Life Coaching: Definitons and Coaching Models by Dean Amory - HTML preview

PLEASE NOTE: This is an HTML preview only and some elements such as links or page numbers may be incorrect.
Download the book in PDF, ePub, Kindle for a complete version.

5) Pattern Detection

Observing a refrain of activities that suggests a structured approach in a coachee's responses and specifying that structure in terms of an outline, template, or metaphor.

5 Testing and Validating Structure

Asking complex meta-questions that unite numerous patterns, Matrix questions that invites systemic thinking, that describes the flow of information and energy through the mind-body system.

Presenting the structure back to the coachee and testing its validity with the coachee.

4 Eliciting Unique Structure

Asking meta-questions around refrains that seem unique (or idiosyncratic) to the coachee, presenting such to the coachee with little testing of it.

3 Eliciting Formalized Structures/Models

Asking meta-questions that seek to flush out formalized structures and models, Meta-Model questions, Meta-Program questions, Meta-State Question, SCORE, etc.

2 Simple Meta-Questions

Asking some simple meta-questions around repeated themes or refrains. Using some simple models as templates or patterns to understand experience.


1 Primary Questions About Content

Asking only primary level questions about content and details, no exploration of any pattern.

0 Caught in Content

"Caught up in content" as indicated by asking only content questions about details, telling stories about similar incidents, or advice giving.

6) Tracking a coachee

Paying attention to the structural form and processes of a coachee's response and recording that journey on paper using words, decision tree, diagrams, a mind-map, or keeping it in one's mind and being able to replicate it.

5 Elegant use of the tracking methods evidenced by coachee wanting the diagrams, mind-maps, etc. to use to enhance the session, the coachee co-creating with the coach the tracking or asking about it.

4 Very effective use of diagrams and tracking methods, inviting coachee to see, respond to them, asking how the process relates to outcomes of coaching.

3 Keeping good notes using various forms, referring to the notes to invite coachee to stay focused and on topic.

2 Jotting a few notes down, or referring to a mind-map or diagram of some sort. More awareness as reflected in statements about such.

1 Some awareness of the need and importance of tracking, asking

"Where are we?" "How does that relate to...?" "I should have tracked that."

0 No record keeping, no mentioning of the mental-emotional journey of coachee, where he or she went during process.


Scale the following 7 Essential Core Skills of Coaching on a scale from 0 to 5: Active Attentive Listening; Support: Rapport, Presence; Quality Questioning; Meta-Questioning; Giving Feedback Receiving Feedback; Eliciting States .

Individuals who have acheived the ACMC Credential have been benchmarked and demonstrated competency in all 7 of these Essential Coaching Skills.

1) Listening:

Being actively present to a coachee, collecting and synthesizing the sensory information (visual, auditory, and kinesthetic) as well as non-sensory specific terms so as to accurately reflect back the content presented as well as process information.

5 Mostly Quiet,

Speaking less than 30% of the time, ideally 5% to 10%. Turning body to coachee to be fully physically present to the coachee, acknowledging the communication by maintaining eye contact, using soft "sparkling eyes," head nodding, and encouragers. Asking about what is not being said. Asking questions that invite coachee to co-create more questions or awareness of mental and emotional structures and resources, coachee talking extensively and then saying, "I never thought of any of this before you asked about it."

4 Probing, 60% Quiet

Asking questions that probe for more details about coachee's view of things, inviting coachee to self-listen ("Did you hear what you just said?") to increase awareness of what's "in the back of the mind,"

giving space and time for person to be with those thoughts and feelings, being silent as the coachee speaks 60% or more of the time, supporting coachee (See Supporting). Ask lots of awareness 50


questions about patterns, "How aware are you that you have said lots of things about X, but nothing about Y?"

3 Repeating words, 50% Quiet

Actively exploring the structure and content by using questions that ask about form, using more body language of head nodding to encourage coachee to speak, using "encouragers" such as sounds,

"hmmm," "ahhh," "yes, go ahead," "say more." Using extended silences and pauses so coachee speaks at least 50% of the time.

2 Less Paraphrasing, more Repeating, 40% Quiet Eye contact regular, repeating back specific words and some paraphrasing that matches coachee's content, speaking 60% or more of the time and quiet only 40% of time, giving little time for coachee to speak.

