Without Jesus’
To me, babies and children are like nuclear waste
plants. They need to exist, serve some ultimate worthwhile foundation,
purpose, but as the saying goes, “Not in my backyard!”
Shiny Hats or Rugged Cross? Volume Three
From my recently published theo-political
you build a
autobiography book trilogy, Shiny Hats or Rugged Cross? (An Atheist’s Libertarian trek to Christ), readers commented that they enjoyed how the work consisted of numerous “stories-inside-the-story.”
Homeless
Shiny Hats or Rugged Cross? presents my conversion
from fifteen years of political anti-Christian, atheistic activism, then my 1998 conversion to Christ based on later research of
His Resurrection. True, many stories under-gird the Shiny Hats House.
or Rugged Cross? story. Homeless House is one of them, and a special one.
For twenty-four years, I have lived a secret. A secret not
from shame, disgrace, or anything defaming. In fact, it is noble.
Very few people in my life for twenty-four years learned of that episode of my life and its residual aftermath. “Dari-Dude” drew it out.
Scripture As I Hear It
I have always claimed that I would share that 1989
story, but not in light, casual banter. I exposed it in Shiny Hats Scriptural Reference:
or Rugged Cross? Volume Two because I prayed its exposure may prevent one more such incident. I am sharing it again in
Psalm 127: 1
prayer that my agony of 1989 through today be used to benefit
a certain community; babies and children.
I have excerpted the Dari chapters here in this
There are no bad or illegitimate babies and children.
monograph, Homeless House. You will likely find subject There are only bad and illegitimate parents.
matter included that is unclear because you have not read the
Old Witticism
whole Shiny Hats story. However, such subject matter remains Chapter excerpts begin with my wife‘s request:
irrelevant to the Dari aspect of the excerpts. You have the
option to purchase the whole story on .PDF e-Book:
214 No One like You, Dari-Dude
jordanconvert.faithweb.com/blank_3.html $8.99 via PayPal
I know a man who is old now.
Many acquaintances of mine over the last two-and-half
As his life wraps up its ends,
decades have mistakenly perceived me as a baby and children
He recalls that’s it’s claimed by friends,
hater, anti-babies and children. That simply has never been so:
“Life starts at fifty.”
quite contraire. Read on.
But as life nears its end, he furthers,
I am not motivated by monetary gain. So, Homeless
“We’ve been lied to, My Friends;
House is being produced for churches and other entities to Kids are when life just begins.
reproduce and sell with copyright considerations waived,
That’s when life begins. . .”
provided proceeds go to babies and children ministries.
. . .He fathered progeny
If this story can generate a mere few dollars for a child,
He’d never have a chance to know.
I feel rewarded. I will feel at least something good came from A child growing never knowing him,
my 1989 victimization that Dari shed new light on in the mid
Him never seeing his baby grow.
2000’s.
Now, they’ll never get to know. . .
This is not merely “based” or “inspired” by a true story.
When Life Begins
It is the actual true story; each laugh, each tear.
G. Zeineldé Jordan, Se.
I ended the Shiny Hats or Rugged Cross? Introduction
with
. . .“Are you ready to eat?”
“Eat what?”
“. . .through tears and laughter, I present Shiny Hats or Rugged
“I’ll throw something together.”
Cross? (An Atheist’s Libertarian Trek to Christ).”
“Yeah, that’s fine. I’m pretty hungry. Let me check
Darius produced a bulk of the laughs and tears that I
my e-mail to see what apologetics work I’ve missed.”
typed. He entered the Shiny Hats story at Chapter 214 of
“Babe, do you really have to tonight?”
Volume Three. Meet “Dari,” “Pap-Pah Jordan’s” “Daffodil.”
“Yes, I do. That’s what I do. Remember?”
“But why so much so often?”
“Because that’s how much it takes. I vowed to
devote my life to the Lord. This is the manner He chose
“You’re just a phony, Jordan. Drink another.”
for me to serve Him. He blessed me with an ability to
“Don’t mind if I do. Mind grabbing me one?”
write and debate. These debates are affecting many
. . .The evening wrapped up with Melinda dropping
fence- sitters’ thinking. You knew from the beginning that
the bombshell as we settled in bed.”
I’m a Christian fundamentalist apologist who devotes his
“Babe, I really need to talk to you about something
available time to proclaiming the name of the Lord. It’s
important.”
been months since I put the ball in Locks’ court
“Oh, no, I’m afraid of this.”
demanding he offer his explanation of what the disciples
“No, Babe, really, it’s not as bad as you think.”
actually saw when purporting visions of Jesus after His
“Yes, it is, probably worse.”
death. I expect he has no answer. So far, he’s failed
“Tunishia’s having some problems.”
every challenge, even after his voluminous pages of
“No doubt. Gratefully, they’re hers, not mine.”
verbiage.”
