Few Moments of Letting Go by Kavita - HTML preview

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FORTY THREE

 

“What did you decide?” Simran asked him as they lay naked next to each other.

“About what?”

“About us!”

“Simran...,” he turned towards her and kissed her. His hand circling round her pink nipples. “With you around where is the time to think.”

“Kartik, I want to talk.” She whispered.

'Would you like some coffee?” he asked reluctantly. That will be nice, she said. He put on his shorts and got up when the doorbell rang. He opened the door.

He reeled from the shock. It was Maya with her luggage, having returned from Mumbai.

“Maya? You. What are you doing here?”

“I thought I'll come back home,” she said.

“That's Okay. But why didn't you call and tell me?”

“I decided to return all of a sudden. Besides, today being a Sunday, I knew you'd be at home,” she making her way inside and setting the suitcase on the living room floor.

She badly wanted to wash the grime off from her face and headed for the sink in the bathroom.

But what was this, Maya thought, as a bedsheet moved. There was a woman on the bed, she could make out. Simran had heard snatches of their conversation and had tried to hurriedly dress up.

'What's this?” asked Maya. “Who is she? What have you been up to? Where's your mother?” The questions flew fast at Kartik.

“Maya, she's a friend,” Kartik stammered.

“Friend? What is she doing here without her clothes on, Kartik.” She walked out of the room so that Simran could at least get dressed. 'Is this why you called me back? Oh, I forgot. You did not call me back. You said I could come if I wanted to, right?” she shouted. Kartik was tongue tied.

“Maya, don't get me wrong. This means nothing,” he said, motioning to the bedroom.

“Of that I'm sure, Kartik! I mean nothing to you, and that woman too means nothing to you, either,” she said, dazed, but stepping out to pick up her suitcase. Kartik didn't know whether to stop her or let her go. Maya took an autorickshaw to Vikram's house.

“What happened?” Vikram asked, as she stepped in.

“Nothing. I'm lost. I think I'll have to tell my parents that I'm getting out of my marriage. I feel so sorry for them.”

She narratedthe recent events of her life, of Raghu and of how she went back home and saw Kartik with some other woman.

“Does that other woman make a huge difference in your life.”  Vikram asked her.

Maya took a few minutes before she answered.

“Not really. It does not matter at all. Maybe it was just a momentary reaction.”

He shook his head. It was going to be noon, but what the hell, let's have some wine, he thought. She thought so too.

His house was a lavishly done apartment. He had a taste for Victorian furniture. A giant centre table that lay neatly in the hall with giant cushions on one side of it. Another side had a huge sofa covered with embroidered upholstery with shimmering blue satin feel. On the side a lamp hung beautifully spreading yellow light in the room. It gave a calming effect to eyes. Light music was being played in the background and the smell of cigarette was evident in the house. A round rug lay on the floor around which two wooden chairs were kept. He poured some wine from an expensive looking bottle for both of them.

As they sipped the wine, Vikram asked no questions, allowingher to speak herself.

“You know my father loves me very much, don't you?” she asked Vikram rhetorically.

“All parents love their children,” he said, nodding.

“They do, but I'm sure my dad loves me a little more than other fathers love their daughters. My heart is broken, but he'll be even more heartbroken when he knows that my marriage has fallen apart,” she said. “I don't understand why I feel so lonely when my dad loves me so much. How much more do I need? I'm greedy for love and that's what's screwing things up.”

He sighed. “Maya there's nothing bad about being greedy for love. It's just another need. The way one needs food, water, and air one also needs love. Some need it more than others. Love is the same; it changes its shape and form. It's like water. Water that can slake your thirst or kill you if denied. Besides, it's got to be pure.”

“How do you find it?”

“It flows within you. No one tells you when you should drink water, Maya. You realise it when the time comes.”

“I also felt the same when I met Kartik,” she said.

“You did not, Maya. You forced yourself to believe that you have found love. Love happens to you, you can't go looking for it. It's not as if it can be retrieved off a shelf!”

He continued. “Sometimes it feels like love, but it is not love. We start experimenting out of boredom of routine life and give it the name of love. Love is always two ways. Love demands reciprocation. It feeds on newness. It is like an art which has to be nourished. Love is like a videogame. Once you cross a level, there is another one ready to be explored. If there are no new levels the game would get over. There are conditions applied. You must have read poets like Byron and Wordsworth. One wrote poetry about love for a woman and the other wrote about love for nature, but both are called romantic poets. The intensity and passion with which they write does not change. It is not what you love, it is how you love. Love is when you close your eyes and can listen to the music the universe is singing for you.”

“Is it so important, this love?” she asked.

“Yes. It teaches you to become a complete human being. Love makes you a better person and the pain it brings with itself helps you understand and come to terms with life better. It comes in different forms, like a mother's love for her child, which is probably the most unselfish love in the world. It is unconditional. It is the most evolved form of love in the world. The highest form of love does not seek reciprocation. It's like the love of God, who wants you to choose the best for yourself, but gives you the free will to decide, anyway. Love is the light that helps you cross over different dimensions.”

“The second form of love is between a man and a woman. This can be the strongest form of love. Its suffering and passion makes you understand life as well as other people better. But it is also the most materialistic form of love and that is thereason why it is the most common, painful and the most easily understood.”

“Christianity says God made woman froma rib that he took out of Adam. In Indian mythology, Radha is the extended energy of Krishna. She has no other body. Even Gods are not untouched by its power.” “After the Big Bang, both matter and anti-matter were created. This is why we crave for a soul mate. The anti-matter is actually a part of the matter our body is made of. When you meet that anti-matter which is instrumental in completing your process of existence here in this world, you hear the music that your soul sings. Then is the time when you mingle with each other and become one and move on to the next journey of life. We all belong to the same morphic field. All of us are connected through the atomic bonds in the energy ground of the universe. All of us are connected through love.”

She was amazed at his words. But thoughts of her father and Kartik distracted her. “Are you alright?” Vikram asked, soothingly.

“You can cry if you want to,” he said.

“I'm missing my mom and dad,” she said, taken aback by her own words. Perhaps that's the only love that meant anything, she reasoned.

“I don't know what to do?” she said. “I want to run away.”

“Stop escaping, Maya. You ran away from your step mom, and then you ran away from the marriage. You ran away from Raghu. Stop. How much are you going to run? Stand tall and face it. You need to face these situations. Cry when you want to, for it heals. Lean on yourself alone. Don't cling on others to make you feel better. The pain should make you strong. Everything in this universe is balanced. If there is intense pain, there will be intense pleasure too. If it is dark today, it will be bright tomorrow. Just keep your faith. The night never loses faith in the sun. Faith is the language of universe.” Maya smiled, but she looked drained.

Vikram held her hand and kissed her on the forehead. “Maya differentiate between habits and love. Look within yourself. Love is the force that would keep you going even when loneliness will weigh you down. Habits on the other side will trap you.”