1 Some Eye Contact/ Body Contact

Making some eye contact, paraphrasing the coachee's sentences, only partially keeping general track of the content. "Where are we?"

Taking notes on other things than coachee's statements and eyes internally processing while coachee speaks. [If eye contact means something other than listening and respect in a given culture, then turning body toward coachee or equivalent.]

0 Telling and Interrupting

No evidence of being present to coachee as indicated by no eye contract, no tracking of content, of what is being said, talking over, telling, teaching, making evaluations, and interrupting.


2) Supporting:

Providing a sense of safety to coachee through questioning, listening, celebrating, expression affirmations of belief in and trust in the coachee, through managing environment, and the conversation.

5 At level of "person"

Stating one's own concerns and emotions of support with a coachee, expressing a willingness to invest in the other's well-being and resourcefulness in support of the coachee's outcomes and agendas,

"I'm here for you," "Use the coaching call between sessions when you need to."

4 Invite coachee to apply own resources

Responding to coachee's emotion with one's own that pace, respectfully exploring, inviting the coachee to access and apply own resources to situation, offering statements of affirmation that conveys belief in the person's potentials, celebrating and cheer-leading coachee's successes, pacing meta-programs, meta-states, concepts, and values.

3 Actively Present, asking about emotions

Actively and intently listening, asking about emotions, investing energy into conversation and managing the environment so that it enables coachee to stay focused, summarizing, offering some physical response such as putting hand on shoulder, "That must have been challenging." Matching & Mirroring: pacing posture, breath, gesture, etc. Words, sounds that encourage to continue: "yes, and then?" "Hmmm," "ahhhh!"

2 Only partial match and mirroring

Partially matching coachee's words, posture, breathing, etc., listening for facts, details, ideas, failure to fully match output of other's gestures and non-verbal expressions.


1 Fiddling

Listening with no or little eye-contact, fiddling with other things, failing to follow up statements expressing emotion, seemingly preoccupied with other things. Little or no attention to context and atmosphere to deal with noises, distractions, etc.

0 Impatience

Indicates of little interest: failing to track the content, repeatedly asking "What did you just say?", firing off questions without time to respond. Interrupting. Making statements of judgment, evaluation, blame and interpretations.

3) Questioning:

Asking a person to turn reflect inwardly to respond with ideas, answers, resources, and solutions, inquiring about the coachee's world of ideas, beliefs, frames, goals, etc.

5 Creating Movement

Asking that frames and explores structure, that challenges in a personal and intimate way, that creates forward movement, that the coachee evaluates as getting to the heart of things.

4 Inviting Higher Awareness

Asking that invites awareness and meta-awareness, that puts coachee at a choice, that produces energy for finding solutions, inviting coachee to be solution-focused, collaborative, and playful.

3 Open Ended Questions

Asking that invites a search without a prescribed end, asking for information in an open-ended way so there's no wrong answer ("How do you best like to relax?"), to elicit relevant and pertinent answers, that shifts attention to what's productive for moving toward outcome.


2 Leading Questions

Asking questions that lead to prescribe answer ("Don't you want to handle this situation using X ?") so that coachee either feels controlled and dominated in the conversation, or begins resisting the question and not playing the conversation coaching game.

1 Closed Questions

Asking closed-ended questions, rhetorical questions, and "nosy"

questions about irrelevant details and content.

0 Telling and Advice-Giving

Telling, storytelling, and giving of personal judgments, no questioning.

4) Meta-Questioning:

Asking question about previous questions, asking about one's mind-body states and about higher level states of awareness. Meta-Questioning invites a coachee to explore higher frames of mind, that is, thoughts and feelings about thoughts and feelings.

5 FBI-Frame By Implication

Asking richly layered frame by implication (FBI) questions (loaded with lots of presuppositions) which facilitate a paradigm shift for coachee. Using language patterns that have layers of phrases that presuppose the coachee's values, outcomes, best dreams and which elicit the most relevant states, "How surprised will you be this next week when you find yourself using this new frame so that you stay comfortable and yet excited as you make that presentation, just how much will that fit into your primary goal, and how much will that enrich your sense of self?" FBI questions have significant effect.


4 Complex Meta-Questions with significant effect Asking complex meta-questions relevant to KPI with significant effect for the coachee. "What does it mean now that you have made this decision; how will that affect your sense of self from now on?"

