When we speak out of the qualities of the becoming self, we speak to ourselves even as we speak to others. When we speak in a way that communicates our compassion and acceptance of the unconditional, we speak out of our becoming self. Such speech and the intentions that support that speech come from the being part of our whole person rather than the having. When we speak out of our being self, we continue and enhance our quest of aspiration, the search for and to enter into the becoming self. In the writing of this book, I became more fully aware of the nature of the search. The search doesn't seek a conclusion even as we reach our becoming self. Our search brings us home and to a place of continual beginning. As T. S. Eliot writes in the Four Quartets, "In my end is my beginning."
The more our search discovers, the more we find to discover. Our search for the becoming self opens us to knowing that we continue becoming throughout our lives. Our continual becoming to ourselves means we know more of the I in the I/Thou. It also means that we have the chance to know the Thou better in that relationship. The more we enter into our becoming self the less we fear from others because we critically reflect on the meaning perspectives that keep us alienated from others and ourselves. Once reflected upon, we can make new choices with the same energy that we found in the power of the meaning perspective, and that power becomes more liberated as we become more liberated.
These liberations all open us to what Carl Jung called "individuation." Our individuating self has become a whole being in balance with all the elements of that being. We find ourselves more and more authentic and autonomous and, perhaps paradoxically, more connected to life and to the lives of others. In the smallest exchange with others, we can look for the unconditional connection between two selves, look for the I/Thou in all its many manifestations and dimensions. The transformative opens us to individuation which, in turn, opens us to a freer state of choice wherein we say "Yes" to diversity in community rather than domination in conformity which simply becomes beside the point.
These discoveries and becomings can happen through many forms of interior and exterior communication. As a species, we humans developed language as our needs became ever more complex and, eventually, more abstract. Language makes form. We replicate this need for and construction of language as we grow from a baby into an adult. As a neonate, our needs get fully expressed and answered through crying of one sort or another. When we develop a desire to do more in our world and take some authority within our environment, we start to work with the sounds and structures of language. Whatever else we see in all this, it becomes apparent that the more complex needs to understand ourselves and the world often comes in our developing awareness of the power and significance of language.[130] As we enter more fully into the search for our becoming self, we may choose to look for a way of using language that brings us more fully into our becoming self and the unconditional expression of that self. That's where we can return to Compassionate or Non-Violent communication.