I think the dreams used the car because I have problems with it at the moment and will take it into the dealership for servicing on Monday. I also think it might have to do with control and my trying not to control whatever comes up, but just to be with it and let it go where it wants to go, without putting on the brakes or trying to change the direction, even if I’m scared about the outcome.
The couple singing with joy, and the little girl, might represent the harmony I am seeking. I make no sound, I think, because I am still not sure that what happened to Micha did happen, especially after I speak with my mom. If it happened, she believes I have no knowledge of it, because she often speaks of bad things happening to other people, but never hints about herself or me.
Still, when I have a clearing, I can only believe what the clearing does to my body, but away from that I think I must be inventing the whole thing. It is very hard to accept.
Jan. 20, 2001 (Computer Journal)