3 Simple Meta-Questions

Asking 10 or more (per 30 minute session) of simple meta-questions; delivered in matter-of-fact manner, directly and congruently, coachee responds with some effect.

2 6 or less Meta-Questions

Asking simple meta-questions that may be delivered with hesitation, without congruence, too quickly, etc. so coachee is confused. "What do you feel about that?" "About what? What are you talking about?"

1 Non-relevant

Asking meta-questions that do not have anything to do with the coachee's outcomes "What do you believe about dogs?"

0 Primary Level

Asking only primary state questions, or failing to ask questions at all, asking only questions about objects "out there."

5) Inducing States

To say words, use metaphors, tell stories in such a way that invites another to recall or imagine a mind-body-emotional experience. To use voice and gestures in such a way that a coachee begins to think-and-feel as if in that way of thinking




5 Amplification

Asking coachee to amplify the state and to fully experience it in breathing, walking, moving, gesturing, speaking, etc. Teasing and testing to see how much of the state the coachee is experiencing.

Amplifying it and anchoring the state for further use.

4 Leading

Speaking in metaphors, stories, using indirect methods to induce the state to layer multiple suggestions for the state. Asking coachee to be with the emotions of the state and to manifest them more fully in the body. Using a menu list of suggestive experiences that are likely to elicit the state.

3 Going First and Pacing

Speaking with a voice and using words that suggest and invite the desired state. Going into the state first and using it to invite the coachee into it, expressing it in one's voice, gesture, face, breathing, etc.

2 Some Matching and Mirroring

Asking about the state, suggesting it. Some matching and mirroring to pace the person's current state and then mentioning the desired state.

1 Facts without Pacing, Different state to Coachee Mentioning state with a monotone, or with a tone of voice that does not correspond to desired state. The coach not in the state, or in a different state (i.e., impatient when wanting to evoke patience, tired and fatigued when evoking motivation). Perhaps mentioning the state and demanding the coachee experience it. "Don't feel afraid, feel courage."

0 Ignoring State, Incongruence

No mention of one's state, let alone of the desired state, monotone use of voice, no use of tone, tempo, or story that corresponds to the state or outcome of the coachee.


6) Giving Feedback:

Saying words with the support of gestures, movements, voice tone, etc. that both provides support and a mirroring back to the coachee of a specific behavior that leads to an improvement in performance, state, belief, etc.

5 Measured Steps

The information is delivered with measured steps for improvement, offered in a tentative way so the coachee can reflect on it, given in a way that invites responsibility, and that even excites the coachee to make even more positive changes.

4 Individualized and Balanced

Giving the sensory-based information in a way that the coachee evaluates as respectful, given in slow (patient), measured, and calm way. Information is individualized to the person, precise to his or her situation, balanced with support, and in a way that opens up new possibilities for the coachee.

3 Specific and Sensory Based

Giving specific information that is see-hear-feel so the coachee can easily recognize and acknowledge it, giving it by pacing coachee's experience, giving information that's factual, concise, succinct, relevant, and useable for moving on toward objectives.

2 Convoluted

Giving convoluted and/or vague feedback that is not sensory based in description, using one's own values and criteria about the behavior rather than the coachee's criteria. "I think you ought to really stop thinking being egocentric about that job, and develop your skills."

1 Negative

Giving feedback quickly without much thought (impatiently), without much consider about the state it would induce the coachee into, criticizing, blaming, arguing, telling, making the information 57

personal, rather than about behavior. "You're just not very good at this, are you?"

0 Withholding

Withholding any response from the coachee, judging the coachee or his or her behaviors

7) Receiving Feedback:

Hearing and asking about information that mirrors back how a response came across, taking that in, reflecting upon it, asking more questions about it, integrating what one finds useful in order to improve performance toward a desired outcome.

5 Celebrating and Implementing

Actively seeking and making comments of appreciation, celebrating the information as useful for improvement, recognizing how the sensory information suggests patterns that call for implementing a change in behavior, making plans for integrating it and enhancing one's performance.

4 Questioning and Clarifying

Questioning the information by seeking clarification, asking for more details about when, where, how, etc., reflecting upon the information and making statements about how it fits or doesn't fit. Coachee in a state of interest, curiosity, etc.

3 Acceptance and Exploration

Accepting the information by acknowledging it and exploring it, "Yes I remember doing that. What did that mean to you?" "How did that affect him?" Some exploration and clarification, but coachee generally in a neutral state or a slightly negative one with low levels of anger, fear, stress, etc.



