CHAPTER 22
(10 For 10 in Atlantic City)
Not every thought in my head is delirium. Because the Peek-A-Boo people have screwed with me so many times in my life I can no longer differentiate mere coincidences from intentional meddling. In my lifetime I have never physically met another phalloplasty victim nor have I ever felt that I have encountered a true schizophrenic like numerous doctors have always labeled me in the past. I know that my talk that comes out of my mouth goes in all directions. My Federal attorney once described me as "Brilliant and loquacious one minute, then catatonically stupid the next."
The "zero to sixty" patterns of behavior I have left behind in life have intertwined with my gambling habits somehow where there really is no pattern to follow when I walk into a casino. I may walk in with $1,000.00 cash to blow, get cold feet and only play one ten dollar hand of black Jack and call it a day. And of course vice versa. I may only stumble in with a hundred bucks to spare only to find myself placing a $500.00 wager just to be a part of the VIP section. I have even found myself to gamble on days that I don't even have the urge just to give the authorities a curve ball to thwart their infrared cameras. Yes I enjoy being an asshole back to the peek-a-boo crowd. Nobody ever really knows when somebody is gonna pop their lid and consistent gambling can be a great way to jilt and confuse the peek-a-boo technology out there as risky wagers can increase your heart rate. A palsied hand seems to be the most common nervous tic for most gamblers except of course for the great black Jack player Officer Steidler, my younger brother. I know those people upstairs watching the cameras get a hoot because his nervous tic is very unlike the others. He doesn't get the usual palsied hand when that losing streak comes up. The people upstairs at Hollywood casino I'm sure can attest to that but I would be out of pocket to go into great detail about that comical nervous tic so I'll leave that secret for the people upstairs that can tell you what gets yanked on when the chip count starts getting low. But what is highly unusual about my gambling tics? There's no pattern to that either.
I have placed very substantial wagers before with a very steady hand when I'm really seriously going "all in". On the contrary however, I have experienced serious tremors in my hands when I have all the money in the world to spare and only placing a $5.00 bet. I have really never been able it understand the way my body assimilates but I do hope to one day eventually meet another person with my very same condition.
Because of my Las Vegas small claims case being ignored from when a hooker blatantly robbed me of $420 I refuse to give those skanks any more opportunity of a chance at sharing a twenty piece mcnuggets. That sneaky little devil had me howling at the moon all night long after she tricked me into assuring she was sending a pasty blond my way because I felt she was a walking skin cancer with all the time she spent in the tanning booth and wasn't attracted to her. Even after all these years I refuse to assist with their Mercedes Benz payments until my case gets heard in Las Vegas courts. But naturally as I predicted the police giggled about it and threw my civil case literally right out the window. I was sure to play mind games with the last hooker that accosted me the last time I was out there. It was kind of funny as she was probably only 20 maybe even only 19 for all I knew but definitely had a few extra pounds. There was no way I was losing $420 again no matter how lonely I got out there.
"Would you like some company?" she had asked.
I knew what that meant from the occasional lot Lizards I had met in Texas. It was a loophole. It was a furtive way of offering sex for money so the law couldn't prosecute.
I wanted nothing to do with Mrs. Tellatubby. I toyed with her just a little bit as I walked by.
"Aw I'm sorry all I got is this $25 orientation paycheck from CR England. Can you work with it?"
She felt insulted and shook her head no. I kept the joke alive anyways. As I had recalled a funny hooker story I heard on the radio that took place in Florida. I cut my offer in half but replaced it with something else.
"Well I'll tell you what. How about we just do $10.00 and we will split a twenty piece mcnuggets?"
Fat girl got mad. "Oh hell no sir. You're out of your mind."
I giggled and walked away but that's when things got hysterically funny as fat girl had some parting words for me as I had already walked down the street.
Big Vegas girl shouted out to me. "But I'll take those mcnuggets though!"
