Chapter 1
February 14, 2011Akron, Ohio
Its been seven months since I almost died. It was the turning point of my life. Nothing has been the same since. Instead of me dying, it seems that everyone around me is. My mom died from a heart attack three months ago. My best friend died in a car crash along with her father just last month. And now, my cousin in Mississippi is in the hospital dying of breast cancer.
The day I almost died was a curse on the ones I love. Will it ever end? Will anyone ever be safe? My older brother, Tom, came back home (from his house in California) with his new wife to take care of me. Now that our mother has died-since our father left when we were little-there is no one to look after me. Not that I need to be looked after. But, of course, after our mother’s death, my brother needs to make sure nothing happens to me. If only he knew that I, Charlotte Gwen, almost died not too long ago. But, that would only make it worse, so no one tell him. Samuel, my best friend and one true love, has been watching my every move ever since.
He won’t leave me side. Although, I do like to know that I’m safe with him. I don’t want him to ever leave my side, of course, metaphorically though. Literally, it can be irritating. He does it because he loves me and I appreciate that he doesn’t want to lose me, but I don’t need anyone to watch over me. Honestly, I think they need to be watched since everyone I love is dying around me. If I lost Samuel, I would never recover. I would put a gun to my head rather than live without him. But, that’s anther story I will tell another time.
Now its one week until Valentine’s Day and I’m not at all excited this year. Usually I love V-Day, but after what happened in July, nothing could ever make me as happy. Samuel says he has a surprise for me to get my mind off of everything, but there’s nothing in this world that could get my mind off of the worst seven months of my life.
It was about 12:45 (lunch time in school), a February Tuesday, and really cold outside. Even with the sun out, shining bright enough to make you go blind, there was still white, glistening snow on the ground and it was windy. Still cold enough to see your breathe. Samuel was cuddled up to me so tightly before school began because we were so cold. I’m just glad I had him right beside me to keep warm.
“Babe? You need to stop thinking about all of this. That is why I have a surprise for you on Thursday,” Samuel told me as I rolled me eyes and took a bite out of my sandwich. He sighed. He knew what I was thinking. Sometimes it creep me out or annoyed me. Otherwise, I kind of liked it.
“I know you try to get my mind off of it,” I said looking intently into his eyes. “But, what if I don’t want to get my mind off of it?” He looked back into my eyes with love and passion.
“You don’t get everything you want. Its better if you don’t think about it too much though. I don’t like to see you bothered by it.” He smiled a little and I couldn’t help but smile, too. Then, he switched the subject all together.
“You should be excited for Valentine’s Day. You have been ever since you were six. Always hoping to find your ‘Prince Charming’.”
There was a little tease in his voice. Of course he had to bring up something from when I was little and idiotic.
“Ya, well you can change a lot in ten years. Besides, after finding ‘my Prince’, I learned its not at all what I dreamed it would be.”
He gave me a look that said Oh, thanks. Love you, too. Getting that look made me smile. Then, I realized that he made me forget about the horrible things in life. Just like he always does. I knew it would piss him off if I thought about everything again, so I did.
He looked at me and I could see him frown in the corner of my eye. That made me smile mentally.
“You need to stop thinking about it. I can tell it hurts you.” He stared at me for me to say something, but I didn’t. “Stop thinking about it.” Samuel only tells me to do something when he knows what’s good for me. When I’m being stubborn and I don’t do something I know I should do, he always uses a sweet, soft tone and I know that I need to listen to him.
When he uses that tone, I know I can’t win against him, so I listen and do what he says. He knows me better than anyone, and sometimes he knows what I should do when it comes to something important. Like the time I was sick and we both knew I had to go to the hospital, but I was being stubborn and wouldn’t go. When he had that voice come out, I listened and went to the hospital.
So I turned to him and started talking seriously. “I can’t stop thinking about something that ruined my life and everyone else’s around me. I can’t stop thinking about the time I almost died. Its hard to stop thinking about the day your life turned around.” I could have kept going, but that was just enough for him to stop trying to get my mind off of it. I looked at him and saw…protection. That look sent chills down my spine. But, it also gave me love. That made me feel better.
“I know. I haven’t stop thinking about it either. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, but there’s a difference between thinking about it and letting it get to you. Ever since then, you’ve changed. You haven’t been so alive as you used to be. Now…you don’t talk to anyone and don’t do anything.” He trailed off a little, not knowing how to put the rest. That’s how well I know him.
I understood what he meant, but I almost died only a few months ago. What else would I be, especially when everyone I care about is suffering? True, usually people live their lives to the fullest when they have near-death experiences, but mine made me realized that I could die any moment, whether I wanted to or not. I used to think that people chose their own destiny’s, but my beliefs changed when I didn’t choose to lay on the ground, dying. If I did all I could and wanted to do and still not end up being who I wanted, then what’s the point?
Before July, I was popular and kind and I stood up for anything and everyone I believed in. I was outgoing. Now…I’m the total opposite. Why live life to the fullest when my life has been cursed and the people I love are getting the worst of it?
“Okay. I won’t let it get to me so much. But, I will never ever stop thinking about it.”
He nodded slightly and as the bell rang, Samuel kissed my forehead and stood up. “I’ll see you eighth period,” he said as he walked away in the other direction.