‘Do you have a death wish?’ Stephan sneers at him. Casper laughs.
I wrap my arms around his waist a look up at him, ‘thank you.’
‘Still don’t like surprises?’
‘I still hate surprises—I like to plan ahead—and make sure I don’t have to end up in the best hiking spot in the country without my hiking shoes!’
‘Don’t worry about all that—just get ready to enjoy the stay.’
‘Hey anyone has any idea how to set this up?’ Violet yells.
We all turn to look at her. She holding the tents and stuff.
‘Why did you bring all this? It’s warm and spring we sleep under the stars.’ Rumbi gestured into space, ‘pack that away.’
‘I am not sleeping out here with all the snakes and creatures roaming about this place.
I laugh. It took a great deal of time to convince Violet to come for the trip. She was a writer with a grueling imagination.
‘I will help.’ I walk to her, ‘there should be a manual.’
We start working on setting up the tents. Stephan and Casper start building the fire.
Rumbi is going through the food boxes and cooler boxes.
‘Who brought ice-cream to a camping trip?’ She wears a scandalized face
‘Don’t touch that.’ Casper looks up from where he is setting up the wood with Stephan
‘Ah seriously!’ Rumbi is seriously aggravated
‘I think it’s cute,’ violet who has a long crush on Casper bites her lip trying not to laugh
‘I think he could have added more drinks in the space where he put the large can of ice-cream.
Violet shakes her head, ‘ice-cream in a treat.’
‘Why would I even try to dispute with you—you approve of anything Casper does?’
‘Because I am also reasonable.’
I smile, ‘did you really write a character like him in your last book?’
Violet shrugs, ‘the last character I wrote is a powerful king with a weakness of loneliness.’
I burst out laughing, ‘Violet—that’s crazy.’
‘What? I don’t think I’m wrong when I feel like he is lonely without me.’
We laugh together as we go over the details of her last book. Violet is a talented story teller and I started reading novels when I ready hers first.
Later in the evening we are sitting around the large fire and after funny loud conversations and everyone is ready to sleep and rest Casper says, ‘guys—do any of you have plans after graduation?”
I groan, ‘no talks about life during a vacation.’ I whine sleepily
‘I‘m going to be a writer,’ violet states empathetically, ‘or a journalist.’
‘Why did you even go to business school?’ Rumbi raises an eye brow—she is the one who always reasons with everything.
‘My mother refused to send me to a writing school she said that it has not future.’
‘I’m leaving the country,’ Casper says, ‘maybe I will figure out what to do when I get there.’
‘Where are you going?’ violet asks.
‘I don’t know yet.’
‘Ah seriously.’ Rumbi mumbles and I laugh.
‘What about you Stephan?’ Casper asks
Stephan shrugs and takes my hand, ‘I will marry her,’ was always his answer And everyone grumbles, ah seriously what s is wrong with you like always.
I laugh.
‘Seriously you guys.’ Rumbi says with a tired sigh, ‘you are so sickening sometimes—
are all couples like you?’
‘All couples should be!’ violet says
We chat on and on until the early hours of the morning. We all sleep until midday where we finally emerge from our tents and get ready for the hike.
I am so excited I can barely stop jumping up and down. The feeling of being at the mountain top was liberating. I remember spreading my arms wide and unashamed under the bay blue sky and blazing sun.it was also exhilarating after the stressful months of exams and trying to figure out what to do with my life.
But I had the faith that God would show me the way to go soon and I was not worried.
‘There is something I have to tell you.’ Stephan said to me that night as we sat by the fire before retreating to bed. I had a feeling that it was something very heavy, judging by the expression on his face but I was not worried about anything that would turn out to be horrendous.
‘Okay.’
‘I really care about you Heather!’ he said sincerely and I believed him every second.
It was that night that the horror took place. Luckily I had slipped out of the tent to relieve my pressing bladder and when I was returning I was stopped by the blood curdling screams that tore through the thick forest. I remember hiding behind a thick shrub with a hand over my mouth.
I could hear whatever they were saying and they were calling my name. I could not move until they left. When I managed to make my legs work I ran blindly through the woods until I stumbled by the river.
What I saw floating on the water will forever hunt my memory. Stephan floated looking peaceful but I knew that he was gone. I sank to my knees and my scream tore through the trees.
I surprisingly don’t feel heavy at the end of the story. I had only ever remembered the last horrifying part—I had forgotten the feel of the sun and the hike that day and the laughter of my friends had been replaced by their agonizing screams. The whole vacation had been erased after all the police interrogations and Alex’s evil smile.
Taylor’s palm cups my face and he brushed his thump on my cheek as he wipe the tears there.
‘What happened at the police station after they put you in a cell?’
I shake my head, ‘Alex came forward.’ My voice broke, ‘I was so shocked to see the same man who has killed my friends right before my eyes all clean and seeming respectable. I couldn’t scream or yell—I was drained and in shock. I thought that this is it—he has come to finish me off. When he stepped into the cell I just stared at him, waiting for the end to come. He looked at me for a long moment and the words he said—will forever hunt me.’
He took off his jacket and wore it on my shoulders before he stepped away from me and sat on the filthy cell bed. He crossed his leg on top of the other and smiled.
‘I am going to take you home.’
I kept my gaze down and said nothing
‘Let’s make this simple—you sign an NDA and go along with my story and you can get out of here. You can go on with your life.’
I look up at him and gave him a blank stare, ‘just kill me.’ I whisper
‘no—I have no grudge with you—but your friends had grudges with me—you juts associated with the wrong people—you are innocent and I don’t spill innocent blood—I am an avenger and you are not in the hit list—even though I should just kill you for witnessing it I decided to silence you, I don’t want to kill you--- yet.’
‘You are crazy,’ I whisper, ‘you are crazy.’
He clucks his tongue, ‘look at you—you look like you are mad; maybe the mad house could be conducive for you.’
I didn’t care. The pain I felt in my heart was beyond any filthy place I could ever land in
‘Are you going to sign it?’
‘G go to hell.’ I yell, surprising both of us, ‘just go to hell and leave me alone.’
‘Ah hell.’ He grins, ‘that’s where your friends are you know?’
I yank his jacket off and throw it at him, ‘if you don’t kill me—I will kill you,’
He threw his head back and laughed, ‘oh I love the feisty ones—listen honey I am being nice to you and I rarely ever do nice—did you really even knew your little boyfriend? Or your friends for that matter?—let me summarise it for you, Stephan worked for me-- Violet was an investigative reporter under cover after Stephan. Casper and Rumbi were with violet.’
‘You are lying.’
‘There are events you are not aware of around you little girl—and what a nice girl you are—and you had to associate with a criminal like Stephan.’
I felt disgusted that a part of me kind of believed him. Why?
‘And you don’t need to know all that—just sign the agreement and you can live your life peacefully.’
‘I don’t think so—why don’t you want to kill me?’
He smiles. ‘You are smart as well I see—well it’s expected, you are your father’s daughter after all.’
I start, ‘how do you know my father?’
He grins, ‘oh I can’t tell you that—but I can say that not killing you was also partly because of him—we don’t poke bees that we can’t handle and you are it.’
I manage to get shocked even in the middle of my current shock. I lived with my relatives and moved to college. I have never really seen my father for many years expect speak to him on social media. He did take care of my tuition and monetary needs but I have never really seen him that much. I didn’t know anything about him
‘And if you refuse to sign—he will—the consent will still be valid to me and my organization.’
I don’t say anything as he get up and leaves the cell. The cell door shuts and he turns to flash and evil grin at me before she gracefully strides out of sight.
‘So you signed it?’
‘No,’ I say with tears afresh in my eyes, ‘father signed it’
He is visibly shocked
‘And he came and took me here with him. I wasn’t not myself for six months—we tried therapists, doctors, couselling—I just couldn’t recover. Until a year ago when I found Pastor Luke’s church. It does make me feel better an di could start living again but I am still not alright I will never be,’
‘You can—you fought through the first phase.’
I shake my head, ‘no—did not you see the way I reacted after yesterday? I hadn’t had flash backs that violent for the past six months. I think I was actually beginning to feel things that I had never felt for six months.’
I scowl at him in thought, it’s amazing right now to realize that I had changed a bit after I ran into Taylor. I worried about things that I normally didn’t. I thought of other things other than the horrors of my life.
He takes both my hands in his and looks me in the eye, ‘listen to me—what happened to your friends was terrible and you couldn’t have done anything to stop it.’
‘But I still didn’t justify their deaths by signing that document—I didn’t even want to find out the truth behind what I heard about them.’
‘Your father signed it and some things are better not to find out.’
I shake my head, ‘how can you believe everything I have said—what if I lied,’
‘You didn’t lie.’
‘How can you tell?’
‘I can tell—I know what you are going through.’ He manage to look so sincere I almost believe him.
‘I do.’ He whispers. ‘And I know why you felt better when you joined the church.’
I search his eyes, he means it.
I tag my hands from his and get off the bed. I am standing in the middle of the room glaring at him
‘are you trying to tell me that I found healing in the church?’ my voice in normal, I am so shocked—but I shouldn’t be really—I’ve just shared the most painful experience of my life and he thinks I was healed by God? – I’ve heard all that before and I’ve been trying to accept it but I just can’t. My pain is still there—I still mourn—I still have no hope—all His promises eludes me.
‘yet if I speak, my pain is not relieved; and if I refrain, it does not go away,’ I quote the only verse that ever made sense and felt like had some sense of truth in it for the past two years.
‘The lord works in mysterious ways!’
I laugh for the first time in hours, ‘I’ve heard that too.’
He shakes his head, ‘I believe we met for a reason.—there must be a reason why we feel the way we do about each other.’
My mouth open and close. What is he talking about now? I immediately remember the words he said to me that day in the car. Those words hunted me for weeks and nearly made me cry because I was trying to get over my obsession with him.
‘I don’t feel anything for you.’ I say slowly shaking my head
‘I can argue that point.’
‘You said that you are not good for me—and I will never feel anything for anyone again.’
Wild appears and laughs loudly at my blatant lie. I had sworn I will never feel anything for anyone until I met Taylor.
‘I only said that because I knew I was not going to just fool around with you and leave—
my feelings for you are too overwhelming—I could never deliberately hurt you and toss you away.’
Of course I had concluded this about Taylor. The man easily fell into the category anyone with eyes will figure that out. He was a heart breaker—why does it shock me to hear him say it out loud then?
