Damaged Goods by Diane McNab - HTML preview

Two years passed. One evening my Mother knocked on my Father's study door asking if she could speak with him.

“Yes, yes, but I have papers to go over, make it quick.”

Alice took a deep breadth and said “Grayson I would like another child.”

His answer was almost a shout “Holy Mother Mary of God are you expecting the second coming because that is the only way it is going to happen under our living circumstances!”

Alice answered softly “You chose to leave our bedroom immediately after Jane's birth. Something I never asked or even wanted you to do. If I was caught up at the time, finally having a child in my arms after so many years and did not recognise that we were drifting apart, I apologise. However, Jane is now of an age that it would be a good time to give her a sibling and therefore I was hoping that we as a couple could get back on track.”

“No, not ever” was Grayson's adamant answer. “Why would you consider such a folly?”

“What happened to us Grayson? We were originally so happy together, is it because...................” but trailed off before finishing.

“Life” was his answer.

Alice looked at him directly and asked “So what do we do from here?”

For a moment Grayson looked confused and then said “Do? We will carry on as we always have, like two grown adults. I won't divorce you. You will be my Wife as you have been for the past few years and will continue to be so. Nothing needs to change.”

And so there it was. Two people standing opposite each other with a raging river running in between them, with no safe crossing in sight.

Soon after I started primary school my Father declared it was time for me to attend family dinners proclaiming it would teach me good table manners. My Mother was delighted though I desperately preferred having my dinner with Lily in the nursery.

One night my Father started talking about a new Doctor called Ethan Dawson who had joined the ranks several weeks earlier. Father talked of him in glowing terms saying that he was more than happy to take him under his wing and that he was a smart young man going places.

“It is almost like you are talking about him as if he is your Son” said Alice.

Father answered “Well if he were I would be a very proud man indeed.”

“You Bastard” said Alice, the expletive coming out of her mouth without realising it.

Father raised his hand and said “Jane you may be excused.” Though Jane had only had a few mouthfuls of the main course she gladly fled the room realising a storm was brewing and wanting no part of it.

Alice looked at Grayson and was shocked to see the look of such venom on his face and wondered if he would actually hit her.

Grayson stared at Alice and in a low controlled voice said “Never use that word again in my presence or I shall kick you to the kerb where you belong. There you will stay on your own. I will ensure that your little princess will be brought up here so I can keep a watchful eye over her and nip any bad habits you have brushed on to her in the bud.”

So there it was, the unspoken threat that had hung over Alice's head for years, finally finding a voice.

With that Grayson briskly left the room leaving Alice in a state of panic.

My Grandmother Claudia Collins passed away when I was eight years old. Being her only Grandchild I was expected to attend the funeral.

I had never met my Grandmother Collins. Unbeknown to me my Father had visited her shortly after my birth explaining my 'defect' so to speak.

“It took nearly five years for you to have a child and now this. That is shocking news” Grandmother Collins had said. “What will happen from here? I mean divorce is out of the question.”

“Mother I do not intend to get a divorce, however, I have moved out of our marital bedroom as I do not want to sire another unhealthy child. Hell Mother if she had had a heart problem I could have probably taken care of it but I am not leaving myself open to having another child not knowing what the end result could be.”

“Very wise Martin. However, you are a man and in being so I ask that you be discreet” said his Mother.

“That goes without saying” Martin answered.

My Grandmother Collins never met me and as far as I know never wanted to.

At such a young age I had never attended a funeral before but my Father schooled me on how to behave.

“Don't forget Jane you are grieving for your Grandmother and therefore you should act appropriately.”

I was not sure what to do so I placed the sternest look on my face and hoped that would suffice.

After the service I was picked up by Lily and returned home, my Mother and Father attending the wake at the Yacht Club.

Mum got home stating she never wanted to the see the sight of caviar again let alone taste it.

“She threw her high heels off and picked me up telling me I had been a perfect angel.

Granny Agnes declared “When my time comes I want people to sing and dance” doing a strange little jig that made Mum and Lily laugh.

When Granny Agnes passed two years later it was a very different story. There was tears and tantrums on my part, not wanting to believe that someone I loved so much was gone. I realised I was being selfish when my Mother looked at me with sad eyes and declared she was hurting to.

Mum and Lily bundled me in to the car and we headed to the funeral.

The wake was held at Granny Agnes's home. There was a small crowd inside and outside of where she had lived. Styrofoam cups were passed around for coffee and tea and plastic glasses for wine, beer and such like.

Neighbours and friends brought platters of sandwiches, homemade sausage rolls, pastries and other delights.

And yes there was dancing. The music was played on Agnes's old cassette player, the songs she used to dance to with Rab back in the day.

Later when everyone had left Alice and Lily sat down together with Lily stating “She had a good send off.”

Alice smiled and said “It was exactly what she would have wanted.”

Agnes didn't have much to leave behind. She had left a note of some sort to her friends and neighbours stating take what they wanted and what no-one wanted leave for the Salvo's.

Her dearest possession she left to Alice, the argyle ring that Rab had lovingly placed on her finger many moons ago.