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Giving Hope to A Broken Generation

Ess-Jee Rautenbach


Cover by: Reach Publishers Book 1

Published; 14/12/2011, 1st print 15/10/2011, 2nd print 02/02/2012

ISBN 978-0-620-50304-4

Version 1 12/12/2009

Version 2 08/08/2010

Version 3 30/05/2011

Version 4 12/06/2011

Version 5 05/10/2011

Revised version 01/02/2012


Title: How to Stand for Your Marriage

Author: Ess-Jee Rautenbach

© 2011, Reach Publishers;

Edited by: Reach Publishers.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher .

Comments about the book

I really enjoyed your book especially the section about prayer. I never really knew what intercession was; now I have realised that I’ve been doing it a lot without

knowing what it is! Cool… and I need to pray more scripture! (Caroline)

Great concept. (Mario)

Bless you for what you are doing, encouraging and role modelling a more excellent way! Love in Christ, (Cris)

Thank you so much for the material, I really gobbled it up. (Laurinda)

May God richly bless your service for Him. (Elisabeth)

Wow this is great! (Adri)

I love what you do EssJee. (Ah Willa)

Thanks for your wonderful message. (Jenny)

“The Christian genre is a growing market and I’m constantly amazed at all the angles it comes from in terms of the focus of the topic. I like the idea of standing for one’s marriage and I think in today’s troubled times of ever-growing divorce, it would be welcomed and sorely needed. The writing itself has a nice informal

touch.” (Reach editor)


This book is firstly dedicated to my Saviour and King, Jesus Christ; my loving wife, whom I will love forever, and to all of those brave ones standing for their marriages. This book is only made possible through

the power of our living God, who reigns forever.

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his beloved”.

John 15:13 (KJV)




Section 1 - Foundations To Stand On

Chapter 1 The Task Ahead Of You

Chapter 2 Marriage: God’s Idea?

Chapter 3 Covenant Or Contract?

Chapter 4 Divorce

Chapter 5 Make A Stand

Chapter 6 Why Does One Stand For One’s Marriage?

Chapter 7 Some Facts About Standing For Your Marriage Chapter 8 Where Does One Start?

Chapter 9 What Will You Experience During Your Stand?

Section 2 - The Fundamentals Of Standing Chapter 10 Forgiveness

Chapter 11 Unconditional Love

Chapter 12 Intercession

Chapter 13 Standing Success Contract Section 1:

The Principle of Standing


Introduction To The Book’s Organization

Foundations To Stand On

1. The Task Ahead Of You

2. Marriage: God’s Idea?

3. Covenant Or Contract

4. Divorce

5. Make A Stand

6. Why Does One Stand For One’s Marriage?

7. Some Facts About Standing For Your Marriage 8. Where Does One Start?

9. What Will You Experience During Your Stand?

Section 2:

Understanding how to Love and Pray and


The Fundamentals Of Standing

10. Forgiveness

11. Unconditional Love

12. Intercession

13. Standing Contract For Success

“I have to warn you about something. There can come a point in any marriage when you get fed up. You’ve lost patience with waiting to see some kind of change in your spouse. You’ve forgiven again and again and you’re weary of the struggle. You’re through with trying to make things better. You’re tired of being hurt over and over and waiting for a breakthrough that never comes.

“The years have taken their toll, and you subconsciously (or consciously) decide you are not going to try anymore. You no longer feel love for your husband (wife) the way you did, and you don’t even care about getting it back.

“This can happen in any marriage where one spouse is working to make things better and the other isn’t trying at all. Your heart can grow cold and hard like a stone, and it will seem as if the love you once had has died. But the good news is that God has the power to completely turn things around. He is the God of miracles and restoration who makes all things new. Jesus — the ultimate source of resurrection power — can resurrect love that has died and soften your heart toward your spouse. He can bring your marriage to life again.” (Stormie Omartian, from “Praying Through the Deeper

Issues of Marriage”)

“For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:14 (NIV)


Chosen, called, willing, obedient,

determined,tenacious,unrelenting, full of hope, never give up, goes against everything that the world says we should do, holding our position, unmovable. Does that describe you? Are you willing to S.T.A.N.D. for your marriage no matter what anyone else has to say? Each word and phrase above describes myself and EssJee. We are STANDERS; standing on what the Lord Jesus Christ commands us to do in His Word. The Bible says that we are to S.T.A.N.D.