‘So you do that to women!’ my voice is quiet, ‘it doesn’t matter—and for the record I am not the nice innocent girl that you see—I am a horror story.’
‘Same here!’
I shake my head, ‘womanizing is not half bad than what I am.’
He laughs, surprising me, ‘looks like I am not the only one who was fooled by outward appearances—you don’t know anything about me.’
‘I was warning you away because if I didn’t want to leave you alone—I would have kept you and keeping you means coming into my life and that’s a pregnant statement.’
So I am not the only one insane on the planet. I am not the only one with a beautiful facade on the outside and rotten bones on the inside. I am not the only one carrying a time bomb wherever I step. That’s what he is saying right? Does it make any sense? Is anyone normal out there?
The whole world is screwed.
‘Heather?’
His quiet voice breaks into my reverie and I focus my eyes on him. He gets off the bed and walks to me. He holds my arms when he comes closer to me.
‘I can’t stay away from you anymore.’
‘Why? I just told you my most gory life story—don’t you feel frightened that you will be entangled in all this mess?’
‘You did nothing wrong.’
‘I watched them do it—I saved myself.’ My voice is overwhelmed with pain, ‘all their future dreams and youth was ended right before my eyes—their relatives and families wanted answers—I couldn’t tell them anything because I had signed a stupid NDA document—how can I ever be happy after all that, I shouldn’t be happy!’
His eyes tighten at me, his hand circles around my wrist and he pulls me roughly against him. I am in the middle of gasping when he kisses me.
I had fantasized about this over and over for a long time but I never expected the intense feeling that runs through me when our lips meet.
It feels like the whole ground is spinning out of motion for a moment and all the surroundings vanish into nothing and only the two of us remain in a spiral of dim enclosed colors and two rapidly beating hearts.
The feeling scares me. Because I have ever only felt a little of it once in my life. With him!
I circle my arms around his neck and kiss him back. It feels so right. I feel so whole and secure. Like I have been waiting to kiss this man my whole life. I don’t believe is soul mates, I don’t believe in many things out there but I can believe that I was meant to meet Taylor for a reason.
His fingers rake into my hair and his other hand flattens on my back and he pulls me closer against him. I flatten myself against him. Like I can’t get close enough. It’s still not enough.
The kiss ends and we pause for a moment, lips inches apart and breathing heavily. We open our eyes at the same time. We both look surprised and scared by the intensity of our own passion. It is enough to kill anyone.
It’s enough to get me killed
I pull out of his arms and draw away from him and I hug myself, the same expression on my face
‘You don’t feel anything for me?’
I only shake my head, in acknowledgement not denial, ‘I can’t.’
‘I know what I said before you have still-
‘No,’ I stop him, ‘no matter what you said—that would never have stopped how I feel about you.’
‘Then what’s wrong?’
I bite my lip, how did I find myself telling this man everything about myself today? Oh right, the stupid phone number that never left my memory.
‘Heather!’
I puff out a breath, ‘I am engaged.’
I watch as he switches between confusion, surprise then disbelief
‘What?’
Yeah I couldn’t believe it either—see even to a normal stranger it all sounded ridiculous.’
‘I am going to get married to another man.’
Maybe he forgot what engaged means.
‘I know what you mean.’ He grits, ‘when did that happen? Were you engaged all this time?’
I shake my head, ‘no it’s just recent.’ I suddenly feel tired. The drama of my life is tiring.
‘You want to marry him?’
I snort and chuckle, ‘marry? I just told you my life story—do you think I want to marry anyone?’ I inhale to calm myself, ‘father thinks it’s for the best—he is trying to normalize my life and the poor fella has no idea what he is getting himself into.’
‘For heaven’s sake stop saying that!’ he snaps angrily I flinch, ‘there is nothing wrong with you—I will spend my whole life trying to get that in your head if I have to.’
I blink at him, ‘Taylor—
‘Why are you marrying him if you don’t want to?’
‘It feels right!’ my lie makes my scalp to prickle
‘It feels right!’ Taylor repeats my words with a dangerously quiet voice.
‘Oh what am I saying? I don’t know how it feels—and stop looking at me like I just got myself into death row.’
‘Must you marry him?’
Must I?
‘I don’t know!’ I shrug, ‘maybe father just wants to marry me off—since he is very traditional—female children are not to be invested in too much,’
I shrug again at the look that appears on his face—my life doesn’t make sense even to me so I don’t think I can say anything sensible to regarding it.
I avert my gaze.
‘After a long silence he says, ‘come you must be hungry.’
I lift my eyes at him in surprise, ‘huh?’
‘Let’s eat—I am hungry too.’
Neither of us move. We just stand there staring at each other.
‘As long as you are happy.’
I blink, ‘what do you mean by that.’
‘I mean what I said—if you are happy with the man that’s alright.’
And I know that this is another good bye. Something is seriously wrong with my life. I finally pour my heart out to someone and I can’t be with him because I should be with another.
Did God have a drama in mind when He created me?
I walk to him and wrap my arms around his waist. I am grateful that he listen to me and even tried to console me and got mad when I called myself exactly what I am.
For the first time in two years I feel like I could open up to someone.
But you don’t even know him, wild reminds me with a raised eyebrow, and with his warnings—maybe you don’t want to
I don’t care, I decide as I continue to hug him and finally his arms circle around me.
We all sit in the living room a week later after dinner for a family meeting which is more like listening to what father has to say and change while he’s at it. I know he must be in a bad mood toady and thankfully it’s not because he found out that I spend the entire weekend last week in a man’s house and not Judith’s and I will make sure none of them ever do. But he had a huge fall out with uncle—something to do with accounts not adding up in the company and now he has to take it out on us. And to add icing to the cake—Charles shows up with his I have come to see Heather speech.
My mind is absent. I am re-watching a block buster I watched late last night because Taylor decided to call me at eleven pm in the evening and the call was short but I couldn’t sleep after wards. Seriously why did this man suddenly invade my entire life?
It’s not as if I have less to worry about. Considering that I didn’t report to the police and Collins never came to school and I feel like he might just pop out someday and kill me.
So yes—in this living room and this make believe family meeting I am very irritable and impatient at the moment and I hope no one notices because how will I explain this to anybody?
And also the fact that I keep missing Taylor and that kiss—that voice Taylor has invaded my whole world and overtaken my whole territory. Is that the definition of love? Is love supposed to be that passionate? That—I don’t know—obsessive?
I glance at Charles beside me, why don’t I ever feel this way towards him. He is beautiful too. He is also good looking.
He suddenly turns to meet my- I’m not sure about the expression on my face- gaze and smiles warmly at me. When he moves his eyes from me he clears his throat- to make an announcement.
I almost groan—god what now? What alien has evaded the living room now?
The room falls silent and all gazes are on him—us to be more precise. I straighten my spine, and my expression is ostensibly frank as he begins to say the words that are bound to bring to me revelations of self- destruction
‘I spoke with my parents and they are very anxious to meet my future wife.’
I cringe inwardly at the idea of ‘future wife’
‘My parents thought it would be expedient for all of us if we have our traditional wedding as soon as we get there.’
We all gasp—everyone in glee—me in shock. I suddenly feel repulsed.
‘You didn’t tell me this—how long have you known about this?’ my tone is accusing—
Father gives me a stern look. But my mind, heart and emotions are all over the place—I forgot how I should address my ‘future husband’
‘He made the decision and he’s telling you now,’ fathers says calmly with a dangerous undertone in his voice
I clamp my mouth shut and my eyes fall to my hands
I am going to meet Charles’ family this weekend. In order words I am getting married this weekend. I only have nine days left—crap!
‘Don’t be scared.’ Mother pulls me aside for a little couselling after the whole thing and has confused my apprehension with fear, ‘you will do just fine.’
I smile weakly and nod.
‘I don’t know anything about Charles’ family.’
Well except for what he told me but I figure I better fish for information right now so that maybe I can figure out how the duck do I get myself out of this.
Mother beams and I brace myself.
‘They have various business in various areas,’
Okay that explains much—who taught mother how to be evasive?
‘Such as?’ I prompt
‘Loan sharks, banking, finance and all that.’
Loan sharks, banking, finance mean the same damn thing—excuse me but loan sharks.
Creepy. Wild narrows her eyes suspiciously.
‘We will be a good family with Charles’s you will see.’
There is more to that and she doesn’t elaborate—she doesn’t need to. I know that from the very first day father walked in the prison cell and got me out—that I would never make my own decisions and I would never question his
I considered myself dead with my friends and I didn’t care where the wind was blowing.
But now I did. A lot has changed—okay a lot had already changed but there is something different about me. My obsession with Taylor is taking the best of me and I don’t know how to stop it.
And marriage? My initial idea of this relationship is slavery. A prison, a sentence. I should be kicking and screaming. I can’t turn into that. There was only once that I had considered it and I had been very young.
But right this moment I am not going to spend the rest of my life saying yes sir to Charles just because he is male and I am female.
That’s sexual harassment—punishable by law
‘What are you thinking about?’ Judith peers at me after the Church service and we are on our way to the bus stop—she noticed that I am deep in thought and my eyes are narrowed ahead like slits
‘You’ve been like this ever since—‘she doesn’t finish the sentence. I had to tell Judith something so I mentioned bullying and Taylor’s rescue and nothing else to make me tell someone else about my gory life story. Of course Judith almost made a scene that why would I
call another man to rescue me when I have a fiance. I didn’t explain that either because I didn’t want to have to explain to her that other gory part. I am protecting her mental health—she should be grateful
‘I’m getting married this Saturday,’ I remind her
‘Getting cold feet?’
‘I don’t want to.’
Judith is visibly shocked—well I haven’t exactly been revealing things to her so this is the first time I tell her about this side of my feelings for Charles.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m not sure that I love him!’ I state incredulously. Wild scoffs sardonically, it’s not as if I know what love is all about. I used to be that incurable romantic and the epitome of that fantasy was taken away and I was cure from romance. Until now. And to add it all up I have the most blasphemous view of what marriage is all about.
‘Love?’
I raise an eyebrow at Judith. I guess I’m not the only one who doesn’t get the whole touch feely subject. A certain sermon comes back to me—and considering that I am a church goer I do not recall teachings very often. I figure that maybe at some point in my life when I am about to die and I worry about where my soul is going it will all come back to me like a flood.
‘Remember Pastor Luke once talked about affection and marriage?’