2 Silent

Silent listening to feedback, seemingly pondering some of it, but asking no questions, not exploring its meaning, asking for clarification.

1 Negative

Responding to the information in a negative emotional state (anger, fear, stress, frustration, etc.) so that coachee in a reactive and defensive state, saying things that immediately defend against the information, arguing, deflecting, discounting, and disagreeing with vigor.

0 Disengaged

Disengaged to the information, refusing to listen, walking away, avoiding it and not dealing with it.


1. Establishing and maintaining a relationship of trust Definition

Ensure a safe space and supportive relationship for personal growth, discovery and transformation.


1. The client is open to sharing and receiving.

2. The client perceives the coach as a personal advocate.

3. The client sees transformation and growth as manageable.

4. The client has realistic expectations of results and responsibilities of coaching.

Key Elements

1. Mutual respect and acceptance.

2. Confidence and reassurance.

3. The client feels safe to share fears without judgment from the coach.

2. Perceiving, affirming and expanding the client’s potential Definition

Recognizes and help the client acknowledge and appreciate his or her strengths and potential.


1. The client has greater appreciation of personal capabilities and potential.

2. The client is more willing to take actions beyond current paradigms or strategies.


Key Elements

1. Being in empathy with the client.

2. Recognizing a wider range of possibilities.

3. Encouraging and empowering the client.

4. Challenging limiting beliefs.

5. Recognizing strengths of client and awareness of where strengths support personal and organizational goals (where appropriate).

3. Engaged listening


Give full attention to the words, nuances, and the unspoken meaning of the client's communication; the coach is more deeply aware of the client, his/her concerns and the source of the issue, by listening beyond what the client is able to articulate.


1. The client feels understood and validated – not judged.

2. The client communicates more effortlessly and resourcefully.

Key Elements

1. The coach focuses on what the client expresses, both verbally and nonverbally.

2. The coach listens beyond what the client articulates.

3. The coach is alert to discrepancies between what the client is saying (words) and the client’s behavior and/or emotions.


4. Processing in the present


Focus full attention on the client, processing information at the level of the mind, body, heart and/or spirit, as appropriate. The coach expands the client’s awareness of how to experience thoughts and issues on these various levels, when and as appropriate. The coach utilizes what is happening in the session itself (client’s behavior, patterns, emotions, and the relationship between coach and client, etc.) to assist the client toward greater self-awareness and positive, appropriate action.


1. The client is free to express and engage with present reality.

2. The client is unencumbered by past or future preoccupations or concerns.

3. The client benefits from coaching insight and support on all levels.

4. The coach is highly attuned to subtle communications from the client.

Key Elements

1. The coach is aware of the dynamics occurring within the session, within the client, and between coach and client, and understands how the dynamics are affecting the client and the coaching.

2. The coach has a simultaneous and holistic awareness of the client’s communications at all levels.

3. The coach is able to discern whether the client is communicating from the past, present or future.

4. The coach allows the client the opportunity to process and clarify the coach’s questions and comments.

5. The coach allows the client the opportunity to process his or her own thoughts and responses.


5. Expressing


Attention and awareness to how the coach communicates commitment, direction, intent, and ideas – and the effectiveness of this communication.


1. The coaching interaction is enhanced with the client being at ease and trusting.

2. The client is open to understanding and/or questioning any communication from the coach.

Key Elements

1. Respect.

2. Attentiveness.

3. Client-focused.

4. Clarity.

5. Appropriateness.

6. Clarifying







understanding and the confidence of the client.


1. The client and the coach move forward in a more directed way.

2. Increased possibilities.

3. Decreased uncertainty.

4. Uncovering the unknown.


Key Elements

1. Identify the most important issue while respecting client’s preferences and limitations.

2. No judgment by the coach, no leading toward a particular destination.

3. Identify key values and needs.

4. Facilitate alignment of purpose, vision and mission.

5. Identify blocks to progress.

7. Helping the client set and keep clear intentions Definition

Helps the client become or remain focused and working towards intended goals.


1. The client feels capable.

2. The client is clear about what he or she wants to accomplish or transform.

3. The client is inspired by the possibilities.

4. The client moves forward purposefully.

Key Elements

1. Inquiring into the client’s intentions and goals.

2. Time spent on what is most important.

3. Clarifying direction of progress.

4. Periodically reviewing, revising and/or celebrating the process and intentions.

8. Inviting possibility


Creating an environment that allows ideas, options and opportunities to emerge.