“No, Babe, listen.”
By the way, he never did respond. He extricated
“What?”
himself from the debate, claiming I had too closed of a
“It’s baby Darius.”
mind for a serious debate. You be the judge. The pages
“Darius? What about him?”
remain available at jordanconvert.faithweb.com, My
“She needs somewhere for him to stay a few
Debates, Steve Locks.
days, maybe a week while she relocates.”
“So, ‘y’all’ expect him to come here? I remind you,
“I know. I know.”
I don’t like children. I certainly can’t stand babies. He’s
“Don’t give me that frustrated patronage.”
not my problem. I don’t care!”
“I’m not, Babe.”
I spoke the truth. I truly did not care.
“Yes, you are. Now, I’ve already effectively
“Babe, he’s my grandbaby. I’d want to spend time
handled Professor Cavin. I’m glad I’m the one on my side
with him anyway. This is an appropriate time.”
of that debate. The e-mails I’ve received regarding him
“There is no appropriate time for anything with
are very encouraging. Melinda, I simply am not going to
you. You habitually abuse any and all blessings God
allow a woman to divert me from my work, especially a
bestows on you. If you could behave like a healthy parent
frisky one.”
or grandparent, that would be one thing. This will turn
“Well, why not? We still have the evening.”
into a nightmare just like your pizza deliveries and
“No, we don’t. I have this to do. I took time away
Monika’s stay.”
so you could visit your ailing mother. I spent time with
“Jordan, Tunishia won’t be anywhere near
your family. It’s time, now, for me to get back to Jesus.”
LaGrange.”
“She’s in Georgia. That’s frightening enough. It’s
“Why do you hate babies so much?”
too close for comfort. If her bodily excretion, i.e., a baby,
“I don’t hate babies. I would never do one any
is here, it opens me up to unannounced visits and a host
harm. Not only would I help feed one, I have put my
of other annoyances and potential expenses.”
money where my mouth is in the past. I’ve donated
“See? Everything is money to you.”
money over the years to the Feed The Children
“That’s because I don’t have any. I’m not eager to
programs. I remind you that I came from a mother who
walk myself into needing even more of something I
struggled to feed us. I’ve been fed by many a person not
already don’t have. I don’t need anymore liabilities,
responsible for my being here. I do, Little Girl, pass that
especially liabilities for which I’m not responsible. I’ve
on in my adulthood. To me, babies and children are like
never been willing to assume the expense of time,
nuclear waste plants. They need to exist, serve some
effort, and money for a child. Therefore, I responsibly
ultimate worthwhile purpose, but as the saying goes,
never produced one.”
‘Not in my backyard!’”
My memory flashed back to Julie’s belly.
The argument finally ended with, “Melinda, give it
That’s not the same, not my baby, anyway. I have
three days. This way, you can visit with him in a
the papers to prove it. I made my mistake, then,
grandmotherly fashion. I do not want to hear that thing
distanced myself from more.
crying while I’m working. I don’t want to smell diapers in
“Money, to you, is not an issue. However, I can’t
the household trash. I don’t want to be interrupted to go
seem to get you to go earn any.”
see him smiling or otherwise being cute. I don’t care.
“Babe, I have a right to my grandchild.”
Also, don’t even think of me spoon feeding him a single
“Great point, wrong address. You have no rights,
bite or touching a diaper. Do not even think of leaving it
here. You’re not my wife or other family member. You’re
alone with me for even a minute. If you have to go
not a roommate. You contribute nothing to this
somewhere, it goes with you.”
household’s responsibilities. You’re a guest. Guests don’t
The list marched on.
invite guests.”
Upon delivery of the package, I offered little to no
“You are so cold.”
comment. I focused on my station work of bills,
“Notice, here, how your daughter is too flaky and
apologetics, Shiny Hats, etc. Actually, I never really
irresponsible to care for her fatherless child. Somehow,
worked my manuscript. I mostly merely glanced it.
however, I’m the bad guy! How the hell did that happen?
“Thank you, Jordan,” Tunishia offered.
I didn’t do her. One of her two boyfriends did. How about
“I’m not the one to thank. It’s your mother’s
‘y’all’ figure out which one, then send Darius to
burden.”
him?”
“Aren’t you going to come see him? Look, he’s
being so sweet.”
