I Believe in You!
First let me take the opportunity to say thank you for downloading and reading my book. The main reason for writing this book, is to help others who struggled like I did throughout my life. I think no matter who you are, we all have struggles, and weaknesses that prevent us from greatness. I am here to tell you that you can still turn everything around and make your life great, but no one can do it for you. Only you have the ability to turn your life around.
We all have some sort of road block that we run into, it could be an enabler, money, disability, time, family, or anything else holding you back. IN this book I am going to guide you on how to get past that. No matter what your struggles are, you can still change your life for the better.
Enablers
OK, so now you most likely are thinking what the heck is an enabler? Well quite frankly there may be a totally different definition, but to me however the word means someone who you may look up to that stomps on your ability to achieve greatness. I think everyone has an enabler in their life, it could be a teacher, parent, friend, bully, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, or anyone else out there that puts people down to feel better about themselves.
To give you a little more of an example let me first tell you about my enabler. Believe it or not, my enabler was my guidance counselor. I will NEVER forget what she said to me. So real fast let me bore you with a little bit of my story.
Let me tell you a little about myself
When I was younger, my parents told me I could be anything when I grew up. What they did not tell me was that there were people in the world that were enablers. You would not believe it if you meet me today, but when I was Jr high and high school they labeled me as having a LD (Learning disability). Which a lot of people had learning disabilities, so to me it was not a big deal, I still got good grades and had dream of doing something great with my life. That is until I meet with my guidance counselor in 9th grade who seemed to crush all of my dreams. The guidance counselor told me that I was limited to what I could do because I was LD. I could maybe be an in Daycare. But I was not smart enough to do anything else. Can you image being told that when you were 15. All my dreams came crashing down, and then I started thinking about myself the way they labeled me, which was LD.
Has something like this ever happened to you? Maybe not the exact thing, but similar? How did you feel after they told you this?
After this happened to me, my confidence dropped dramatically, my grades dropped, I got pregnant at 16, had a kid at 17. I did graduate but barely. I do want to add I do not regret having my beautiful daughter during this time. She made my life complete. It is just hard when you have a kid at that age.
I also did take what the counselor said to heart and started a daycare. You know what I learned from that, you have to be a great person in order to do daycare. I started hating being around kids. Since I had one of my own, I thought I need to walk away from daycare. So I also want to add if you do have a daycare, You Rock! Like I said you have to be a great person to daycare.
I was able to find a job in housekeeping at a nursing home, then ended up getting a job in the HIM (Health Information Management) Dept. I know what you are thinking, sounds pretty fancy, NO it really wasn’t. Believe it or not I actually had to take a pay cut to get that job. It didn’t matter though, that was as good as it would get for me I thought.
I do have to say one thing, what that counselor said to me was wrong, but it did make me a better person. I told myself I would NEVER make anyone feel that way. I would never degrade, or make anyone feel stupid. I hated feeling that way, and told myself because I hated that I would never do it to anyone else.
I stayed true to my promise to myself, I never talked down to anyone. IN fact a lot of times people would come to me with question over others. I was the go to person. I did the training in the HIM dept, if someone was unsure about something they would come to me. OK, so I am almost done talking about myself, I promised.
Anyways let’s forward to when I was 30. At this point I was divorced, had 2 kids and lived with my boyfriend and his 3 kids. I did have a good life, and loved my family but I made crap for a living worked 2 jobs, and was barely able to flood above water. MY boyfriend pretty much paid for most bills because I made crap for wages.
Then came a day that changed my life forever. It was scary, but kind of gave me a push which at this point is what I needed. We had a big meeting in the HIM dept., in the meeting we were told 2 people would loss there job in 1 year. I freaked out I still had that counselor in my mind, so I thought it was going to be me. Everyone else was smarter than me. I was embarrassed I had been at this place for over 10 years, and now I might be jobless. I know it sounds stupid, but I really still had what she said in the back of my mind.
AT this time my sister in law was going to school to be a MA, I had stop at the tech school she was going to pick something up from her. I don’t even remember what it was. But while I was there I picked up a book on courses for the heck of it. Then oddly enough I found one I was interested in. I ended up pick a degree in computer support specialist. I was decent with PC’s whenever anyone had issue, I was the fix it girl. So I though what the heck, I will sign up.
