THE PROLOGUE
The phrase “it all began” normally refers to stories about the beginning of the universe, but since every story creates infinite branches and brings to mind universal models, I choose to begin my story likewise. So, “it all began” on the 11th of September in 1987, under unknown weather conditions (usually storytellers begin with “on a sunny day” or something like that, but no one really remembers . . .) at the maternity hospital Mitera, my mother in the company of the “final countdown” and the success of the Greek National Basketball team gave birth to me. My parents who grew up in the 1970s had absorbed all the culture of their generation from the hippie ideology to the . . . hippie ideology. I don't doubt this generation as thought, art and music blossomed in that period of time, but I am happy that my parents were born then and not I. I would write more about my parents, but I am impatient to write my own story. I promise you that if you buy this book, I will then write a book about my parents. However, you must also buy that book.
This book is dedicated to schizophrenia from which I suffer the last years, so that's why I will not focus on the years previous to that. As you will ascertain, it is the most difficult and the most disgusting mental illness. However, it does have some good sides. My first encounter with imaginary friends was when I was four years old. Even though my brother was just born and even though I socialized with the other kids at kindergarten, I had a strange habit. I had an imaginary friend called Koki-koki. Koki-kok lived under the balcony table. The strange thing was that my imaginary friend had an image; that is, I could see him and he could talk. When my parents first saw me talking alone under the table, they didn't pay much attention, thinking that I was simply playing. At some point, I mentioned Koki-Koki and the discussions we had under the table. My parents were concerned and tried to convince me that he was not real, but in vain … . Every day, when I got home from kindergarten, I would sit and talk to him. We spoke about everything, but because I was so young, I don't remember what we said. I still remember what he looked like. He had brown hair, he was a little older than I was and he was always laughing. This went on for half a year. The situation gradually changed when I met a little girl. My need to talk to Koki-Koki decreased, as I preferred to play backgammon with the little girl. So, that is how the story of my imaginary friend finished.
Since then and until thirteen years of age, I didn't have any outstanding psychological problems, except for the usual childhood and pre-teenage concerns. I will tell you about my first girlfriend, Dora. Up to the age of nine years old, I had the usual boyish attitude towards girls. They seemed stupid and I didn't want to have any contact with them (except, of course, for very few exceptions such as my friend from kindergarten with whom I had a friendly relationship). One day, however, during the school recess, as I was eating my sandwich, Dora passed in front of me and I started to feel strange. I had never felt that way before. Dora was one year older than me. After one week of internal conflict, I decided to speak to her. She showed interest gradually and, so, I acquired my first girlfriend. This affected me so much that I stopped playing with toys. Then followed my first kiss under great stress because, of course, I was shy. What followed was that she cheated on me because she was shy. I'm just being ironic.
My junior and senior high school years were connected with a lot of bullying since nasty nicknames came and went. Even though I tried to react to this, I was often the center of ridicule. The climax was when I developed social phobia. Social phobia is a kind of agoraphobia and in connection with the intense depression I had, I can say that those school years were difficult. Apart from the social phobia, which became a basic part of my life then, I also had symptoms of obsession and schizophrenia. With my obsession, undesirable images appeared in my mind. Whereas with schizophrenia, I found things even more difficult. Every night before I went to sleep, I heard a panting. Not being able to endure it anymore, I agreed with myself that it was a creation of my mind and, so, it went away. This story continues with a very important part of my life. Pot....
I smoked my first joint when I was fifteen years old. I had already started smoking and a childhood friend of mine would offer me something that would radically change my life. I was hanging out with a friend of mine from afternoon school, when suddenly another old friend of mine appeared. When he arrived, we were smoking. He saw us and said, “Is that how you're gonna pass your time, assholes? Look here...” He took out some pot and said, “Wanna smoke this?” I immediately understood that a new world was opening up for me. I just didn't know if it was good or bad for me. My friend from school and I looked at each other uncomfortably. Without thinking much I said yes. My friend looked at me and said, “What are you doing, you idiot? I'm leaving.” He didn't speak to me for days. As soon as he left, we went to a nearby small forest and my old friend started to roll. I still remember he rolled a blunt. As he was rolling, I observed the skillful collage that he made. They looked like magic. My first joint was lit up. I felt weird. I had become part of the drug scene. Nevertheless, I didn't get too high. I told my friend and he said that was how it was the first time. “Whenever you want, we smoke again,” he said. I told him to arrange it and I left. That's how the second time and the third time came along and so it went. From the second time, I started to get high. Nevertheless, until I was eighteen, I smoked little. A joint a week.
Another great passion of mine was always music. The first time I was occupied with music was when I was fourteen years old. We would hang out with my best friend and listen to music for hours. Mostly nu metal, that is, korn, deftones . . . as well as other kinds of music (ska, punk, rock). That's how the idea of creating a band came about. My best friend played acoustic guitar and I had a tendency for electric bass. During a trip to America (I have relatives there), my uncle asked me what present I wanted from him and I immediately answered “a bass guitar”. My uncle misunderstood and got me an electric guitar and an amplifier with American voltage. As soon as I got it, I tried to play the song Blind from Korn. When I returned to Athens, I started guitar lessons. We slowly put together our first band. Since then and until today, music has been an obsession for me. Every Friday night, we would gather at my house and record on my PC. Since then and until the age of eighteen, I played in a lot of bands until Prozak Party was created. My current band.
Prozak Party started out as a band in the summer of 2005. We had just finished school and we had started to listen to a lot of punk rock bands such as Strung out, Wilhelm scream, Belvedere. That had a strong influence on us and we started playing technical punk rock. At that time, metalcore made its first appearance along with all its branches also known as the emo scene. Lots of bands emerged during this time in Greece. However, being occupied with music became trendy and, as a result, many bad quality bands appeared on the scene. From then for about four years we had to put up with side-bangs, make-up, fagety screams and a lot more. Music in Greece was connected and helped by the Internet, especially through myspace during this period of time. I feel nostalgic about myspace since all the bands communicated with each other creating a strong scene. Lots of people listened to your music, lives were constantly organized...As Prozak Party, we experienced this. However, one cannot say that all this phase was based on the Internet. It was something more than that and such an acknowledgement would downgrade it.
My life, on the other hand, was closely connected with pot. From the time that I finished school and started university, my addiction gradually began. I went to the university (the Physics Department) only to smoke weed and I also smoked at home. Until my fourth year, pot became my only pass-time, setting aside music and girls. Somewhere here begins the story of my schizophrenia.
So, as time went on, my condition worsened due to pot. When I smoked, I had at best intense depression. At worst, panic attacks, catatonia and suicidal tendencies. With catatonia, things were really bad. I could be with people who spoke to me and to whom I couldn't answer. Comments like “what's your problem, asshole?” and “no, don't die in front of us” and “let's see if you reach 23 years of age” were all a fact on my 22nd birthday. I couldn't have sex with my girlfriend because of my condition. Generally, pot isn't so destructive. However, combined with psychological illness, it can cause many problems. In my bad condition, I had started to feel that something strange had happened to the world. A change. . .