As we can read in these thoughts, my entire life has served, as does any life, as an indispensable part of my search for the becoming self seen in the retrospect of meaning and how I choose to tell this story. At any given point I might not have seen or felt the meaning of the moment of the experience, but looking back, the pattern seems quite clear. This may happen because when we achieve more and more conscious perspectives about our lives, we can see the experiences of life in more and more dimensions. In such a consideration, it might serve us well to remember things happen, reality exists on more than one level or dimension.
The life of a fly demands the fly see and experience the world dimensionally in a way that serves and benefits the fly. That doesn't make the fly's dimensional view of reality less valid in its way than our human dimensional view or perspective. However, neither the fly nor I can see from the perspective of the other without a conscious awareness of multiple levels of dimensional reality. Through some forms of study, we can see if not experience directly some of the ways in which a fly experiences the world. The fly may only experience our dimensionality in its own terms. I may impinge on that dimensional reality by trying to swat the fly and end its life, but even at that critical moment, the fly only knows its own sense of my movement toward it not the full dimensionality of my being. Indeed, if we made up a fly fantasy, we might have two flies debate whether the deadly force of the movement means that a movement god really exists or deadly movement happens randomly in a world that only exists by chance.
Although I cannot know the universe of a fly or the consciousness of a fly, I believe that the fly does not conceive of meaning in its unique dimensionality while I can form such meaning as I do as an inherent part of my human nature as we saw with the child with the toy of too many pieces. That child's perception of the chaotic nature of the toy and its pieces stemmed from a limitation of the child's perception of the dimensionality of that toy. Once the child works with the toy for a while and fully experiences various aspects of that toy, the child's dimensional thinking may well expand to include the forms the toy can assume not immediately apparent when at the pieces spilled on the ground. When the child has a chance to make choices and discoveries without external judgment, the child may form a conscious perspective about the manipulation of the pieces, the toy, and being able to feel a sense of making or finding meaning in the apparent chaos of the world. That would mean a growth also in the dimensionality with which the child can see the world. When some dominating restriction interferes with the child's ability to discover, "Do it this way, the right way," it may well produce a meaning perspective about limitations of discovery and limits the dimensionality with which the child sees the world. In that way, we can see meaning perspectives as limitations in our dimensional experience and thus our dimensional thinking.[153]
We can understand my life-long rejection of some essential quality of my becoming self may well have stemmed from meaning perspective or perspectives and a resulting limitation in a dimensional apprehension of my becoming self. We can hate ourselves because we cannot see ourselves fully and also fear doing so.[154]