CHAPTER 38
(Keeping It Hush)
As I read through the stipulations I was quickly realizing that not only would I never see a little ball dance quibble with Mr. Paul should I accept the final settlement offer I would be deprived of my bragging rights concerning the settlement amount. There were in fact eight stipulations which were written in "Lawyer Talk" and very much hard to fathom. Basically it was my understanding that if I accepted this hush money I was not allowed to discuss the amount with anyone but the tax man. The stipulations also mentioned I would never be eligible to work at Celadon ever again. That particular stipulation caught my eye. I have always considered myself to have the capability take a moment and think outside of the box. I don't attend church anymore but I often giggle at the stupidity of people out there that separate from their church for whatever reason and then blame "The Church". IT IS IN FACT ONLY A BUILDING. DO THESE SEPARATORS REALIZE HOW SILLY THEY SOUND? NEWSFLASH, YOU ARE NOT MAD AT "THE CHURCH" YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH THE PEOPLE IN "THE CHURCH".
With that being said, I really didn't know just how long the carping witches at Celadon would hang out in there and continue with their "Dirty Trucking Politics". I found it disturbing that any trucking company out there gave clout to any company politickers that lacked any experience behind the wheel of a big rig. Were those fancy wardrobes really all that influential? Even after all these years it was still funny what my Marine veteran trainer told me when I asked him back in 2014 some advice on chasing owed wages. As he clucked his false teeth he had to giggle a bit with his reply. ”I don't know what to tell ya Blake...Maybe ya just need to throw on a new skirt.”
Even though I technically was being ribbed it was still funny all these years later. Especially when I first accosted beautiful Mrs. Mindy and she was on the phone with someone and looked up at me. "Oh, I see he's been skirting the system rather well."
I was very proud of my achievements in my pathetic life and thoroughly enjoyed the carrot that the Obama campaign dangled in front of my face back in 2012. I'll never have that kind of money again but it was surely fun while it lasted. I wanted to sit at the card table up at Hollywood with the big brained "Dons" showing off the little green alligators in their loafers and boast about making my first couple million sitting at home petting my dog. Even with the missing UC checks piling up over the years I still was able to hold onto the nub of my carrot for at least two before the trucking industry pulled that last little carrot stub out of my mouth and forced me to live on weekly cash advances like everyone else.
I continued to read over the stipulations listed on the settlement. It was definitely "Attorney Talk" but to the best of my knowledge in a nutshell it basically was saying for me not to broadcast the amount that we settled on and I could forget about ever working for Celadon again. Clearly I had to make a choice. Take the money and part ways or take a huge gamble on not signing only to most likely get a good tongue lashing for being so incredibly stupid by wasting the courts time even more when the company had already offered a reasonable settlement.
I was upset. For a man like myself already having confidence issues I had the confidence of a Hollywood Celebrity star visiting a one star trailer park and asking a fresh out of rehab toothless wonder to go on a hot date. I screwed up September 18th by being taken off guard and allowing Mr. Paul to be removed from my defendant list in lieu of the company. All that work I had done on the case would have to land in a paper shredder and every Wake National Forest would frown upon me for going "Paul" Bunyan on their leafy family providing oxygen for the atmosphere only to have "The other Paul lacking that big swing" go back to wasting yet another tree by unwrapping his big fat juicy triple decker sand which from Wendy's.
But what could I do? What else was on the table? Did I really want to look like a moron in court asking for yet even more? And what about my star witness Beth? Did I really want her going back to the Celadon witches reporting possibly the funniest civil hearing ever of me standing there with my horsey stick demanding $5,000.00 so I could go play the ponies?
It was eating me up inside knowing that with the big dollars we often made as truckers even numbers in the four digits we often portrayed as "Chump Change". I wanted my story heard but there literally was absolutely nothing I could do. If I had to do the whole thing over I would have listed $4,999.99 on my initial notice of claims and just see what shook in the court room. I guess despite the folding tables and folding chairs they still technically were courtrooms under oath and using a bona fide courtroom to improve my acting and IBMD writing credits might just not pan out too well despite all the Grisham novels I had read in jail. Just knowing the one and only time in my life that I was sure to be a big winner only to be bought off had me very upset. If the "Man with the cigar" only knew just how peeved I was by doing all that evidence preservation work for nothing he might not have felt like he lost anything at all but in fact may have marked it as a win in his mind knowing I would not be able to have my victory dance in the courtroom. Lots of copies of "this" and lots of copies of "that". I had gone through great lengths to keep the Peek-A-Boos from remotely deleting "Mr. Paul". Unfortunately the voice mail my dispatcher had left praising my hard work had been deleted without me ever deleting it. It's nothing new. It's been duly noted that the wireless phone companies intend to screw with me no matter how many times I try changing my phone number I seem to be number one on their "Top Ten Goad List". And people wonder why I gamble so much? It's the ONLY legal way I know how to indemnify myself from goading abuse.
I finally signed the settlement agreement realizing I didn't have much of a better choice that made any sense. There were thousands of trucking companies out there and all those trucks drive the same so why would I care about being on Sell-A- Con's no hire list? Did they think they were the only trucking company in the world? Did they offer free Truck washes or something? I knew in fact what I was giving up by signing that I wouldn't be able to find at any other trucking company. My dispatcher Kathy. Every smart trucker with experience always knew that everything came down to the load assignments.
Although I suspected she may have participated with the witches that short chumped me on the pay, she was like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat with the loads she used to assign to me. They were routed in good areas and they were quite feasible. I never felt my safety was in jeopardy with her as my dispatcher and she was the only one that always remembered to call me Bob as I had paid nearly $200.00 for the name so I wanted my money's worth. Bob was a palindrome that could NEVER be misspelled and made bill signing easier and faster with the shortness of letters. Dyslexic people could never misspell my name and if I ever opted to go show off my cute little monkey tutu at the next World Cup soccer I wouldn't have to be the only one in trouble, instead the giggles would be focused on "The Bob nation" instead and smiling Bob from the Enzyte might return at a Super Bowl halftime commercial showing off once again his mighty big swing.
After signing the "Hush Settlement Agreement" I opted to send it via email as I was all tapped out with previously purchasing all the expensive little green tabs at the post office. My face used to light up like a Christmas tree watching the post office lady pound the shit out of those costly red restricted delivery envelopes. I had watched Judge Judy just like everyone else has out there and was curious by how much I could beef up my legal procurement costs that I expected to get reimbursed. It was all indeed a learning experience for me and I now know why attorneys charge so much money for the work they do. Not all the money goes towards their legal work but rather their tangible office supplies costs to file the suit.
I knew once I hit the send button it was going to be a done deal. My brother of course prodded to the best of his ability as to the settlement amount but I had more fun keeping it a guessing game and had no intentions of telling anybody at all. I'm allowed to tell the tax man/woman so I'm curious what happens then if he/she blabs the big settlement secret? How could I possibly be to blame if this happens? Who's been poking around my apartment while I'm away? Has ANY of this espionage Peek-A-Boo nonsense even remotely close to legal? Is there dirty politicians residing right here in Lancaster County authorizing all this illegal espionage? Was I not forewarned of the corruption out here in Lancaster by the book sitting at Barnes and Noble for all the world to see titled "Love, Murder and CORRUPTION in Lancaster County"!
How are these corrupt officials eluding getting caught?
Do these corrupt officials of authority right here in honest Lancaster know on a personal level "The Man With The Cigar"?