1. The coach enables expansion of thoughts and actions.

2. The client’s awareness is expanded.

3. The coach helps client transcend barriers.

4. The client is willing to leave his/her comfort zone.

5. The client has more options.

Key Elements

1. Trust, openness, curiosity, courage, and recognition of potential.

2. The coach and the client communicate through exploration and discovery.

3. Identify “internal” possibilities (e.g., personal greatness, higher purpose) and “external” possibilities (e.g., resources, memes).

4. Possibilities are generated by the coach, the client or a collaboration of the two.

9. Helping the client create and use supportive systems and structures


Helping the client identify and build the relationships, tools, systems and structures he or she needs to advance and sustain progress.


The client is confident and secure in moving forward, knowing that resources are available or can be created.



Key Elements

1. The coach suggests possible support systems and structures appropriate to the client’s needs.

2. The coach prompts the client to identify support systems and structures the client has but is not utilizing effectively.

3. The coach assists the client to identify areas in which the client feels a need for support and structure.

4. The client understands the value of appropriate support systems.

5. The client’s progress toward their goals or intentions is more sustainable.

© 2007- 2011 International Association of Coaching.

All use, reproduction, distribution and modification of these materials is subject to the terms and conditions of the license.




Motivational interviewing aims at helping coachees to explore their reasons to change.






Motivational interviewing involves (Miller & Rollnick, 1991):

- Expressing empathy

Motivational interviewing consists of more listening and less


- Developing discrepancy

Focus the patient’s attention on discrepancy:

‘I like my present situation and way of living, but I know I will need a job to sustain myself and I hate the hassles with my family.’

- Raising awareness:

‘How do you see the connection between your present situation and the tensions inside the family?

- Avoidingargumentation

The coachee, and not the coach, is encouraged to argue for change.

- Rolling with resistance

Try not to provide solutions. Provide opportunity for the coachee to identify solutions - sometimes with your help).

If the coach resists, this may be an indication that you are taking a wrong approach.


- Helping the coachee consider issues from other perspectives.

For example:

- ask the coachee’s view of your findings.

- Ask them what they think the view of a significant other might be etc.

- Supporting self-efficacy

The coachee’s confidence in their ability to implement and sustain changed behaviour will influence whether or not they attempt and persist with efforts to change.



Explore positive and negative consequences

Provide opportunity to explore the coachee’s specific concerns

Use reflective listening and summaries to understand and communicate understanding

 Elicit self-motivational statements:

 ‘What are the things you like and don’t like about your …?’

 ‘What have other people said about your …?’

‘What makes you think you might need to change?’

 Help the coachee decide whether to change:

 ‘Where does this leave you now?’

‘What does this mean for your …?’

 Avoid:




imposing a label on them


telling them what they must do



trying to break down denial with confrontation

 It should never feel as though you are confronting the coachee. Instead, it should feel the both of you are confronting the problem(s) together.


Brief motivational interviewing and opportunistic interventions are well researched (Rollnick et al., 1999).

Two factors are central:

- Importance — e.g. some think it is important to change, but are not clear how they can do it

- Confidence — e.g. some are confident they can change, but it is not important to them

Brief motivational interviewing consists of the following eight components:

1. Scaling questions

Ask questions such as:

‘On a scale of 0–5 how important is it for you to achieve this goal?’

‘On a scale of 0–5 how confident are you about reaching this goal?’

You can use scaling to help quickly identify the most important areas to work on.

You can then use this information:

‘Why is it so high?’ (Even if a ‘1’: ‘Why isn’t it a zero?’)

‘What will help keep you at this level?’


‘What will help you move higher?’

‘How high does it have to be before you make an attempt to change?’

‘What can I do to help?’

2. Exploring importance

‘What are the benefits of your present situation?’

‘What are some of the less good things?’

3. Summarise

‘Where does that leave you now?’

4. Building confidence

‘In the past, what has been helpful when you have tried to …?’

‘Is there anything you can learn from these past attempts?’

‘Is there anything you can learn from other people’s attempts to change?’

5. Exchanging information

How you share information and your expertise is important.

‘How much do you already know about …?’