I couldn't wait to text my sister the funny story about getting accosted by some 20 year old chubby chick insisting on those ten piece mcnuggets on good faith alone. I have left quite a bit of amusing stories in Vegas. My funniest one was my trip to Sheri's Ranch and meeting a hooker named Olivia that evidently was terrible with math. $3,000.00 for an hour of her time. $1,000.00 for half an hour of her time. So I guess
$2,000.00 could get ya a nice playful hour with a complimentary 7th inning stretch?
I was done with Vegas for a while. My girl Natasha had sold me out and tried to trick me one night at the Wild Wild West by sending up her twin. I wasn't fooled and sent the Hussy packing because I knew she wasn't the REAL Natasha.
I knew that if I wanted income of any sort it was time to learn the craps game really well and find me some five dollar minimum tables. I was certain that if I watched enough "How To" YouTube videos I could be a sharp shooter and make those dice fall how I wanted them to fall. What else could I do? The trucking companies didn't want my little paws putting buggars on their steering wheel.
I was booking.com's number one customer. I was always getting offers and deals from them and they even went to bat for me when I noticed that a hotel I frequented a lot was intentionally ousting me because they thought I was a freak because during horsey season (especially the Triple Crown) I like to walk around town with my horsey stick. There's no age limit and people can't tell me what to do. I'll never forget the look on the cashier's face at the Loves when she sold me Mr.Ed for $12.99. It was priceless.
The Loves cashier could sense something amiss. "Oh my God. Don't tell me that horsey stick is for you."
I nodded my head. Mr.Ed was indeed mine. My Therapy horse as a matter of fact.
The Loves cashier chick just cupped her mouth then looked over at her coworker. "Oh my god. This man is seriously buying a horsey stick FOR HIMSELF."
I wasn't fazed. Nobody said I couldn't have my own pet. Dogs and cats cost money to feed and I knew Mr.Ed would make me happy in life and keep me company. But I wouldn't try to make attempts of taking Mr.Ed to the casinos as security is always high and I didn't want Mr.Ed confiscated. I knew I could find lots of casinos in Atlantic City New Jersey. With my 6" X 6" QR barcode tattoo on my back I figured I should stay away from the hookers for a while before they place me on their "questionable" list. I was quite certain that if cops befriended other cops, truckers befriended other truckers, then the odds were good that hookers knew all the other hookers as well and social media had a communication radius as far as the imagination could stretch. I did not need these sluts figuring out who I was because of the humongous uncanny tattoo on my back!
I made weekly hotel reservations in Galloway NJ which was just a few miles from Atlantic City's strip of casinos. I guess the hotels were cheap because they anticipated they could get the rest of it from their casinos? I really don't know but I like the Wa-Was out there.
As I bounced around from casino to casino in Atlantic City I tried to play it smart. I ended up utilizing what I call my "Pinch and Squeeze" technique. I'll make sure I only have three or four hundred dollars and look for five dollar craps tables and keep doubling my bets. Starting off at five dollar minimums gives me a chance at at least one extra turn at doubling my bet. Each time I hit what I'm aiming I lower my bet back down to five dollars. However, because I know I can only do this so many times before that big losing streak wipes me out I try to quit for the day when I'm up between $40-70 dollars as I know gambling continually will flush out everything you have. After my tenth day I'm realizing that I am up $450.00 in Atlantic City. Unfortunately I am still losing fast what little savings I have left because I refuse to stop eating and I already know I can't live on $225 a week gambling and banking on extreme luck. I got real close to losing it all one day but I had some cute red head lady put me back in the game when I placed $200 on the pass line and she eventually hit the point on the 6. To this very day I can honestly say that I have never lost any money in Atlantic City NJ. Vegas and Hollywood in Grantville PA nipped me in the butt quite a few times but Dirty Jersey has never done me wrong.
One glorious weekday afternoon I was driving along 30 back to my hotel only up $20.00 for the day. I knew I was definitely due for one big losing streak where all my "Pinch and Squeeze" hard earnings would get flushed down the potty and the lady in the flowery dress would come out and gloat. The flowery dress lady was always the daddy's girl that I never deemed a threat.
