When we speak out of the awareness of Compassionate Communication, we say "Yes" to the I/Thou and the end principle. When Mr. Smith chooses to label Tanya as a "troublemaker," he has reified Tanya. He has made her into an object, an It, to be dealt with in any way he or the system chooses. He has chosen to say "No" to Tanya and thereby to the I/Thou and the end principle. Mr. Smith lives through some meaning perspective of his own which feels Tanya has violated. In that violation, Mr. Smith also feels his identity in question, an intolerable feeling of exposure and violation of his vulnerability as a teacher and as a person. His ego responds by defending the Smith identity by turning Tanya into an outlier, someone who does not belong in the same way that other people belong in his or any other classroom. In that speech act, in that choice, he has chosen his own status as an It, reified himself through the use of his position power. When Tanya fails his course, and will probably do so every day in some way or another, she will feel the weight of her It status, and it will do her some form and degree of harm. The domination of Mr. Smith over Tanya will do him harm. In the process, he will give up some if not all of the humanity in his teaching, that part of his teaching which connected him with his becoming self and the selves of his students, their shared humanity. His identity may feel somewhat appeased by the act of position power domination, and he will use it again because the sense of vulnerability and exposure will only grow as Mr. Smith continues to exclude himself from the human exchange of learning. Through all of this, Mr. Smith has chosen to say "No" to his becoming self and an unquestioning "Yes" to the fears that his meaning perspectives offer him.
Fear interferes with Compassionate Communication. When we feel fear, we feel powerless. When we feel powerless, we will act out of our sense of threat and act in defense of the feeling of deep vulnerability that comes from this fear. Thinking about this now, meaning perspectives often inspire fear in us. When we live through meaning perspectives, whatever it is or who it is we see in the world absolutely must conform to that meaning perspective, or they threaten and violate the way the world is supposed to work. We fear such a violation, and we can choose an angry, even violent in response. Out of such feelings of fear comes violent language at the very least, the kind of language I might have chosen to direct to the angry man on the bicycle New Year's morning. Out of the anger produced by my meaning perspective driven interpretation of this man, I may have spewed violent and accusatory language and feelings at him. Out of the compassionate conscious perspective of my becoming self, I could direct compassionate feelings toward him even if I could not communicate it to him at the time.
In our search for the becoming self, we also search for an end to unwarranted and unnecessary fears. I have found that the more consciously we choose our language and the perceptions behind that use of language, the more we use Compassionate Communication internally and externally. Every time we aspire and achieve such an awareness, we also become aware of the positive qualities of our personal power to make our small part of the world a better, happier place, us too. We also find ourselves closer to our becoming self, the part of us that perceives the world clearly and freely and responsibly responds in accordance with the real needs of the situation.[136] In this way and others, Compassionate Communication continues our positive dialogue with life and living. We say "Yes" to the I/Thou and the ends principle which brings us more fully to unconditional positive regard, compassion, forgiveness and the common thread of acceptance. In such a condition of being, fears diminish naturally in our clarity of mind and emotion. Interpretations and diagnoses becomes something we recognize and use consciously and with great care if at all.