My name is Al Norm.
I had always been content with living an ordinary life. Most people might find themselves bored spending the whole day at the office in front of a computer screen, but not me. I was brilliant working as a normal, average, everyday, mundane businessman.
In fact, I was so good at my job that my boss gave me an opportunity; I could move to a private office out near a small town, and work from home, the peace and tranquillity of nature just outside my window. Well, I couldn't say no to that. So I packed my bags and moved out to the town of Normal.
Normal. Population of 8362. A normal place without any major dramas. A fine change from the hustle and bustle of the big city.
Just opposite my new home was a small botanic garden. The scent of flowers wafted through the air and filled my nostrils with heavenly bliss. I could get used to this. Normal had a certain rustic charm which I loved.
In fact, upon the first day I moved in, I saw somebody wearing a hooded black robe, riding a white horse down the street.
I don't know why he wore that black robe. Maybe it's part of his religion? I'm cool with that. Whatever. Not my business.
I asked this hooded figure what his job was as he and his horse trotted past my home. To which they replied, in a deep, gravelly voice, “I am a reaper,”
So I guess that means he does farm work? I asked him what his name was. He replied, “Grim”. So like the Brothers Grimm? I guess the guy must be German.
So, Grim is a nice guy. He said he was hosting a party over at this tavern, 'The Bloody Thorn'. He gave me an invitation. Pretty cool. I took the man up on his offer, and I made my way to The Bloody Thorn at 8 PM sharp.
The place had this whole late Victorian atmosphere to the place, like something out of a creepy children's book. The full moon shone through the glass-stained windows. There were quite a lot of people here – socialising, getting a drink, dancing, flirting, all of that.
A fair number of people appeared to be dressed up in costumes. For example, there were a number of people dressed up like fairies, and others were wearing what must have been fake vampire teeth.
I felt a bit left out.
Why hadn't Grim told me this was a fancy dress party? I had a rather convincing ghost costume I wore last Halloween, and I can tell you it left more than a lasting impression on some of those trickand-treating kids!
I could see Grim at the other end of the room. He was talking to some young woman wearing a werewolf mask. He looked like he would be there for quite a while. I went over to the bartender.
“No, vait, don't tell me. I have a gift for prediction,” a man with a thick Transylvanian accent said, “you vant a blood orange vodka? No? Perhaps a volf cocktail is more to your taste?”
“Just normal beer will be fine, thanks,” I said. He poured me a glass of normal beer, and I mingled amongst the crowd. This was a loud party, louder than I was used to. But I did my best to make myself comfortable. Eventually, a young woman with flowing ebony hair approached me.
“It's been a long time since I've seen somebody like you in a place like this,” she said. I turned around to look at her. She was dressed up like a witch, flowing red silk robes flattering the contours of her body, and a black pointed hat with red lacing. She was smoking hot.
Now, I've never been skilled at chatting up women, but this lady did not seem to care. She was just all over me, telling me how handsome I was. She told me her name. It was Arabella.
Eventually, she asked me to join her behind the gazebo. If she wanted to make out, wouldn't it be more romantic to do it on the actual gazebo? She didn't seem all that shy.
“So, what do you want to do?” I asked, playing dumb. She pulled out a long black stick. Is that like her eye liner or something? I think she looks fine without make up.
“I just needed some idiot to test this new spell I've been working on,” Arabella said. She began chanting in a strange, made-up language that I had never heard before.
She pointed the stick at me, and jets of hot, scalding flames shot out of the end, missing me by mere millimetres.
What the heck was that?!?
“What's wrong with you?!? Was that meant to be some practical joke? How did you do that anyway? Is there a miniature flamethrower installed in that...” I paused. The stick was sparkling. Like a wand. No, that's stupid. There's no such thing as witches, right?
She looked at me and started another chant. I don't know what she chanted, but it sounded unholy. A strange glowing pattern appeared under her feet, and moved with her as she came closer. White jets of light shot out of her stick and shot me with full force. I looked down at my shoes, and saw that I was turning to stone.
“Ah, now that's more like it. You will make a lovely statue for the back garden,” Arabella said.
“Wait, stop! What is this? How are you doing this?” I asked, as my legs turned to stone. In a few minutes, I'd be this lady's garden ornament.