‘Yes?’ Judith drags the word wondering where I am going with this.
I bite my lip as I go on, ‘affection is synonym to passion.’
Judith blinks a few times, ‘Heather!’ uh-oh I know that tone, ‘is there something you want to talk about
I give her an innocent look while within me wild is running yelling—abort mission; abort mission, ‘like what?’
She folds her arms, ‘you have someone you really like!’
I scoff, ‘I don’t know what you mean.’
Guilty! Wild grins slyly at me
She takes a deep breath, ‘remember that cheeky movie-uh- what was it called again?’ she purses her lips thinking. Seriously? We are coming from Church and as a fellow youth in Christ and prayer partner she is going to give me a reference from a movie?
Forget what I think of my self—the whole world as it turns out at this very moment is thoroughly screwed up.
‘Princess Diaries!’
My innocent face crumbles—I groan—of all the movies, she had to remind me of that?
Not—it’s a fantastic movie but it does have an arranged marriage and a prince charming.
‘So in that case?’
‘Why do you think that there is another guy?’ I make a scandalized face.
‘Because you sound like you’re in a love triangle,’
I sigh, ‘you know what Judith? Maybe it’s just cold feet.’
‘Deny all you want Heather—but as a friend who knows that you are denying the real truth—I can only tell you that never do anything with uncertainty. Remember the book of Romans nine verse one—I tell you the truth, I am not lying, my conscience bears witness with me—be sure that this is what you really want.’
I just sigh—what exactly did I want?
It’s Monday, five days to Saturday and officially one week since Collins attacked me and disappeared. I don’t know what Taylor is up to and I really try not to dwell on it too much. I wonder if we can be together if I call things off with Charles. Why should it matter? Since when did I start to crave a normal life as if I am a normal human being?
Besides I have more important things to look out for. If that Rastafarian shows his face anywhere my eyes will land on him he is as good as dead. Because of him I began to experience the fears and nightmares I had managed to put a lid under two years ago.
After the Business Ethics lesson, I stay behind when Taylor asks a couple of students to stay behind—including me. I sit calmly in my chair as he addresses all other students one by one until I am the only one left in class.
He walks to my desk and sits on it. In my peripheral vision I can see a couple of students peering in through the windows.
‘How are you doing?’ I know the question has another meaning behind it
‘Holding my breath.’ I reply briskly
‘For your wedding?’
I narrow my eyes at him, ‘must we talk about that?’
‘I think we must!’
I hold his gaze, ‘don’t get involved in my affairs.’
‘Why are you pushing me away from your affairs?’
‘What are you going to do about it? I am getting married and I may never see you again afterwards and the other thing—I don’t know what is this between us but my life history does not allow me to pursue or even hope for any happiness.’
My words are accompanied by a twinge of pain in my chest. It will always be here—I will forever live with it. No one lives past the horror I have experienced. I don’t know how what I feel for Taylor managed to pierce through that darkness and settle in a small island of my heart.
But I will not explore it.
He remains silent for a long moment watching me while fingering the papers in his hands and from the outside it will seem like he is grilling me over a test question.
‘I am glad that you at least think that you have the possibility to be happy with me.’ He says before he drops the papers in front of me on my desk and walks to take his bag from the teacher’s desk in the front of the class.
I watch him as he easily strides out of the room without another glance at me and the faces at the windows quickly retreat as the door closes behind him.
I don’t want to think about his words so I take out my headsets and turn on one of my favorite songs.
I just feel happy when I wake up in the morning. I am practically humming as I get dressed for school. I even decide against my usual baggy unattractive clothing and fake eye glasses. I pick a cute simple magnolia summer dress and brown strappy sandals. I lose the pony tail and comb my hair loss on my shoulders.
When I am done I prance into the dining room. Father is having his breakfast as usual and reading his paper as always. When I enter the room he set the paper down and regards me with a strange expression on his face.
‘Good morning father!’
‘Heather.’ Pause, uh-oh, ‘sit.’
I inwardly groan as I sit on a chair facing him. Of course if you live in a house with eight people there is no way you can maintain one mood.
‘I need to talk to you about something.’
Great, what is he going to talk about now? Judging by his expression—my mood is about to take flight.
‘It’s about Saturday—I am sure you must be very nervous.’
Nervous is the understatement of the year.
‘I just feel like it’s a bit too soon—like it’s being hurried too much.’
‘Charles wants you home and that’s a good thing.’ Father says with a condensed smile.
That means he is about to drop a bomb on me. This is too familiar—hat was the smile he had on when he showed up at the police station to take me home. Like he just solved some big problem—or better yet like he was the hero in the movie Armageddon
‘the reason I chose to talk to you to say is because I wanted to talk to you- for you to prepare psychologically—err—I’ve really spoken to Charles about this,’
What could it be? I wonder- pretty much the obvious when we should have children, where we would live, and our role in the family welfare.
Wild mind’s face is scrunched nervously, eyes bulged out—it’s not that simple to guess what father has going on inside his head
‘After your wedding- Charles will have to live in his home town to run the family business—and you of course will have to go with him.’
I blink, still trying to get the unspoken meaning in the midst of the banter.
‘I already spoke to Charles about it and I thought I should tell you ahead of time that when you leave on Saturday you won’t be coming back here.’
I blink again, ‘I am graduating in nine months,’ I say slowly; my scalp prickles as I feel like I’m living on the tiny seconds of normalcy left before my whole world crumbles around me,
‘you want me to drop out?’
‘You won’t need this anyway—it’s just a degree—your new role now is to be a wife and with time a mother. And you will have a home to run-Wait, rewind and pause right there—wait did I say that out loud to my father?—no, I didn’t, then maybe the expression on my face made him pause like that Why is he looking at me as if I am holding a knife to my own throat? I recognize that look—he looked at me like that the first days I was dealing with my break down two years ago.
‘It’s only been three months Heather.’ His voice is soft and calm, out of character from my experience, ‘you don’t have to finish—a certificate is not the future, it’s just a road to the future.’
Now he is a philosopher on me. His mouth is moving and I can’t hear him because I am blanking out again. It’s not as if I had been excited about this final chance to finish my degree—I just hate being tossed about like a grass hopper with no stability.
Who am I kidding?—no—I am freaking out because the most dreaded picture is now before me. I picture myself, fat and round and barefoot in some giant house with a dozen kids crawling at my feet. I picture myself setting the dining table for Charles and h is sitting with an enormous newspaper open—I more like a servant than a lover. I’d be his pet. Totally depended on him for everything. My life would be all about him.
I stare at father as the images in my head fade away slowly like dark clouds clearing away after a massive storm.
‘no.’ I say breathlessly, ‘I can’t do that – I won’t do it.’
Yes I’d rather be the old lonely spinster living in a house full of cats than Charles’
housewife and child bearer.
‘Heather’ father is still calm, ‘it’s not like you will be doing something of low importance.’ He sighs, great, he’s about to play the guilt game on me, ‘I didn’t want to have to tell you this but—you marrying Charles will save our family.’
I blink at him—save our family from what? It’s not as if we had a good name to maintain in a foreign land. Did we?
‘The business has been struggling—lots of debts.’ He pauses--, ‘we are at the point of selling or liquidation—you are a business student you know what those terms mean.’
I nod slowly
‘Our family all live off of the business and we just couldn’t give up on it—a lot of people will starve if we do. So we took a loan and invested but that didn’t come out will either.’
That explains father and uncle’s row about accounts.
‘The loan sharks want their money back and we don’t have that kind of money yet at the moment but we managed to reach a sound agreement with them.’
‘w-what agreement?’
‘Charles’ family always wanted him to get a wife and he was refusing so if was putting him in a tight spot with his family—so this marriage will benefit both of us. Charles gets a wife and we are free from the wrath of loan sharks.’
Wild mind and’s jaws drop open first before I spring out of my seat, hysterical. Not almost but literary
‘You are selling me?’ I am shaking. ‘You’re selling me to loan sharks?’
‘Heather!’ he says in stern tone—no-not today buddy
I am furious, hurt and terrified.
‘no.’ I state firmly, ‘you’d rather disown me.’
‘Heather, sit down I am not done talking.’
‘No you are so done talking dad!’
‘You can’t reverse this.’
I can’t reverse it? I’ve heard those words before—after he’d already signed the papers with Alex’s twisted lawyers—hell I even believe that all lawyers are twisted somehow. Those devil’s advocates
‘Take it back.’
He stands up, ‘heather, go out and think well about this—we’ll talk in the evening,’ with that he strides out of the room. Not even willing to stay and hear the fullness of my wrath.
I don’t think as father has asked—I just act. I grab my tote bag, empty the books on the table and I rush to my room. I grab a couple of clothes and my bathroom bag and some shoes.
My tote bag is so large everything fits perfectly.
When I arrive at school, the first thing I see are the police cars and the TV crew. Crap—
but no I shouldn’t panic—maybe father may send the police but the TV crew?
A crowd is in the parking lot, where the centre of attention is. For a brief moment I forget all my trouble as I approach the crowd.
The scene before me is not very surprising—not that it’s not but I have the shocking news of the year right now so this is nothing to me.
Collins and his friend are handcuffed and police officers are leading them to the police car. Their heads bowed as the paparazzi cameras mercilessly flashes them. Their faces are aghast and some expression I once saw on myself in the mirror once when the detective explained to me that I was a major suspect.
‘He what?’ a guy asked someone somewhere in the crowd
‘Drugs—they are selling drugs,’ one guy explains
I knew he had to be drunk or high the day he’d attacked me in the woods when he kept laughing like the evil witch doctor in scary Nigerian movies.
And I will dwell on this later.
I move away from the crowd and I walk briskly towards the school building. My mind is far away—miles away, I don’t even remember entering the building and finding an empty class to sit in.
I don’t know how long I sit in the unused classroom but by the time I’m able to move and to realize that I have nowhere to go its past midday I think and I know most classes are over by now or whatever chaos that the day began with.
In times like these—one need friends—but I don’t have friends, I don’t deserve friends, befriending me will be like Jonah entering your ship while he is running from God only to bring doom on the crew. I could hear my friends scream as the memory flashes in my head, I could smell the smoke and hear the raucous laughter of the demons in human form.
I could hear the ripple of the river, I could see Stephan floating peacefully on the shore as if he had no care at all in the world. He had been his family’s only son. His parents had daughters
and he was the miracle child—his family still blames me for his death. In fact everyone believed I was the cause—even I believed it. How could I be human?