These were the well-heeled ladies with deep pockets that had super high education and went about the proper way of leaving me with a really bad day but kept their malicious intentions behind disguises. Not the payroll ladies I dealt with in life that blatantly beat down my weekly paychecks with a stick. These flowery dress ladies always had a way of being more clever and seeing to it that they never get caught. Phone calls and texts would get made without my witnessing. They would be sure to smile around me as if everything was hunky dory then talk to the police about me after I left. They are no threat to me as I know that they stand too much to lose with their deep pockets and all to get too crazy illegal with the reindeer games they bestow upon me. Unlike the Flagger Force payroll ladies that aren't even intimidated by attorney calls and hang up the phone.
The billboards were jumping out at me one by one and grasping my attention. I couldn't help but notice all the Social Security Billboard Ads promising good times. I had been with income for months and was getting curious about my next move for survival. Then the thought dawned on me. The name change.
What the hell was taking so long with my name change?
I got back to my seedy hotel and used google maps to locate the nearest attorney office. It turned out there were bunches of them and the closest one was only a few blocks down from the Wa- Wa. I called them first to make sure they were open. They were. I got in my Huyandai and zipped up the street hoping for a surprise visit. It wasn't a very big office but to my dismay they had locked me out! I knew it was daytime hours and everything seemed a bit weird. Were the attorneys already spying on me and that little blue dot? Why were they hiding from me? Did they think I was going to march in there demanding my coo- coo puffs and a lollipop to take with? It all seemed weird so I went back to my hotel.
I made sure to hit *67 first so I could sucker them into answering the phone as it would hide my number on their caller ID. I have had to do this once before to make payments on medical bills in the past as the hospitals seem to recruit previous "banker" chicks that love to dictate guys like me.
A woman about my age with a calm librarian voice answered the phone.
"Hello?" She said.
"Hi my name is Bob Miller. Well, actually it's still Blake Steidler. But I paid for Bob Miller and I really need help getting that finalized so I can properly full out applications without causing confusion.
The nice lady in the attorney office paused for a minute. "Um....yeah um you said you need help filing for Social Security? I can definitely help you with that."
I giggled. "No mam. I need help with a name change so that I DON'T have to file for social security. I'm struggling with job searching because I currently have two names and it confuses my potential employers. I can only be one person at a time."
The lady didn't even giggle. "I'm sorry we only do social security. Do you live in New Jersey?"
"I'm not sure where I live. I've been living in hotels and sleeping in vehicles for quite a few years."
"Oh, well where do you keep your stuff?" "In a mini closet storage unit."
"But your not from New Jersey?" "No mam"
"Oh, I can't help you with the name change but I can definitely help you with social security. I can call you back tomorrow."
I was getting upset. Those billboards really weren't lying. Evidently the casinos in Jersey were yielding super high profits that Jersey could pass out those nut checks like as if it were candy. But didn't she understand? I never initially asked for a nut check! Just needed help with a name change!
I hemmed a hawed a little bit. I still hold bragging rights for jumping on the SSDI boat years ago without having to do appeals or even hire an attorney for that matter. And to think 67% of first claims get rejected shows I had some sort of skill at something! The fellas at the Philly Half way house were right. "Ah hah, that's a funny story Steidler. You should go to the Social Security office as soon as the Feds release you. I'll bet they greet you like a lost prodigal son."
I didn't know what to say on the phone. I had asked for assistance with a simple name change and this nice lady was trying to give me free money instead. Should I be mad or glad? Would this be a good idea? Who's to say there wouldn't be a pizza shop down the street full of system haters just patiently waiting to deliver me an icy cold pizza?
"Okay I'll wait for your call back tomorrow. I just wanted help with a name change but I think I'll take that too." I said in a comical voice.
As I drank away my $1.29 half pint Miller Highlife cans to escape the reality that cockroaches wanted to thumb wrestle me I began to fantasize what was going to become of those "nut checks" in the event I could not complete my name change. I knew I couldn't survive on $1200 a month anyways as I was used to making that in only a week but it was still nice to fantasize about what I was going to do with that very first golden nugget plopping it's way into my piggy bank. I was going to double down!
I was going to double down so that I would have me not one but TWO "nut checks"!