Having done all that we can do, just S.T.A.N.D. (Ephesians 6:13b).

What an honour and privilege it is to be able to write the foreword of this book for my friend, partner, and fellow stander EssJee Rautenbach. Even though we have never met personally, the Lord has brought us together through our ministries. EssJee is one of the most determined standers I have had the opportunity to minister to during the beginning of his crisis. There is no doubt that the Lord has His hand on this man. He seriously loves his wife, and I do believe that when the Lord has them both ready, she will be back at home with EssJee where she rightfully belongs. The ministry that the Lord has given him is helping so many people to understand that even if you do have marriage problems, you don’t just give up, walk out the door, sign a few papers, and it’s over. God’s plan for marriage is until DEATH do you part. Not any time before. EssJee and I have been called and chosen for this ministry. He and I have a job to do to teach those that the Lord brings to us that we are to never give up on our spouse. It doesn’t matter how they act, what they do, or even who they are with during the time that they are off in the Prodigal Country, or in plain English, ‘The Land of the Lost’.

The job that we have is to continually encourage those who are hurting from the pain of a covenant husband or wife wanting to call it quits, separate, or even go so far as divorce. Standing for your marriage is something that the Lord is calling ALL married people to do. It doesn’t matter what country you live in, what your family, friends, co-workers, or even your church thinks about what you are doing. Some will say that you have lost your mind, some will definitely tell you to give up, or ask why you would even want them back after all that they have done, or put you through. When the Lord says S.T.A.N.D. that is all that matters. When you cannot get away from the feeling deep down in your gut that moving on is not something that you should do, pay attention. That is the Lord speaking to your spirit. He is telling you that He knows something you don’t. If you will follow the Lord Jesus Christ, He will lead you down the road called “Standing.” He will direct your every turn, lead you up every hill that you will have to climb, and take you to the desert, going around the mountain until you finally get it. He will never leave us, nor forsake us. Since that is true, what right do we have to give up on the husband or wife that we are in covenant with? I don’t think I have ever been to a wedding where the words “until death do

you part” have ever been left out, or replaced with “if this doesn’t work, we can just divorce”. It just doesn’t happen. Marriage was created to be a lifelong commitment, and should not be taken lightly.

If you are reading this book, then there is no doubt that it is in God’s plan. Like us, you have been prompted by the Holy Spirit to Stand for your marriage. No matter what it looks like in the natural, we are to go by what the Lord says, by calling those things that be not as if they already are. (Romans 4:17). We must learn what the Bible says about our marriage. We are to SPEAK the Word out loud, prophesy that it will live and it cannot die in Jesus’


Now is the time that the church must rise up, decreeing and declaring that marriage is forever. That we must S.T.A.N.D. on the word, Trust in the Lord, Agree in Unity, NO more Divorce. The ministries that the Lord has given to Essjee and myself are life giving, family, church, and world changing. Choose to put life back into your marriage; S.T.A.N.D.

EssJee, I am so very proud of all that you are doing, and I am extremely honoured to have you as a partner, someone who is working for the same common goals; the harvest of souls for the Kingdom of Heaven, and the restoration of all marriages around the world.

May you be blessed beyond measure. Your wife IS coming home.

Stacey Hayes, Stand for your Marriage Ministries USA Introduction

So many people go through divorce or marriage separation in our society today. In many marriages things just seem hopeless and there is nowhere one can run to for help. Marriages have become disposable and if your marriage has developed into a non working part in your life, it has become socially acceptable to cut your losses and find a newer model.

Divorce is not only the killer of marriages, but the killer of families and the destroyer of our society. The “freedom” granted by divorce is a myth. In reality then go into the yoke of guilt, shame and brokenness. There are so many people walking among us who are carrying guilt, shame and brokenness. These are just some of the effects of divorce.

But there is hope; our God is a God of restoration and reconciliation. For God loved the world so much that He gave His only son to die for us, so that we could be reconciled with Him.

God instituted and ordained marriage, but marriages are being attacked by satan, who hates marriage. Jesus can resurrect any dead marriage. He showed us His power when He defeated death and was raised up to be seated at the right hand of God.

If you will accept and follow Jesus, then the power that conquered death will live in you.

Give your sorrows and anxieties to our Lord and He will give you His wholeness in place of your brokenness. (Matthew 11:28).

