Once Upon An Altered Time by Pete Bertino - HTML preview

THE AUTHOR

1 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

Once Upon A Time...

“Yo, check her out.” said Jake to his friend Joey.

They stood on the corner of 15th and Porter street in front of The Pizza Shack, an order out only pizza parlor that also sold packs of cigarettes and sodas out of vending machines for an exorbitant price in the tiny area where you waited for your pie. You could get a slice for a buck that was a thick mass of crust and cheese and a moderate topping of spicy pepperoni. On a breezy day you can smell the dough baking in their brick ovens all the way from Broad street a block down.

After a spicy slice of pepperoni pie you could grab a beer at the Rosewood Pub just one block east on Porter. Others might be inclined to visit Bill’s Variety on the opposite corner for a can of RC cola, America’s top selling soda, or a pack of smokes that are much cheaper than the Pizza Shack’s vending machines that can only ingest quarters. If you had a sweet tooth, you can walk a block south on 15th street to Millie’s Ice Cream Parlor. It wasn’t the land of Dairy Queen, but they would treat you right and you had a dozen flavors of ice cream to choose from to cool your taste buds.

15th and Porter streets were lined with a majority of houses, that were usually single family occupancy with a rare few were split into duplexes.

The young woman walked from Millie’s towards the two young men on the opposite side passing row homes that were made usually of brick and mortar. At the end of the block was a brownstone that was three stories high, dwarfing the other row homes on the block that were two stories tall. It was a warm afternoon, she took off her black and gray striped hoody and tied it to her waist to let the sun hit her skin.

“Man, you ain’t gonna say shit to her you pussy.” Joey said shaking his head pitifully.

Jake watched her walk down the street, pretending not to see them.

Judging from Joey’s words he expected her to be stone cold to them.

She absently pushed a lock of curly black hair behind her ear, and Jake felt his heart speed up.

“She looks like she’s just got off a work. She’s wearin an apron, probably a waitress gettin her ass pinched by ugly mother fuckers like you all day.”

Joey said with another pitiful head shake.

“Like you know. I bet I can get her digits.” he said looking at Joey closely.

2 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. And if I don’t, just tell your mom I’ll be over at the same time tonight.” he said before walking over to her.

“Go suck a dick.”

Jake felt he had a good chance at getting her number. He already knew her name and approached her but left plenty of distance between them so as not to come on too strong.

“Hey, Grace.” Jake said.

Her reaction was a small smile but was accompanied by a slight eye roll.

“Do we know each other?” she asked still walking at the same pace.

“Yeah, we’re friends.”

“We are?” she said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, you’re friends with Paul Kenoff right?”

“Yeah.” she said slowing down.

“Well I’m Paul’s friend too. I’ve known him since high school.” he said with a smile.

“And so that makes us friends?” she said giving a head shake similar to Joey’s.

Jake looked back at Joey who just gave him the bird and a smile. Jake brushed him off and continued.

brushed him off and continued.

3 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“OK, we have a mutual friend. I want to be your friend, my name is...”

“Yeah, I know your name, Jake Darrow. The sledgehammer.” she said finally stopping.

“Aw see, I knew you knew me. You’ve seen me fight, too." Jake said with a smile.

“No, I don’t know you. Paul knows you and he’s mentioned you,” she said pertly.

“he told me you’re an amateur.”

“Yeah, I teach it at the Y too.” he said half heartedly.

Jakes smile shrunk a little, wondering how she might have meant the amateur statement. If a guy had said as much to him he would of dropped him like a bad habit. He could never raise a hand to a woman, especially her, whose sky blue eyes made him sweat nervously. He didn’t notice the smile cross Grace’s lips when he deflated a little. Jake looked away slightly trying to still sound cool despite the burn.

“We can be friends, if you like.” she said trying to catch his eye with hers.

He smiled brighter and nodded his head, he looked into her cool blue eyes and felt his heart floating in them.

“That’d be cool.” he said feeling lighter than air.

“Here.” she said taking his hand and removing a pen from her pants pocket.

“You carry pencils in there too?” Jake asked hoping it would distract Grace from his sweaty palm.

“Shut up, I carry it for work.” she said giving him a gentle elbow in his ribs.

“You work at Millies on Shunk street, right?”

4 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“Yeah,”

“I never liked the food, the Rocky Road was good though.”

“I’ll tell them you approve.” she said with a laugh as she wrote her number on his palm.

“Go ahead laugh, there’s your tip if you ever serve me.” he said playfully trying to ignore the flutter in his stomach.

“Here, friends talk and get to know each other.” she said with a smile and began walking again.

Jake stood watching her leave. She wore jeans and a T-shirt under her maroon smock, stained slightly from ice cream, but he thought she looked beautiful since he first saw her when still a senior in high school.

looked beautiful since he first saw her when still a senior in high school.

Her skin was fair which contrasted beautifully with hair that was the deepest black. He quickly walked back over to Joey hand held high.

“Great fuck stick, what do I tell my mother?”

Grace had woken up feeling sick for the last few mornings. Jake was already at work by six every morning and would miss this new routine.

They had been living together for nearly two years but she rarely had to get up for work before him, so it was easy to hide. It was after only the second morning she had decided to get the pregnancy test, but she had waited until now, three days later, to take it.

It was a plain white stick with a gray tab you were supposed to pee on.

Her nerves were so wracked she almost peed on her hand. She placed it on the bathroom counter and washed her hands while she waited the ten minutes for the results.

She turned on the bedroom TV to kill time. The news was on, President Nixon was speaking about the revolution in California. She would turn away every few seconds from the president and glance over at the bathroom counter. Nixon was going on about what he hoped to succeed before he finished his third term when, she got up to change the channel absent minded thinking of one of those new controllers for TV’s that could change the channel from any room in the house.

5 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

The local NBC 3 news was broadcasting. A handsome middle aged man in a dark gray suit was reporting on a fire.

[TV Commentator:...the series of blazes in Cedar Park are believed to have been set intentionally.]

The camera cut from the talking head to an on location shot of the city’s Police Commissioner being questioned by a number of TV reporters. He was an older man in his fifties with a smooth handsome face but he had beady hazel eyes and looked nervous as he spoke.

[Commissioner:..it is the opinion of the detectives in charge of the case that the blaze last month that destroyed two dozen row homes in Cedar Park was definitely arson.]

[Reporter: Commissioner, has Move claimed responsibility for the fire?]

[Commissioner:I can’t comment on that right now.]

[Reporter:Will you be seeking help from the DUA, if Move is involved?]

[Commissioner: No. We will not require Federal assistance. Thank you.]

She watched absently while the talking head became another talking head that began reviewing tonight's Monday night football game between the Philadelphia Yellow Jackets and division rival Portsmouth Spartans.

The Yellow Jackets had no shot at the Super Bowl in her opinion so she changed the channel back and looked at the clock hanging above their bed. Ten minutes.

She quickly walked over to the test still clothed only in a night shirt and pink fuzzy slippers. She picked up the plastic stick with prickly finger tips and saw a blue plus sign in the little round window and felt her stomach lurch in fright. She sat on the toilet holding the test in her hands with

white knuckles.

They wanted to have kids, but they were being careful. They still didn’t meet the Federal guidelines for marriage and would receive no support for their baby outside of his bi-weekly checks and her minuscule tips, which they would lose at some point since she was pregnant.

6 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“I can work until the last month.” she said with a nod.

But after she had the baby she wouldn’t be able to work again for at least a few months if she could find a sitter, the Federal government wouldn’t help her find work but they would allow their child to go to school when old enough. Their baby might starve before it would be old enough to go to school, she thought biting her bottom lip with worry as she looked back at the TV from the toilet. It was a news clip of rioting in southern California, many held up signs showing daisies with rainbow petals which was the symbol for the gay movement.

[Host: The Religious Liberty Accommodations Act specifically states homosexuality and all types of sexual perversion other than a man and a woman as a crime.]

[Senator:You’re right and you see here, that’s why they’re revolting. They have these sick urges, whether with an animal or a child, they get can’t get all these urges out. So they say, ‘what’s keepin me from my what I want? he asks himself and he sees the government and says there ya go. These sickos can only release they’re urges on the civilized public, ah uh uh God fearing public.]

[Host:You’re right, Senator.]

[Senator:California is in revolt, because they are at the hands of these unnatural sex maniacs, Hollywood, the uh ah home of great debauchery a modern day Sodom. Fagots should be removed from our country, they destroyed Rome and will destroy the fabric of our great land. They’re a terrorist group just like those Black Panthers and those flower children, up in Woodstock. They must be ripped from our land.]

Grace got up to turn off the TV, feeling sick for Paul. Seeing such an old man talk that way had unsettled her in every way emotionally. She had heard stories about the Temperance League and the things they did to those in violation of that law.

She forgot about the TL for the moment and thought of her growing child.

What would they do? Adoption? She certainly couldn’t let the baby grow inside her and give it away like a worn pair of shoes.

Abortion was an option now in Canada, but waiting on a travel list can take two years unless you were very wealthy. But abortion felt like murder to her and she shuddered at the idea, she would 7 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

rather adopt him or her out though that would hurt too. She put on jeans and a bra in front of the full length mirror in their bedroom.

She placed her hands gently on her stomach and began to caress it, feeling nervous and scared. The country seemed so crowded and violent and angry, she didn’t want to give up on her baby though. She’d have to tell Jake, he was working only until one o’clock but he would be giving boxing lessons at the Y until five.

Jake had the car and they could barely afford that so Grace took a bus to

North Philly. No matter the time of day the buses were always packed with many people but it was deathly quiet. Grace quietly stood among the passengers, some white, some black. A rain so light it was little more than mist made the day especially chilly.

The Jim Crow bus laws were not usually enforced in this neighborhood.

In certain neighborhoods in South Philly many bars and restaurants had signs prohibiting Irish and Blacks. Here though on the number 29 Septa bus Jim Crow didn’t fly they all looked as tired and as depressed as Grace had felt and just wanted the day to end. An elderly white man wearing a cheap plaid suit and a musty fedora with eyes that looked like runny eggs sat talking to himself while his seat mate a young black in a loose fitting T shirt and jeans sat looking down at his feet with a deep frown.

Most of the people on the bus had the look of a defeated army after a poorly executed mission, the only sounds were the old man talking and the diesel engine that would pick up and slow down each time the bus made a stop. Grace’s heart was beating rapidly as she waited for her stop feeling like she would be packed in this bus like a sardine all day, though she could still see the random ads plastered on the buses insides.

One was an advertising for Camel cigarettes with the a quote from a doctor that stated, nine out of ten doctors agree Camel to be the most relaxing cigarette, with an insert of said doctor a blond haired hunk with a Camel in hand smiling warmly. Another ad was two pictures, one showed a child using a cellular, the other showed and old woman talking on a house phone, underneath the picture was: The NEW TI-Flip2 followed by the famous slogan: Our Technology. Your Vision. The ad beside the cellular chilled her and caused her to put an arm over her womb, it was a PSA for the Temperance League, telling anyone who witnesses immoral or unAmerican activities to notify the TL or the Police followed by a list of phone numbers.

The ad was a drawing of a ghostly looking man wearing a black trench coat standing in an alley looking over his shoulder with the most haunted eyes Grace had ever seen, his simple oval face had a pair of white circles with a deep black spot on each as a pupil staring out of the picture and

8 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

into the eyes of anyone looking. Above the picture of the man were the words: ‘The TL is watching.’

The drone of the bus and empty eyes distracted her long enough to almost miss her stop. She quickly pulled on the cord and had to fight her way through a crowd of riders that would hardly move for her to leave.

“Hold on a sec, damn it!” Grace shouted as the doors tried to close her in for the next stop.

The doors abruptly opened as a few riders grumbled. Grace got off and walked across Broad street to the squat one story building of brown bricks. Despite the gray dreariness of the day the red letters of the YMCA still sprang out brightly.

She walked through the double doors and towards the gymnasium wear the ring was. Jake was holding his fists and slowly punching the air, a group of boys between the ages of ten to fourteen were mimicking his punches. He looked away quickly at Grace and smiled slightly before returning his attention to the gang of boys.

“OK guys run a few laps.” he said waving to his love.

“Hey women weaken the knees.” said one of the kids.

“Hey women weaken the knees.” said one of the kids.

“A foot in the ass is gonna weaken yours, get movin.” Jake said with a laugh. “Hey baby, whats happenin?”

He was light haired and tall, with real muscles as he would sometimes brag. He worked at the Y almost full time and would volunteer to teach boxing to kids or young bucks as he sometimes called them. Grace had never seen him fight, she couldn’t imagine him brutalizing another man and was happier never having seen him fight. He always seemed so cool headed it was hard for her to imagine him angry enough to hurt someone even if it was a sport.

“Can we talk somewhere?”

They were in his office with the door closed, there was a poster from one of his fights on the wall close to her. She looked and saw her man, above his name in large black letters:

9 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

JAKE ‘THE SLEDGEHAMMER’ DARROW

He stood in a fighting prose looking oiled and ready in a pair of black shorts, although he was in black and white on the poster she could see the fire in his eyes, she would see that look in his eyes when they made love. She felt her heart flutter at the thought. Stop it, that’s why you’re in this mess she told herself, though Jake was elated about the news and had Grace sit down as soon as he heard. She felt apprehension still.

“I’m scared, Jake.”

“Why, baby?” he said kneeling before her. “So we can’t get married yet, we don’t need the feds help. Paul can give the baby any vaccines and...”

“It’s not that, I just feel so depressed. On the news everything looks so bad.”