First I thought people would laugh at me, because like I said I had that counselor in the back of my head telling me I was not smart enough to go back to school. I was surprised that everyone was so supportive, and believed in me. In fact one of our friends was in the computer field, I was embarrassed to tell him because I still did not believe I was good enough. When he found out he gave me the biggest huge, and told me that I was going to do awesome in it. That is what I needed to hear.
I think we think we are alone, but I bet if you took a look around you would find people who love and support you in any decisions you make. It is amazing how we don’t realize it until you put yourself out there.
After starting school things just started happen for me. My confidence in myself was better. I had the best evaluation in my life, during it my manager actually said something to me that made me cry. She said that I have really shined this last year. She put me in charge of all the IT stuff for the clinic. (We did not have an IT dept. right on site) Which at one point the hospital that was close by bought the clinic, eventually I did my internship in that IT dept., which turned into a full time job. My pay doubled, just by switching jobs. So here I was a girl who was told I would not amount to anything, going to school and working in an IT department. Who would of thought!
I am not saying it was an easy journey, because it’s not. I picked a field that is male dominate, and at first I thought to myself “What the hell was I thinking.” At first when I started and the end user would get me they would sigh on the phone because I was a female and what the heck does she know? I did get through it, and feel the journey was an important lesson to learn.
The word STUPID
Ok let’s talk about my pet peeve. The one word that drives me the most nuts is the word stupid. I hate the word stupid, in fact whenever someone says this word I correct them. I don’t care who it is, to me it is the worst word in the world. The reason I hate that word is because for so long that is how I felt about myself. The one thing I have learned over the years, which helped me be the person I am today is NO ONE is stupid. Yes not all of us can do geometry, write code, fix a computer, or something else that takes a certain skill, does that mean that person that can’t do those things are stupid, NO. The fact of the matter is, if we all knew everything none of us would have a job. We are all smart and hold a skill that we can do better than most people. I am pretty positive on that. Yes even you the person reading this.
So yes, you may not be great at computers, or be good at geometry but that does not mean you are stupid. That just means it is not your thing. Mine that would be math. Without a calculator I am lost. MY boyfriend is awesome when it comes to math. But if you put a computer in front of him he is lost. That does not mean he is stupid because he know nothing about computers, or I am stupid because I am not good at math it just mean it is not our thing. Everyone is smart in their own way. No one is stupid, not even a little bit. The worst thing is, you will run into people who call others stupid all of the time. To me that just ticks me off, and I think that work has a huge negative effect to the person that is called that.
Now that I said that, has anyone ever made you feel stupid? If someone has, what is that person weakness? It has to be something, everyone has a strength and a weakness. Heck even Superman has a weakness right?
Dealing with Enablers
As we talked about before, enablers are those people who put people down to make themselves feel better. So how do you deal with these people? That depends on the situation.
When I first transferred to IT, I worked with a guy who was an arrogant prick. First he did help me get my job, so even though he was a jerk I appreciated his help. I will NEVER forget one day when I had to make 3- 30” CAT 5 cables. First of all this is when I first started, I had not graduated by that time, and I had never made a cable before. Now I can make those darn cables in my sleep, but at the time I had never made one before. He made me feel like I was 2 feet tall, at that point I hated my job. So you know what I did, I wrote him an e-mail. I told him exactly how he made me feel. You know what I learned, he did not realize that he made me feel that way. He actually took me aside and apologized to me. I am not saying after that meeting he was my best friend, I am just saying some people don’t realize how they come off when they talk to others. So when you bring it to their attention sometimes you will be surprised in the result.
This co-worker transferred to a different department. Although I would be lying if I said I missed working with him, but I can say that by me talking to him we have more respect for each other. The big thing is never let anyone make you feel worthless. Talk to the person, if they are a decent person they will apologies and change the way they treat you. If not this person is not worth your time. I don’t care who it is, you are better than them, take the higher road.
What Can you do?
The first you should do is walk away from them. If that is all they are doing is putting you down, why stay? Just walk away. Then you should talk to this person that is treating you this way. If that is not a possibility talk to someone else. Like I said before there are people in your life that you may not realize love you and are there for you. If you don’t have someone contact me, I will help you get through this. Visit my site at lifecoach4life.net or lifecoach4life@outlook.com.
