FORTY SEVEN
Work was taking its toll. The days were getting monotonous. Maya was feeling increasingly lonely in this big city. There was hardly anyone here she knew well enough to be comfortable with, to confide in.
Whatever she thought, she noted down in her diary. The diary took the role of a silent companion. She did not really know what she was writing the diary for, but writing it seemed to provide a little relief. Does what I write make sense, she often wondered. She consoled herself saying the world did not make much sense, either. It made as little sense as a Hindi movie, she thought, taken aback at her own comparison.
Apart from writing her diary, the only other relief was talking to Vikram. She wishedthis would have been enough to live a life with. Just a day or two after she remembered Esha Natarajan, she received a call from her. She had been transferred to Mumbai and would work with Maya in the same department. Thank God for that new companion, Maya said to herself, relieved.
She arrived the next day. Though they did not know each other very well, they had met enough to be at ease with each other.
“Can we step out for a while, Maya. I want to have a cigarette,” Esha said. They went out. Esha didn't look too well.
“Is something wrong? Is something disturbing you?” Maya asked, concerned.
“What made you think I'm disturbed?” Esha asked.
Maya quickly changed the topic. She didn't want to intrude.
“Has your family moved here too?” Maya asked, changing the topic.
“No. My parents are still in Delhi. I'm separated from my husband,” she said.
“Welcome to the party!” Maya said. This seemed to ease matters when both laughed, as if it were a joke.
“I didn't know you were married!” Esha said.
Esha looked lost as she took a drag from her cigarette.
“Yes, I am disturbed. I broke off with the man I thought I was in love with. My sixth failed attempt at finding love.” She was misty eyed. Maggie raised her eyebrows. Six fucking heartbreaks. The girl must have an iron heart to deal with she thought. No wonder she is so lost. She felt sorry for her.
“By the way I am looking for a place to stay. Can you help?”
“Hey, you can move in with me. I was looking for a roommate.”
“Really.”
“Yes of course,” Maya said, glad for the company.
“I will have to go to the washroom to dab some kajal.” Public Appearances.
They went home a bit early that day, for they decided to have a proper home cooked meal. As they were chopping the vegetables, Esha reopened the issue. “What's your excuse for being separated?” she asked.
“What the hell! He doesn't love me,” Maya complained. “And your's?”
“He isn't worth loving,” Esha replied, chuckling.
Maya shared her thoughts about men. “You know how men are! There are only two things on their mind. One out of that is money. You know what the other is?” she exclaimed, looking at Esha.
“Yes, of course. They want their girl to be beautiful and available to them whenever they desire. They've no time for others except when they want to use someone, even if it is their wife.”
And so they chatted on, as the meal was getting ready. They talked through their meal and continued to as they lay down to sleep.
”Have you separated for good?” Esha enquired.
“For my good!” Maya replied. Both laughed at the pun.
“Mine's not even worth talking about,” Esha said.
“Sometimes relationships take time to conclude. It is difficult to make them and it becomes more difficult to break them,” Maya added.
“Weren't you smoking once?” Esha asked.
“Yeah. I gave it up! My smoking was becoming a topic of discussion. Besides, some guys got the idea that a girl who smokes could be an easy lay,” Maya said.
“You don't look to be the type who gives aneartowhat others say,” Esha exclaimed.
“Not really. But it seems to affect everything. The language men describe you in. How your colleagues treat you. Some men avoid you imagining you to be a whore. Though they themselves smoke it doesn't seem to matter. I find it irritating.”
“Would you ever see a woman smoking in television commercials? No, you won't. It spoils people's idea of a woman. Or a woman drinking? No, you won't! It's alright if men do so. No one happens to think there's anything wrong in a man doing so. The bastards. Our culture sickens me, sometimes,” Maya said bitterly.
“You hate men?” Esha asked, taken back at the bitterness in Maya's words.
“No, I don't hate them. But yes, I hate the type that think all women are good enough for are to be good wives. Good mothers. Guys who think a woman is responsible if she's raped! The type who circulate obscene multimedia messages. The ones who go and rape a five year old baby and call them the stronger sex. For that matter, I even hate women who are insecure and pull down women who are more independent and in control.”
Couldn't agree more, Esha said. “Besides, women aren't of equal status with men!”
“It's not that. A woman can be better than a man or it could be the other way around. But there's no point in comparing,” Maya said.
“Easy, girl, easy!” Esha smiled, patting Maya as if to console her. They drifted off to sleep in this fashion.
The next day Esha put up a poster of Lord Hanuman as if to protect her from any harm the cemetery could bring. If it possibly could, that is!