“Ah, it’s just yellow news. This is the safest country to live in.” Jake said.

He was sure in that fact, as he remembered the stories his father told him serving under the great General Patton in the 3rd Army, marching from western Europe all the way to Red Square. By the wars end more than two thirds of the world was under the control of a half dozen US

Generals. His fathers only regret was missing out on Big Macs far east campaign that wiped out the last vestiges of Imperialism and Communism from the world.

“That’s not what I mean,” Grace said as her eyes began to tear. “Rioting in California, I heard people saying it’s happening up in New England when I was waiting for the bus. And the Move group here at home, and the TL.”

Jake took her hands in his and rubbed them gently.

“It’s just because of the...gays and...”

“Oh is that all. I guess Paul should be relieved. What if our baby was gay and...”

10 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“I wouldn’t love him or her any less...” Jake cut in.

“I wouldn’t love him or her any less...” Jake cut in.

“I know that, Jake, but they can lock up anybody they want. What if our baby was born different and they wanted to lock him or her up because of something they decided is unnatural. Do you know what would happen to Paul if the Temperance League found out?” she said as tears slowly dripped down her face.

“Hey now,” he said gently stroking the tears away from her face with his thumbs. “our baby is gonna be fine. OK. Paul is gonna be fine. Nobody around here listens to the TL anyway. Just a bunch of old men and women that want everybody to recite Bible verses and wear pantaloons.”

He said the last part with a wink and got a snort of laughter from Grace.

He felt some of the fear Grace felt, the TL had power. They had members every where, from the mayors office all the

way down to the neighborhood watch members throughout all of the Philadelphia neighborhoods the cops dared to patrol still, he had even trained some kids who had parents in the League. He heard stories, not from Paul but from the grapevine.

About the conversion therapy, the shock therapy, castration. Back in the day when he was a kid, the schools and government were worried about racial mixing, whores and commies. It was the TL that made it illegal to drink in most states and enforced the Jim Crow laws both down south and north, and were recognized by law enforcement, and were allowed to make arrests for crimes and prosecute, whether it be an immoral crime or an unAmerican one.

The TL at some point in time got homosexuals on their radar and equaled them to pedophiles and other sex criminals. The TL took most of their rules and ethics from the Bible and enforced those rules accordingly.

rules and ethics from the Bible and enforced those rules accordingly.

They were a powerful lobby group in DC and its head was a close friend of President Nixon, Jake had read once in the newspaper. Paul was a homosexual which was a mandatory death sentence.

Jake remembered seeing The Religious Liberty Act become law on TV

and wondered what Paul was feeling right that moment. He had known Paul was gay for many years but never had the courage to ask him how he felt about it all. Probably scared to death, he realized suddenly.

11 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“It’ll be OK, Grace.” Jake said not letting his fear show.

The following May a baby girl was born healthy and happy. They named her Nancy, she had her mothers blue eyes and raven black hair with skin the color of cream.

“Congrats, mom.” Paul said.

Grace kissed her soft head that was already growing hair that was the deepest black.

Jake stood next to his wife's bed while the baby’s gusty cries softened at the sight of her fathers face.

“My little Snow White.” he said in a choked voice kissing her bunched up fingers that reached for him.

“Oh,” Grace said seeing his tears and gave him a kiss.

“If you tell any of the kids at the Y I cried, I’m telling them you fart in your sleep.” he said smiling and kissing her back. Paul had helped deliver her and had indeed helped to get Nancy all of her vaccines.

“Will you get in trouble?” Grace asked on day while in his office.

“Well,” he said with a small sigh “I could. There is an inventory the Feds check once a month to make sure no one’s stealing. It’s a risk but Nurse Susie covers my butt around here, don’t tell anyone she’s a closeted Socialist.”

“My ears are burning, Doctor.” Susie cried out musically from somewhere.

They all laughed before Paul continued.

“I guess since I’m in the closet as well, that makes us a great pair. She knows how to fudge paper

12 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

work to make it look like it’s their fault and we had extra to give. Besides she would rather I help you, Jake and Nancy than some Nazi Christers, as she so eloquently puts it.”

Grace felt relief, but then anger that Paul had to be in the closet. She felt fright grip her as she held on to a fidgety Nancy who like most two years old was still cranky from her shots, fear for Paul and for what the world

might have for her daughter when she was grown. That would be in the nineties, a million years away it seemed.

Maybe the country would be more at peace with itself then. She thought about the news again and how all anyone ever talked about saving us from ourselves with a violent vengeful God. You couldn’t even talk about how bad things were with out violating federal law, and they could find out quickly thanks to the TL.

She tried to remember what that law was called, something Sedition Act of 1969. It was signed into law after the ‘Slaughter At Woodstock’ she remembered seeing it all over the news that late summer. The first of many sweeping laws attempting to reunite the country Nixon declared during a televised speech the following week.

“How are you doing, Paul?” Grace asked.

He was a short man but had a healthy body and chestnut colored hair that was thick. Grace wondered what Paul said to woman that made passes at him, but she never felt it appropriate to ask. He removed a pack of Marlboro from his shirt pocket and offered one to Grace who refused.

“Not too bad.” he said lighting his cigarette with a match. “It’s hard not paying attention to the news but I guess it could be worse. My parents had it worse in Poland, their you only had to be Jewish to get thrown in jail.” he had meant it as a joke but he didn’t smile.

Only Grace and Jake knew who he really was, besides one other, and nurse Susie who was tight lipped despite her being a young woman.

Paul had met plenty of young nurses that were as gossipy as old women

at the beauty parlor, he said. He felt his stomach lurch at what would happen to him, a tiny cell in Eastern State with one hour of daylight a week for the rest of his life if he was lucky.

“Yes, much better here than in Poland.”

13 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

Jake was standing in the living room of their apartment, tickling Nancy’s feet who was giggling madly. Grace was getting out ground meat from the refrigerator for dinner. On TV was the funeral of Richard Nixon who had died suddenly of a stroke the other day.

[TV Commentator]: His successor President Rockefeller salutes the late Presidents casket as it passes, despite the current civil war in the GOP, President Rockefeller lays the animosity aside as he salutes the carriage.

With Nixon on one side and his now successor Rockefeller on the other side, Washington will have a Brand New Party, as President Rockefeller has called this new generation of Republicans that will now...

“I can’t believe Dick Nixon is dead. How bout you Snow White?” Jake asked his daughter while blowing raspberries on her feet who giggled madly.

“Well I guess four terms can wear a guy out. Didn’t he have TB?”

“He used too, before he died I mean. He had connections with Liberty Pharmaceutical while he was Senator. If it hadn’t been that company he probably would’ve died of TB, instead of a brain fart.”

Grace laughed, which made Jake laugh and in turn made Nancy laugh.

Grace laughed, which made Jake laugh and in turn made Nancy laugh.

“Some of the girls at work say Rockefeller isn’t so conservative.” Grace said while she turned handfuls of ground chuck into hamburgers.

“That’s because he’s a rich asshole, Nixon was a poor asshole. People think if your rich, you must be better than everyone else.”

“Don’t curse in front of Nancy.” she said patting up the meat.

“Sorry, honey. But it’s true, people forget he was born into that wealth. It doesn’t make it right for him to be in the government.”

“You sound like a socialist.”

14 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“Yeah, the TL will have to arrest me.” Jake said with a laugh which made Nancy giggle.

“I wish you wouldn’t joke about that.” she said with a deep sigh as she placed a raw patty on the frying pan the meat began to sizzle and pop.

“Hey now.” Jake said going over to his love and embracing her from behind.

“Stop it, you’ll get burned.” she tried to scold him.

A sudden chirp sound filled the room. Jake took a step back and rummaged into his pants pocket. He removed his Flip3 cellular and looked at the LED that showed a phone number in bright red digits.

looked at the LED that showed a phone number in bright red digits.

“It’s the Y.”

He spoke quickly to the person on the other end before flipping the cellular closed.

“Can we afford that thing?” Grace asked.

Grace was always in charge of the finances, Jake made more than she did though not much more. When she and Jake got serious he told her he didn’t make much money being a boxing instructor, but she didn’t care.

“No, that’s why work is paying for it. I told them to just keep the money so we can refinish the floor of the basketball court but they said no.”

“Who said no?”

“The Y chairman, The TL. I didn’t ask too many questions an piss in anybody’s CheeriOats.”

“Why would the TL care about cellulars?”

15 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“One of the Y’s board members is also an executive with AT&T, he’s also one of the local heads in the TL. He’s footing the bill for the flip phones, they’re not cheap either. A thousand bucks a pop.”

“I’m glad we don’t have to pay.”

“Yeah, right. You remember Brian McNamara? Well he dropped his in the toilet while he was talking to his wife, shorted the thing out, and he’s paying for it, they’re docking his pay.”

“What person would use a cellular while in the bathroom?” she shook her head with a grimace.

“Yeah, worlds full of monsters,” Jake said with a slow shake of his head as he sarcastically rubbed his forehead in worry. “fuckin sickos.”

“Shut up!” she said with a laugh trying to hit him with a spatula.

“Hey that things hot. Get the burgers with that thing, you can smack my ass tonight.”

She laughed but turned back to the frying meat.

“So what did work want?”

“One of the instructors called in with the flu so I got to take his class after dinner. Sorry, babe.”

“That’s OK, I need to go to Pathmark to get some diapers for Nancy and a few other things. Will you put the stroller in the car before we go?”

“See if Paul can give you a ride, I don’t want you or Nancy on the bus this late.”

“No, it’s nice out and it’s a short walk. Besides it’s not like the subway, if I have to take the bus there’ll be a driver near by.”

16 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“OK, pick up some aspirin too. I got a headache.”

“Follow through with your fist.” Jake said to the young boy.

He had spent the last hour showing this young buck how to throw a punch properly. Jake showed him repeatedly but he just hadn’t gotten it right yet. It was frustrating because his head ache had gotten worse and it felt like the fluorescent lights on the ceiling were draining the energy out of his eyes.

“Hold your fist up, elbow down.”

The young boy threw a punch perfectly.

“Good, good throw.” Jake said moving his left arm around awkwardly.

“You OK, Sledgehammer?” asked the young kid.

“I’m fine, worry about your stance.” Jake said.

“I’m fine, worry about your stance.” Jake said.

The kid threw another punch as Jake rotated his left arm and began rubbing his head with his right hand.

“You OK?”

He had been about to give an answer when he grunted as the tingling in his arm became a stabbing pain in his chest. He clenched his teeth and fell to the ground with a loud groan, trying to rub at his left side.

“We need a doctor!” the young boy screamed.

Grace had decided to walk home since the weather was so fair and the hour still early. She had taken her time going inside until she heard the phone ring. She quickly unlocked the door while 17 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

trying to push the stroller holding Nancy while holding a large bag of groceries absently thinking about how useful a cellular would be at that moment as she juggled her keys purse, and groceries while getting the stroller through the front door with her foot.

“Our technology, your thousand bucks.” she said to herself.

“Hello.” she said and nothing else.

She dropped the receiver where it crashed loudly to the floor, but not as loudly as her heart when it hit her stomach. Grace couldn’t remember much after that. At some point in time Paul had arrived and gave her a tiny white pill when she couldn’t stop crying. Paul had taken care of the

funeral arrangements while Grace spent most of that first week lying in bed, holding Nancy close to her.

Besides the void in her heart and soul, she began to worry about rent and their bills, she and Jake had barely maid fifteen thousand a year, and the government was going to be reducing minimum wage again this year.

She didn’t understand how doing that would create jobs but very little the government did made sense to her. She and Jake had been talking about it the night before he died.

It was mid afternoon, Nancy was napping while Paul poured himself a glass of bourbon he found under the kitchen sink. Philly was a dry city but it wasn’t hard to get booze. Grace sat at her kitchen table where just two weeks ago her and Jake and Nancy had been enjoying dinner. Paul sat across from her nursing his drink.

“What am I going to do?” she asked as fresh tears went down her face.

“I can help you, I maybe a poor doctor, but I can help you when ever you need rent, Grace.”

She only shook her head.

“I used to tell Jake how afraid I was. For us, for you, for Nancy. It, was easy to see how out of control the country can be no matter how great the news say it all is, you can feel things are crazy or not right, like a bad dream. I would get so scared I thought I would scream, I remembered feeling glad I would have him by my side if the world ever does end. He was so strong...”

18 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

Tears continued to fall, Paul got up and hugged her tightly.

Tears continued to fall, Paul got up and hugged her tightly.

“Now that’s what you’ve got to be for Nancy.” he said holding her at arms length. “Be by her side, being strong for her. So if the country does go crazy she will be strong enough to survive. If she’s anything like her father, she’ll do better than survive.”

A sudden boom echoed outside the apartment, it sounded far away.

“Did you hear that?” Grace asked.

Paul nodded and quickly got up and went to the window that looked down on the street. A few people milled about but there was no one running around or carrying on.

“I’m not sure what...”

Before Paul could finish, another boom echoed across the sky. This one was much louder and had caused some shouting outside. It still sounded far away but it was felt this time, before Grace could say anything Paul went downstairs and out the front door.

The few people that had milled about were gone except for one, an old man in his sixties that wore a veterans baseball cap that said 3rd Army.

“Did you hear that sound?” Paul asked.

“Yeah, it was a god damn bomb.” he said not with anger but with assurance.

“A bomb?”

“Yeah, a bomb. Had enough thrown at me in Europe to know that sound.”

he said to Paul like he should have known better than to question his expertise.