I am an assert, father stopped seeing my human form—his daughter was long gone, I am her clone and father is doing what anyone can do with a clone Clones are not humans—they are asserts. He is doing what should be done with asserts—
invest with them. I can’t be a liability—at least I can bring money home I reach inside my bag and fish out my phone. 36 missed call some from father, then Charles, then Taylor.
I dial Taylor, I know I won’t be hearing bad news from him
‘Heather, I’ve been trying to call you—why aren’t you at school?’
‘Hello to you too Taylor!’
A sigh, ‘did you come to school?’
‘no.’ my voice is calm and tired—but I can’t let him see me like this again—and I have a weird habit of pouring my guts to him and this is something I don’t want to drag anyone into.
‘Can’t I ditch school just this one time?’
‘No, you can’t!’
‘students learn from their teachers—and I happen to have a close friend who believes that showing up where you are supposed to be every day is not the way of the twenty first century.’
‘Lose such a friend,’ I can hear the smile in his voice, ‘are you at home?’
‘no.’ I answer automatically, ‘I mean not exactly’
‘Where are you? I need to talk to you!’
‘I’ll be at school tomorrow, right now I’m pretty busy.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes,’ I sigh, ‘why did you want to talk to me?’
‘No reason—are you really that busy?’
‘Yes very busy.’
I answer with affirmation
‘what are you doing?’ planning the next blast off to mars?’
‘It’s not a bad plan.’
‘How long? Aren’t you going back home? The whole school is empty already they will lock you in and you will have to do a B&E to leave this place.’
I roll my eyes, ‘not everyone treads the same way as everyone else and point of correction—you only do break and entry when you are entering.’ I [pause, wait a minute what?
‘What—what do you mean?’ I freeze—crap, he knows that I am here in the school—I shouldn’t have called him.
I stand, wincing because I’ve been sitting for too long and my body is rigid and sore. I stretch myself before I turn and I jump, startled, Taylor is by the doorway leaning on the doorframe. He taps his phone before he slips it into his pockets I groan inwardly, as of today I officially hate Tuesdays. He moves into the classroom, his eyes stay on me—I feel like crawling into a hole or for the earth to swallow me—my heart tapping violently as I watch his eyes move slowly from my head to my toes then back up again to lock with mine.
He steps closer to me, and I only stare at him when I should run—I mean if a person is looking at you like that—you are supposed to run right? Yes that’s the pattern—why can’t I move?
‘Taylor.’ My voice is shaky and he stops moving towards me—wild audibly breathes her sigh of relief.
‘Sorry—you are so beautiful.’ Taylor speaks like he is not himself for a moment, ‘I mean—you have always been beautiful but
I blink—oh – right, I forgot that I woke up this morning with an ‘I’m walking on sunshine’ beat in my head and dressed up like this. I turn away from him and sigh.
‘Are you okay?’
‘Yes,’ I don’t look at him. I’m still trying to put on a brave face—the shock of father selling me still unfolding itself and I can’t mask it well yet
‘So you saw Collins?’
I look at him, he’s trying to figure out—‘yes, he’s worse than I thought,’ birds of the same feathers, I remind myself, ‘at least he won’t hurt anyone anymore.’
He nods absently, I flash him a small smile—no matter how disheveled my mind is I still can’t get over how beautiful Taylor is.
Wait a minute. .
‘How did you know that I was here?’
A grin appears on his face, ‘I tracked your phone—during the call—technology.’
Ugh, I know I shouldn’t have called him.
‘I’m glad you called—you seem like you are planning to camp in here.’
My eyes automatically fall on my tote bag on the floor. So does his—no overreacting, -- I shouldn’t give him a hint. I pick up my bag and wince—the thing is so heavy, how did I carry it all along? What the hell did I pack in here when I was in my state of oblivion?
Taylor, of course, comes to take the overloaded tote bag from me.
‘So you’d really decided to come to school today after all.’ his eyes roam all over my face—forget it Taylor I am not telling you this one.
‘Yes—then I just felt tired of education.’
‘We’ll have to ratify that kind of situation miss heather—but now—I’ll get you home,’
‘No!’ I snap. ‘I’ll take the taxi.’
‘Are you ever going to willingly let me give you a ride one day? Besides aren’t we better acquainted now?’
I roll my eyes, ‘I don’t want you showing up at my house, it will just cause me problems.’
‘Your fiancé is the jealous possessive type?’
I groan, ‘if only it were that normal!’ I mumble to myself—wild nods in agreement
‘Fine then let me get you to the bus stop.’
Then he will just ,make sure I take the right one and I don’t think I am in the right mind to tell the taxi driver a different location—most importantly I am still trying to figure out where I am going to go.
‘no—I am not going home right now—I am going somewhere—just give me my bag,’ I reach for my bag which of course he doesn’t give me, ‘please Taylor.’
His expression hardens, I stare back at him
‘What?’
‘Besides the news about Collins—what else happened?’
I sigh, ‘nothing much—my life always have one or two things for me to freak out about because I am screwed up—I don’t need to share every gory life story with you.’
His hard expression softens a little then he begins to remove my bag from his shoulder—
finally I can have my bag and start from there—but instead of handing it to me he shifts it into his arms and unzips it. I gasp in horror as he brings out a pair of jeans before going through the other contents inside.
‘What are you doing?’ dump question, ‘why are you doing it?’
‘You are not running away are you?’
I scoff, ‘I don’t know anything about running away,’
‘That’s what I am concerned about.’ He puts my jeans back into the bag and zips it up before carrying in back on his shoulders, ‘let’s go.’ He strides from the classroom.
I pause for a moment before I give up trying to argue and I follow him in silence down the corridors till we are outside. It’s almost dark and most cars are gone from the parking lot.
I can’t believe I sat all day in that abandoned classroom. Oh well, it shouldn’t be surprising, I am screwed up anyway.
As he puts my bag on the back seat, I walk to the passage side and I easily let myself inside. I sigh slowly as I sink into the seat and that lovely Taylor alluring smell engulfs me.
I inhale deeply and close my eyes as I rest my head against the car seat. I am so tired.
He starts the car—I am not worried about where he is taking me—in fact I don’t care—
I’ve got nothing to lose. My spirit is crushed and dead even God can’t reach it, my soul is ruined and worn—I don’t feel like I have any future—all I have is this body which is currently engulfed in some form of dark feelings I can’t begin to comprehend.
The old adage—when you have you have nothing to lose—is making more sense to me now.
‘We are here!’
My eyes snap open—I must have blanked out again because this feels like the car didn’t move at all. I get out of the car—he even opened the gate and parked into his garage while I was in oblivion
The bull dog barks as I walk out from the garage—I don’t mind it, it could eat me if it wants and end my miserable existence.
I stop in front of the door—I just want to sleep I am so tired—hopefully I sleep a little longer before I wake up to face the chaos of my life.
I feel Taylor’s hand on my back as he unlocks the door. Inside is warm and the same as before. I guess it’s the only thing that hasn’t changed drastically for me in the past weeks. And it’s not even my house. But I have seen this place a thousand times in my memory and fantasies it could never fell new and unfamiliar.
I smile at this. Taylor turns to me and a small questionable smile appears on his face. I shrug in response—the rain of my thoughts are not comprehensive even to me sometimes.
I stumble forward to throw myself on the couch as he closes the door. I feel like making myself at home since I seem to dread mine. Besides this is not the time to worry about people’s opinions—my life is in danger.
He comes to crouch at the foot of the couch, his warm soft hands holding me to sit in an upright position. I focus on his eyes—the dark chocolate brown from them is something I can’t and will never get over. In fact, it’s exciting to me—like star gazing.
‘Heather.’ He says with a sigh. He is worried—I only shake my head with a flat smile on my face and unshed tears in my eyes. Taylor does that. He brings out of me this weak person which has to lean on him for support. I don’t want to lean on anyone or to feel like I can even rely on anyone. But with Taylor I have failed miserably. I have even told him things that therapists could not bring out of me and detective could not even scare out of me. Now that is something
The way I feel about Taylor is scary—I know that if he ever turns his back on me I will fall with a sickening crash and never recover. That kind of feeling is dangerous Believe me, I know!
‘Please tell me what happened?’
I still can’t form a reasonable reaction to the fact that father sold me. Of course I knew that he is traditional but I had no idea that he is also barbaric.
I shake my head again, ‘it’s nothing really—I am just overwhelmed about Charles.’
‘You already were overwhelmed about Charles.’
I manage a small smile, ‘why do you want to hear my problems?’
‘Because I care about you!’ he respond without hesitating.
I inhale deeply—I don’t want to break down. I am barely holding it together. And isn’t it a little too late to try and deny that I feel so strongly for him and I can’t even undo it. I can’t fight it anymore. It’s pointless.
And right now I don’t want to think of my problems, the fact that father is letting me go to a family of loan sharks says a lot of things I don’t even want to comprehend. And here I had thought he was trying to put my life back together. Why was he doing all these things anyway?
I reach out and touch Taylor’s face. He closes his eyes and I feel satisfied—I have always wanted to do this. A smile of wonderment tags at the corners of my mouth as my fingers move from his slightly rough cheek because of a fresh stubble to his curly afro hair. He is so beautiful.
His long lashes fall on his cheeks as a small smile curls on his lips. This could become my favorite past time. His hand closes over mine still holding his cheek. He inhales deeply and with a growing smile he says
‘I love you.’ He whispers
That shatters my entire reverie and twists something inside my chest. Love—is that how I felt? Should I say it back? Am I ready to say those words to him? I do feel something for him but is it love?
His eyes open and lock with mine. He looks so sure and sincere about his love confession.
The words are bubbling on my lips and I know that is the real truth. But I am afraid to say it. It will only solidify what I feel and I don’t want to have to think about serious things like what would I do if I ever lose him. Because I have lost those I loved once and what if—
My eyes land on his lips, suddenly overcome by the urge to kiss him. I don’t have to think twice, I lurch for him and he catches me in surprise as he falls on his back on the carpet floor and I am on top of him. I bring my mouth to his and he smiles against my lips before he starts kissing me hungrily as if the world depended on it. I bring my fingers into his hair again. It looks wild but it’s so soft. His hands travel down the length of my back, he sits up and draws me closer to him and I straddle him. I gasp when his hand twists my hair roughly and it’s surprisingly exhilarating. He leaves my mouth and his mouth is on my neck.