‘Some people find that …how about you?’

‘How do you see the connection between …. and your problems?’

‘Is there anything more you’d like to know about …?’

6. Reducing resistance

Understand what causes the resistane that the coachee is feeling:

The coachee may be holding on to an existing situation, no matter how bad it is, because at least, they are familiar with it and they are afraid of how changing to a new situation will affect their lives.


Or they may have the feeling that you are pushing them and are taking over control over their life.

Whenever the coachee seems to get nowhere , hesitates to make decisions or take action:

 Slow down and express empathy, especially about the difficulty of changing.

 Emphasise personal choice and control.

 Don’t try to provide solutions — invite the coachee to re-confirm his goals and to collaborate in providing a solution.

The onus is then on him, not you, to make a decision to change.

 Build up confidence by encouraging him take small steps and achieve small successes.

 Challenge any irrational fears, beliefs and convictions that you discover : Use the ABCDE Coaching model (2.5.1),

 Practise the questions about confronting fear (3.2)

 Learn about dealing with obstacles and resistance (4.2)

 Redefine fear (4.34)

Examples of coachees expressing feelings of resistance: I don’t know why I did it. Looks like I just keep repeating the same mistakes all over. I guess that’s how I am, I just can't help it!

What exactly stopped you from using the correct approach?

How did doing this make you feel?

I know it’s wrong to …., but I just can’t decide to …

It sounds as though something is blocking you from …

What is the worst thing that could happen if ….


Ahh, never mind: I guess I was born stupid, never learned a thing and probably will die stupid!

Maybe, but do you remember what exactly kept you from …

That's a hard one.

You don't have to go into all the details, but can you give me the gist of it?

What do I care?

It sounds as though you've lost interest all of a sudden.

I really don't know what happened back then.

It must be hard, having to remember those things.

I am confused and don’t know what to do anymore: one person says one thing, another something else and whatever I try, things seem to always turn out wrong for me.

It's always good to get advice from other people, but it doesn't make it any easier to choose a solution that really suits you.

Serious problem? Oh well, I don’t really see this as a problem. I have learned to live with it, you know.

If that is what you want, then that is good. But I do remember there is a reason why you came to see me.

The world is such a mess, there's not much I can do.

That's true, but how about starting with your own situation?

Oh no, don't start all that again. Why can't we give it a rest?

It sounds like something is still troubling you.

I didn't do the homework, just didn't get round to it.

Looks like it is hard to do the tasks we agreed to. What is really stopping you from doing them?


7. Motivating

In spite of the fact that the coachee knows he is in trouble and has come to see you about it, he isn't always motivated to really work on his problems.

He can also get discouraged in the course of the sessions.

It is up to you then to motivate him again by encouraging him to look at it from different angles.

Here are some motivating sentences that you could use, followed by some examples:

What would encourage you?

What would swing you into action?

What inner resources could possibly strengthen your will to succeed?

How could you speed things up?

How much time do you allocate yourself?

The sooner you start, the quicker you can reach your goal.

We could go over everything again, but how about 'starting'


Every journey starts with the first step.

Sometimes you need to just grin and bear it, and go on.


Despite all this coaching, I give up. I just can't make it through the month.

I think you've come a long way, hold on. Let's look at what we can come up with to make it through the coming week.

What do you think you need for that?


Nice plans we've made, but I just don't seem to be able to carry them out.

What's holding you back?

I keep forgetting!

How can you stop yourself from forgetting?

Write things on a piece of paper and put it on the back of the door, so I see it before I leave the house.

That's a good idea. Here's a piece of paper...

I want to quit school because I don't think I will ever graduate.

Maybe, but you've studied hard for four years. You only have a few more months to go. Actually you are virtually there and now you want to throw away four years, just like that?

Bit of a waste, eh?

It's your choice to throw away four years of effort.

I'm scared to death I will flunk.

So it's very important to you that you make it.

Yes, I didn't put in four years for nothing.

What would motivate you to go for it those last few months?

8. Summarise and invite action

We have discussed a number of issues…” + name them!

Then ask:

“Which issue is most important to you at this moment?”

‘What do you think you should do about …?’

“What will be your First step?”

“What will you do now?”

“How could you overcome this problem?”



Roll with resistance

Don’t confront head on. Explore reasons behind resistance.

Provide information; explore alternatives; involve the other.