Paul didn’t want to argue and just smiled politely before heading back up to the apartment. He

19 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

entered to Grace holding Nancy while on the couch. Nancy was still asleep as Grace stared at the TV looking pale.

She saw Paul and nodded at the TV which was facing away from him. On the screen was Independence Hall, engulfed in flames and smoke. The front of the buildings iconic steeple where the Liberty Bell was once housed during the nations infancy until 1846 was gone, a gout of flames shot out.

In the foreground of the Hall was the Pavilion where the original Liberty Bell was kept, all that remained was smoke and rubble. The heart of Philadelphia and the symbol of Liberty had been destroyed. People ran away in a panic as police in riot gear began to arrive.

The camera tried to focus in on the flames again as another boom rang out from the Hall, sending a curtain of smoke towards the camera making everything look like a gray fog on the screen, a horrendous scream followed before the screen went black. A moment later a graphic appeared with the NBC 3 logo that said they were experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by.

“My God, Paul. I’m so scared.”

Years passed, the 70s gave way to the 80s. Grace worked as much as she could when Nancy finally started school, and sometimes when Nancy was out of school at nights or on weekends. But Paul had always been there for them both as he lived his closeted life as a free clinic doctor.

Grace still had Jake’s car, though it was holding together on a wing and a prayer. Having a car helped her find work waiting tables besides Millies, like the Penrose diner and cashiering on occasion at the Time Kill gas station which was the only work a woman could find now a days outside of cleaning and waiting tables. She was heading home from another day serving customers at the diner, which was across the street from the Airport Lodge motel so the place was usually busy with a variety of customers.

She hated how often a customer would leave a room number instead of a real tip. As if you could live off of cock, perhaps they had fantasies of being a sugar daddy. But no one was was her sugar daddy, and no one ever would be Nancy’s sugar daddy, at least she hoped so.

She was becoming a beautiful young girl, and Grace let her know often she could be her own person. That she should learn to care for herself and to never rely on a man. Other than Paul no other man had been in her life since Jake, oh there had been attempts by men to court her.

20 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

Grace would ignore them, feeling flattered but not wanting to be with anyone. Nancy was her life, and she felt she could never love anyone again the way she loved Jake. Dating was beyond her desire now, in a few years Nancy might want to start dating.

“Goodness.” she said driving down a side street cluttered on both sides with parked cars reminding herself that Nancy wasn’t a baby anymore, today was her tenth birthday.

She was like most kids her age, wanting the new Flip6 from TI or the NovaX which was the Motorola version of the same phone. Now that you could send text messages every kid wanted one including Nancy. Grace didn’t promise her outright, she couldn’t afford it herself but Paul wanted to buy it for her.

She was apprehensive, Nancy had to learn not everything can be obtained by asking for it from a man, even if that man was Paul. And Paul had been helpful in every way, but Paul wouldn’t be there forever and neither would she. In city were thousands are killed yearly, Grace needed her daughter to be independent.

But she still wanted to get Nancy the Flip phone, they couldn’t afford a computer or Intranet access. And she would have a phone on her at all times, there hadn’t been another bombing as bad as the one at Liberty Pavilion but Move was still operating in the city and the police were not afraid to use deadly force. Some times people got killed in the cross fire.

She hit the brakes carefully as a UPS truck pulled out ahead with a young boy holding on to the back bumper riding a black hoverboard with red pipping. Grace sucked in a breath as the big brown truck turned left suddenly and the boy riding the hoverboard did a quick hip shot and ran into a parked car, she could hear the sound of its hover mechanism sucking in air with an eerie warble. He fell hard but was up in a flash grinning as another boy came running towards him roaring with laughter, Grace was glad Nancy had no interest in hoverboards.

A pain twisted her insides deeply as she drove down towards home, it

A pain twisted her insides deeply as she drove down towards home, it was just a short burst of pain in her stomach, like a match was set alight and slowly burning. She’d thought about

mentioning it to Paul, but the pain was bearable so she forgot about it.

Nancy was all she worried about. The bombing of Independence Hall and Liberty Pavilion had been blamed on Move and a member of an extremist wing of a gay rights group that had built the bombs.

The TL led search for the extremists and succeeded in finding the man who built it. The TL had come off as the hero in the end, as a result the TL’s membership doubled. They even had a junior 21 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

version of the league that was similar to the Boy Scouts that focused more on Politics and Christianity instead of outdoors.

The uniforms the children wore were normally black slacks for the boys and boots and a dark colored work shirt with an equally dark tie. The girls could wear slack as well, more often than not though they wore long black skirts with a work shirt and matching tie, the children like the adult members wore a black arm band on their right arm with the letters TL

sewn in white.

Grace would feel a chill crawl down her spine when ever she saw them in the neighborhood, she could never put into words what she felt when she saw them. Those children dressed like tiny adults delivering warnings and sermons, some shouting red faced with anger about a subject few adults could understand. They sought their answers in the Bible, and though Grace was not totally against the idea of religion, seeing children younger than Nancy promising hell for socialists and fagots, turned her blood to ice.

They would stand on street corners and hand out fliers for rallies or pamphlets about the dangers of socialism and homosexuality, ideas and lifestyles considered unAmerican, the Department of unAmerican

Activities had a branch office in south Philly at Broad and Shunk which was only a few blocks down on Broad from a TL headquarters. TL

members would come in sometimes at Millies during the summer months most especially for its famous ice cream, they looked and acted normal, very polite even.

Though they hardly could be called descent tippers. Usually leaving a prayer card or TL membership card for her troubles. It made buying Nancy a phone very difficult with those kinds of tips, though they were much cheaper now than they had been five years ago.

Still Paul had to help pay for it, though that didn’t stop Paul from buying a present for her on his own.

“The phone will be from you. I got her the Rings trilogy.”

That was something Nancy had been hoping for as well. The previous summer she and Nancy had gone to a side walk sale at Whitman Plaza.

The plaza was an outdoor mall with over a dozen stores lined in a cul-de-sac. A store for everything you could imagine, there was a store called Spain’s that sold novelty items like lava lamps, black light posters, adult board games, and illegal music that was played at Woodstock as well as a type music Grace had heard sometimes when riding a bus through West Philly, called hip hop.

22 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

It was more pleasant to her ears than the supposed type of music called English Metal, which to her sounded more like noise. The display had a table covered with stacks of vinyls most still in their jackets, but it was all the type of music that you could hear on the radio once every half an hour and was deemed appropriate by the TL for broadcast and sale.

Beside that was a Radio Shack with a table display covered with discounted cellulars and various other hand held devices that Nancy might have recognized but to Grace was electronic junk. The Payless shoe store sat next to that which had set up spinning shoe racks instead of tables, to Nancy it looked like a forest of shoe trees that sprouted sneakers and high heels instead off leaves. Nancy lead the way through various customer nosing through the spindles of canvas shoe and leather pumps.

Slowly spinning each shoe tree as she passed it, and came to the display she had been eyeing since they arrived at the plaza. The Toys R Us display had a pair of long rectangular tables, one had a train set that was a steam locomotive running a circle around a large farm town that was supposed to look like any town, USA. The set was complete with little houses and stores and tiny wooden people scattered about, either driving to work in a yellow cab made of tin or a family of four entering a park in their plastic blue sedan where a little wooden man stood in a booth with an arm raised ready to welcome the picnickers.

The table had a banner hanging in front with a picture of Dr. G. Raffe a speech bubble hung just above him that said: ‘SIDE WALK SPECIAL!

We’ll match Lionel Kiddie City’s prices on Model RR and RR

accessories!’

Nancy watched the train for only few minutes and went to the other table, which was almost all clearance items with video games and accessories, trying to sell it all off before the new clause in the Seditions act regarding electronic home media took effect in January, everything they were selling now would be a felony next year. There was also a pair of Cuddle Creatures, Robbie The Rat and a Terry The Tarantula, Nancy already had Terry, an eight legged plush toy, that despite being a Tarantula, had only two eyes that were white with blue iris and instead of mandibles for a mouth it had a cartoon like smile that was friendly. Nancy picked up one of the hand held video games and played it for a few

seconds.

If she really wanted it, she would let her get a video game she would just have to be content with never being seen outside the house with it come next year or...she didn’t want to think about that and was about to ask Nancy to get something else instead but she had put the game down and headed to a wire spin rack filled with books that was sitting at the end of the table.

“Oh Mommy, can I get a book?” she asked excitedly.

23 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

She walked over as Nancy carefully spun the rack of books, most of which were Little Golden Books. Nancy ignored those and looked at the couple of paperbacks sitting at the bottom of the rack. She had glossed over each one before her eyes went wide and she smiled brightly.

“Can I get this one?”

She took the book from her and saw the title and smiled a little.

“The Hobbit? Oh, Snow White I think this might be too scary for you.”

“Oh, mom!” Nancy said putting up her hood, looking stricken with a fatal case of the pouts as Paul might have said.

“Nancy, they’re is all kinds of monsters and scary things in this book.”

“Come on, mom. I won’t get scared, besides the good guy wins in the end.”

“How do you know? Have you already read this?” Grace asked trying to sound stern.

“No mom, lot’s a kids in my class read it and told me about it.”

“I’ll bet. I read it once, your dad read that and the other books too. They were his favorite.” she said thinking about Jake and smiling sadly.

“Come on, mom. Please everyone’s read it but me.”

Grace looked at her child and saw the same look of pleading on her face, partially hidden by her hoody, that she had seen on Jake when Grace would tease him playfully on a date night. She couldn’t help but laugh and give in to Nancy’s request.

“If you get bad dreams from the spiders, you’re not sleeping in my room.”

24 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

God knew they spooked her a little.

“Spiders?” Nancy asked with wide blue eyes showing awe and perhaps fear.

“Giant spiders.” she said with the slightest nod, perhaps Nancy was rethinking her options.

“So cool!” she said with a little shimmy in her step as they walked inside

“So cool!” she said with a little shimmy in her step as they walked inside the store to purchase the book.

No nightmares either, but she made Nancy wait until her birthday for the Lord Of The Rings books. Summer would be here soon and she could stay up late reading them to her hearts content with out sacrificing school work. Plus it would keep her inside, and out of trouble. Over the years as Nancy grew the chaos in the city seemed to grow as well, she was getting too old to just sit inside after school everyday, as there were many children in the neighborhood she could play with.

Despite the upsurge for the TL and the city’s police force, the Move group was still a force to be reckoned with. There were sporadic riots in West Philly, where the Move group called home. However violence had been spilling into other neighborhoods, car bombings from Old City and every where south down to Veterans Stadium had been customary for the last five years.

Just last week the police had been in a shootout behind a bar on Osage avenue with a half dozen Move members. The bar had caught fire and killed ten patrons who were hiding out during the gun battle. Two police officers had been shot and the mayor as well as the police commissioner assured Philadelphians every thing would be fine, and that they would not require Federal assistance.

Grace knew what that meant, troops. In the south when she was a child, President Nixon had sent in the Army to reinforce segregation and to quell rioters through out the south. Alabama and Arkansas had been war zones for most of the 60s. Could it get that bad here?

The burn in her stomach was replaced by a cold chill poking into her heart. What would she do if an Army tank was blowing half the city away looking for gay and socialist terrorists? How would she keep Nancy safe or from starving to death if the Feds fought a battle in the city and they

or from starving to death if the Feds fought a battle in the city and they couldn’t get to a Pathmark or Shop Rite?

25 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

She was just grateful she was in South Philly instead of West, but that was a thought that brought very little comfort. There were families there too, and things here could get as bad as in West Philly. They weren’t that far from it already.

The violence spread from everywhere, the Daily News would sometimes headline the violence when it was most barbaric, in the parks and on the street corners after sun set. In the subways a gruesome amount of stabbings and shooting turned the tunnels and underground stations into haven for all manner of ultra violent acts. Dozens each year, sometimes rape or a vicious sexual assault. Sometimes people were robbed and stripped naked and gagged before being tied up deep inside a tunnel to be eaten by rats.

At times it was religious. Grace had read a story just a few weeks ago in the newspaper, about a stabbing death in the Tasker Morris subway station. A short stocky woman with hair cut in a mullet had been found in a maintenance closet with a dozen stab wounds on her neck and chest with the words ‘bull dyke’ carved on her forehead. The police couldn’t confirm if she was in fact a homosexual, but the article said the TL had a task force that would find out.

If the woman were a lesbian, than they wouldn’t look to hard for the suspect. Grace sighed heavily, hoping Nancy would never have to take the subway but knowing that when high school started she would most likely would need too. She was going to have to be out in that world and Grace couldn’t stop life...or death from happening.

She felt tears welling up as she thought of Jake, gone almost eight years but for Grace it was still a fresh pain that gripped her heart. She wiped her eyes furiously trying to concentrate on finding a parking space as she circled the block she and Nancy lived on. After a few minutes of searching she lucked into a neighbor driving out on some errand, Grace pulled in and shut off the ignition but sat in the car for a moment checking her rear view mirror making sure her face didn’t look puffy or her eyes red.

She got out of the car and was gathering Nancy’s present in the trunk, when a police helicopter did a low flyover and scared Grace causing her to bump her head on the trunk.

“Jesus Christ.” she said rubbing the back of her head.

She turned and watched the black and white copter head towards down town, Grace zipped up her striped hoody from the down draft of the helicopter and shut the trunk as she watched it until 26 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

it flew out of sight before heading upstairs. She came up to the apartment where Paul and Nancy sat on a couch sharing a bowl of popcorn while watching The Wizard Of Oz.

“Mommy,” Nancy said excitedly. “Paul got me The Lord Of The Rings.”