“What, Babe?”
“No. I’ll be okay. As you know, I’m not a baby
“It seems the organism would require some follow-
person. It’ll be safe. I’m no harm to it.”
up care. Is it on Medi-what-the-hell-ever-something-care-
I continued my work as a vision of Julie’s 1989
aide?”
ultrasound flashed through my memory.
“Yeah.”
I really don’t need this.
“Shouldn’t it be seeing doctors? What if it takes
Three days turned into a week. The week
sick?”
eventually turned into more weeks, months, and years.
“He’s not a ‘It’ or an ‘Organism.’ He’s a He!”
“Melinda,” I eventually asked from my desk.
“Yeah, sure, great, anyway, if it, ah, he, is going to
“Yeah, Babe?”
be here longer, you need to get his paperwork and get
“Can you come talk a minute?”
his care down here.”
“Yeah. What?”
“I know. I thought you’d get mad.”
She settled.
“I am mad. I’m not going to holler. I know he’s just
“It’s been a while.”
a baby, but conflict will remain stored in his subconscious
“What?”
if we fight around him. I much appreciate how you’ve
“Darius.”
managed to contain yourself since he’s been here.
Sigh, “I know, Babe. Really, though, I’ve worked
Maybe you’re a responsible grandmother as
hard to keep him from bothering you. . .”
opposed to. . .well, whatever. I’m not happy about it, but
“No, Melinda, Sweetheart,” I softly interrupted.
the responsible thing at this point is to get his paperwork
Man, what a misnomer if ever there existed one.
in order so you can maintain his care.”
“That’s not where I’m going. Much to my surprise,
“Really?”
you’ve done extremely well on that.”
“Yeah, really. Just because I’m repulsed by babies
“What’s the matter?”
doesn’t mean I’m not aware of his innocence and the fact
“What’s up with her?”
he needs responsible care until I can rid myself of the
Sigh, “Babe, I really don’t know.”
creature, well, ‘Baby,’ ‘He,’ whatever.”
“Looks like it’s going to be here a while. I really
“You could say hi back to him.”
don’t need to hear about any of your conversations with
“Huh?”
her, anyway, because the net result remains; it’s still
“Look at him. He’s looking right at you and
here. I had that concern from the start. I knew that once it
smiling.”
arrived, I risked it never leaving. I have a serious
“Well, he can just keep right on smiling. At least
concern you need to share.”
he’s not crying.”
“Jordan, Babe, really, just look at him. Isn’t he
could prove catastrophic.”
cute?”
“Jordan, just holler for me. He’ll be safe.”
“No. Nor is he ugly. He just looks like a baby.”
“I’m not talking about his safety. I’m talking about
“You can’t see how he looks like. . .”
him breaking my concentration.”
“No, Melinda, I can’t. They all look alike to me.”
About to angrily respond to my coldness, she
“How can you be so cold?”
noticed by the grin on my face, that I merely teased.
“It’s easy. Do I appear challenged at my being so
“No, Melinda, that’ll be fine. Take your nap. I’ll
cold?”
holler if anything happens.”
“He’s still smiling at you.”
Something did happen. Something happened that
“You see, Melinda? That’s why I shouldn’t get
I had been told by many for years happens. It defies all
involved. I merely expressed a responsible concern for
rationale. Babies are loud, dirty, expensive, demanding,
his health. Don’t make it something it isn’t. Next thing I
and the list marches on. I failed to see how they could
know, you’ll be trying to get me to hold him, burp him, all
offer anything to recommend themselves. God’s Word
sorts of gross acts. He’ll be pissing and farting on me,
tells us that
children are a blessing from God. I could
drooling and sneezing on me, and whining.”
never grasp that concept. It remained one of the
Turning to Darius, “C’mon, Darius. Come with
mysteries of God’s Word.
Gramma,” she advised as she lifted him.
Darius shifted in an odd way, different from any I
“Don’t listen to him. He doesn’t mean it, Dari.”
had witnessed. Oh, no, is he going to crap? No, I don’t
“Yes, he does,” I assured.
think so. He seems adamant about something. He’s not
More days passed until. . .
making any noise. He seems so focused. What could he
“Babe?”
possibly be doing?
“Yeah, Melinda?”
The wonder commanded my undivided attention.
“I have him settled so he won’t bother you. I need
An insight surfaced.
a quick nap in the other room.”
This really isn’t about Darius or babies, is it,
“And. . .?”
Jordan? It’s about your lifelong Wondering Evenings.
“I don’t want to move him.”
