FORTY
Simran walked over to his work station. She was wearing a navy blue kurta with a soft yellow Patiala salwar.
“You look stunning,” Kartik said, admiringly.
“I need to speak toyou.”
“Is it urgent?” He asked.
“Not really, but kind of,” she said.
What did women mean when they saysuch a thing? Why they make conversations so complex, he wondered.
He got up anyway and they headed to a coffee shop outside the office premises. They ordered coffee.
Simran's expression changed. Kartik was waiting to hear the urgent stuff.
“You don't love me anymore,” she said accusingly.
Oh, it's that damned love again, he thought.
“What makes you say that?” he asked, surprised.
“You've changed,” she said with downcast eyes. Kartik held her hand.
“You want me to show my love tonight?” he winked.
“It's only sex that's on your mind,” she hit back.
“As if you don't enjoy it?” he said, irritated.
“I feel lousy that we are compelled to hide our relationship from everyone,” she said.
“You know I'm married,” he said.
“Then why are you with me?” She wasn't letting him off easily. Not today. He sighed with frustration. “Why can't you take it easy?” he said.
“What do you mean? Easy? What's easy about it,” she retorted. “Either work on improving your married life or decide about us. Either make your wife happy or take care of me. Or is that you aren't capable of love?” she said, pushing the empty coffee cup away and getting up to go.
“I think I can't carry on like this Kartik. I have thought over it. It's time we should move on.”
Kartik looked at her walking away. Whoa that was not so bad after all.
Later, as he surfed on his laptop, Kartik pondered over what Simran said. She was partly right. He didn't really feel for anyone.
That's the way he was brought up, the family had been always short of a rupee. His parents were too busy making ends meet, bringing up the children, carrying out their parental chores.
It's so strange that half the time we are busy doing things what everyone else is doing,simply because that's how it should be done. Because everyone else did it, he thought. We keep following the monotony. We have no courage to take decisions. We are scared to follow our heart, to dream, give ourselves second chances. Anyway, taking a cue from Simran's words, he decided to call Maya.
“Hi, Maya,” he said. “How have you been?”
She wanted to tell him she was feeling very bad and very lonely.
“I'm fine,” she said, mechanically.
“What have you decided?”
“About what?”
“About us Maya, about our marriage,” he said, irritated.
“I haven't decided anything,” she said, irritating him even further.
“This can't go on like this Maya. Maybe you can at least come back. Let's give it one last shot.” She did not answer.
“Come on, Maya. I'm still fond of you. I'm sure you would not have been alone in Mumbai all this while, but I'm alright with it. We can start afresh.”
“What do you mean by that? That I was not alone?” she asked, angrily.
What's with these men, she thought. First it was Raghu spying on her. Now, her husband bringing up insignificant things.
“A friend of mine happens to live in the building close to where you stay. He has often seen you with someone.”
“Can't that person have been a friend, Kartik?
“It's possible. But you don't hug a friend and kiss him when you get inside the car or get out! Do you know how humiliating it is for me? And that too, to hear it from someone else? ” he said.
“Why call me then?” she was sarcastic.
“I want to either make it work or end it, Maya. This isn't leading either of us anywhere?”
“Do whatever you want to, Kartik.”
“I can't do it alone, Maya. Whether it's building something or breaking something, I cannot do it alone, Maya.”
“Hmmm. Does it make any difference if I come back to you or not?”
“Maya, there's no point talking like this. I'm fine with it either way. It's your call.” He disconnected. Maya felt a loss for words. She started scribbling on a piece of paper.
Listen to my heart
In silence that pains
Like a dumb woman
Who cries in rain
Voice unheard
Pain unnoticed
Eyes heavy
Hands weak and tears unseen
I walk in sin
And I walk alone
I sing a song
To myself unknown
My body sins
Mind is saint
Blood is all
It knows to paint
Love hurts all the way
I should have known
All of it feels like a lie
A lie trapped in a lie