“Did he? Did you say thank you?”

“She did, hope you don’t mind I got us a movie to watch. We got bored waiting for you, right Snow White?”

waiting for you, right Snow White?”

“Right.” Nancy said laughing at the rhyme.

“Did you hear the helicopter a few minutes ago? It was so low I thought my shirt was gonna blow off.”

“Yeah, the police have been going back and forth all day. The news this afternoon said a riot had broken out between Move and the locals at a corner market. Might be serious.”

“Isn’t it always serious?”

“Mommy whats a riot?” asked through a mouth filled with popcorn.

“Honey don’t talk with your mouth full. Here, happy birthday.” Grace said grateful for an easy out from that conversation.

She still wasn’t sure how to tell Nancy that Paul was gay let alone who is rioting and why. She could never get her head around politics or religion for that matter, all she new for sure about it was that they were both hateful. At some point in time she would have to explain to her about Paul and that no one can ever find out.

“Is it my cellular?” she said getting up from the couch.

27 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“Open it and see.” Grace said.

She quickly ripped the pink wrapping and lavender ribbon and looked wide eyed at the box containing the device. It was just a stock picture of the cellular on a shiny gray box with the name and model number. Below that in bold black font was: NOW WITH TEXT MESSENGER!

“Thank you, thank you, mommy!” she said and gave her a big hug.

“Why don’t you go play with it in your room, I need some adult time.”

“Are we still getting rocky road at Millies?”

“Yes, we will I promise.”

“OK.” she said and skipped to her room.

She waited until Nancy was in her bedroom before speaking.

“Thank you, Paul. If it weren’t for you I don’t think I could have ever gotten her one this year.”

Money was more a problem now than ever. Jake didn’t ever stress out about it, except on one occasion when he had his hours reduced. He had been upset while talking about it and had said more to himself than to her about takin the dive. When she asked what he meant, he smiled gave her a kiss and said he was just thinking dumb.

“Aw, Grace, it’s no big deal. I got it cheap, from a guy on Broad street.”

“What guy on Broad street?” Grace asked as she went into the kitchen to make coffee.

“Just a guy selling stuff on the corner. That’s how I got the movie cartridge and player.”

Grace looked over and saw that the TV was wired to a gray plastic box the size of a school text

28 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

book with a miniature keypad on its front end with four arrows and a large power button that was purple. Protruding from its top was a egg shell colored cartridge that was placed inside the box,the cartridges could play movies or music and pictures like a slide show. On the screen Shirley Temple was singing about rainbows in a washed out sepia tone that would probably get bleary once the color portion of the film began, such was the case with any bootleg films.

“Paul...what if the police saw you or the TL.” Grace said with wide eyes and a fluttery heart filled with fear.

“If it’s for Nancy, I’ll risk black market movies and cellulars. The worst the police can do is fine me, the TL wouldn’t be interested in a bootlegger.”

Other than Dorthy signing ‘Over The Rainbow’ the room was quiet. Grace felt the burning pain again but ignored it, as she got the coffee maker started.

“You don’t have to worry, Grace.” Paul said getting up from the couch.

He sat down at the kitchen table and lit a cigarette. Grace didn’t answer she just gave a smile and slid Paul an ashtray from a cabinet, while waiting for the coffee to brew. She stood at the kitchen sink with her back to him and felt her heart trip hammering loudly in her chest.

“Paul, I think at some point Nancy might ask questions about you.” she said thinking about the children on Broad street dressed in dark uniforms wearing black armbands.

“Has Nancy said something?” Paul asked.

Grace turned from the sink and could see the tip of his cigarette shaking slightly.

“No, I...see her sometimes talking to one of them from the junior league.

A girl about her age. They’re in the same home room. I’m not sure how close they are, but I’ve seen them talking. I think her name is Amy.”

Nancy had the occasional friend over but it wasn’t ever the girl in question, and Grace made a habit to inspect her daughters back pack everyday after school and was always relieved to not find a pamphlet or bible track from the TL.

29 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“Maybe we shouldn’t. Ignorance is bliss, they say.” he said eyeing the bright ember of his cigarette. “She might...”

“You think she might rat you out?” Grace asked with a voice that was a little too high.

“I know when we were kids, the worst that would have happened to me was electric shock therapy.” he said crushing out his cigarette in the ashtray. “In Texas they still perform lobotomies and castrations as way of extreme conversion therapy.”

He lit another cigarette and took a rough drag that made him cough. He let the cigarette lay in the ashtray and looked at Grace. He loved Nancy like she was his own daughter, but he was in fear of her and her generation.

Nancy could find out that secret, that Paul was something society had deemed immoral, evil, ungodly and also unAmerican. The children would see Paul as a monster that might prey on them, exploit them. They taught children that all gays were enemies of God and country and deserved no less than retribution sent from on high or through the power of the Federal government. Paul had seen the posters for the TL’s junior league slowly spread across the city like a slow moving strain of the flu.

Besides those that knew his secret if anyone asked why he never settled down he just used the clinic as his scape goat. They couldn’t put him in jail if he preferred academia instead of women, as long as they thought that was the reason.

When he was Nancy’s age, he like most children had been warned about the evils of socialism and integration. The sanctity of the white man, they taught them with a fervor that was borderline manic. As an adult during his commutes driving down south Broad street he watched children of all ages wearing the TL uniform with stark black arm bands preaching about the evil fagots and socialists with a fervor that was beyond manic and somewhere between hysterical and homicidal.

The dark uniformed children turned his spine into a long icicle, but the

The dark uniformed children turned his spine into a long icicle, but the people who would stand and watch, nodding their heads agreeably made him want to end his life. He always felt this sick urge to go over and tell them he was not a monster. That he was not the wolf in sheep’s clothing or some sicko preying on children.

30 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

The urge to do it would be so overwhelming he would vomit and want to cry until the hurting stopped. He thought about these things and shook his head.

“I’m afraid of her, Grace. We can’t tell her. Not now, maybe not ever.”

Grace didn’t want to believe her daughter could be like one of them. But she had seen as much as Paul had from the TL. Nancy had never asked about sex, she still did even have her period yet, though she was ten now, and soon she would start going through changes and wondering about boys. Unless she herself turned out to be gay, the talk about Paul may not come up for sometime if at all.

“I could...”

“No. Please, Grace. I’m...I’m too frightened.” he said picking up the cigarette and dragging on it, looking pale through the blue smoke.

Grace nodded. She didn’t want to admit it, she hated to have to agree to that. She hated it so much because she knew Paul was right. She knew because she was afraid too, the children scared her even more because Nancy might one day be standing on Broad street wearing the dark uniform with the black armband promising brimstone and fire to the unAmerican, the immoral.

She was afraid for Nancy as was Paul, but they might have to be afraid of her one day. Grace went to a cupboard and took out a pair of thick white mugs with Yellow Jackets logo on the side. Jake had got them years ago at a game they went to on a snowy December afternoon, they had been filled with hot chocolate and topped with whipped cream. Despite the cold and getting shellacked by the Dallas Cowboys they had a wonderful time. She poured the coffee and set it down on the table and sat across from Paul.

“I won’t say anything to her. I...”

She didn’t finish her sentence, Paul had taken her hand and squeezed it gently. He already understood she was afraid too. Her eyes began to burn as she looked at the Yellow Jackets mug and wished Jake were still alive to reassure her like he always did when she was afraid or worried about anything big or small. He would sweep her into his arms and hold her close, making her feel safe no matter how out of control the country seemed.

31 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

She fought the urge to cry and squeezed Paul’s hand. She felt tired and older than thirty two, more like a hundred and thirty two. She just wished people could be a little nicer or maybe just not so angry. All she could do was be there for Nancy and hope that she has an open heart and mind.

The quiet was suddenly interrupted by a loud but distant boom.

Paul turned his head slightly at the sound, he was about to speak when another distant boom much louder shook the windows of the apartment.

“Christ, was that a bomb?” Grace asked looking past Paul at the window over the kitchen sink.

over the kitchen sink.

“Mommy, my picture fell off the wall!” Nancy cried from her bedroom.

Another boom just as loud but still far off shook the windows and walls again. A series of loud piercing sirens erupted everywhere as well as every car alarm in the neighborhood. Without a word Paul got up and headed for the door as Nancy came out of her bedroom.

“Mommy, what’s happening?” she asked looking scared.

“Every thing’s OK.” she said steadily though she was badly frightened herself.

They both followed Paul to the door quietly, he stopped before opening it and they almost plowed into his back.

“Is there a door to the roof?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

Grace led them to the fire escape at the end of the apartments hallway where there was a window facing the buildings back alley. She was always reluctant to walk to this side of the building with Nancy afraid she might go exploring. It was a wrought iron cage though with bars so narrow even a cat might have trouble getting through.

And the cages were inter connected with slanting metal stairs instead of a ladder bolted to the wall. It was probably the safest fire escape in the world but at the top it was completely open at

world but at the top it was completely open at 32 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

roof level where there was no longer a cage to keep you from falling.

Paul opened the window to the fire escape without much effort, though it looked like it had hardly ever been opened judging by the window sill being coated with flakes of old paint and dust.

“Can I go up too?” Nancy asked after Paul climbed out.

“Take my hand.” Paul said though Grace felt her heart drop at the idea.

She didn’t protest and quietly followed. At the top a wind blew her hair around so she tied it back. She came up behind Nancy and put up her hood, she didn’t protest though. She was too caught up in the high view of the city.

“Mommy you can see everything up here.” she said forgetting her fears of the apartment shaking.

Paul’s eye had been drawn west of the city, between five and ten miles of out center city a series of pillars of smoke rose into the sky like bony black fingers. Beneath the smoke in the distance Grace could see the orange yellow licks of flame that made the air just above it simmer.

Above the fire and smoke police helicopters circled over head.

“Was it a bomb?” Grace asked.

“I don’t know. The whole place is on fire, maybe a gas line blew.”

“Where is that? Where’s it happening at, Paul?”

“Where is that? Where’s it happening at, Paul?”

“Looks like somewhere in West Philly. The whole neighborhood might be gone.”

Nancy had been watching as well and felt her fear return suddenly.

“Mommy how big will the fire get? It won’t come here will it?” she asked looking up at her mother.

“No, honey.” she said hoping she was telling the truth.

33 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

After a few minutes they descended the fire escape and went back to the apartment. Grace and Paul swept up the broken glass in Nancy’s room.

Fortunately no windows broke, as they cleaned the TV was on channel 6

Action News.

[TV Commentator...officials are stating that Move is claiming responsibility for the bombing, though initial reports had stated otherwise...]

The brown haired woman with a fair creamy complexion talked to her audience reading the news at a brisk clip from her teleprompter, as the story seemed to be unfolding for her as she read, probably feeling much like her audience right now.

[TV Commentator...ten police officers and twenty nine firemen are dead from the series of explosions. The mayor and police commissioner Williams is urging residents of nearby neighborhoods to evacuate immediately...]

“Do you think they’ll send in troops?” Grace asked.

“I don’t know. I had plans tonight but I’ll stay the over if you want. I don’t think I’ll be getting downtown tonight if all of this is going on.”

Grace nodded as she watched a news clip of the explosion was played at a closer vantage point. She could clearly see a manhole cover being flung high into the air like a coin and disappear off screen before a burst of orange flames erupted from the ground like a volcano.

[TV Commentator...once again residents between 48th and 76th streets, that is between Woodbine avenue and Vine street are urged to evacuate.

All Septa bus routes have been suspended and some buses are being rerouted to help with the evacuations. A city wide curfew has been issued for eight o’clock this evening...]

“I guess your stuck here anyway.”

The following day at work everyone Grace had seen at Millie’s that afternoon talked about the explosions and fires. The feds didn’t send in the troops much to Grace’s relief.

34 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“...cops said the bombs where underground. Placed along the gas main, a strategic bombing...” said one customer that was a semi regular and a fair tipper.

“...bunch of dumb niggers and fruits. I’m hope they all got their gaping assholes cooked.” said another customer who was a regular and hardly

assholes cooked.” said another customer who was a regular and hardly ever tipped.

“Hey, language.” Grace said feeling a flush of anger.

The man’s face went a red as he muttered an apology and left after leaving his twelve cent tip. Grace heard all kinds of things about the fire and destruction while working her shift.

“...serves them right. Most of them in that neighborhood are criminals anyway. We need better enforcement of Jim Crow up here.” a shrill voiced middle aged woman said.

She was dressed in gray sweats with her brown hair up in a ratty looking tail.

“You think there all guilty?” asked her companion a much older woman who wore a faded blue maid uniform with a hair net still wrapped around her head.

“Honey let them all burn.” she said with a flick of her wrist. “It was a jungle for blacks and gays to...to...dick each others corn hole.” she said gesturing awkwardly with a pointed finger. “Now all that’s gonna be left is what the good lord left of Sodom.”

“Oh you didn’t hear. John Noah said on the news this morning that he would rebuild the neighborhood.”

Grace had heard that name through out her adult life. He was a fixture of Philadelphia society. He was born and raised in South Philly and was a self made millionaire. The only other thing Grace knew of him was that he

self made millionaire. The only other thing Grace knew of him was that he had a twin brother who was nothing like him and had actually spent time in prison.

“You think he’ll really be able to rebuild that neighborhood?”

35 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“Of course. He’s wealthy.” The maid said as if dealing with a mental defective. “Rich people have all the answers. That’s how come their rich.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

Grace wasn’t sure how to feel about that conversation. Did the rich have all the answers? Rich meant living well and not worrying about problems of their own. Prosperity was the foundation of the American dream, as President Rockefeller would say.