Express empathy

Attitude of acceptance and respect; Reflective listening without judging, criticizing or blaming.

Avoid argumentation

Focus instead on helping the person with self-recognition of problem-areas.

Develop discrepancy

Motivation for change is created when we perceive a discrepancy between our behavior and important personal goals.

Support Self-efficacy


(Based on Mason, 1997).

Source: The Art of Counselling / De Kunst van het Counselen

© Copyright Owner: Academy for Counselling and Coaching - The Netherlands - Paul van Schaik



1. Set a major, fixed goal, but follow a flexible path which has mini-goals that go in many directions.

2. Finish what you start

3. Socialize with others of similar interest. If we associate with losers, we will be losers.

4. Learn how to learn. Once we learned the art of self-education, we will find – if not create – opportunities to build success.

5. Harmonize natural talent with talent that motivates. Natural talent creates motivation, motivation creates persistence, persistence gets the job done.

6. Increase knowledge of subjects that inspire. The more we know about a subject, the more we want to learn about it.

7. Take Risk: Failure and bouncing back are elements of motivation. Failure is a learning tool.


(= goal)


(= motive:

avoid pain /


gain pleasure)

(= path)








#1 Set a major goal, but follow a path.

The path has mini goals that go in many

directions. When you learn to succeed at

mini goals, you will be motivated to

challenge grand goals.

#2 Finish what you start. A half

finished project is of no use to

anyone. Quitting is a habit. Develop

the habit of finishing self-motivated


#3 Socialize with others of similar

interest. Mutual support is motivating.

We will develop the attitudes of our five

best friends. If they are losers, we will be

a loser. If they are winners, we will be a

winner. To be a cowboy we must

associate with cowboys.

#4 Learn how to learn.

Dependency on others for

knowledge supports the habit of

procrastination. Man has the ability

to learn without instructors. In fact,

when we learn the art of self-

education we will find, if not

create, opportunity to find success

beyond our wildest dreams.

#5 Harmonize natural talent with

interest that motivates. Natural talent creates motivation, motivation creates

persistence and persistence gets the job





#6 Increase knowledge of

subjects that inspires. The more

we know about a subject, the more

we want to learn about it. A self-

propelled upward spiral develops.

#7 Take risk. Failure and bouncing back are elements of motivation. Failure is a

learning tool. No one has ever succeeded

at anything worthwhile without a string

of failures.



Use the environment to focus attention on goals: Create a warm, accepting yet business-like atmostphere Use interesting visual aids (booklets, posters, …) or / and practice equipment.


Incentives motivate:

Privileges, receiving praise, rewards ….

Motivation without reward rarely lasts.


Ganas and satisfaction are key elements

Be careful with external rewards, since they may cause a decline in internal motivation. Internal motivation is longer lasting and more self-directive than is external motivation.


Seeing starts with a hunger

We must be ready for change. The coach’s role is to encourage the development of this “readiness”




Good organization enhances motivation

Smart goals and Informative, respectful feedback go a long way




Does coachee’s motivation come from the inside?


Is coachee fully committed?


Is there a big “REASON WHY” present?


Is the goal SMART, inspiring and attainable?


Is a supportive environment in place?




Without self motivation you will not achieve your goals. As the saying goes, "if it's to be it's down to me".

First, our motivation can only come from inside ourselves. Why?

Because motivation is an internal force that drives individuals to act in order to achieve a specific goal. Two people might read the same book, or listen to the same inspirational speaker but respond differently. One person might feel motivated to act, the other might not.

Second, you must have a big enough 'reason why' in order to feel motivated. Your reason why must provide a 'meaningful motive'. It can be useful to look for a reason that's bigger than yourself. For example, you may want to earn enough money to take care of your family - not just yourself. So David McNally's advice is to dig deep into the truth of what you want. This is why it's so important to choose goals to which you feel 100%


Third, you need to believe that your goal is attainable. Either that or your fear must be so great that you will try anyway.

Without this fear or belief self motivation is difficult to maintain.

Given that you probably don't want to live with feelings of dread, let's take a look at belief. You can start by looking for evidence within yourself that you can achieve your goal. You can then back this up by seeking support, mentors and role-models, either directly or indirectly through books and audios.

Fourth, your environment is an influence on motivation. That's a key reason why you need to choose your friends and colleagues carefully. This doesn't have to mean saying goodbye to the 80