Few Moments of Letting Go by Kavita - HTML preview

SIXTY EIGHT

Maya was trying to climb a steep mountain. She suddenly saw Nimesh Tanna with milky white hair sitting and looking at her. His eyes were divine. She came next to him. As she came closer she felt a cold wave hitting her. It was cold and she felt painfully numb. “What are you doing here?” she asked him “Wondering what you are doing here,” he replied with a divine smile. “I am trying to look for the meaning of life,” she said.

“Your heart already knows the meaning of life. It is connected with the universe, Maya. You can find it nowhere else,” he kept smiling.

“How can you say that? Everyone is already up there and I am left alone,” she replied with disappointment.

“The truth is everyone is lost,” Nimesh laughed. His melodious laughter echoed in the mountains. “How are you so sure about the top,” she challenged him.

“Take care Maya. Live your life. It's just one life you have. Live by your heart. Nothing else matters. Don't get trapped in unnecessary. Give closures to everything that is dragging you behind. Release the weight and move on Maya. Till the time you won't release the weight you will never be able to free yourself. Forget about others. Learn to help yourself first. He walked away. Maya kept calling him. She woke up to her ringtone. It was 3 AM.

It was Esha, her friend. “Nemo's dead, Maya. He killed himself a couple of hours ago.”

So this was it. He came to say good bye to her. He wanted her to follow her heart. In his death he taught her to live. Karde mujhe khud se hi riha ….

A song was playing from the flat next door. Who wouldbe listening to music early morning?

With tears and a numbing pain she didn't know what to do. She felt suffocated. He was full of energy. Why did he throw it all up? As she imagined his images all around she remembered the dream. His last visit to her.

She checked her personal mail account. She hadn't been checking it since long now. There was a mail from Nimesh as expected. Maya

I read your magazine. Good job. Looks like you are very busy. I really wish we could see each other. Those stars and the beach where we walked together haunt me almost every day. I wish you had more time for me. I wish I could convince you enough.

Yet I am happy. I havechosen to be happy. It is when we don't share our emotions we feel suffocated. It is so normal for a child to cry when he needs our attention, or when he needs food or anything. As an adult it is not classy to cry when you need love and attention. I have figured out that crying is okay.

Crying it out and getting over with it helps. I miss you, but I am doing just fine. When we don't express our emotions we encourage open ended situations. Loose ends are like pricking pins from inside .It is far better to give closure and cry it out.

I am doing fine academically. I have made good friends here. I have also applied for a scholarship in photography which I think should go through.  Do write back.

Don't make me wait too long. Don't allow your loose ends to prick you. Close all of them and smile.  Nemo

Suddenly everything was so clear to her. Nimesh had come to  deliver a message in her life. Tears rolled down and she wanted to hug him.

I want to live, not just exist. Suddenly, all her doubts vanished. In moments her mind was made up. She had never been so sure of anything in her life earlier. Closure was what she needed to give to all her loose ends that burdened her. She need to let go in the real sense. The key to happiness is to forgive. Forgive everyone not for others, but for yourself.

It made her want to start living, now. Now. This was it! Everything was in the moment. She suddenly knew what she wanted in life. Life was too short to end it in confusion. She felt an overwhelming love for Vikram. A love that filled her vacuum and seeped into her empty spaces.

She called Vikram and shared her restlessness. She had found her key to unlock and let go.

Vikram was waiting for her, having returned from a meeting, as she came down her apartment building the next day.

She was again struggling to put aside the thought that Nimesh was no more.

“Maya, celebrate death. I don't mean create a song and dance about it, but celebrate it quietly. It is the one thing that connects all human beings. It is the bridge we all have to cross. We all are together. Death shows us the fact that for the universe, no human being is different.” He always could read her mind.

“There was nothing in this world which would live forever, except love and death. Love will nourish the coming generations, forever and death will take them to the next level. Love is within.”

She held his hand as they ambled to his car. It was comforting. She put all other thoughts out of her mind and smiled at him. The excitement of the book launch also took back seat. The moment just after she thought of Nimesh, was when she made up her mind. Or, her mind made itself up. Did it matter how she suddenly got rid of all the baggage in one moment of serendipity? No, it didn't, she told herself. Stop analyzing, start living. Let few moments leave your space forever. Live those few moments of letting go.

Nothing else matters now, she told herself. Everything will fall into place. Her mind was suddenly at peace.

It was like walking through a sunny path that suddenly opened into a meadow, with flowers swaying in the breeze.