She grew up learning politics and wealth went hand and hand and was one of President Butlers founding principles in rebooting the government just before World War 2. Grace had served rich people on occasion at Millies. Some would tip well, some would be miserly and critical of any perceived flaw in service and act as if the mere act of coming to eat there was tip enough.

That conversation about being rich over rode her thoughts about the disaster in West Philly. Everybody believed that the wealthy would take care of them, even though those women looked poor they believed in wealth in prosperity, or at least those that had prospered the most. How did they prosper to begin with was a question Grace would have wanted answered first before she would even listen to what any capitalist had to say.

say.

Being rich was a nice dream, Grace was prone to that day dream as any laborer or server might. But it was still a dream even when you woke up in the morning and punched the clock at work. Grace didn’t have a lot of time to dream about riches.

Grace was thinking again about being rich a few nights later, the dreams did make her feel good though. Mostly they just left her feeling silly, she laughed to her self and fell asleep having a much nicer dream about Jake. She couldn’t remember how the dream started, she was sitting on a bench in Marconi park.

It was their first real date, they had grabbed a water ice and a bag of pretzel rods from Pop’s water ice. They walked across the street to the park, they found a bench littered only with graffiti and sat down, just talking about whatever they had talked about that lovely sunny afternoon.

Jake stole a lick from her cherry water ice, so she poked him in the ear with a pretzel rod.

36 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“Did you just assault me with a pretzel?” he asked in mock hurt.

At some point in the dream it goes to them making out on her couch with a fuzzy snow screen on the TV as the only light. They hadn’t had sex after that, they just laid on the couch and talked some it was more memory than dream that played behind Grace’s sleeping eyes. The pseudo dream flash back was suddenly cut out of her mind from a voice filled with pain.

“Mommy.”

Her mind froze, the dream evaporated and her eyes fluttered open when she heard Nancy again. She had her head half buried under her pillow and was frightened suddenly when she opened her eyes and still saw darkness.

“Mommy.” Nancy said in a half blubbering sob.

Grace picked her head up from under her pillow and looked towards the end of the room. Nancy was standing at the door way, it was still dark but she looked like she was holding her arm up. Grace turned the lamp on beside her bed and sat up.

“Nancy...”

Nancy’s face was puffy from crying, her normally lovely deep blue eyes were glossed over and red. Nancy held her arm up, shaking slightly with a face covered with sweat. Nancy walked over slowly, slow enough to scare Grace so she got up and met her halfway across the room.

“Nancy, did you fall out of bed?” she said kneeling down in front of her.

She only shrugged as more tears course down her face.

“Lift up your shirt, honey. Let me see.”

Grace gently lifted Nancy’s night shirt, waiting to see a deep cut or a dark

Grace gently lifted Nancy’s night shirt, waiting to see a deep cut or a dark bruise but what she found was not on her arm but under it. Grace sucked in her breath when she saw a growth the size of a baseball just below the fold of her arm pit. The growth was swelled to an angry red, the 37 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

skin was stretched and appeared to be excreting a liquid which was galling the skin around the growth making it looked chapped and sore.

“OK, honey sit on the bed. I’m gonna call Paul.”

She picked up the phone beside the lamp and dialed, not bothering to see what time it was though she knew it was late. Hoping Paul had his cellular near by. She waited for the mono tone voice of a recording to ask her to leave a message when Paul finally answered.

“Grace...you OK?” he asked sounding half asleep still.

She quickly told him what was wrong with Nancy and asked if they should go to the hospital.

“Grace unless you got married since I saw you last they wont see you or Nancy no matter how much she’s hurting. All they’ll do is give you an at home surgical kit and some aspirin. Come to my office now.”

Grace hung up and carefully got Nancy dressed feeling sick with worry and filled with a bitter anger that they would have been turned away at the hospital. She and Jake had never married and worse yet had Nancy out of wedlock, the government wouldn’t help you if you failed to meet the requirements of a sanctioned family. And even if Grace did ever get married, Nancy would still be turned away because she was not a product of that marriage. She though it was still more difficult than meeting the requirements to vote, something she had no interest in

anyway.

It was a chilly night for late spring, the skyline of the city at such a late hour was dark. The towers loomed over the city under the inky black sky with only a red light at their very tops to warn low flying airplanes. Down in the streets of South Philly the only lights to be seen were from the street lights that cast a pale light that bathed everything in a sickly orange.

The street was deathly quiet as Grace and Nancy got in the car parked at the end of the block. A few houses emitted a blue light from the second story windows, people sleeping to the drone of a talking head or most likely TV static. Grace could never sleep with the TV on, though she remembered fondly that Jake could have slept through a hurricane. She felt helpless again without him, she quickly shook that feeling away and focused on Nancy.

“How you doin, honey?”

38 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“Hurts, mommy.” she said with a misery in her voice that was hurting Grace to her core as tears welled up again in Nancy blue eyes.

“We’re gonna go see Paul. Here let me put on your seat belt for you.”

“Am I gonna get a shot, mommy?” Nancy asked with a face redoubled in terror when Grace didn’t answer right away.

“If it makes you better, honey, it wont be so bad maybe. Like when you have to drink cough syrup.”

Grace didn’t want to promise her that, though she considered it. She was glad she didn’t because Paul did have to give her a shot.

Nancy gasped at the large needle, despite the pain she sat up quickly holding her left arm even higher as if trying to ward off the impending shot.

“Nancy,” Paul said calmly, lowering the needle. “I can make all the pain go away but I have to give you this shot in order do that.”

He walked closer to Nancy while Grace sat next to her on the bed stroking her hair.

“It’s gonna hurt though.” she said miserably but not crying so badly since she arrived.

“Yes it will, but only for a few seconds. And then after a few minutes you’ll be numb. Alright, Snow White?” Paul said hoping for a smile or a laugh.

“Numb?” she asked with a weak smile.

“Yeah like when you sit on your leg for too long and you can’t feel anything at first. It’ll be like that, OK.”

39 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

The shot was briefly painful but Nancy only cried a little and after a moment the Novocain took effect. Before Paul took out the instrument for the procedure, he had Nancy lay down and take off her shirt and lift up her arm, he had made a few notes on a pad he kept on his desk after a

her arm, he had made a few notes on a pad he kept on his desk after a close look at the growth. Paul washed his hands and put on a pair of rubber gloves and while doing so whispered in Grace’s ear.

“Maybe try and get her to close her eyes.”

Grace saw he had a scalpel in his gloved hand that looked long and sharp.

“Honey, close your eyes.”

“Why, mommy?” she asked with a renewed terror.

“Please, for mommy. It won’t hurt now, your so brave, Snow White.”

She closed her eyes and because of the Novocain was unaware she was being cut open and didn’t feel the great flood of infected fluid pouring out of her. Grace held in a gasp as what looked like nearly a pint of a clear fluid tinged with red and yellow phlegmy substance poured from the incision. The smell of the fluid was putrid and meaty like garbage left out on a sidewalk during the hottest part of a summer day.

Though the growth was now gone the skin surrounding the area was chapped and worn as if the area had been affected for months as apposed to a couple of hours. When the operation was done Paul stuffed the hole with a strip of gauze and covered it over with a large bandage.

Paul had Nancy lay still for a while so he could talk to Grace.

“Awe, I’m not tired Paul.” Nancy said sounding like herself again much to the joy of Grace’s heart.

“Well if you don’t want to sleep, you can play with this. Now don’t stretch your arm.” he said handing over a small square of black plastic with a glass screen. It was square but its edges were rounded to fit comfortably in the hands, just below the screen were buttons.

40 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“Ooh you got the Mnemonic game!” Nancy said with a smile that made Paul feel like the greatest doctor in all of South Philly.

“We wont take long sweetie, OK.” Grace said stroking Nancy’s cheek.

She nodded with a smile so sweet it made Grace want to cry when she remembered the pain she saw in that same face just an hour earlier. Paul kept the door to his inner office ajar when they left the room. He removed a cigarette from his shirt pocket and offered one to Grace who took it readily.

Though there were seats at his desk they both stood in the office which had a long window that looked out on the corner of Broad and Snyder.

The sun was rising and the Septa buses were already making their rounds this morning. Most of the street lights that bathed the city in a putrid orange light were off now, replaced by a pinkish light from the dawning sun.

Paul removed a tiny tin plated ashtray from a desk drawer and placed it on his blotter as he fished a lighter out of his pocket. He lit Graces cigarette before lighting his own, she closed her eyes as she let out long drag that burned her chest and nostrils. It was the first cigarette she’d had in a while, they made her cough and sick to her stomach sometimes

so she tried not to indulge in them though science claimed cigarettes weren’t supposed to make you sick.

They watched the early morning traffic in silence for a moment, the businesses that made up the majority of this area had yet to open yet.

The neighborhood was still dead at six in the morning, all the windows to them were black without light and looked like gaping eyes staring at the empty sidewalks and occasional bus going by that reflected on the glass sharply because of the darkness behind them.

“What’s the matter with her?” Grace asked looking away from the empty street.

“An abscess maybe, but they aren’t usually so deep and don’t grow so fast.” he said turning away from the window and sitting down.

“Was it a bug or a spider bite maybe?” Grace asked sitting down as well.

“I didn’t see a bite mark, my guess is early onset acne, maybe even a hormonal change.”

41 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“Hormonal!?”

“She’s not a going to be a little girl much longer Grace, a hormonal change is just fancy talk for puberty.” Paul said reaching out and putting his hand on hers in comfort.

“So it’s acne?”

“Most likely. As I said I don’t believe it was an insect bite, it may happen again while she goes through puberty but I would be surprised to see her be affected so badly again.”

Just then the sound of the door to the waiting room opened followed by humming that was lovely though a little off key. The office door opened and in came Nurse Suzie, she was in her mid twenties with a sweet smile on her pale Irish face with hair the color of honey. She wore a white dress and white crepe leather shoes and a white nurses cap with a red cross at it’s center.

“Well good morning Doctor, you’re here early. Good morning, Grace. I hope everything is alright.”

“Hi Suzie, Nancy had a boo boo.”

“Oh poor child. Would you like me to check on her doctor?”

“Please and thanks, Suzie.” Paul said putting out his cigarette.

“So will Nancy need medicine?” Grace asked when Suzie left the room.

“Not unless it happens again. And if it’s acne there are still cheap drugs to treat it, and that’s only if it gets very bad which I doubt it will.”

Grace felt relief wash over her despite the burning pain that flared in her stomach at that moment. Grace grinded her teeth as a light sheen of sweat broke out on her forehead.

“Grace, you OK?” Paul said getting up a little.

42 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

Grace just opened her eyes and smiled a little as she put out her cigarette. She wasn’t concerned about her stomach and was just relieved Nancy wouldn’t be hurting so bad again. She didn’t have time to be sick, not with working days at Millies and Penrose and weekend nights at the Time Kill gas station across the street from Marconi park.

“I’m fine Paul,” she said with a smile that was a little bigger but still false.

“just seeing her hurt so badly. I would have given anything to take that pain from her. I’m afraid to go to work this afternoon.” Grace said as her eyes threatened to brim with tears.

“It’ll be OK.” Paul said getting up and giving her a hug.

She hugged him back and smiled weakly.

“Go to work. I’ll stop by this evening and check on her and make her dinner. OK?” he said holding her at arms length.

“Thank you, Paul.” she said.

It was past sunrise when they arrived home, Nancy was nodding off in the car and cried when Grace had to wake her up.

“Come on, honey. You can sleep in mommy’s bed. OK?”

Grace helped Nancy lay down, careful of the large bandage that was taped to her side. It squeezed Grace’s heart painfully to see the bulge of wrappings on her child. She was afraid Nancy would be uncomfortable from the wrappings but felt asleep quickly and was snoring after only a few minutes.

Grace watched Nancy sleeping, with her arms crossed over her chest wanting to cry but fighting it. She left the bedroom and went to the kitchen and rummaged through a junk drawer, pushing a recently purchased photo album kit to the side and digging through sea of dead batteries.

“I know it’s in here.” she said to herself.

43 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

She dug into the back of a drawer and found a small flash light. After making sure it worked she went to Nancy’s room to look under her bed.

Paul had said it didn’t look like an insect bite, but Grace wanted to check almost hoping she would find a spider so that she would know the cause of her daughters pain.

She got on her knees at the side of the bed, a part of the comforter draped down to the floor blocking her view. She quickly pulled the cover away as she clicked on the flashlight and was startled by a large grinning tarantula.

“Shit, Terry.” Grace said trying to laugh at the scare she got from the puppy dog eyed plushy.

Her light chuckles turned to quite wet sobs. She grabbed the plushy and held it to her chest closely as she tried to get past the pain she saw in Nancy’s eyes. She didn’t want her baby to hurt, she already lost her

daddy before she could know him. She thought of Jake and wished for him to be here.

More tears rolled down her cheeks splashing Terry. Grace felt her body shake as she tried to hold in the sobs that wanted to come out of her.

“No, keep it together.” she said to herself and took some deep breathes.

She remembered what Paul had said, and that it was unlikely to happen again. She got her self under control and gave a careful look under the bed but she didn’t see spiders or spider webs. Nor any sign of any other pest that might bite or sting.

She thought that would set her mind at ease but it didn’t. Paul said it was acne, but for some reason that diagnosis didn’t feel right to her.

“Yeah, as if I know better?” she said to herself as she got off the floor.