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. God does heal hurting marriages. Put your trust in Him and you will never be disappointed.

Reviews of Book

Great Book !!!!

In it's simplest of terms "STANDING" means to honor the vows you made on your wedding day reguardless of the circurmstances you are in. In the words view, it is " I will love you till A serious problem comes up and I doin,t want to try anymore,"I love you , if you love me." This is not what GOD expects of us in our marriage.

Marriage is a coventant ( NOT A CONTRACT !! ) People don't remember who created Marriage GOD did !! We vow to have and to hold , until death do us part (separates) period!!. God was a witness to your marriage and to the coventant vows you made and they are not to be taken lighty. (Read Deuteronomy 23:21 in the KJV ). Christ loves us unconditionally as we are to love each other reguardless of our circumstances and that includes separation and or divorce. If your spouse walks and the get the "NO falt divorce"

it has no bearing on whatsoever on you part of the coventant. You and you spouse are "ONE FLESH" period!!! untill death seperates.

If you are not saved you should find and good church with great support for men and women. Prayer is the best way to go on this because it's not about you or your spouse it about HIM !!! Put God first in all things and yes that includes your hunband or wife and keep your eyes on him and not on your circurnstance that is the most important part of this period !!!!! this book will help you along with prayer and a good church( a good support system). God blesses those who belive and follow and are not disobedince to his word. He will restore what was lost better than it was his ways are not our ways. but he will do it in his time not on your time which could be a season or the rest of you life on this earth. He know's whats best for you and your life for he created you and knows all about you even how many hairs are on your head. So get the book it is filled with turth to help you STAND FOR MARRIAGE !!!!

Ernest Holt

Kudos to the author........ ,

Reviewed by Anne B. for Readers Favorite

"Stand For Your Marriage" reminds people of God's intention for marriage. Marriage vows are a promise "until death do we part."

Scripture teaches us "what God has joined together let no man put asunder." So why has marriage become disposable? It certainly isn't the will of God and if it isn't of God it must be the will of Satan. Ess-Jee Rautenbach stands firm on God's purpose and offers hope for floundering marriages. All marriages go through rocky periods. However, that does not mean we are released from our vows, responsibilities or commitments. Divorce does not hurt only the husband and wife but their children, grandchildren, parents, siblings, and friends. Rautenbach reminds us that we have a great authority to turn to when our marriage falls apart. Instead we turn to friends, family and the therapist for their advice and comfort.

I am impressed with the message of this book. The plot is based on scripture. I agree with the author's point of view. I truly believe that God can breathe life back into dry bones. I agree that Christianity is more than a religion; it is a way of life. My concern is abusive situations. If a spouse is abused I do not believe they should continue in that relationship. I like the way the author has left room for the reader to take notes and answer questions; this allows the message to resonate with the reader. We should be listening to our God before we make the commitment of marriage.

If we are listening then we will allow Him to guide us toward the marriage he wants for us.

This book is easy to read and understand. The author explains the need to focus on forgiveness and grace. I will take the author's message one step farther. We should be listening to our God before we make the commitment of marriage. If we are listening then we will allow Him to guide us toward the marriage he wants for us.

Kudos to the author for standing up for marriage.

Informative and insightful

I found this book to be informative and have some areas of deep theological insight. If you are considering Standing for your marriage or have heard of Standing and are wondering what that means, this is definitely a good book to read. As a Stander, myself, it was refreshing to find a book written by a current Stander who has also helped numerous restorations come to pass. The book helped me see a few areas where I need to do some work to improve my Stand, too.

Beth Durkee

It’s thought provoking

It’s thought provoking and it’s interactive which I don’t normally find from other books aside from activity/educational books. It would really encourage readers to read and reflect. I think this is something that should be given during marriage counseling which is common in US. There is definitely a wide market for this book.

Sophia Blake - Xlibris Corporation

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Author Biography

South African Ess-jee Rautenbach began working with troubled marriages in 2009 after his own marriage hit troubled waters. Since then, "covenant marriage restoration" has become his passion. He has seen marriage after marriage after marriage RESTORED and RENEWED

through the simple principles outlined in the oldest book known to mankind, the Bible. In the authors first ground-breaking Christian book, How To Stand For Your Marriage, readers can find the beginnings of new hope for troubled marriages.

This biography was provided by the author or their representative.

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