Before the Real FISA Court (April 2024)

You may have read about this court, but most of what you’ve read is what we have allowed the rest of the world to know about us. You can think of us as the last line of defense against foreign actors—governments and organizations—that represent a threat to our national interest.

During your detention, you will be questioned at length on matters that you may find uncomfortable speaking about. There may be questions that you would wish to defer until you have legal counsel. Here, it must be clearly understood that you are not under arrest. Accordingly, the customary rights of the accused are waived in our proceedings. There are many aspects of these proceedings that may seem contradictory to what you have learned in law school, but under the doctrine of reasons of state you can imagine the latitude with which this court is empowered to act on imminent dangers to the republic.

Your full cooperation would be in your best interest, and you are accordingly advised to cooperate fully and truthfully.

You may be inclined to attempt to remember or record the events and participants, but be forewarned that everything that occurs during your stay is classified at the highest level—a level of clearance that is itself secret. Furthermore, your efforts would be pointless, because your memory of the circumstances that brought you here, this prologue and everything that follows will be completely erased at a time of our choosing. There will, of course, be a record of your having come before our court, but it will be our record of the events.

We’ve been doing this for a very long time, Citizen, and no detainee has ever been able to report their encounter. Naturally, the same applies to us. Before you object that our means seem anti-democratic, consider the infinite potential of risks to national security posed by foreign nationals and even citizens of the republic—dangers ranging from instances of localized terrorist attacks to global Armageddon.

The world of laws and rules cannot possibly comprehend the unpredictable nature of human beings and their communities, and that is where our court ensures what in today’s parlance might be termed ‘existential justice.’ Without it, there would be anarchy insofar as the laws and statutes that you study in law school would be untethered from reality and meaningless.

You first came to our attention with an op-ed you had published by the local paper in the college town where you did your undergraduate studies in law and economics. That article was in itself not alarming, especially as it was written by someone appeared to have just recently become familiar with certain aspects of international law and thought that he had found evidence that our republic was engaged in an illegal and undeclared war in a small Central American country. That was, however, enough for us to start a file on you.

Over the years, we have followed your political writings—some published and some not—and we have kept records of your associations and the organizations to which you have belonged. One in particular was noteworthy not for the nature of the cause but for the organizational strategy that you used to initiate a grass-roots movement that led to the resignation of the university president. That episode deserved special mention in our file, as it indicated that you had what we call ‘action potential’—something that sets you apart from the neophyte or affected intellectual dissenter.

In addition, we’ve monitored your attendance and participation at numerous conferences. For instance, when you attended an orientation program for the Peace Corps in Washington, D.C., you happened upon one of our veteran operatives on the Mall. It was a sunny summer day and a stranger asked you for a cigarette and then sat down on the bench beside you. You had just left the Freer Gallery. You may remember the seedy-looking homeless guy who told you he had once been a practicing psychiatrist. He told us that you initially mistook him for Ellsberg.

That is just one encounter you have had with one of our agents. You are here today, because you met another one at a protest in New York City. She was with a group of students from Columbia and NYU. It was her report that made you a person of interest, as they say.

Before we begin, let me assure you that you have no secrets from us. Over the years, we have compiled a rather significant dossier on you, Citizen. Some 4.5 terabytes one of the technical staffers told me in a departmental briefing, rather pleased with himself at having said something he thought was important.

It shouldn’t surprise you that we have obtained considerable information about your discussions with various individuals in this current protest that has metastasized—, er proliferated, across the country this past year. Our electronic surveillance techniques have become very sophisticated as we have partnered with leading edge academic and industrial research. We are constantly on the lookout for promising technologies that will enhance our ability to detect and neutralize national security risks. For example, one of your friends from prep school has just published a paper on the endogenous emergence of an empathy reflex in quantum-level A.I. systems. His theories have attracted a lot attention among fellow researchers and even a few venture capitalists.

That should be sufficient by way of introduction. We will now a 15-minute recess and begin the questioning at half-past nine. The marshal will show you the facilities including the cafeteria where you can have a coffee. Their espresso is excellent. You might try it.

The court resumes and for the next several days, the detainee is questioned—some days for 10 hours a day and other days for just 30 minutes a day. The questioning doesn’t occur at any scheduled time. It might begin at 9:00 a.m. or 9:00 p.m. The detainee is kept in a small apartment on the premises with a private kitchen and washroom. There is no means of communication with the outside world—a world which reckoning by the length of the flight must be outside North America.

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The last day before the court.

Today, Citizen, you will be released upon satisfactory clearance by the chief medical officer who will oversee your memory adjustment. You will not remember any part of your being here—not me, not the marshals, not the apartment, and none of the questions we have asked and answers you have given.

You will return to your New York City apartment on the Upper West Side in the company of the agent you met at the protest the night we detained you. No time will have elapsed—this is one of our latest innovations which we are quite rightly very proud of. Alas, we will not allow this technology to be used outside our program—not for the present.

You may be wondering why we are releasing you. Well, shall we say, your family has been very generous with the Party. And, the Party never forgets.

You, however, will forget everything, although you will be engineered to tone down your ‘empathetic’ response to political and social inequities.

This concludes the case of detainee X2059-000418382.

Marshals, please escort our visitor to the medical centre.

The court is now in recess until UTC + 1 hour.