She went to the bathroom and splashed some cool water on her puffy face. She still held the plushy and laughed again from her scare, but it didn’t turn to sobs. Jake would probably tease me for being such a worry wort, she thought.

Though he would have comforted her either way. Grace forgot about the last few hours and

44 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

decided to take a hot shower and maybe get a nap in before work. By the next morning it was quickly a distant memory for Nancy who was up before Grace watching cartoons and eating a bowl of cereal.

Grace smiled though seeing the bulky bandage still tugged her heart badly despite Nancy’s turn around. A few days later Grace took Nancy back to see Paul to have the bandage removed. Nancy had been quiet on the ride up and was afraid of getting another needle.

“Honey, Paul’s going to just take off your bandage and maybe put some ointment on your skin if it’s still chapped. OK?”

“OK, mommy.” Nancy said though she looked whiter than usual.

“Does your boo boo hurt?”

Paul told Grace to leave the bandage on so it would heal properly, and only removed it if there was a lot of discomfort.

“It’s a little sore.” she said.

“Just a little?”

“Yeah, I’m just worried I’ll get a shot.”

“You won’t, honey.”

But she did get a shot. Paul removed the gauze and bandage while Grace sat on the opposite side next to her daughter holding her hand.

She couldn’t see the wound but saw Paul frown as he looked at Nancy’s underarm.

“Paul.” she said quietly.

45 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

He was looking closely at Nancy’s wound, he ignored Grace and removed a pen light from his shirt pocket. Paul sighed quickly and frowned as if in deep thought or confusion.

“Paul.” Grace said a little louder but still smiling for Nancy.

He looked away from Nancy’s underarm and finally looked at Grace. He got up and put his penlight away and nodded his head towards the door leading out of the office.

“I’ll bring mommy right back. Can you keep your arm up for a minute sweetie?”

“OK.”

They stood in the hall and left the door open just a little. Nancy’s back was toward them and didn’t appear to be listening but he spoke in a low voice anyway.

“It’s not healing, Grace.”

“Why? You said it was acne.” Grace said feeling her stomach burn.

“I know. I want to take a culture...”

“A what?” Grace asked in a high voice.

They looked back but Nancy didn’t appear to hear her mothers question.

“It’s a sample of the affected area, it wont hurt her very much. I will take the sample to a lab downtown.”

“What kind of lab?” Grace asked with a beating heart and a tight ball of fire in her stomach.

“It’s a diagnostics lab run by Liberty Pharmaceutical. They allow free clinic doctors to run

46 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

cultures, blood work, biopsies, and such for almost nothing two or three times a month. After that they expect the patients to start footing the bill.”

“Jesus Christ...” Grace said quietly.

Paul took her arm gently and looked into her eyes when he spoke.

“Don’t worry about the cost. OK. It may only take one test to figure out whats going on exactly. In the mean time I’ll put on a clean bandage and give her a shot of Bactrim.”

“Mommy! You said I wouldn’t get a shot!” Nancy turned to them arm high

“Mommy! You said I wouldn’t get a shot!” Nancy turned to them arm high in the air as her blue eyes filled with tears.

“OK, Nancy relax.” she said going over to her ready to cry herself.

“You can blame me, kiddo. OK?” Paul said coming over and took her right hand in his own. “I told mommy you’d be better and I guess I lied. I hope you forgive me.”

Nancy was still frowning and her eyes had gone red and spilled tears.

“Here, why don’t you have this as a way of me making it up to you.”

Paul put his hand in his lab coat pocket and took out the hand held video game Nancy had played with during their last visit.

“Paul, no...” Grace tried to protest but Paul put his hand up.

Nancy smiled the brightest biggest smile Grace had seen and felt good her self when she saw how happy it made her.”

“Now you have to promise me,” he said handing the shiny black device to her. “not to tell anyone I gave that to you.”

47 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

Nancy looked up at Paul and her face looked serious for a moment though her response was light.

“Well, duh.”

Paul let out a joyous laugh though he still felt deep guilt about his misdiagnoses. He let Grace down, but more importantly he let Nancy down. He promised himself that he would do for her the same as he would if Nancy was his own child.

“Do you think you can handle another needle?” Paul asked.

“OK.” she said with some reluctance.

The needle was much smaller this time and Nancy moaned a little but didn’t cry when the needle was put in her. The sample Paul took with a cotton swab was slightly less pleasant. He had said the results would take a few days to come in.

“Grace,” said Paul.

She and Nancy were standing at the door leading out to the sidewalk, Grace saw that Paul wanted to tell her something. The car was just a few feet away so she gave Nancy the keys and told her sit in the car a minute.

“I’m sorry. About Nancy.”

“Paul, you can’t know it all, besides...”

“Grace,” he interrupted gently “I’m a doctor I should have known better, when I saw how deep the abscess was.”

He rummaged in his pocket and brought out a cigarette and lit it, he offered one to Grace but she refused.

48 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“If I am willing to buy bootleg movies and cellulars for her, I shouldn’t shirk...”

“Paul,” Grace said interrupting him now but not unkindly. “that’s bullshit.

You’ve been like a father to her since Jake died. You got her all her vaccines and medicine when she had the flu and the chicken pox when she was four. You always risked so much for her with out me ever asking you.”

“You would’ve said no. South Philly girls are stubborn.” he said but was smiling.

She laughed and gave him a hug. He told her to call if anything was wrong. Grace and Nancy sat in the car just outside Paul’s office, when they left it was mid morning and the waiting room was filling with patients that were mostly very young and very old. Grace was helping Nancy put on her seat belt when a womans voice rang out.

The woman was closer to being a teenager than a woman, her voice was piercing the air like an ice pick. She wore a long black skirt and a button down navy blue blouse. On her right arm was the black armband with the stark white capital letters TL. Her hair was tied up in a tight bun held up by a black ribbon, on her blouse lay a silver crucifix.

“Join us as we ask the Lord to bless the United States and it’s continued fight against the socialist niggers and their fagot allies and their pursuit to

fight against the socialist niggers and their fagot allies and their pursuit to destroy our country as they did West Philadelphia.”

She handed out fliers as she continued her speech, some took a paper and walked on, others stood and listened to the young woman as she continued her speech.

“Even now southern California is in revolt, their citizens have forsaken themselves in the eyes of the federal government and in the eyes of the Lord. We must beware the fagots and the socialists and the niggers, look to West Philadelphia where they run down police and have annihilated a piece of the city. The TL needs you and the blessing of the Lord to stop this purge of American Values and...”

Grace sighed and started up the car feeling depressed again when Nancy spoke.

“Mommy, do you like them?”

49 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“Like who?”

Nancy looked towards the young woman speaking, more people had gathered around her.

“The TL people.” she asked.

“Do you?” she asked feeling guilty though she didn’t know why.

Nancy kept looking at the woman then looked back at her mother.

“No. I think they’re mean.” she said putting her head down a little.

“You think they’re mean?”

Nancy nodded and bit her lip. She looked like she wanted to say something more but didn’t speak.

“Why do you think they’re mean?”

“You know my friend, Amy?”

Grace knew her and nodded.

“I was walking home from school with her and her little brother was hanging outside their house holding some dandelions.”

She took a breath and continued.

“He walked up to us and asked me if he I thought his flowers were pretty.

I don’t know how old he is, he was a lot littler than us. Amy went over and ripped them out of his hand and screamed a name at him.”

50 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

Nancy looked anxious, and a little pale. What Nancy had seen that afternoon had upset her badly. Grace wondered how long ago it had happened but asked something else instead.

“What name?”

“He told him to stop being a fagot, and that God hated fagots, and she’d tell mom and dad he was a fagot and he’d go to jail.”

Grace felt alarmed and dread at what she was sure what Nancy would ask next.

“What’s a fagot, mom?”

Grace had thought about how to address this question for a while now, but the fact that Nancy didn’t seem to like the TL made it a little easier.

She wouldn’t tell her about Paul yet, she wasn’t sure how much Nancy would be able to understand since they hadn’t even talked about the birds and the bees.

“Well, honey, sometimes a man and a woman fall in love. And sometimes a man and another man fall in love. Or a woman and another woman fall in love. And they want to be together the way your daddy and I were together.”

Nancy looked closely at her as she explained.

“Amy said fagots want to have sex with little kids, do they do that mommy?”

Paul was the only homosexual Grace had ever known, he was always kind to Nancy and to his other patients whom some were also children.

And the children, it seemed to Grace, were always glad to see him as

And the children, it seemed to Grace, were always glad to see him as they were usually treated to a lolly pop or ring pop whether they cried from a shot or not. Grace had always seen Paul and his compassion and his pure heart and that was how she knew that all the TL talk about gays going after children was bigger bullshit than Paul’s shirking on Nancy.

“No, Nancy. And fagot is a bad word. They don’t prey on children.”

51 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“What about niggers, mommy? Do they rape kids?”

Grace sighed and wished they weren’t having this conversation.

“No and that’s not a nice word either.”

“What’s a nigger?”

“It’s a mean name for black people. Don’t use those words they’re dirty words.”

“Is it like bullying?”

“Yes and you know it’s not nice to bully people, right?”

Nancy nodded and looked back at the young woman still handing out fliers and educating everyone in ear shot to beware the immoral unAmerican.

“I wish somebody would tell them to shut up.”

“Well, don’t you do that. You understand me? You can get in trouble.”

“OK.”

“Good. And don’t talk to anybody about what we discussed. OK, Nancy?”

Grace said taking her daughter by the hand.

“Why would we get in trouble? Do we know a gay, mommy?”

Grace felt a cold shiver race down her spine as the young woman with the armband looked directly at her and Nancy as if hearing her daughters question. But the windows were rolled up and they hadn’t been speaking very loud. The young woman spoke loud enough that they could hear her through the glass.

52 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“The Department of unAmerican Activities and the Temperance League need your support! Will you let the very moral fabric of our society be stained and torn?”

Although she had been facing them with a frantic almost hysterical smile she was merely trying to find interested eyes. The fliers she held were the standard form for membership to the TL, all that was required for membership was to be a member of any Christian indoctrination and a natural American citizen.

The paper was the color of cream, on its top right corner was a sketch of Jesus Christ nailed to the cross with all the little details of blood dripping from his head and limbs and the look of total and utter suffering in his

from his head and limbs and the look of total and utter suffering in his upturned eyes. On the lower left hand corner of the paper was a sketch similar to one she had seen on a bus years ago when she found out she was carrying Nancy. It had the same haunted eyes peering over its shoulder at someone not seen. In the middle was an address to mail the completed form, below that was a list of phone numbers and net address’ to contact them via the intranet.

“Mommy.”

Grace realized she hadn’t answered the question and looked at her daughter feeling her stomach fill with burning pain again. She felt a little reassured but couldn’t be positive Nancy could keep the secret if she were bullied by someone like that Amy girl. Grace felt the burning sensation in her stomach redouble and shuttered slightly, if Nancy asked the question she was afraid she would tell her the truth.

It was more than a secret, it was Paul’s freedom and more likely his life would be riding on her to never speak of it ever to anyone for any reason.

And now there was a possibility of Nancy being sick. Grace couldn’t put so much pressure on her. Nancy had been about to speak, before she could utter a single word Grace spoke.

“You want McDonald’s?”

Grace’s voice cracked slightly and her tone was high, too high. Please say yes and ask for McNuggets. Nancy frowned as if she had been scolded, Grace felt guilty.

“How about nuggets and fries and a shake?” Grace said in a normal voice with a smile.

53 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

She nodded and smiled a little.

“You want the green shake, right?” Grace asked airily.

“Eww, no way, mommy, you know vanilla’s my favorite!” she said with a beaming smile.

Two days had gone by when Paul called Grace with the results. He wanted her to stop by as soon as she could. She also brought Nancy along.

Grace had a feeling the news wasn’t going to be very good. When they arrived his office was already closed for the day, Nurse Suzie had left for the evening. He sat Nancy on his table and checked her wound but did not add another.

“Will I need another one?” Nancy asked with a frown.

The tape holding her bandages was rubbing her skin raw, most of her underarm was already red from the growth. The tape was leaving small welts that were the color of uncooked meat.

“Let me talk to your mom, OK.”

She nodded and put her arm down as best as she could. Paul nodded for Grace to follow him into his inner office and left the door ajar.

“Well, what’s wrong with her?”

“Well, what’s wrong with her?”

They were sitting at his desk, Paul removed a pack of cigarettes from his coat pocket and offered one to Grace but she refused.

“Nancy has Hidradenitis Suppurativa.” he said quietly as he held the pack of cigarettes in his hands.

“Hida what?” Grace asked wide eyed with fright at such a name.

54 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“Hidradenitis Suppurativa, it’s an extremely rare disease. It uh......it’s...”

he was fumbling with the pack still as he spoke.

“It’s what Paul?” she asked in a firmer voice than she intended.

“It’s a very unpleasant disease. The wound under her arm, will never heal. She will develop more abscesses’ on her body. They generally grow under the arms, under the breasts, the groin, the buttocks, inner thigh, sometimes deep inside the body as well. But they can appear any where and at any time.”

Grace had finally succumbed and took a cigarette from the pack that was partly crushed from Paul’s fidgeting hands. Grace’s eyes were over flowing with tears as she sat still listening with growing horror as Paul explained to her the sickness. She wanted to wail and sob out loud and punch a wall and scream, but she sat still even as the urge to do so made her insides vibrate.

“Is there a way too prevent....”

Paul was nodding as Grace asked.

“There are no preventive measures, there is no cure, no medicine to properly treat it.”

“How can she live if there’s no...”

As the words left her mouth she thought she understood but wanted Paul to tell her.