I giggle when I think about how I once imagined this. My imagination did no justice to the way I feel when his warm breath tickles the skin on my neck. I tilt my head to give him more access and he plants a lingering hot kiss there. His warm hands rest at the small of my back and I press myself closer to him.
He shifts and before I know it I am below him and my arms are pinned above my head. I am completely at his mercy and I don’t mind.
I open my eyes and I meet dark eyes. No they are really dark.
‘Heather!’
‘What are you doing?’
‘We can’t do this!’
‘What’s wrong?’
He raised his eyebrows in disbelief, ‘everything about this is wrong—I love you but I won’t take advantage of you.’
‘This is not taking advantage. Let go of me.’ I try to move.
‘Only if you promise to not attack me like that again, my control is hanging by the thread right now.’
‘Maybe you shouldn’t.’
‘Heather-
‘I am different from all the other women?’
His lips part in surprise and I am also surprised that I even said that. But I refuse to be embarrassed after such a brazen act. Yes, this is my show why is he overtaking the whole thing?
‘you think I don’t want you?’ he looks at me in disbelief, then chuckles, ‘Heather the first days I met you I had only one thing in mind—I was going to pursue you until I get it. When you came to my house that morning I was going to get it, then I realised that I can’t walk away from you afterwards. I realised that I loved you.’
‘Wait.’ I shift and he lets my arms go and gets off me. We both sit on the floor facing each other, ‘are you trying to tell me that you found me attractive that way?’
I mean seriously—maybe he is the loon or he has a weird taste in women. I looked like a chaos the day we first met.
‘Heather you are a beautiful woman, nothing you can ever do will hide that beauty. And I have good taste.’
I cringe a little when he says good taste
‘No- no that’s not what I mean—Heather I am not proud of my past.’
‘Your past.’
Now I am getting shocked, is he referring to what he just confessed that he is a royal heart breaker as his past now? And it has something to do with me? Do I even care about it?
Surprisingly the fact that Taylor just told me that he sleeps around with women and toss them away doesn’t bother me at all. I am obsessed.
‘I don’t care about that.’ I say, surprising him, ‘or the afterwards.’ I move towards him and he shifts away.
‘You are going to throw yourself at me, just like that—without any second thoughts,’
‘I am not throwing myself at you.’ I feel heat on my face, whatever had made me to do all this is fading and I can feel embarrassment creeping up my spine. What the hell is wrong with me? Yes I am mad about what father did and maybe I wanted to rebel as a way to relieve the stress but this?
He sighs, ‘why won’t you tell me what happened? It must be something pretty bad to make you think of doing this.’
I shake my head, ‘I don’t want to marry Charles.’ That’s true enough.
‘So you want to sleep with me first before you go to him?’
I gasp, ‘no I am not going to him.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes, that’s why I am running away.’
‘Aha!—I knew that you were running away—what were you going to do if I hadn’t found you.’
‘I was figuring it out.’ I bristle, ‘well maybe--
He nods, ‘why did you call me?’
‘because you left fifteen missed calls in my phone and five messages, if I didn’t call you my phone would have broken and since I’m on the run I don’t have money to buy another one.’
Why is he acting as if I planned all this? In fact I hadn’t planned anything at all, if he hadn’t come to find me I would have eventually went back home it’s not as if I have any place to run to anyway.
He stares at me thoughtfully and I stare back adamantly. But my right senses are slowly coming back to me still I refuse to feel embarrassed by my actions. Like should it be outrageous (because it is and I still can’t believe it) that I am openly trying to seduce my tutor. Oh for heaven’s sake the man is far from being a teacher, I can only imagine what landed him in the position.
So maybe I can blame father for shocking the hell out of my wits this morning that I packed my sensible part and acted this way. How else would any normal human being (noting that I am not normal) take the news that you are being used as ransom for loan sharks? As assert.
Like I am so insignificant to his existence.
Taylor gives up trying to hard stare the explanation he wants out of me and tilts his head to one side with a gentle smile
‘Let’s eat,’ he gets up and walks to the kitchen. I know I may have upset him by refusing to tell him but it really doesn’t matter. I have already given him the picture of my life drama and he should guess that this is just another episode.
I slowly rise to my feet and straighten my dress. Remembering again that I had dressed up this morning. I keep forgetting that. I run my fingers into my hair to straighten it and I walk into the kitchen.
Taylor is taking out precooked frozen and packaged foods and placing them in the microwave. I rest my elbow on the counter and I rest my cheek into my open palm, tilting my head a little as I follow his movements.
I wonder what is happening at home right now. Judith will not be covering up for me because of course she doesn’t know and I can imagine that they have already called her by now.
How will Charles react to the news that I ran away? Urgh, I can’t imagine him ever doing anything dramatic. The man is so collected as if he is bored with life.
Maybe he really is rich. That doesn’t matter to me either. I mean, Father craves being rich so much he acts like the devil himself with a pointed tail and fork and is far from being a millionaire. He should just give up the search and start writing a book or something about how unreachable wealth can be.
I snap out of my thoughts when Taylor places a plate of hot food in front of me. He sits in the opposite chair and I watch him as he eats. He doesn’t look at me as he chews slowly and thoughtfully. Gosh the man even looks attractive when eating.
I shake my head and pick up my fork and start to poke at my food, my mind miles away.
An eternity later I give up trying to eat and I push my plate away. I blink at the intensity of Taylor’s gaze and he looks away before I say anything while taking my uneaten plate at the same time. I was so lost in my thoughts I missed that look. Okay I’m crazy now. It’s official.
Maybe I need some sleep and my mind will be clear in the morning. I feel so tired right now in all dimensions so I can’t account for my words, thoughts or actions.
To say that I am so embarrassed by my behavior last night would be a conspicuous understatement. I can’t even make up a good excuse about it. It’s not like I myself know exactly why I did it—I don’t even remember half of what I did or said yesterday. Memory loss, that could be a good exactly but it’s a little biased because I remember enough to make me cringe.
Or I can quote popular poetry. No I don’t read at all and poetry is something that never came to my mind ever since I graduated high school and I was free from Mrs. What was her name again? Literature class. But there is a poem I always remember because it’s the only form of literature I found interesting enough to keep in my head.
‘Where ignorance is bliss, it is folly to be wise.’
Urgh that won’t help me explain myself either. It would have been better if I had just innocently kissed him but I begged him to take things further. And thank god the man has brains in his head because I surely would have regretted it this morning.
Somebody should just shoot me now. Wild nods in agreement. How do I get out of this one? Maybe he will just brush the topic aside. But recalling last night I don’t think this one is ignorable. Crap! What am I supposed to do with myself now? I can sneak out of the house and call him later—but that bull dog is not tied now right now and I can be his breakfast.
So I give up trying to get out of this easily and decide to face it. It’s six in the morning and I am sitting in the kitchen because I have decided not to chicken out and face Taylor and get this over with.
But as I hear a door closing and his feet approaching the kitchen I start to sweat. My eyes start to twitch and forget my stomach. So much for bravery!
But this is not so bad why am I so embarrassed? Who am I kidding? This is way over the top embarrassing. I need a hole to crawl in and hide.
‘Good morning!’ he smiles at me as soon as he enters the kitchen and I jump even though I heard and saw him walk in.
‘Morning!” I stammer, okay I already am nervous but I wasn’t expecting him to be in his full formal clothing at six am in the morning. A crisp white shirt, two buttons open and untucked.
Black dress pants and does his hair grow overnight? I remember the feel of it on my fingers yesterday when I was—get a hold of yourself, you are here to fix this not recap the memory.
I clear my throat, maybe I should have made a cup of coffee or something because now I feel like I had been wading through the desert and I’m in desperate need of water. But it would be weird if I stand up right now and get a glass of water. So I will just endure this as a form of self-punishment for the way I presented myself to the world yesterday.
I take a deep breath and I am ready to plunge into my speech when he pulls a chair and sits opposite me his coffee in front of him as if he knows that I am about to start my self-defense speech and I need his full attention. But why does it look like he is one of those guys you see at six am in the morning on live TV and you are still trying to wake up wondering what disaster you are about to add to your life history for the day?
But that is not the point right now, I have to say something not try to enter a staring contest with Taylor.
‘About last night--.’
‘About last night--.’
We speak at the same time, pause, look at each other and laugh.
‘You can go ahead,’ he says like the true gentleman that he is, but I don’t think what I want to say is more sensible than what he has to say
‘No go ahead.’
‘What were you going to say?’
‘What were you going to say?’
‘Why are you up at this hour?’ he raises his eyebrows
‘That is not about last night!’ I blink, ‘I mean, I couldn’t sleep.’ I am not going to admit that I woke up early to ambush him and close the topic before my day progresses and based on my life history I know it’s not going to go so well. ‘You are also up so early.’ I mumble unintelligently because I’m already chickening out—I didn’t do anything wrong, maybe we could just avoid the topic and laugh about it fifty years later.
‘I couldn’t sleep either.’ Pause, ‘why won’t you tell me why you are run away from home?’
Oh that!
‘It’s complicated!” I mumble, how I tell someone that I am being sold, that is just embarrassing and I don’t need to involve him in all this.
‘Yes I already figured out the complicated part.’
‘Are we really going to talk about this at six am in the morning?’
‘Its seven now.’
I bite my lip, gosh I wish I really had that coffee I eye his and he pushes it to me. I take the cup and take a large swig before the cup lands back on the table a little too noisily. There now that I have taken my energy drink I can think clearly.
‘I am not marrying Charles, whatever it takes.’ I begin, ‘so I am leaving.’
‘Leaving?’ why does he look like he is panicking?
‘I am not going back home father will probably chase me out—I will return to my relatives.’
He takes the cup and gulps some coffee before setting it back on the table, noisily as well.
Is it weird that at this moment I find it cute that we are drinking from the same cup? Yes, it’s weird, you are creepy, wild nods at me.
‘When you say leaving to your relatives, you mean going back to Zimbabwe?’
I nod slowly, if Taylor is freaking out about me returning to Zimbabwe then I guess I should not go home first because father may just shoot me.
‘I have nowhere else to go,’ I suddenly feel the need to explain myself, why does he look so wounded like I am doing something wrong, I am just trying to survive all this for heavens’
sake.
‘You can stay here!’
No, he did not just say that. I stare at his face, no he did say that and he is serious
‘I can’t. That would be---.’
