Sudetenland Tales by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview
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Sudetenland Tales
Page 340
Mozzarella quietly assembled. They wore tattered birthday hats and robes sewn from prize tickets. Their founding scripture? An autographed pizza box left behind by Guy Fieri in 2011.
At the center of their subterranean temple stood a half functional animatronic Chuck E. Cheese, affectionately renamed “Prophet Charles Electronica.” His eyelids flickered with divine glitch, and his arm occasionally twitched in a gesture interpreted as cosmic approval. Whenever he emitted a garbled tune from his broken speaker, the Mystics would chant, “The algorithm foretells!"
Leary, following mood fluctuations in MoodOS that manifested as a desire for synthetic cheese, discovered the cult while hitchhiking across a fiber optic freeway. At first, he mistook them for performance artists. But after sipping a ceremonial “Enlightenment Slushie”; Mountain Dew laced with vintage Dip’n Dots and something possibly fungal, he declared the temple “a vibrational nexus disguised as a capitalist graveyard.”
Together, Leary and the Mystics devised a metaphysical system based on arcade tokens. One's spiritual worth was measured by the ability to win tickets from broken skee-ball machines using interpretive dance. They launched a TEDxTalk titled "From Tokens to Totems: Reclaiming the Cheese of Being."