Norbert's Good-Bye (July 2023)

 

"Do you remember the time you kissed me?"

 

The room was completely dark ... and now it was completely quiet as well. 

 

"Who said that? Was that you Michele?"

 

"Michele's not here. She went to the washroom just before the power went out."

 

Maybe Norbert knows. Norbert?

No response.

 

"How appropriate is this, Norbert? Twenty-five years in the back office and just as you're leaving, we still can't find you."

 

"That's a mean-spirited comment. Mark, that WAS you, wasn't it?"

 

"Course it was! Mark, you can be such a jerk."

 

"Just teasing, Sung Ja. Norbert's always had a good sense of humour, right Norbert?"

 

"So, what I wanna know is who said Norbert kissed her. It was definitely a woman's voice ... but somehow unfamiliar."

What makes you think it was Norbert?

Just assumed. His party and everything. Why else would you ask a question like that?

 

"I think it was Nancy. She did have a thing for old Norbert. Isn't that right, Nancy?"

 

"Not Norbert. I was talking to someone else."

 

"Oh, really! Who could that be I wonder?"

 

"Hmmm. Shouldn't be too hard to figure out. There couldn't be more than 15 people here, half men, half women."

 

"That didn't come out quite right, did it? You're not REALLY transphobic are you, Anil?"

 

"This is Anil. I didn't say that. It was someone else."

 

"You'd think after all these years working together we'd know one another's voices. Anil, I think I know your voice for sure."

 

"It wasn't Anil."

 

"Who's that? How do you know?"

 

"Because it was me, and I'm not Anil."

 

"Who are you?"

 

"After all these years, you still can't tell us apart, can you David?"

 

"Cut it out! Let's get some service here. Waitress! Waitress! Bring us some candles."

 

"Our server was a man, David."

.

"Yeah, why are we still in the dark. They gotta have candles or something. Flashlights! Where are the flashlights?"

 

"On your phone, stupid! Here look."

 

A sudden white light on Robert's face, blinded him momentarily. 

 

"Damn you! Point that thing to the ceiling. Don't you have any common sense?"

 

Another flashlight is turned on ... and pointed to the ceiling. Then another and another until the table is fully lighted by the reflected light from above. 

 

"Hey, where's that waiter?"

 

"The waiter? He's over behind the bar. What I wanna know is where the hell is Norbert."

 

"Norbert?"

 

Suddenly the lights come on, and the flashlights blink out one by one. 

 

"Norbert? We're waiting. Where are you?"

 

"Has anyone see Norbert?"

 

"He's not here. Maybe he stepped out for a smoke."

 

"I don't think so. He stopped smoking years ago.."

 

"Now that I think about it, I don't recall seeing Norbert even before the lights went out."

"Me neither."

 

"Come to think of it. I do remember thinking that it would be just like Norbert to be late for his own retirement party."

 

"Ask the waiter."

 

"Waiter?"

 

"Yes ma'am?"

 

"Did you see a tall skinny, freckle-faced man—late 50s—wearing a yellow Doonesbury t-shirt?"

 

"Yes ma'am?"

 

"Where is he?"

 

"Oh, I thought you saw him. He arrived late. I was about to seat him at the head of the table as you requested, but when no one seemed to notice him, he turned to me and asked a favour. Slipped me a Benjamin. Said it was a joke and that everyone would get a kick out of it. Since you booked the entire restaurant tonight, I didn't see any reason not to go along. A strange party favour, but I've seen stranger."

 

"You mean—"

 

"I knew I felt a subway train passing."

 

"Guess nobody thought to go upstairs to see if the whole city was dark. Never would have expected Norbert to—"

 

"NORBERT ... walked out on US?"

"How could he? Didn't he appreciate how much trouble we went to? I mean, he wasn't the most likeable guy."

 

"Yeah, and still, we all showed up."

 

"Just like always."

 

"Where does he get off skippin out on us like that?"

 

"Arrogant ass____!"

 

"You know he WAS ... arrogant, I mean. In his own way, I think he looked on us with contempt."

 

"Contempt! From that cretinous cipher? You gotta be kidding?"

 

 "Forget Norbert. I wanna know who you kissed, Nancy? It wasn't me, I know that."

 

"And it never will be."

 

"Let's order. I'm starving."

 

"Good idea."

 

"How about starting off with drinks?"

 

"Better idea! I could use one after the day I had. Got reamed out over the Atlas account. Some new guy—"

 

"End of quarter! What the hell kind of timing is that?"

 

"And THEN the guest of honour is a no show."

 

"Not a classy way to leave, I'll tell you that."

 

"Damn straight!"

 

The drinks arrive.

 

"To US, then."

 

"Hear, hear."

 

"Cheers!"

 

"Salud!"

 

"Skål!"

 

"Bottoms up!"