‘If you go to Zimbabwe I may never see you again.’ His eyes look all glassy and he manages to look like he means it. I want to laugh hysterically. Because I am about to have a panic attack. So he meant it that he loved me? No that can’t be it. I just need to get away from all this. What if I tell him what my father wants to do. He will see how screwed up all this is and stay away from me.
I look away from him and gaze into space.
‘Heather!’
I just shake my head, not meeting his gaze, ‘no, I don’t want to stay here. This is ridiculous.’ I mumble and start to rise out of my chair casting a glance at him, only he is not there but already in front of me pressing me against the table behind me. Panic attack is fully on.
He plants his hands on the table caging me between them.
I clench my hands because even at this moment I want to touch him.
‘I understand the need to get away from your family but are you going to throw away this.’
I bite my lip as I inch away from him, ‘I don’t know what this is.’ my voice is small, ‘and point of correction I am not getting away from my family I am particularly getting away from Charles and father.’
‘Why won’t you tell me the real reason you have decided this?’
I sigh, ‘fine.’ I thought he would move a little and I can have a little breathing space to think clearly but he doesn’t even budge. ‘Charles’s family are loan sharks and father owes them a great amount of money, I imagine they are at his neck so if I marry Charles the debt is cancelled.’ I speak very fast and take a deep breath at the end.’
‘And you think he’s going to let you go?’
‘He will if I refuse to obey him.’
Taylor shakes his head, ‘he will carry you there kicking and screaming—he has no other way to pay back his debtors if he decided to sale you,’
And it dawns on me. Father will never let me walk away. Loan sharks would have his head if he doesn’t pay and I am the only way out. Now I really start to panic
‘That’s why I have to go!’ I say and I almost shout in relief that I had packed my passport,
‘if I stay here he will have another way of taking me back.’
‘Don’t you think your relatives will give you away?’
Well they did turn their backs on me when the camping incident happened but of course they were shocked I don’t blame them. But they wouldn’t support father to sell me to loan sharks.
‘No they won’t.’ I say surely, ‘I will be fine.’
He takes a deep breath, ‘well I’m not letting you go!”
My mouth hangs open, oh he means it, has he gone mad? No maybe I am the one who is mad to still be here trying to reason with him.
‘That is my decision not yours.’
‘Your decision sucks and I am deciding for you.’
I put my hands on his chest to push him away and miserable failure. ‘No you are not—
just leave me alone.’
Hasn’t he figured out that I hate it when people decide for me?
‘You don’t feel anything for me?’
‘That has nothing to do with trying to save my own life.’ I snap
‘You can’t save it by running away—he will just find you anyway, but you haven’t answered my question.’
Do I feel anything for him? The man has invaded my mental existence since I met him in the parking lot. But even so I can’t just stay here—am I mad? Okay maybe I lost my wits last night and tried to seduce him but staying is a whole entire dimension in a relationship and I happen to be running away from marriage in case he hasn’t noticed. Which he hasn’t because his expression hasn’t changed.
‘No I don’t!’ my voice is pathetically strained even I don’t believe it. I swear his eyes turn darker right in front of me. I could write an entire bible about those eyes which are looking at me intensely at the moment. My eyes dart around, trying to find an escape and if I can manage to push him away from me then I would have escaped. Well because if someone is looking at you like that you have to run for the hills screaming right? Wild nods in agreement.
I feel his hand flat on the small of my back and he crashes me against him. My eyes snap to his. What’s he doing now? And I don’t have time to react before his lips land hard on mine.
Taking all my breath away. I open my mouth to get some air and he plunges his tongue inside my mouth. I taste that coffee we shared minutes ago as all my mind defenses begin to thaw.
He pushes me on the table and I grab his arms for balance as his body presses firmly against mine. I happen to be wearing one of my oversized t-shirts that I sleep in and it is slowly riding up at the moment.
‘Taylor!’ I manage to say when I break away from his assaulting lips
‘I am not letting you go!’ he says
Okay I get the point. Even Taylor is not going to let me run away. I start to nod when he grabs my leg and hooks it on his waist while pushing me further down the table. I gasp and his lips close over mine again. Forget it, I am not going anywhere.
My hands slide up his arms and find his hair which is still a phenomenon to me. When I lace my fingers into the soft curls he kisses me harder and I moan. Moan? I actually moan.
‘Gah! Hunter it’s just me! Taylor!’ the high pitched voice is followed by a bellowing bark from the bull dog. ‘Taylor!’
Taylor reluctantly draws away from me and lifts me back to my feet as he stands and sighs
‘Celine!’ he whispers with a fond smile
Even in my deranged state I manage to scowl in confusion, who?
‘My cousin sister.’
I just nod, I don’t know her but I want to hug her and spin her around for showing up just in time. Oh I didn’t say that out loud did I? Why is Taylor looking at me with an amused look on his face? I look away, feeling heat on my face.
I hear the front glass door slide open followed by a low thud and then a huge sigh and a high pitched irritated
‘Taylor!’
Taylor’s smile grows and he pulls me along with him to the living room. When I manage to peek around Taylor’s tall frame my eyes land on a tall beautiful woman. Long ebony hair falls over her dark skin in the most fascinating way. Her big brown eyes narrow at Taylor irritably and Taylor chuckles
‘I knew you would not come quietly.’
She huffs, ‘you—I will butcher that dog can it and feed it to you next time it tries to bite me.’
‘Your violent tendencies are worse than before, where were you exactly?’
‘Where you were not and you are supposed to be.’
‘Touché!’
Her eyes move from Taylor and they land on me. ‘And who might you be?’
‘Celine this is Heather and Heather Celine!”
I wear a polite smile and stretch my hand to shake hers, ‘nice to meet you.’
‘Likewise!’ she takes in my large t-shirt and smirks, ‘I’m his sister in case he hasn’t told you.’
‘Does it matter?’ Taylor says
‘I am trying to divert a misconception!’ Celine flashes him a sweet smile, ‘I’m sure your girlfriend appreciates it.’
‘Oh I’m not.’ I start to say I’m not his girlfriend when he turns to me with a sharp gaze
‘We have not really discussed that yet and you don’t have to answer her.’
‘What’s there to discuss!’ Celine quips, ‘you are either a girlfriend or a hook up and you two seem to have already taken things further.’
My mouth hangs open. Why is this woman suggesting that I slept with Taylor when I didn’t? Well that would have been the case if Taylor didn’t have enough brain cells in his head.
Wild pouts at me.
‘It’s none of your business—and what are you doing here anyway?’
‘I live here.’ Celine rolls her eyes, ‘you can’t have this house to yourself forever you know.’
I take my hand out of Taylor’s, he turns to look at me
‘I am going to get dressed.’ I mumble and return Celine’s polite smile before I dash in the hall way. I hear their squabble before I shut the door of my room and lean on it. Only a few seconds and I have worked out that his sister is a piece of work. I know a piece of work when I see one.
Well it doesn’t matter what she assumes, I am pretty sure she is familiar with all of Taylor’s hook ups. Why does that make me feel like acid is rising up my throat? I gnaw at my lip.
I have to get over myself. I am leaving anyway. Taylor can’t stake a claim on me neither can father. I am moving away from all this madness. Yes madness. I repeat in my mind as I finally start to move towards my bag.
I choose some leggings and a flowery dress top. It’s comfortable and makes it easy when you are on the run. Because I am on the run and the money that I have is enough for me to get a bus and figure out where to leave once I get to Zimbabwe. I made a mistake of telling Taylor.
Now when I leave he doesn’t even have to know. Taylor and I won’t go anywhere. This is just a confusing passing passionate time. And I need to leave before anything happens between us.
My heart skips a beat when I start to think whether we would have stopped if Celine hadn’t showed up when she did. I was too far gone to stop anyway. This is just too dangerous.
I pull my hair into a ponytail and fi my bag for a journey. I contemplate calling someone back in Zimbabwe but then decide against it. If they turn out to want to sale me as well I would still have a chance to escape when I hit them by surprise.
My phone buzz in my hand and I flinch. It’s Charles. No way! The man never called me even once since the day I met him. Maybe they finally figured out that I am serious about this.
‘Hello!’ is it weird that we still say hello even though we know who was calling.
‘Heather! ‘His deep voice booms in my ear, ‘where are you? I just heard what happened from father.’
‘It doesn’t matter where I am—I’m not coming back.’
A sigh, ‘look I think there could have been a little misunderstanding—why don’t you come and we talk about it?’
There is nothing to talk about. This is all madness and I am not buying it. An and since when did Charles care to talk things out with me, he set the wedding date without even discussing it with me first.
‘no, just let me go.’
‘Heather please!’
He said please, the tyrant said please. Uh, point of correction, Charles is not a tyrant my father is and since Charles is following my father’s instructions that automatically makes him a tyrant.
‘No!’ I snap
A sigh, ‘fine stay where you are, I’m coming to get you.’
All my insides freeze, ‘what—how?’ then it dawns on me. I press the red end call icon but I know it’s too late. The damn phone and technology also had Taylor track me down yesterday. What am I going to do now? Charles will take me back to that house and I will go with him and be married to him. No, no, -- I have to go now. If I leave now, I may have a chance of escape. I grab my bag and pause holding the door handle. I can’t just leave this house either.
But I have to
So I decide to see what Taylor and Celine are doing and formulate a way of escape. I can hear their voices in the kitchen. Good, I smile, I can easily slip past them and they won’t even notice. But Celine’s words stop me death in my tracks
‘Why are you starting to bring those girls here Taylor?’ she growled, ‘don’t you remember what Mr Abiwu did to the last girl he found in the house? Have you no pity for them, and she is so young.’
‘Stop assuming things you are driving me crazy.’
‘I am not assuming things but you must keep that part of your life separate from the family image.’
‘Who cares about family image?’
‘your father does, he will skin you alive if he finds you openly jeopardizing it like this—
and this time he promised to make you find a wife if you bring any girl to his house.’ Her voice rises
‘Keep your voice down, this isn’t a protest.’
‘Oh you don’t want the little girl to hear it? Does it even matter to her? She’s probably just after your money.’
A table is banged, ‘stop talking about her that way! Heather is not after my money.’
‘well your looks then—women like to throw themselves at popular man whores just to gain a reputation—you may not care about what your father thinks of your behavior but you should know that it—
I stop listening and rush back to the room. Why am I so surprised? Wasn’t I the genius who figured out who Taylor is the first days I met him. And he did say with his mouth that he was after one thing and then he wasn’t. He could be confused about his feelings and I can’t stay here anyway. The man seems to have a piece of work of a father just like mine. But I can imagine that he being a pastor’s kid, his reputation eludes him. I put my bag on my shoulder and purposefully march out of the room.
