​Networks of LOVE

• Why live like a potted plant when we could also live in a rich garden?
• Monogamy didn't come from LOVE but from old systems of control. It was created by men who thought about order, property and inheritance rules. Knowing this helps to see that questioning it is not wrong.
• No single partner can always meet all emotional and sensual needs. Expecting this puts pressure on the relationship, even when things are going well.
• A stable relationship network spreads the emotional load. Instead of two people carrying everything alone, care and support can be shared, providing reassurance and additional stability.
• Closeness does not always have to be sexual or exclusive. Touch can be a way of sharing comfort, LOVE and healing without possessing someone.
• Humans naturally need more connection than one partnership can offer. We are social beings, and wanting more closeness does not mean that something is missing from our main relationship.
• If a relationship network grows in a slow, honest and grounded way, it can be more enriching and stabilising than monogamy.
• Our fears come mostly from having no healthy examples. As we only know monogamy or chaotic dating, anything else may feel unfamiliar and therefore unsafe at first.
• Our cultural stories shape our behaviour. The idea that touch implies a claim to ownership is deeply ingrained.
• LOVE is not a limited resource. The idea that giving LOVE to one lover takes it away from another is something we have been taught, not something we have proven.
• Jealousy is the biggest barrier. It is rooted in old wounds, in the fear of loss or the feeling of not being enough, and this is what we need to understand better before we can go any further. (*)

Maia paused, the pen still hovering in the air. The last point felt the most dangerous. It was easier to believe that jealousy was a natural sign of LOVE than to see it as a fear that could be acknowledged, worked with, and perhaps softened.

Her gaze wandered to a photograph on the fridge, showing her and Mark laughing on a beach holiday. She loved him. So much. But was their LOVE a vibrant, growing ecosystem, or had it become a carefully arranged flower pot - beautiful, but entirely dependent on them both never faltering?

A scary yet exciting question formed in her mind: How would I even begin to talk to Mark about this? She didn't write that one down. She just closed the notebook. The idea was no longer just in her head; it now whispered quietly and persistently in her heart, asking for room to grow.

...

(*) More on this in Love Beyond Jealousy.