The Confident Heart. From Fear to LOVE by Nils Klippstein - HTML preview
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The Architecture of the Fortress
So, how does the ego enforce this reality? It establishes a set of internal commandments: unspoken rules that govern our thoughts and actions, and help to maintain the illusion of safety.
- Identity and self-concept: The ego is a collection of stories from the past that we tell ourselves about who we are. Opening the heart threatens this constructed identity, because we might discover that we are also vulnerable, needy, or 'soft'. Such characteristics can feel like a threat to one's identity. The ego protects the narrative of "This is just who I am!" (e.g., "I'm not a touchy-feely person" or "I've always been like this"). The inner protector fiercely resists changing this story because it can feel like a betrayal of one's own history and identity.
- The trap of familiarity: Our ego equates the 'comfort zone' with safety and the 'unknown' with danger. It protects us from the perceived existential risk of expressing unfamiliar emotions, trying new behaviours or entering situations where the outcome is uncertain. It would rather have us be miserable and certain than vulnerable and unprepared.
- The illusion of control: The inner protector believes that it can control outcomes and avoid pain by managing, predicting and dominating (masculine principle). However, the heart operates on surrender, trust, and flow (feminine principle). To the ego, this can feel like a terrifying freefall into the unknown.
- Aversion to 'negative' emotions: The ego protects not only from external threats, but also from internal experiences. It views emotions such as sadness, grief, shame and even deep longing as threats that must be managed, suppressed or converted into anger in order to feel more powerful. The ego protects us from fully experiencing what it deems to be 'weak' or 'overwhelming' feelings.
- The urge to be right: the ego feeds on this. Blaming others and justifying ourselves are important defence mechanisms of our inner protector. Admitting mistakes, seeing other people's perspectives and letting go of the need to be right are perceived by the ego as a profound loss.
- A feeling of separation: The ego's existence is based on the idea of ‘me against you.’ The language of the heart, on the other hand, is connection, unity and ‘us.’ Turning to the heart can feel like dissolving the boundaries that the ego believes give it security. The ego propagates radical independence and self-sufficiency as the ultimate strength. It tries to protect us from the supposed vulnerability of having to admit that we cannot do everything on our own.
See the pattern? The inner protector's solution to the fear of internal emptiness is to construct an elaborate external self. Its response to the fear of vulnerability is rigid control. Its remedy for the fear of being unlovable is to build walls of separateness. It is a master of illusion, convincing us that the fortress it has built is our home and that the costume it has crafted actually defines who we are.
But what if we didn't need to live in a fortress to feel protected from real dangers? What if the very fears that the ego guards so fiercely begin to lose their power the moment we turn to face them with a confident and curious heart? What if our loyal guard could learn to stand down at the gate and allow our heart to welcome our personal universe?
This journey is about transforming our inner protector from a fearsome tyrant into a wise advisor. In this way, our confident heart can finally lead the way, secure in the knowledge that a capable guardian is watching over us. The first step is to simply open a window.