, when the anger seems to be coming out of no where and with little to no explanation, then you have a problem. Your partner, who used to have consideration for your feelings is now rude and brash. He may be more critical over things about you that never bothered him before. Everything you say, makes him angry. Everything you do, makes him angry. Everything about you, makes him angry. You start to feel that he is unhappy. Is he overly defensive? Defensiveness exists for many reasons. In the past, you were able to discuss issues openly and calmly. What you are looking for here is an increase in the normal amount of defensiveness (Donn Peters).
Scenario:
John used to be a happy and easy person to talk to with his wife, Emma. Now, since he has been having an affair, trying to talk to him is like walking on eggshells. When Emma tries to have a conversation with John about the change in his behavior towards her, he does not want to hear it. He would bluntly tell her, that she talks too much. John started to become more critical over small things that never used to bother him. When Emma would cook dinner, John complained about the food. It was too salty, not enough seasoning, too spicy. John used to love the way Emma cooked. John used to like the fact that Emma had a little bit more meat on her bones. John complained about the weight more than ever. He even suggested that he would pay more attention to her if she would just lose some weight. He just did not care about her feelings anymore.
He wants less time as a couple and more time for himself
Your partner used to look forward to seeing you and spending quality time with you. You and your partner used to do almost everything together. Now, it's like he is drifting away, distancing himself, and wants more time for himself. You try to plan nights for just you and him or something over the weekend that you and him could do as a couple. He outright tells you that he already has plans or he is going to be busy. He may also agree to what you planned , then when the night comes, he backs out at the last minute. If he told you that he already has plans, that means that his plans are with the person who he is cheating on you with. If agreed to what you planned, then backed out at the last minute, that means he never intended on it in the first place. He only agreed because he thought that if he said yes, you would back off. Some men agree to do certain things just to appease their partner at that time, then Chronicles of a Cheater
make up something at the last minute. When men start spending less time with you, is because they are losing interest in you and would rather spend that time with their lover.
Scenario:
Rachel is used to her and Matt doing almost everything together. She noticed that her and Matt were spending less and less time together. Rachel sat down and spoke with Matt that they need to start spending more “we” time together. He keeps on brushing her off. When Rachel tried to plan a day for her and Matt to do something as a couple, Matt always says that he has plans. What Rachel does not know is that Matt's plans are with another woman. The other woman is the person who is getting the time that she is suppose to be getting. Matt pretends that his plans are justified and legitimate so that he has an excuse to spend time with his lover.
He pays more attention to his appearance
Your partner, who never paid much attention to his appearance is now all of a sudden making his appearance a priority. This can include shaving more often, taking more showers, new scents of cologne, dressing more sharp, and paying more attention to how his hair looks. He may also have changed from dressing in a professional manner to having a more trendy wardrobe. If you notice that your partner is all of a sudden paying more attention to his appearance, he may be cheating on you.
This would be especially telling if up until now, your partner has not shown much attention to his appearance. If your partner is having an affair, he has found a new source of love and affection.
Looking good for his partner is very important (Donn Peters).
Scenario:
Don has never paid much attention to his appearance until recently. His wife, Sarah has noticed that all of a sudden, Don has been looking pretty sharp lately. Before, Don would shave maybe once eery two weeks and would wear t-shirts and jeans most of the time. Don is now dressed in button down shirts, khaki pants, and is shaving once every few days. He recently started cheating on Sarah with with a woman who he met at a bar. Ever since the affair started, Don has made it a point to look as good as possible for his new lover.
Your partner never talks to you
This becomes more obvious if the two of you live together. You and your partner both live in the same household, but there is little to no interaction. You feel like you have to start up a conversation a majority of the time. When you do start a conversation, it is mostly one-sided. He starts answering you with close-ended responses, such as, yes, no, maybe, I don't know. When you do interact, he has become cold, and less-considerate of your feelings. If you notice that your partner is interacting with you less, then he may be cheating on you.
Chronicles of a Cheater
Scenario:
Ken is living with his girlfriend, Crystal. Even though Ken and Crystal are in a relationship, it is more like they are just living together as roommates. Ken's interaction with Crystal has changed. He was once laid-back and easy to talk to. Now, Crystal has to force Ken to have a conversation with her.
Sometimes she will start with something simple, like, How was your day at work? Ken will respond with, “good.” Crystal will try to talk more to get some type of attention from Ken by saying, “I bought a new dress today.” Ken will respond, “that's nice.” Crystal brings out the dress that she just bought to show Ken. When Ken saw the dress, he said, “you couldn't have picked out a better dress than that?”
Crystal noticed that that the more she tried to get his attention, the more irritated he would get with her.
Ken has been cheating on Crystal with a co-worker. In this situation, this is more than just physical, he has started to have feelings for the woman who he is cheating with.
He has an increase in work
This may be legitimate in some cases. Some men will work more to bring extra income into the household or may have to work mandatory overtime at their job. However, if you notice that he is coming home late from work more often that usual, then you may have a problem. If working late is legitimate, then you will see an increase in his paycheck. If your partner is claiming to be working extra hours a lot, ask to see his paycheck stub. If he is telling the truth, his paycheck should match the amount of hours he has been working. If you look at his paycheck and it does not add up, then he is not being honest with you. If he is refusing to show you his paycheck when you ask for it, then he has something to hide. Some men will use working late as an excuse to cheat on their partner.