“What will happen to her, Paul?” Grace asked with eyes that said don’t lie to me.

He took a puff from his cigarette and put it out in his tin ashtray before speaking.

“The abscesses’ will form inside her body as well as just below the skin.

Sometimes they are free of bacteria and that’s the best to hope for. When they are filled with bacteria is when the disease can be deadly. The bacteria that is created from the abscess is usually resistant to antibiotic’s, it can slowly poison the body resulting in a constant fever and chills like when having a bad cold or

55 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

the flu. In some instances a combination of steroids and antibiotics can slow it down but it doesn’t stop it.”

“It could kill her? That’s what you’re telling me?” she asked with a shaky hand that tried to reach her mouth to drag on her cigarette.

When Paul didn’t disagree she collapsed onto the floor in a heap sobbing quietly. He quickly went to her and sat Grace back up on the chair. She hadn’t passed out but looked ready to as she looked at Paul.

“Why does she have to hurt, Paul? She’s still a baby.”

She took a deep breath and took a tissue from a box on the desk and wiped her face clean. When she was calmly smoking another cigarette Paul sat back down.

“How long do people usually live with this?” she asked quietly while tears still rolled down her face.

“From the research I’ve done people can live to almost 30.” he said with a tear slowly rolling down his cheek.

Grace bit down on her bottom lip and nodded her head angrily. Her face was red with a rage that she hadn’t felt before.

“How the fuck can science make a pill that gives you a boner all day but not one to make a wound heal, or make a pill that burns fat while you eat but can’t heal my baby? It’s no wonder we’ve never been to the moon we’d be too fat and horny to survive the trip. How the hell will she go to school like this.”

“She won’t be allowed to go anymore.”

“Why? Is it contagious?”

“Why? Is it contagious?”

“No. But her sickness under Federal guidelines considers her a living bio-hazard. Some of the

56 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

side effects of the disease is that the abscess can excrete bodily fluids that will destroy skin tissue from prolonged contact. She can not attend schooling neither public or private. She’ll have to be home schooled."

Grace put her cigarette out and wiped more tears from her eyes. She could hear the traffic and pedestrians outside going here and there, healthy, happy. She felt angry and sad, Nancy loved school, more than she did growing up.

“So we just wait and hope she doesn’t suffer badly?” Grace asked.

“Yes, there is a small chance it may be very sporadic.”

“No more helpful than the steroids and antibiotics, is it?”

Paul didn’t answer though. Grace just closed her eyes tightly and waited for the tears to subside. She had a hard time explaining to Nancy what was wrong with her and why she couldn’t go to school anymore.

“But I don’t feel sick anymore, mommy.”

Was something she kept repeating to her. She didn’t understand what the disease was doing to her, until later. Grace had fallen asleep within moments of laying down one night after a full shift at Millie’s followed by a five hour shift at the Time Kill gas station. She didn’t remember dreaming,

five hour shift at the Time Kill gas station. She didn’t remember dreaming, she had been in a total blackness when she heard the pain filled weeps of her daughter.

It was another abscess below her left arm, it was as large as a grapefruit and it’s protrusion caused fluid to pour from the previous wound that had never closed. The skin was fire engine red, and had a shine to it that looked angry and painful. Nancy was slowly walking towards the bed with a slight limp.

“Baby why are you walking that way?” Grace said fumbling for the lamp switch.

The light came on and showed a red and teary eyed Nancy. Her right leg bowed out with each step she took. Grace got out of the bed and held Nancy gently still.

57 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“Mommy my arm hurts.”

“Does your leg hurt too?”

Nancy could only shrug weakly as tears coated her puffy face. Grace gently pulled down Nancy’s pajama bottom and saw at her inner right thigh was another abscess. It was slightly smaller than the one under her arm.

Grace closed her eyes as tears tried to make their way out of her but she pushed them back down. She took her to see Paul, he gave her more shots and cut both abscess’. The fluid had a horrendous smell that caused Nancy to vomit which had upset her even more than the needles.

“Shh, it’s OK, baby.” she said gently as she wiped vomit from Nancy’s chin and rocked her in a way that she hadn’t had to since she was a toddler.

For a few months there were no further outbreaks. Although Nancy couldn’t go back to school, Grace was glad her daughter had such a deep love of books. It certainly made home schooling her easier. They still couldn’t afford a computer or afford intranet service for it, so Grace went to the Passyunk library, that was no where near Passyunk avenue, and found most of the necessary materials for Nancy’s home schooling.

Nancy would sometimes go with her but those instants were rare, since the incision on her thigh the wound did not heal and was prone to leaking. Grace tried to wrap her leg in a bandage on one occasion but all it did was cause more suffering for Nancy physically and for Grace emotionally. With so much of her attention on Nancy’s health and well being and working two to three jobs too keep up with rent, she ignored her sometimes constant stomach pains. She did her best to only ask for Paul’s help when it came down to keeping a roof over Nancy’s head.

Grace hadn’t thought that might have been Jake’s undoing. The burning pain in her stomach had grown, she only took over the counter meds and brushed it off as nothing more than acid reflux brought on by stress. She would even laugh to her self about it and ignore the pain that felt so hot she though her whole torso was on fire.

She reminded herself that her daughter was hurting much worse. Grace had been sleeping that last sleep she would ever have, it was filled with pain and unrestful. She had a pillow clutched to her stomach, as if she had been trying to push the pain out of her body.

58 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

It was a thin sleep that was broken from the sounds of Nancy whimpering

It was a thin sleep that was broken from the sounds of Nancy whimpering quietly as she came into Grace’s bedroom. She sat up in her bed and turned on the lamp light with ease and gasped when the light cast its yellow glow onto Nancy. Just below her left eye was a worm shaped abscess that was as wide as a finger and protruded out like a welt, as if she had been slapped on the cheek with a thick wire.

The muscle just below Nancy’s left eye twitched sporadically. The abscess started below the eye and stopped just above the jaw line below.

The white part of her left eye also had a light brown tint that made her vision in that eye blurry. Nancy shook with pain, in the light her forehead was shiny with sweat.

Grace put her wrist to Nancy’s head, it felt warm but definitely not a fever.

Paul told her to always keep a thermometer handy. A high fever was a sign she my have an internal abscess leaking poison into her body, if it reached the blood stream and got to her heart...

She felt her torso fill with fire again and felt light headed as she stood up.

Her hand went to her stomach but then she quickly put it back down so as not to frighten Nancy. She didn’t call Paul, she helped Nancy change into clean pajamas. The simple act of dressing was slow and painful for her.

When Grace left her in the bathroom to get her clean socks, she came back a moment later to see Nancy looking in a mirror staring closely at her eye. She looked over at her mother and spoke in a breathless tone.

“I’m a witch, mommy.” she said with an eye that wouldn’t stop twitching Grace found a book at the library sometime ago containing mostly obscure fairy tales from the middle ages but a few of the better known

classics. Nancy devoured the book in just two nights, and had reread most of the tales the night before Grace had to return the book. One of the fairy tales in the book was about a child kidnapped by a malevolent fairy. The child was found later with a deformed eye that scared even her mother away. Though the story was called ‘The Changeling’ she was cast out as a witch and had a pointy hat bound to her head before she was exiled, even the people in the book called her a witch as opposed to a changeling.

“No, honey. You’re not a witch.”

She wished she had never found that book. Grace knew Nancy had a love for fairy tales but she

59 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

had no idea how gory and horribly mean some of those stories were.

Sleeping Beauty was raped, Snow White strangled, those stories were written for children? Grace thought it was sickening.

When she was dressed, they got into the car and started it up. Grace realized she hadn’t called Paul. A flush of burning pain wracked her insides, Grace grimaced and swallowed what felt like liquid fire trying to rise up into her mouth. For some reason the thought of walking back in to the apartment to use the phone felt like an impossible task as she felt a wave of nausea take over.

“Nancy, do you have your cellular?”

“No, I left it in my room.”

Despite it being a warm night, Nancy put her hood up. It wasn’t for warmth but to hide her face.

“I’m going inside to call Paul.” she took a deep breath and got out of the car.

She walked around and headed toward the door with her hand squeezing her stomach. Her face was coated with sweat like Nancy’s had been. She was facing the apartment but turned to look at her daughter.

The window was down and Nancy could see her mothers eyes go glassy as if she were crying.

They looked at each other for a moment, Grace had been about to say I love you when she collapsed to the ground.

“MOMMY!!”

Nancy screamed ignoring the fire covering her right leg and left arm and got out of the car. She limped over to her mother crawling the last few feet, ignoring the burning sticky fluid coating areas of her chest and leg.

She looked like she was asleep, Nancy shook her body but she did not move.

After screaming and crying on the curb shaking her mother’s body someone had come outside to see who was making all that noise had seen her and called the police. They arrived ten minutes later approaching Nancy with questions, when they saw her face they had thought she was the victim of abuse.

60 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“How did you get that mark on your face?” asked a police woman who grimaced noticeably at her.

She was stocky and had chiseled masculine facial features, she held a bright flashlight to the side of Nancy’s face and looked closely at her. The bright light made her eyes burn and want to tear up.

“No, I have Hidra...”

She tried to pronounce the word but it fell on deaf ears. The police woman turned to her partner instead who was standing next to the womans body.

“Hey Walker, this kid needs a social worker.” she said sounding put out.

The other officer, a tall middle aged man with short brown hair speckled with gray, was talking into his walkie holding up his hand.

“Huh?” he said.

“I think this kid needs to go the hospital.”

“Why?” the cop named Walker said.

He walked over and shined the light into Nancy’s face which especially hurt her affected eye.

“Jesus Christ.” he said with repulsion.

He let out a frustrated sigh and turned the light to the body.

He let out a frustrated sigh and turned the light to the body.

“Where’s your daddy, honey?” asked Walker

61 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

Though he used the term honey, his face showed disgust when he looked at her. He like his partner were disgusted by Nancy.

“He’s dead.” she said as her eye twitched.

“For fucks sake.” Walker said trying not to look at her.

“You don’t have any blood relatives?” The female officer asked.

Nancy shook her head.

“Great, send up a social worker to get this ugly little shit and we can go home.” said Walker.

“Christ, Walker.” his partner said though she laughed.

“What?” he asked defensively walking away.

They didn’t notice Nancy’s tears as she kept her hood up and lowered her head. The female officer put Nancy in the back of a police car to wait.

“Don’t move, I’m going to have social services pick you up.”

Pick me, up? She felt her heart slam against her chest when she realized what the officer meant.

“My mommy’s friend Paul,” Nancy blurted out. “he can...”

“Your mom’s boyfriend don’t count as a blood relative.” she said firmly.

“No, he’s my doctor...” Nancy said weeping a little and reaching out to tug on the officers arm.

62 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

The officer quickly slapped her arm down and grabbed her firmly by the arm and pointed a meaty index finger at her face.

“You keep your hands to yourself.”

She didn’t shout but spoke with a fury that was barely contained.

“If you don’t have a living blood relative you go to foster care.” her breath was sour and made Nancy shudder.

She let go of her arm and took out a handkerchief and began to wipe at the hand that had touched her. Nancy cried but very quietly, she didn’t want to anger the officer again. A half hour later a large white van with the word morgue written on both sides in thick black letters pulled up behind the police cruiser.

Two men wearing deep blue coveralls with the city’s emblem on the back exited the rear of the vehicles double doors, one of the men walked over to the dead body while the other walked over to officers with a clipboard in hand. He was looking back at the body as he spoke to the officers.

“So what happened here?” he asked.

“I don’t know. OD, I think.” said Walker “She probably got cranked out and started beating on her kid.”

“No, my mommy...” Nancy tried to shout.

“Shut up!” said the female officer in a much louder voice giving Nancy a glare.

Nancy’s reaction of fright caused her to hold her arms to her self and made her open wounds leak. She moaned a little, sick with pain but the underlying terror of her mother lying dead rivaled it. The conversation between the other two didn’t seem to miss a beat.

“OK, I’ll mark it in my report as an OD.” The man in coveralls said jotting it down on his clipboard

63 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

Nancy watched the two men load her mommy on long black bag with a large metal zipper, they both lifted her body carefully but with an absent mindedness that said it was routine for them. Nancy saw her mothers upturned face, coated in an orange light from the street lamps, her eye sockets were bathed in shadow. As the two men zippered the bag over

her mothers face, her view was obscured by a rack thin looking woman with iron gray hair tied in a small bun and a stern quizzical look upon her face.

The woman looked grandma old to Nancy. She wore a long blue pleated skirt and a pale blue blouse, on her arm was the black armband of the TL. She wasn’t tall but she stood over Nancy like an old wrinkly giant her gray bun glistened in the orange light.

Her red lips parted and revealed a smile filled with too many teeth. The woman tilted her head a little looking closely at her face and reached out to Nancy. She flinched just the slightest at the old woman. She didn’t get angry though and smiled again with the slightest chuckle.

“Don’t worry, child. We’ll take care of you."

Paul had felt fear plenty of times as a closeted homosexual in America.

What he felt now was beyond fear but mortal terror. Paul stood at the window of his practice smoking a cigarette in his office which was filled with a blue gray fog of tobacco smoke. He had found out about Grace that morning when she nor Nancy showed up for an appointment.

He called Nancy’s cellular but it only rang once before the male robotic voice informed him to leave a message. He hung up and told nurse Suzie to reschedule some appointments as he ran out the door, leaving her speechless at his abrupt departure. He drove to their apartment and saw her car was still there.