“Are you thick or something? Have you never heard of the supernatural? Hundreds of vampires, werewolves, fairies, and, of course, witches have called Normal their home for centuries! What a fool you are!” Arabella said, following this with an evil cackle.
“What a fool you are,” came a deep, gravelly voice. It was Grim. He was holding a scythe in one bony white hand. A shot of green light shot out of one of his skeletal fingers, and I was back to normal.
“Grim? Are you trying to prevent this man's death? That goes against the rules, and you know it,” Arabella said.
“You have already broken the rules. As the leader of witches in this community, the Reapers have forbidden you from using your powers for evil. Under Rule 389 of the Reaper Proclamation of 1251, you must leave this town and never return,” Grim said.
“And what if I don't?” Arabella asked with a smirk.
Grim took his scythe and dragged it through the air, opening a glowing portal.
“Then I am obligated by my superiors to send you to the next world,” Grim said. Arabella laughed, then drew her wand. Flames shot towards Grim, which he deftly blocked by spinning his scythe around like the propeller of a helicopter.
Green electricity shot from Grim's fingers and headed for Arabella. It struck her hat, which she quickly cast aside. She then launched a jet of ice from her wand, and Grim countered with a green energy beam. For a short time, the two attacks mingled in the air, fighting against each other, but eventually, Grim got the upper hand and she was struck with the full force of Grim's power. She collapsed down in tatters, unconscious.
“Let us hope that in the next world, you choose to be a nicer person,” Grim said, as he carried her body to the portal. She began to float away into the glowing void, and it sealed itself shut behind her.
I stood there in shock for a short time.
“You're the Grim Reaper?” I asked.
“A Grim Reaper. I have been the reaper of this town for a hundred years,” Grim said. He took off his hood, revealing his skull. Was it possible for a skull to look regretful? Because this one sure did.
“I thought you knew who I was. I never would have brought you to this party if I'd known you were a simple mortal,” Grim said, “Every full moon, the supernatural people of this town come together for a celebration. Despite what you just experienced, I can assure you that most supernaturals just want to go about their business, the same as ordinary mortals,”
“What was all that stuff you were saying about reapers and her being the leader of the witches?” Al Norm asked.
“Every community has its supernaturals. As the reaper of this community, it is my job to find a representative of each group to keep their respective group in line,” Grim said.
“But it didn't work. The leader of the witches in Normal just tried to kill me,” Al Norm said.
“Yes, and now I will have to appoint a new witch. But don't let this night's events discourage you, Al Norm. I believe if you continue to stay in Normal, you will live quite the fulfilling life,” Grim said. He snapped his fingers, and instantly before him was his white horse. He hopped upon this horse, and rode off into the night.
Wow. My entire world-view has just been changed. Before tonight, I thought things like the supernatural were just made up.
Should I ring up my boss, and tell her I'm calling it quits? No, I mustn't. A real businessman never quits. I must choose to stay here, here in this abnormal town of Normal.
Things went back to normal right after that, and the month passed with amazing speed. I came to think that perhaps what I had witnessed that night was but a dream, an illusion.
But then there was a knock at the door. It was Grim. And so, with Death knocking at my door, I reluctantly answered. Had he come to collect my soul? No. He was having a meeting with the other supernatural leaders at his house, and so, before long, I found myself at Death's doorstep.
His house looked suitably macabre and Gothic. I was curious, of course, as to why Death would require access to a bathroom, bed and kitchen, and I was tempted to ask. But I thought better of it.
We came to the dining room, where there were three other people. These were the people:
Victor, leader of the Normal vampires. He had pale, lifeless skin, as well as blood-red eyes and blood-red hair. Every time he smiled, his sharp vampire teeth shone in the light. He looked muscular. He was sipping absent-mindedly at a blood pack. I sure do hope that whoever he took that from gave it to him consensually.
Ruby, leader of the Normal werewolves. Tan skin, and messy blonde hair. Her eyes glowed golden. She had sharp teeth, which were chowing down on a large tuna fish. Most of her was covered in a light brown fur. I wonder if I pet her fur, would it be like petting a dog? Her tail thumped the back of her seat enthusiastically. This was, of course, only her werewolf form. In human form, she looked pretty much the same, except without all the hair. And the tail.