If this is at work or school and it is really bad talk to someone in charge. No one should get treated this way. Get help, don’t try to take this on by yourself. You deserve to be happy and if someone is trying to take that away from you, don’t let them win. You deserve to be happy, and feel valued, no one has the right to take that away from you.
Make your life your own
Let’s talk about you, are you happy with your life? Are the people in your life good for you or do they bring you down? Are they supportive or are they enablers?
I think most of us have a mixture in our life. I know I do. Who do you surround yourself with the most? I hope you said supportive people. If you didn’t, what can you change about the people you surround yourself with? Are they around you for work, is it your spouse, parent, friends, or co-workers?
First if it is your spouse, you can do better. I still believe that enablers put people down to make them feel better about themselves. They are maybe hiding their own weakness, and by doing that they talk down to you. If you have talked to them about this, and it does not get better LEAVE! Get out of the situation. I have been there, make you feel worthless, then the next day I am so sorry I did not mean it. IT WILL NEVER CHANGE! Get out, don’t waste any more time with someone who does not value you. You are awesome, talented, beautiful, and smart. You can do anything you put your mind to, it is your time to shine!
I don’t care who you are, how tall you are, what you look like, how much schooling you had, is you have a disability you are awesome. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.
If this person says they love you, then you should know that by the way they treat you not just by them saying that I Love You to you.
If it is your parent, have you tried talking to them? I was very fortunate and had great parents, but I know others that were not so lucky. Being a parent, even a step parent I could not image ever making my child feel like there worthless? Knowing this, I would hope if you talked to you parent they would then change the way they talk and apologies to you. I do know there are some parents that are not that way, if that is the case I’m sorry. The best thing to do would be distance yourself from your parents. If you are under the age of 18, and are still in High School talk to your guidance counselor at school, police, or a teacher.
If this person is a friend, then let’s face it they really are not a friend. If they truly are a friend talk to them about this.
If it is someone at work, talk to them or a manager, or boss. If this is not a possibility you should look at transferring to a different department or looking into finding a different job. Nothing is worse than going to a job every day that you hate because of your co-workers. You deserve to be happy, don’t let them hold you back. That is what they are doing, these people are holding you back from being great!
The Future
When you look at your life, if you could change anything what it would be. what would you like to change? Your job, location, or do you want to go back to school to switch careers, if you could pick anything what would it be.
Even though you may not think it is possible it is. I am living proof, don’t let fear stop you from achieving greatness. Everyone gets scared in the beginning when you decide to make a change. But change can be good, even though it is scary it could be wonderful. No one went anywhere sitting on the sideline. Take a chance and follow your dreams.
Life Coach
You may be asking, how does one person go from IT to a Life Coach? As much as I love IT, my passion is helping people. I struggled for so long, feeling like I was stupid, and would never amount to anything. How many other people feel that way? This counselor took a lot from me, luckily I was able to get past it. (It took a long time, but I did get past it) How many others did this counselor do this too? I could not have been the only one.
Because in the back of my head I still have that counselor saying that to me, I go above and beyond at work to help people. As I said before, I work in IT. You will be surprised to know when people call me they are not happy. I have had people throw computers at me, I have been called every name in the book, but let me tell you when I leave that area where these people are not happy, everyone is smiling and feeling better about themselves. In fact 90 % of the employees call me over anyone else.
Not because I am smarter, or prettier than my co-workers it is because I am nice and NEVER make anyone feel stupid. In fact when someone calls me because of something small, and they say “wow I’m so sorry that was stupid” I always say “If everyone knew about computers, I would be without a job.” Which is true, but then I found I loved talking and helping people more then I liked fixing computers. So that is why I started lifecoach4life.
I started in in 2010, and recently decided to start and online coaching counseling business. I found that a lot of people don’t feel comfortable talking to someone about their life. Some like to remain anonymous, so offering this online was perfect. So many individuals need someone to talk too but can’t afford it or don’t want anyone knowing that they need someone to talk to. That is why at lifecoach4life.net we offer a lots of different options that anyone can afford. Happiness is out there and we can help you find it again.