He parked a block away and ran to the front steps and began ringing the bell to their apartment, waiting for the intercom or a buzz for the door to open but neither came. He stood for twenty minutes smoking cigarette after cigarette hoping Grace had just gone to the store or even the library

after cigarette hoping Grace had just gone to the store or even the library to get Nancy more reading materials.

But that didn’t feel right to him. If she had gone to the store Nancy would have stayed at home because of her leg. He smoked another cigarette to the nub before he remembered he had a key to their apartment. He had flicked the butt away and began to rummage for his keys in his pocket when the front door opened.

64 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

A young man with long brown hair wearing cargo pants and a loose black T shirt walked out with a cigarette unlit jutting out of his mouth. He saw Paul and his eyebrows went up with a as if in recognition.

“Oh, hey man you got a light?” he asked sounding hopeful.

“Yeah.” Paul said and handed him his Bic.

The young man toked on the flame and handed the lighter back after taking a long drag.

“Thanks, man. What’s up? You meeting somebody?”

The man asked nodding his head back at the door. He didn’t act suspicious and asked out of mere curiosity.

“I’m waiting for Grace, she’s on the second floor...”

The young man looked at Paul quickly with wide eyes and took another long drag on his cigarette.

“What?” Paul asked with numb lips.

The young man knew Grace’s name because he had gotten her mail by accident on occasion and would dutifully put it in her mail box that sat one up and over from his. He had seen her and said hello sometimes and found out from another neighbor she had a sick kid that he saw only once. She walked in a limping gait and her mom was holding her hand when going down the front stoop while he was going up, he looked at her face and could see it was red from strain as if she had been running a race. The young man told Paul he had been heading back from a late night party when he saw the ‘meat wagon’ as he called it and the little girl in the back of a sedan with the some kind of symbol on its front doors.

Paul knew right away, that Nancy was under care of the state. She had no legal guardian. If Paul had gone through the legal requirements to attempt such a thing the government would thoroughly check his past.

Even Grace had turned down the suggestion when Paul mentioned it a year or so ago.

65 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

He would have done it, he told himself then when Grace refused. But he had felt a certain type of relief when she said no, because he had still been afraid Nancy would rat him out to the TL. Now that relief was guilt, he wished he had risked it now that she was gone.

He finished the rest of the day treating his other patients ignoring the fear that would build up slowly in his mind to the point he thought he would scream. Nancy didn’t know his secret, but it was keeping him from being able to get her away from whatever government orphanage they sent her to.

“I’m heading home, Doctor. Is everything OK? You look pale.” said Suzie.

“I’m heading home, Doctor. Is everything OK? You look pale.” said Suzie.

“Fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She nodded and left his office closing the door behind her. He lit a cigarette and coughed on the first drag. He opened the window behind his desk to let fresh air in as he coughed again but stubbornly continued smoking the cigarette. He sat down, tapping ashes into an ashtray as he thought about what he could do.

If he tried to adopt her, the government would check his back ground with a fine toothed comb. The government workers doing the checking would most assuredly be TL members as well. And such an attempt would require a lawyer. Paul knew a lawyer, but he wasn’t Paul’s lawyer.

Alfred Gallagher was a just out of law school when he met Paul during a mixer when he was still a student at Temple. He was a red head and had a tall muscular frame from years of playing lacrosse. It was just a friendly chat about the usual stuff sports, work, nothing out of the ordinary. He had learned that, Alf, as he liked to be called was engaged to woman and would be tying the knot with her after she graduated.

Which was why Paul was so shocked to be kissed by this man afterwards when they had a few too many drinks and ended up at his apartment.

They had exchanged numbers and saw each other sometimes even after he got married, though they had hardly done more than talk for a while after he tied the knot. Eventually they started sleeping together again, only at Paul’s one bedroom apartment and never at his place and certainly not any motels or hotels. Though the TL only organized raids in the poorer neighborhoods, Alf was as paranoid about the TL as he was.

Paul wasn’t sure he loved him but felt loved by him. He did his best to ignore the fact Alf was a

ignore the fact Alf was a

66 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

married man, and tried to be grateful he had anybody to make him feel loved. But it was a limited sort of love, he couldn’t call him too often or ever be seen at his practice.

Alf knew better than anyone what the TL and the government, local and federal, could do to homosexuals. He was more cautious about their meetings than Paul was, but Alf had more to lose if he were found out.

He was a great lawyer and his wife came from a rich family that helped his career get moving.

“If it wasn’t for her, I’d probably be working in an office next to yours, as a public defender.” he said one night while laying in bed together.

Paul hated hearing Alf talk that way. He would say it more often than not after they had made love. It was as if the after glow of the act left him melancholy. Was Alf sad because he was living a lie or that he really didn’t believe himself a good lawyer.

“You’re a great lawyer. You would have gotten there on your own.” he said running his fingers through Alf’s fine chest hairs.

It was day time but the lights were off, the room was dark from the shades and curtains being closed leaving the apartment looking more gloomy than romantic, Paul thought morosely. Alf only shrugged and pulled Paul closer to him.

Paul told him he was a good lawyer though he had never seen Alf in a courtroom. Paul lit a cigarette and shook the memory out of his head, coming back to the problem at hand. If adoption was out of the question that left only one option.

that left only one option.

Paul put the cigarette in his mouth and dug in his pants pocket for his cellular. He flipped it opened and speed dialed Alf. At the other end of the city in a townhouse in Old City, Alf sat at the dinner table with his wife, each had a plate of veal Parmesan that was hardly touched by either while having a discussion that was slowly edging into an argument. He was in a cold sweat and felt relief at the ringing of his cellular.

He quickly dug in his pants pocket while his wife eyed him with a look that was part anger and part suspicion. She was a beautiful former Miss Pennsylvania that was used to getting anything she desired from her husband with exception of one area. Alf flipped his phone and saw who it was calling and felt a mixture of joy and fear.

67 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“It’s a client.” he said trying to sound even.

“Alf,” she said holding back a shout by grinding her teeth.

“Please, Diana. It’s urgent.” he said with a hand held out.

She folded her arms slowly but said nothing. Alf walked into the large living room that was wallpapered in a ghastly dark green that was embroidered with small gold flowers, and a brown rug that Diana said was chocolate but looked like shit too him. He glanced back quickly to make sure she hadn’t followed him.

He walked a few feet but sounded out of breath when he answered.

“I told you to text me if it’s after six.” he said as gently as possible.

Paul did know that, but he just couldn’t get used to talking to another person that way. It was a popular way kids like Nancy used cellulars but it just felt weird to him, like he was talking to a machine and not a real person.

“I know but you can bill me. It’s a legal question for a friend.”

“OK, what is it?”

“Emancipation.”

Paul told him everything. Though Nancy’s condition prevented her from going to school she was still ineligible for health care and with no living blood relative or guardian and being under the age of eighteen would be put into foster care. So that left only one option.

“How old is she?”

“She’ll be eleven in a few months.”

68 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“Shit,” Alf said rubbing his forehead. “I don’t think any judge will give it the time of day. They’ll argue she’s too young.”

“Who? Who’ll argue?” asked Paul lighting another cigarette.

“Well anybody could. The Feds, the state, the TL. If you can prove she would be better off out of foster care they might ask why you don’t

would be better off out of foster care they might ask why you don’t attempt adoption.”

“Jesus Christ.” Paul said feeling his knees turn to water.

“Which is why you may have to wait before attempting emancipation.”

“How long will I have to wait?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure what the youngest age is for emancipation to be considered. It’ll vary between states, of that I’m sure. Give me a few days and...”

“Days! Alf she is in the system...”

“Paul,” Alf said as gently as he could. “I know you love her, but you have to understand she might be stuck for years. These things are almost never quick.”

Paul didn’t want to wait. He had many young patients that had gone through foster care, what these state run orphanages looked like to him were nothing but penitentiaries and sex dungeons for poor children. He had treated children as young as five that were scarred physically from long stays between searches for a living blood relative. Other children showed scars of a different sort that left no marred or damaged tissue.

But the signs were there regardless, eyes that darted left and right.

Frightened, sometimes violent reactions from loud talking or sudden noises, the dark hollow of their eyes filled with purple bags.

But it was the shaking that frightened him the most. He had seen it just a few times, they put him in mind of an elderly patient he had that was

few times, they put him in mind of an elderly patient he had that was afflicted with severe palsy. Their bodies didn’t shake as bad as the old man but it was still frightening.

69 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

He could see in it in their eyes and the way their scrawny bodies would rattle. It was like they were always chilly and would never be warm again. Their eyes always looked glassy as if on the verge of tears.

Paul waited a few days before Alf called him back. Though it felt like months had passed since the day he had offered his Bic to the long haired man.

“Fifteen is the youngest ever in this state. Back in the early seventies, my legal advice would be to start paperwork now.”

“Where you able to find out where she is?”

“Not exactly where. She is in a state facility in this county, but she’s a minor and I’m not her legal guardian so they wont give anyone that information.”

“I have too see her, she’s sick...”

“It doesn’t matter. No one pays attention...” Alf said.

“Don’t give me that god damn tone. You’re a lawyer how...”

“For Christ sake Paul, what do you want from me?” he said furiously. “No

“For Christ sake Paul, what do you want from me?” he said furiously. “No one cares. Her mother was listed as a drug addict...”

“That’s a fucking lie...”

“I believe you, but that’s what the facts are for them. And I grew up in the same neighborhood you did. I know what a fucking horror show those places are. If I weren’t a sissy I’m not sure I’d want kids anyway after what I went through.”

Paul was crying and by the hoarse tone in Alf’s voice he was too.

“I’m sorry, Alf.” he said wiping his eyes with the heel of his palm.

70 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“It’s OK. You should be angry, I’m angry. No one cares about the poor, I was poor too. Second and Jackson, I was the youngest of seven brother and sisters, dad died before I could walk from drunk driving. I had mayo sandwiches for lunch plenty of times because mom got half wages for being an Irish woman, I watched the TL come for two of my older brothers before they were even fifteen.”

“Were they gay?”

“No, they were labeled socialists and they arrested my mom too, because she tried to help them runaway.”

“Did you go to foster care?” Paul asked feeling horrified at his story, he had never heard it before.

“No. My dad had more brothers than I did so me and the other kids would get kicked around until we were old enough to get out legally on our own.”

They were both silent now. Paul wanted to say something but couldn’t find any words at last he did speak.

“Alf, I’m sorry.”

“Never mind that shit. Just listen to me if you want to get her out of there, because it may not be totally legit. So if you’re for real, if we’re doing this, you might have to be prepared if you want to avoid certain hassles.”

“Yes, Alf. She’s all I have.” he said it without thinking it might hurt his feelings.

“Good,” he said simply. “I’ll get it started.”

Nancy sat on a bed made of iron pipes and rusty springs with a mattress filled with a substance that had lost any softness or buoyancy long ago.

The room was long with yellowing parkay floor and walls of imitation wood, two dozen beds twelve on each side lined the walls. Most of them 71 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

were unoccupied and had there thin mattresses rolled up and put under the frame, some completely covered in mounds of dust.

A half dozen beds were being used including her own. Each bed had a small bureau beside it with a lamp on top that shone a sad lonely yellow light. When she first arrived she thought the building was a castle.

The old woman dressed in blues drove her to a part of the city she had never been too. They drove through the city’s downtown and exited the highway into a wooded looking area. Nancy sat silently in the back seat as the old woman drove occasionally humming some kind of tune, every once in a while looking back at her and giving her a smile that was filled with teeth.

They drove down a road that was lined with houses that were not row homes like the ones in south Philly, they were larger Victorian style homes with great lawns of green grass and tall stiff looking bushes that ran all around the perimeter like a fence. The houses tapered off when they turned down an unpaved road with a sign posted that said: Private Road

They drove for five minutes and came to a chain link fence that ran across the entrance to a paved lot. The old woman gave her horn a double tap with her hand and a moment later the gate slid open by a security guard in a tiny booth, he wore a black coveralls with a gold badge pinned to the right side of his chest, on his head was a black baseball cap with the words security written in yellow on its front. He raised his hand as they drove by and looked down through the backseat window as the car passed, Nancy heard the old woman chuckle and say:

“Oh Buddy, such a ladies man.”

Hanging on the side of the booth was a sign with writing both large and small.

It was a deep blue and had white letters on its wooden face, Nancy caught only a few words, one was definitely orphanage, the other word was Byberry. Nancy felt terror steal her heart when she saw the large

was Byberry. Nancy felt terror steal her heart when she saw the large gray building that looked like a church without a steeple or colorful glass windows. The walls were stone and had very few windows that dotted the walls.

Though the walls were only a few stories high, to Nancy they looked like they went up into forever. The windows were very small and looked sad.

The old woman parked the car in a deserted lot that sat next to the building. She quickly opened the door and gestured at Nancy.

72 ONCE UPON AN ALTERED TIME

“Come.”

Nancy slowly and carefully got out and looked up at the high stone walls and the wire gates surrounding it all and gasped. Nancy saw the crescent moon peak out behind clouds

that were as black as sack cloth, and shudder violently and felt a brief flare of pain under her arm. The old woman started to walk towards the stone structure, Nancy stood watching the sliver of moon hanging just over the buildings parapet before more sooty clouds swallowed it again.

“Come.” the old woman said giving Nancy a glare.

Nancy walked slowly as the pain in her leg protested its movement.

“Hurry.”

The old woman said impatiently as Nancy limped faster but still too slowly for the old woman. She sighed with disgust and shook her head with contempt at Nancy. She pushed Nancy forward to hurry her along to the stone pathway that led to the front entrance.