FORTY ONE
Someone rang the bell. It was Raghu. She opened the door and let him in. Unusually for him, he looked nervous.
“I'm sorry, Maya. You know how much I love you.” It seemed that all he was capable of was either pleading with her or abusing her.
“I know, Raghu. But I don't think we can make it.”
“Come on, Maya. It was a small incident. Don't make a big issue out of it. In any case, I've said sorry. You know I lose control of myself sometimes.”
“It's not a small thing, Raghu. I know you love me, but we think very differently. You don't want an ambitious girl, but I am one. That's why it won't work out for us,” said.
“You mean you're dumping me?” He was dumbfounded.
“It's not that, Raghu. It's just that we aren't made for each other,” she said.
“I'm not letting you go,” his voice changed.
“You can't keep me with you as well,” she said, standing her ground.
“I'm not letting you leave me like this, you bitch. You used me and had a good time. Now you don't want me anymore,” he said angrily.
“This is precisely why it is not going to happen, Raghu,” she said, tears beginning to form in her eyes. “I wish you were more sympathetic and normal.”
“Go to hell. Do whatever you want, but I'm not letting you go,” he said.
“I have to go now, Raghu. I've some work to do.”
“What work? I'll come along too,” he said, spoiling for a fight.
“I'm going to a friend's house, Raghu.” She picked up her bag and the house keys to go out.
Raghu snatched her bag and pushed her against the wall. “I said you are not going anywhere.”
“Please, Raghu. Don't start all over again,” she pleaded, crying. It only seemed to enrage him further.
“You desperate bitch. You think you'll get away by crying?”He threw the bag right at her face. It hit her in the eye. Before she could understand what happened he slapped her. Then his expression changed again.
“You want to leave? Alright, leave. If I ever see you again, I'll kill you,” he said his left hand going for her throat. He slapped her harder this time. “It's hurting me,” she almost choked. He released his grip and turned away from her.
Crying she ran to the bedroom and threw herself on the bed crying hard.
She cried for some time. Then, she got up, washed her face and came into the living room. Stuff from her bag was scattered on the floor.
She thought he must have gone away, but he was there. He lit another cigarette and stepped out on the balcony. Then minutes later he came back in.
“You know how much I love you, don't you. Why do you do this to me?” he asked, as if she was at fault.
“Please leave me, alone. Please! For God's sake,” she said, lapsing into tears again.
“You really want me to leave baby,” he was murmuring.
He looked at her for a while as if unsure of what to do next. Then he left. It was over with him, she decided. She was not going to get trappedfurther.
She was drinking a glass of water when the phone rang. Thank God it wasn't Raghu! It was Aditya.
“What's wrong with you, girl? Why didn't you call back?”
Maya was unable to say anything.
“Hey, Maya. Do you want me to come over?”
“Are you still in town,” she asked.
“Yes. The flight's got postponed. I'm leaving tomorrow.”
“Hmmm.”
“You've been crying?” he asked, making out from the tone of her voice and her unusual lack of enthusiasm.
Maya could not control the tears waiting to gush out. He listened to her crying on the phone for a while.
“What have you gotten into? I don't know what you are up to, Maya? It seems like you're in trouble. Is it that guy who dropped in earlier when I was there?” She didn't say much. What was there to say, anyway?
“It's alright if you want to be alone now, Maya. I can understand. I won't come over and trouble you. But don't cling to bad things, just let them go. It's like clinging to a boat with a hole. Eventually it will take you further down,” he said.
“I will,” she said, lifelessly.
“Why don't you cling on to me? I've some strong equipment to hold on to, babe,” he said laughing.
“Shut up, Adi,” she chuckled.
“Only you can make me laugh anytime. You're impossible, Adi. Anyway, I appreciate your concern. Don't worry about me. And hey, thanks,” she said, putting the phone down.
Raghu was sending messages now. But he was not in her mind. She wanted to speak to Vikram. It was time.
“I'm returning by the late night train,” she told him.
“It will be good to see you,” he said.
He wanted to tell her to come to him . She was suffering; stranded on the road to love. He could not prevent it. Moreover to become a mystic and cross over to another dimension she had to go through all this. We are imperfect creations of God, because we cannot be perfect, we need to learn from our own mistakes, he thought. Wounds are the medals that a mystic wears up his sleeve. This is what God meant by giving us free will. If we fall, we had to feel the pain. We have to choose the medication for the pain too.