In all this, I find that we as human beings, whole and metacognitive beings, exist as an affirmation of life not as a negation of it. That would mean that we will naturally express ourselves in our actions as a "Yes," unless we have learned and live with a meaning perspective that demands that we repress that "Yes" and live by the rule of the "No." This relatively innocent and funny phrase in the handout eventually brought me to make sense of out such an idea: "Better results come from asking for what you do want rather than what you don’t want: How do you do a don’t?"
When we seek some positive difference in our lives, in our choices and in our actions, we often start with a "No," a demand toward the negative: "I won't get angry anymore." Our child with the many pieced toy may have heard such negatives as instructions: "Don't make such a mess." A great deal of the instruction we get as children either expresses itself through the negative or points out the negative rather than the positive to make its point as these instructions demand that we improve our behavior. In school we hear a great deal more about perceived errors than perceived success. Generally, we abide by a dominator meaning perspective that tells us negative human behaviors arise from human nature. When we believe in that perspective, and we see human nature and behavior are negative, we need to counter those internal and behavioral negatives with very forceful and dominating external negatives: the dominator model, "No."
The typical dominator model cares primarily about behavior, the external expressions of the individual not the internal well being of the individual.[147] In our search for our becoming self, we seek the internal life of the "Yes," which will inform our external life and actions as a "Yes." The "don't" is inherently repressive and negative. It can leave us feeling powerless which can motivate us in some very negative and rebellious ways. The "do" allows for positive action which can replace the problem we encounter in the negative with actions that make for growth.
The minute we tell ourselves a negative, "I won't get angry anymore," we run into a very real difficulty. The situations that we perceive as angry making will occur again. We will want to do something in response. When the only demand and preparation we give ourselves is, "Don't get angry," what do we do about the situation? We will want to act. If we repress successfully, that repression may stimulate higher levels of anger—the volcano metaphor often used in these situations. Telling ourselves to count to ten may have some value, but it doesn't really get to the problem of the situation itself. We sometimes turn ten counts into a countdown to blastoff.
Such things need individual attention and thought in the becoming model of life. In the dominator model, one size of repression fits, or doesn't really fit, all. In the becoming model, we may find principles which we can all use, but each individual enacts those principles in ways that make sense to that individual. We may all share a "Yes" as an idea, but our individual uses of "Yes" can vary greatly and still allow us to maintain the unconditional and the ends principle. The moral sphere exists as a very spacious and fulfilling location of mind and spirit.