I am half way to the front door when Taylor emerges from the kitchen and he freezes.
Our eyes lock and I back away to stand close to the door.
‘You are leaving!’
Why do things like this always happen in fiction and in real life? Couldn’t I just walk out the door smoothly and have he figure it out when I am gone?
‘Yes.’ I say simply, or maybe I should be a little firm or hurt his feelings so that he relents on the issue because I can imagine Charles flying his way here and I don’t have much time left.
‘Maybe I didn’t make myself clear when I said that I don’t want you to leave?’
I gape at him, ‘stop talking like you own me.’
‘You are making a mistake.’ He says
‘I am making a mistake!’ I resound his words, ‘well staying with you will be a very big mistake.’
And I have experienced enough treacherous mistakes to last me this lifetime and the next.
But I am sure that getting away from my tyrant father and him is not a mistake. I am simply just trying to survive all this without getting into more chaos. And based on what I have eavesdropped (and I beg to differ on that point because it happened by accident) his life seems to be more dramatic than mine I don’t want to be a part of that.
‘I can take care of you.’
‘I have heard that before.’ I move towards the door but he doesn’t move though that doesn’t mean he couldn’t just bolt after me and catch me in two strides. The disadvantages of being a small person.
He sighs, giving up on the hard stare, maybe he has figured that I’d seen and experienced enough tyrants from father I simply won’t back down because you have put on a scary face.
‘Please just stay and hear me out.’ He holds up his hands towards me, holding that gaze I can feel my defenses slowly starting to thaw. I mean the man looks so sincere in his plea but I quickly recover myself, I have to get out of here—now!
‘no.’ I snap more forcefully than is necessary, ‘I don’t want this.’ I gesture between us,
‘you live in your own world that I wouldn’t dare step a foot in,’ he scowls, yeah I have to stop
speaking my wild ideas out loud, ‘I mean I am not the girl for you—this thing is just off balanced
– and you may just be confused about your feelings for me.’
There I said it. Now acting as the counsellor. Well someone has to. I was obsessed with Taylor enough to blindly want to throw myself at him but the thought of a real relationship makes me cringe. I mean I still don’t know what I was after when I was chasing him around but still--- no I don’t have time to explain this I have to go.
‘I have to go.’
‘No!’ he says flatly
I just shake my head and turn to the door, stepping out in one stride and he’s already behind me. I turn to face him and back away towards the gate. Is he really going to stop me?
Man handle me?
‘I don’t want to hurt you.’ Taylor says, appalled by the expression on my face.
‘Then what are you trying to do?’
Because why else would he be here hovering over me like an old mother hen?
‘I--.’ He runs a frustrated hand into his curly afro hair and either I am totally screwed up or thoroughly obsessed to the point of no return because seeing him run his hands through his hair makes my fingers twitch to touch it. Maybe I could just feel it one last time. I mean it’s not every day I get to meet a person with such a lovely phenomenon of hair covering his head.
I clench my fists—earth to Heather! And I instantly snap back to the present. Taylor’s lips are moving, he is saying something and I manage to catch the last part of his sentence, ‘but I feel differently about you—it’s simply too late to stay away from each other right now,’
I blink at him, ‘does that make any sense?’
Of course it doesn’t make any sense, I didn’t hear half of what he said because I was busy fantasizing about running my twitching fingers into his hair.
He looks at loss with himself for a moment then narrows his eyes at me that is when I distinctly hear tires screech to a stop outside the gate and Taylor doesn’t even flinch because well I am the only one expecting my tyrant in trainee fiancée to drag me back to slavery.
I hear the car door slam shut and I jump away from the gate as if it would bite me and yes I get behind Taylor staring at the gate as if it has the teeth of Jaws.
‘What--.’ Taylor is still deciding between what is going on and who it could be and what he could do to lesson my being freaked out when a heavy knock erupts on the gate. It makes me flinch again
‘Heather!’
I glare at him, maybe not the way to react to the only human being on the planet who is at least concerned about your well-being but it was because of him that I couldn’t get away on time
‘It’s Charles!’ I choke out, ‘he’s going to take me back.’
I watch his rigid expression as he put the puzzle pieces together, ‘you were running from him?’
I nod, ‘yes.’ My eyes are wide as another knock comes.
‘Heather!” Charles calls from the other side of the gate. That surprises me and I pause mid-fright because the man never seemed like the dramatic type. Either he really cares about me or father does owe them a huge amount. Though I still haven’t figured out what marrying him would benefit them unless they are planning to butcher me and sell my kidneys.
Taylor slowly walks to the gate and pulls it open. I swear he glanced at Hunter as if contemplating to release the vicious animal on him. Hunter himself stands erect with his ears stuck upwards and large eyes fixed on the gate. He should just release the dog, I second the motion.
As soon as the gate is open enough for a human being to fit through, Charles jumps inside the yard and Hunter bellows a bark at him barring his teeth. Charles does look like he was running a mile, though I don’t know how that happens when you are driving a car. He is wearing a complete suit, only his tie seemed to have been carelessly loosened along with another button on his shirt.
And yes, I admit again for a hundredth time that I am screwed up because at this moment seeing the two men standing together I do consider them fitting for duet photos of drool worthy male models.
‘Who are you?’
‘Heather come!’ Charles ignores Taylor, ‘why are you here with this man.’ He finally turns to glare at Taylor. Whoa if looks could kill.
‘Why are you here?’ I still manage to ask anyway
‘What kind of question is that?’ Charles snaps first time seeing him angry and yes I definitely have to run from this one, ‘we are getting married tomorrow.’
‘I don’t want to.’ I snap back, ‘why did you come here?’
‘You are here with another man.’ He keeps his gaze locked with Taylor’s. Taylor remains impassive and is studying Charles closely. Now I’m not sure which of the two men is scarier.
‘oh look what the cat dragged in.’ Celine drawls as she emerges from the front door and comes to lean on one of the verandah colonnades with her arms folded against her chest. Charles looks at her and his eyes widen a little bit.
Celine gapes at him and laughs, ‘why this is very interesting!”
What the—
Charles collects himself and looks at me, ‘let’s go Heather!’
‘no.’ I fold my arms, ‘you need to leave,’
‘I am not going anywhere.’ He says absently because he seems to be thinking about something as he glances at Celine then back at Taylor. And he looks nervous all of a sudden,
‘why are you here.’ He ask me
Taylor tilts his head to one side and the two men seem to share a silent dialogue, if I am not mistaken. And I am not mistaken but I just don’t want to consider the possibility that these two know each other. Or to put it more clearly, Charles just recognized Celine and then Taylor.
Who are these people?
I know that Taylor’s father could be a prominent evangelist—or so I was told. But I have been a Church goer for a long time to recognize people’s behavior around preachers to know that this was not the reaction. There is something else. I feel my gut twisting in alarm and might I remind you that I usually don’t experience gut instincts, and right now I know Taylor could turn out to be more dangerous than Charles and father. That automatically set me into a panic mode.
I hug my bag tighter and start to march towards Charles but I don’t make it past Taylor before he grabs my arm, snatches my bag from my hands and hands it to Celine. All I can do is gasp and gape and Charles is watching him warily.
Okay—I am now official screwed.
‘let’s go!’ he holds Charles gaze as he speaks and with so much authority that Charles pockets whatever drama he had come grilling to spill and turns outside the gate. Even I silently trot beside him as he pulled me to Charles’ car.
I dare not open my mouth as Taylor and I slide in the backseat and Charles is driving us home. I suddenly have the urge to cackle loudly—how did this happen again? How the hell did I end up in the same car with the man I am supposedly engaged with and the man I kiss on a regular basis? And why is Taylor going to my house? Oh maybe this is just a wild guess but is Charles going to tell them that he found me in another man’s house and introduce Taylor?
I sit rigidly beside Taylor who has is keeping a possessive hold of my hand. Maybe when we get home I could just dash out and make a run for it because (I am not trying to be a creep) but I foresee possible murder in the near future.
And maybe Charles drove fast back as well because we are suddenly in front of the gate and one of my uncles is pushing it open. With one glance in the car he takes in the scene, scowls in confusion then his jaw drops open.
He closes the gate as soon as Charles parks his car in front of the garage and rushes into the house. I can almost see him announcing the scene to everyone and my stomach does an uncomfortable twist I think I’m going to be sick.
Charles gets out of the car and strides towards the house. I pull my hand out of Taylor’s and rush out of the car. Only he is faster than me because before I reach the front door he has taken hold of my hand again
‘Let me go!’ my voice is strained
‘Don’t do that.’ He says as he knocks on the door once and pushes it open. My entire body freezes as I take in the scene in the living room. Of course they are all there—as if their lives were so boring they attended any gathering every chance they got.
No one is sitting down, the expression on their faces is priceless as pairs of eyes land on me then on Taylor and then our joined hands. I try to pull my hand but he holds it firmer. This again reminds me of the Korean drama part when you bring an unworthy guest to a dinner party.
Aunt holds Mother’s arm because for a moment there she seemed like she was about to collapse. Father’s eyes are locked on Taylor. Again that flicker of recognition.
Taylor greets everyone respectfully and introduces himself. I am just the statue of liberty the whole time. Mother and Aunt start a timid inquisition and Taylor is very polite and civil with them. No one has sat down yet and I figure the situation does call for standing up.
But I do need to sit down or I will collapse from a nervous breakdown.
‘Sir,’ Taylor faces my father, ‘Mr Charles, can I talk to you?’
My heart skips. What? This time I’m the one who holds his hand firmly.
‘It’s okay.’ He whispers to me before he gently withdraws his hand from mine and follows Charles and Father to the office.
Okay? Nothing is okay! I am not okay—I feel like I am about to have a freaking heart attack how is that okay? I sag into the couch and an involuntary sigh escapes my lips as I try to not meet mother and aunt’s gazes.
‘So he is the cause.’ Aunt begins. ‘I can imagine, the man is very handsome.’
‘Looks rich as well.’ Mother adds
‘Is he rich?’ aunt asks me
How should I know? Is Taylor rich? I don’t know—I know close to nothing about the man, and yes that is the first time I think that out loud without trying to ignore the creepy feeling I get from that fact.