Work can be demanding. During these times of economic stress, most workplaces are demanding more and more from their employees. Workplace relationships can develop into romantic relationships simply because the amount of time spent together on a common task tends to bond people together. If your partner has trouble with boundaries, this could lead to a problem for your relationship (Donn Peters).
Scenario:
Oliver has been telling his girlfriend, Carly, that he has to work late. He has been coming home late from work more frequently. At first, Carly did not think much of it since they needed more income in the household. The times that Oliver would come home started to become later to the point that it was sometimes after midnight before he came home. Carly started to grow suspicious and asked Oliver about his work hours. Oliver quickly stated that there was a heavy workload at the workplace and that he has no control over the hours that he is working. Afterward, Carly asked him if she could see his paycheck. Oliver quickly got defensive and refused to show her.
Chronicles of a Cheater
Accusing you of cheating
If you are a faithful partner to your man and he starts accusing of you of cheating for no reason, then he is the guilty party. Some men use this as reverse psychology to put you in the hot seat. They are guilty of what they have done to you that they are looking for a reason to justify their actions. Sometimes, they are hoping that you are cheating so that they do not feel as bad for cheating on you. You are so consumed with defending yourself to prove that you are not cheating on him that you have forgotten who the real problem is, him.
Scenario:
Eli has been cheating on his wife, Mya. She has been a faithful partner to Eli and there is no reason for him to think otherwise. Eli, all of a sudden started accusing Mya of cheating on him. She was so taken back that she bent over backwards to prove her innocence. The whole time that Mya is defending herself against these false allegations, Eli is out cheating on her without her even knowing it.
Lack of Intimacy
Your partner use to love having sexual encounters with you. In fact, you were almost having too much sex at one point. The sex with your partner slowly, but surely started to decrease. Now, sex with your partner is almost non-existent. Even kissing and close contact are starting to decrease. If you initiate sexual contact and your partner pushes you away, then there is a problem in your relationship that needs to be addressed.
Scenario:
Conner and his girlfriend, Carrie used to be on cloud 9 in their relationship. They used to have sex at least two times a day for the first year. Lately, their sexual encounters have started to decrease dramatically. Conner is now getting intimate with Carrie only once a week, if that. Carrie tries to kiss Conner, he pushes her away. Carrie tries to have a sexual encounter with Conner, he pushes her away.
The reason why Conner is not interested in getting intimate with Carrie is because he is already getting intimate with another woman. Ever since he started cheating on her, there has been no need for him to have sex with his girlfriend, considering he has someone else showing him that affection.
He's tired
If your partner is saying that he's tired, this may be legitimate, especially if he just had a long day at work. However, if every time you try to get intimate or spend quality time with him, he says he's tired, then he may be cheating on you. Some men use the tired boyfriend excuse to get out of getting intimate with their partner or to avoid spending time with her. Some men will use the excuse at night to avoid Chronicles of a Cheater
calling their partner. They will usually claim that they were tired and fell asleep.
Scenario:
Brandon has been cheating on his girlfriend, Abbey. Lately, when Abbey wants to spend time with Brandon, he says that he is tired. This becomes more obvious when she tries to get intimate with him.
When Abbey initiates sex, Brandon turns her down. When Abbey asks Brandon to go out with her Friday night, he claims that he is too tired. When Abbey tells Brandon to call her when he arrives home, he does not call her. When Abbey asks Brandon the next morning about why he did not call her last night, Brandon says, he was too tired and he fell asleep. Brandon was not tired at all and he was not sleeping. He was with the woman who he has been cheating on Abbey with.
His finances
If you are suspicious that your partner may be cheating on you, a good way to find out is by looking at his bank statement or his receipts. Usually when men cheat, it costs money. If your partner is cheating he will want to impress her with dinners, hotel stays, nice clothes, gifts, and all the bells and whistles.
You may find a receipt from a restaurant that you know he did not take you to. If you look at your partners bank statement and you see that he has been spending money on items that were not spent on you, then there is a high possibility that he is cheating on you.
Scenario:
Ryan has been having an affair on Nancy. Nancy has been suspicious for a while, but she has had no hard evidence to prove anything. She did not want to falsely accuse Ryan of cheating on her if he really is not cheating. Lately, Nancy has been noticing that Ryan has been gone at strange hours and their finances are not adding up. She took a look at his recent bank statement and found that he had a large amount of transactions. There were transactions for hotel stays every Friday, women's clothing, and restaurants that she had never been to.
Physical evidence
The most damaging evidence against your cheating partner is physical evidence. Physical evidence can include: another woman's panties, woman's earrings, strands of hair, used condom wrappers.
Many times there's physical evidence just waiting to be found. Check your husband's wallet, his pants or jacket pockets, his desk or dresser drawers. You can also check the trashcan, closet shelves, the garage, filing cabinets, workshop, toolbox, or any place else you can think of. Keep your eyes open.
You'll be surprised at the kinds of physical evidence of infidelity you can find (Ruth Houston).
Chronicles of a Cheater
Scenario:
Larry and his girlfriend, Christina do not use condoms in their relationship. They feel that they have been together long enough and they trust each other ( at least they used to trust each other). Christina went out to Larry's car to get her jacket she had left in there the night before. While retrieving her jacket, she noticed that there was a used condom wrapper in between the passenger's seat and the middle console. Christina knew by this time that Larry had to be cheating on her because they do not use condoms. The used condom wrapper was from a few nights ago when he was having sex with
another woman in the back of his car.