Daybreak, leader of the Normal fairies. Tan skin, and black hair. For the most part, he looked just like some normal guy you'd see on the street. But then you would notice the huge reddish-white wings sprouting from his back.
Grim said that the replacement witch would be coming by shortly.
I introduced myself to these three in as professional a manner as I could muster.
At first, they were sceptical about allowing a mere mortal in their sanctuary. But they did start to warm up to me, I think.
Victor bragged to me about how many hours he was putting in at the gym. He said he should train me sometime. Gym lessons from a vampire? That sure would be something.
Daybreak told me he had a large garden on the edge of town, where he grew all sorts of fruits and vegetables. Apparently, his 'fairy sense' or whatever gives him natural talent with growing things, because he's all 'in touch with nature' or whatever.
Ruby told me she was thinking of buying a cat. Interesting choice of pet for a werewolf. I'd have thought she'd prefer a dog. She also told me she has plans of becoming an artist one day. She's got hundreds of paintings back at her house. I may have to visit her one day.
Some time later, the new witch arrived. Her name was Dawn. She had light tan skin and blonde hair. She was a nice young woman, though very shy. She liked to keep to herself, and for the most part didn't even look like a traditional witch.
I don't want it to seem like I'm prejudiced concerning witches, but when a witch almost turns you to stone, it makes you a bit biased. So, to me, a witch who doesn't really use her powers is, well, preferable. But even if she did, I still would be all like, 'live and let live', so long as she wasn't using her magic to hurt people.
Anyway, the dining with death was over before it started. Grim confided in me that it's nearly impossible to get all the supernatural leaders to stick around in the same place for more than ten minutes. I sometimes have similar problems with my co-workers.
So what else happened during this month? Let me just think for a second here.
For a start, Victor (the vampire) took me to the gym for a training session. What are we even training for? Don't know. He carries an umbrella over his head wherever he goes. Don't want to run into the sunlight, do you, pal?
I hung out with Daybreak, too. We hung out in the forest with some of his fairy pals. He showed me he can make himself into this small little red sprite, where he parties with the other fairies. Most of the fairies tend to stay away from humans. I also learnt he likes his practical jokes. He made my pants start screaming until I took them off. That was not fun explaining to the cops.
I also went to the park with Ruby. Played a nice game of fetch. She licks me on the face whenever she comes back with the stick. I think it's a compulsion, she gets real embarrassed about that. To be honest, I don't mind. In fact, if I'm really honest, I actually kind of liked it. I might be developing a tiny crush on her. No big deal.
I did try to hang out with the new witch, Dawn, but she's just too shy to even hold a conversation with. And Death was busy most days, collecting souls and what not.
Oh! There was also the summer party. Victor held a party at the beach. He didn't even seem to care about the sun at first, as he showed up in some hot red speedos. (Though he still brought his umbrella) He hit on a lot of guys. He tried to hit on me, too, but I'm just not into him like that.
I mean, I had to put up with bloodsucking parasites all the time at work, and now I've got a vampire trying to make some moves on me? Sorry, is that a prejudiced thing to say? Probably.
Look, I'm just a normal guy. I'm still getting used to all this supernatural weirdness going on.
So what's new this month? Well, my job has been going well. I think being able to work in this private office has rather improved my mood.
Ruby told me she's gotten a job at the local police station. Turns out being a werewolf gives her a good nose for sniffing out crime!
Of course, it was that nose of hers which managed to sniff out my true feelings for her. Over a cup of coffee, she said:
“I can smell you have romantic feelings for me,” which is pretty dang blunt. So, now we're pretty much officially dating.
Our first 'official', proper date was on the third full moon of summer. It went pretty well. There was a carnival in town, we both got hot dogs. And we entered a pie-eating contest. Ruby won, of course. What a voracious appetite! We went to the park, and then watched a movie together.
It was a lot more exciting than I'm making it sound. It was a lovely date, and I spent the night over at her house, where I met her new cat, a white short hair named 'Amy'. Over the course of that night, well, one thing led to another, and, well, let's just say it was a fantastic way to spend the full moon.
Not a lot else happened that month, and I'm OK with that. I'm happy that things in this town tend to be normal most of the time, and I'd be happy if they stayed that way. Unfortunately, certain hands of fate had other plans for me...