You were deprived yours. You looked forward to and
“You propose to leave him here? With me? We’ve
welcomed diapers, drool, and cries. She, or he, is a
already been over this.”
teenager now, practically an adult.
“Babe, it’s just a few minutes. If I wake him, it’ll
My memory tearfully flashed back to scenes from
take forever to get him back to sleep.”
1988-89. . .
“What if he coughs or chokes or something? That
“There’s the baby’s head, there. You see the arms?”
“That’s not the issue, Matt. It’s the baby.”
the technician pointed.
“Yeah, right, well, whatever. At least you were smart
“Yeah,” I confirmed as I marveled at the image inside
enough to get out of it while you could.”
the dark spots on the screen.
“You know, Matt? There’s an 1800’s Agnostic who in
“It seems to be a girl,” she informed.
his writings and orations presented that he’d rather be
“Seems?”
absolutely honest and have the whole world believe in his
“Yes, the legs are closed. We can’t be sure.”
dishonesty than to be dishonest and have the whole world
“Yes! See, Julie? She’s a girl!”
believe in his honesty.
“Huh?”
“There’s the old King Solomon story of him calling for a
“If this were a boy, he’d be like me, legs wide open and
sword to divide a baby in half to give two woman claiming him.
playing with himself!
He gave the baby to the one who pleaded not to harm him. He No, no daughter of mine would spread her legs in front
decreed her the true mother.
of an audience. She’s a lady, already!”
“Perhaps I’m the parent who loves that baby. Perhaps
love can mean living the hurt of the absence. I’d rather the My memory traveled on. . .
whole world think I’ve dropped it so I could enjoy financial gain and shirk my responsibilities, while I know the agony and
“You always have recourse to her actions. I appreciate
sacrifice I underwent and probably continue through to death your concern as to the affect on the child. It’s rare that a client in this decision, than to do the reverse for my pride, legal truly considers that. You are correct. The child is the one who rights, and sporting my balls while everyone would think I did it suffers. You will not be the father that you dreamed. She will for the baby. It would be so much easier to fight this than not have the father she deserves. The mother wins at both leave it. Most people will think me a flake and copout, while your expense. That’s just something to think about before you I’ll be believing there may be a Pharaoh at the end of my
contest. Sure, you could make her life miserable. What about baby’s Julie-built River Nile.”
the baby?”
“Well, you’ve affirmed my legal grounds and my moral
As my Wondering Evenings ending lyric
concerns.”
reverberated my mind another countless time. . .
“Mr. Jordan, unfortunately, the court cannot provide the
ideal. It cannot change a heart; it can only divide a child.”
. . .Please, don’t be lonely, oh, no, please,
Shiny Hats or Rugged Cross? Volume Two
Don’t be lonely, down ‘n’ blue.
Tell your mom I’ll forgive her true if you’re not blue.
And on. . .
No, don’t be blue like your father, on another,
“Well, Matt, I’m dropping it,” I informed in response to
his query as we smoked on our office balcony.
Wondering Evening all about you.
“That’s smart. You’re gonna save a fortune.”
Shiny Hats or Rugged Cross? Volume Two
I remained in memory of years-long suppressed
child who looks like you. I really would.”
thoughts about the year I planned on fatherhood. Thoughts that
“Ah, ah, yeah, well, ah, it obviously matters a lot to
I tucked deeply hidden away in my memories for a decade and
you. Julie, My Heartthrob, I really want you to be happy.”
a half; planning to never revisit; vowing to never look back.
“Give me a baby, then, a little Georgey.”
Now, Baby-Dari sailed me back to my then wife-to-be, Julie,
“Trust me, Julie, one George has been enough on
broaching . . .
this planet. If we go that far, let’s hope for a girl. Besides,
“Honey?”
there have been too many males in my family line. Julie, I
“What-ey?”
don’t see myself stable enough. I mean with my drug
She rolled over as I placed my reading material
history, and I’ve had no real family life as a guide. Hell,
down to listen. Her tone suggested something of
Julie, I’m a telemarketer.”
importance.
“Yeah, and you’re very intelligent, a hard worker.
“I want to have a baby.”
When you’re not working, you’re here with me every
“A baby? Like a human?”
night. I never wonder where you are or what you’re
“Yeah, I really do.”
doing. You have a relationship with your mother I
“Oh.”
respect. You take care of Bear-Dog as well I do
I had to let that digest.
Charlotte. You care for Marjorie who’s not even a
“And. . .?”
relative. I think you’d be a wonderful father.”
“Let’s have one. Really, I’ve wanted to for a long
“I wish I shared your positive view of my charact