‘Heather?’ the two women speak at the same time. I peer at them through my lashes.
‘What’s really going on? I thought you were happy with Charles.’ Aunt says
‘You are to meet his parents this weekend.’ Mother adds
Yes I am very aware of the fact and that is the reason I wanted to run for the hills screaming. But of course mother and aunt have no idea that father has a debt that is over his neck and is using me to clear it.
When I don’t say anything they begin to wonder between themselves
‘She ran to another man’s house!’ Mother says with a shudder.
‘How long has she been seeing him?’ aunt mirrors mother’s expression.
‘maybe she is pregnant!” aunt gasps as if she just had an epiphany.
‘So she will have to marry him.’ Mother says with finality in her voice That makes my head to snap up and look at them, I just don’t like the topic of marriage right now
‘Say something!’ aunt cries in exasperation.
I open my mouth to say something and the room grows silent. I swear even my uncles who pretended to leave the room for the kitchen are straining their ears at the moment.
I clamp my mouth shut. I can only say the truth and the truth is something I really shouldn’t say at the moment. Unless I have a death wish. Or maybe I could just go along with their theory. But that is complicated as well. There is nothing going on between me and Taylor to consider marriage between the two of us. Nothing happened between us. Unless hot passionate kissing in considered defiling then I guess I am screwed. And I am screwed at the moment because I should be saying this out loud but I am too shocked by the present predicament to find my voice,
Two pairs of eyes are fixed on me with the unrelenting need for answers.
‘I don’t like Charles.’ Is all I manage to say, which is a major disappointment for the two because I should say more than that—explain why I ran away from home yesterday and why I spend the night at Taylor’s house and the most important of all elaborate to the two women that I just slept there and not with him and maybe I can find the words to explain my weird relationship with the guy.
‘Why didn’t you say anything?’ mother asks, clearly appalled Why can’t I see the world through my mother’s eyes? Everything is so simply black and white. It’s either I like the guy and I don’t and I can just bow out.
‘You like Taylor?’ Aunt asks and I nod, that’s true enough. I like Taylor. Like is an understatement. I am obsessed with the guy, ‘did something happen between the two of you?’
Of course something happened it’s not as if I can convince them otherwise. They will never get it because I don’t get it either,
‘Heather start speaking right now or I will whip the answers out of you.’ Mother gives up trying to be democratic and I know she will whip me. You don’t irritate an African mom and get out of it unscathed. ‘Why did you come holding hands with another man?’
‘We already asked that.’
‘And she did not answer it!’ mother says I squirm in the couch, ‘I really like Taylor!’ I say timidly
‘We have figured that out!’ aunt raises an eyebrow at me.
Oh my god I didn’t murder anyone here okay? But presently the idea is not so out of the question if these two keep asking me of things I have no answers to. Okay, I do have the answers but it’s something they would rather not know about.
I feel my brows start to grow beads of sweat, in times like these you make up stories just to cover yourself but my head is blank at the moment
Someone clears their throat, saving me, because I was going to experience death by eyes situation. All three of us turn to look at the three men warily as they diplomatically make their way into the room and sit in designated places.
Silence falls for a moment, I keep my eyes to the floor. There is a lump in my throat threatening to end my life.
‘Heather!’ father wants me to raise my head. So I decide to look at him instead. My heart is cooking pumpkins inside my chest with a thick rich broth.
‘We had a long talk.’ Father begins, ‘and I will just summarise it all for you.’
I clench my fists together because I suddenly feel tingles all over me. You know the kind of itchiness that you are not so sure where it’s coming from.
Aunt and mother stare at him, their gazes moving between the three men. It’s historically correct that father never comes with a liberating announcement whenever he has a long talk in that office of his.
‘Charles will not be taking Heather as his wife.’
The statement resonates resoundingly in my mind’s administrative department before it hits home and I blink at him in shock. No way, he is about to drop a bomb. It couldn’t have been that easy to call all this off. The issue has been stressing me for a month and a half and he just can’t call it off without releasing another hell for me to experience. He is a tyrant after all As if to prove my point a small smile appears on his lips and I know nothing liberating is about to some out from those lips. The suspense is killing me I am about to burst
‘Rather,’ pause, oh he is enjoying this—the tyrant, ‘Taylor has been with my daughter so he will marry her.’
I feel like collapsing. My jaw drops open. What the duck?
‘Oh of course,’ Aunt’s voice pierces through my shocked silence, ‘that makes sense!’
Why does it make sense? I am about to have a panic attack. Marry Taylor! Wasn’t it only hours ago when I had an epiphany that he is more dangerous than Charles?
Somebody should just delete my existence!
‘Heather!’ father stretches his hand to me. I stare at it as if it will bite me. ‘Come.’ He smiles gently
And father never does gentle smiling, unless he is about to add more misery to my existence. Like he is now. I am officially from the frying pan to the fire.
I rise out of the couch, not feeling my legs and more like wobble to where father is standing and I place my small hand into his large one.
Holding my hand in a ceremonial manner, he leads me to where Taylor is standing and places my hand in his. Even at this moment when I am thoroughly freaked out, I still feel tingles from our contact. A shiver runs down my body and I feel nauseous. Taylor squeezes my hand and I don’t look at him.
‘This is the right thing to do. She will leave with him today.’
‘Oh what to do?’ mother is about to have one of her nervous break downs, ‘what about Charles?’
‘This is what it has come to.’ Charles says in a calm voice. ‘I cannot take a wife who has been with another man.’
Ah seriously are we in the nineteen fifties? And this is all just made up crap. The real reason why father is marrying me to Taylor remains in that office of his, why are they making me the villain in all this I‘m not the one who took the debt from a bunch of twisted loan sharks!
‘I apologize for the way it has happened.’ Taylor says in his polite civil manner that he seem to have adopted lately, ‘but I love Heather and I will take care of her.’ He looks at mother, yes I finally look at him because the man just declared to my entire family that he loved me.
Mother sighs and manages a shaky smile. ‘You must.’
Father claps his hands together startling me, ‘and that’s settled then.’
Taylor hold me against him as I sway and I’m about to fall. I need to lie down. I don’t feel so good.
‘Oh and you have my blessing.’ Father is too blithely with this, I’m sure money is involved in all this. ‘You kids go along, we will meet and discuss other details another time.’
‘Oh but we must discuss them now.’ My reasonable aunt hedges, ‘surely you are not sending her with him right now.’
‘What difference does it make?’ Father raises his voice. ‘She has already been with him all sense of purity is gone in this issue.’
I swear I hear Taylor growl and his hold on me tightens. This is bad. Something is going on.
‘Besides, her brother and my brother are not here, we will do the whole thing later and I am not keeping what’s another man’s in my house.’
And just like that, I am officially kicked from my own home. The whole time when my bag is packed and loaded in the taxi is a blur. I think I was in a state of shock. The kind of shock that makes you a zombie and rubs all the mind of any thoughts. That kind of shock.
Leave it to Taylor to drag me to a fancy restaurant later at seven pm just after the news bulletin on the radio. And I have to say none of the heinous headlines I heard compared with my present life crisis. Yes crisis. When the taxi had pulled at his house I had thought of curling on the bed and pretend I was having one of those nightmares. But he drags me here instead. In this fancy place with dim lights and soft music as if we are celebrating an occasion. And I proudly announce that I didn’t say a syllable to him. And I plan to not say anything to him as we sit on our table and I’m holding a menu to my face which I am not even reading.
‘Are you going to keep on ignoring me?’ he asks behind the menu on my face.
What is he expecting? A honey moon? Since we are married traditionally and all? And I have watched too many thrillers to not be tempted to pound him and shut him in the closet if he so much as touches a hair on my body.
‘Heather!’
I contemplate hitting him with the menu but it’s not hard enough. I tighten my hold on the thing before I put my violent thoughts into actions.
‘Are you ready to order?’ of course the cheery waitress comes to disturb my hiding place with her cheesy smile and bating eyes. Oh she is just doing her job but I don’t remember flirting with good looking guests as part of the work responsibilities. Well I can almost forgive her since the man is too attractive for his own good and I am currently furious with him I don’t care if he smiles back at her. Giving her encouragement. Like he is doing now.
I narrow my eyes at them and the waitress scurries away like a frightened cat while Taylor sits back in his chair, a grin tugging at his lips. If he grins I swear—
‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this mad before.’ He says, ‘I ordered for you I hope you don’t mind!”
My mouth lifts into a sneer, ‘I don’t mind.’ I resound him, sounding like a twisted creep who has already murdered half the actors in a horror movie, ‘of course I don’t mind… you can just do whatever you want, even marry me behind my back.’
He chuckles. Wild and I freeze, with wide furious eyes, my heart beating rapidly. How can he laugh so easily at a time like this?
‘Did you just laugh?’ I continue with my creepy tone He clears his throat, ‘no.’ he deadpans, ‘I have never heard of anyone marrying behind someone’s back before.’
I fold my hands on my lap before the urge to bang the table loudly overcomes me.
‘Why—no- how could you do such a thing?’
He better give me a good answer or I swear—
‘I wasn’t going to let you marry Charles!’ he says simply. Like that is an explanation.
And he better not try to be evasive with me I don’t mind chortling the answers out of him. ‘I wasn’t planning this Heather I promise.’
‘Oh I get the feeling that you were planning a lot of things Taylor.’
‘Please calm down and let me explain.’
‘Calm down.’ I hiss, ‘you are not marrying you.’
‘You have something against marrying me or marriage all together?’
The death glare I cast at him makes him blink a little.
‘I know how this seems Heather and I’m sorry… I couldn’t think of any other way to get you out of there.’
Get me out of there. Is he talking like he just saved the day? I just went deeper into the crap because of him.in fact I would have had a better chance of escape out of my situation if he hadn’t showed up in the first place.
‘Why did you follow me home?’
‘Don’t you think that’s irrelevant right now?’
‘No it’s a relevant question and I want the answer. What did you talk about in father’s office and don’t even try to sell me the traditional cultural crap because that’s what it is—a load of lies, I have been in that office before.’
‘What do you think this is about?’
Why is he asking me questions when I want answers? Why is he infuriating me even more? I can see that he is doing all he can to dodge this topic. I thought he wanted to explain and I feel like I am the one being interviewed.
This is just stupid, why am I even putting up with this? I don’t want this. I want to break free from father’s arrangements for once.
‘I thought you wanted to explain.’
He regards me with that look that makes his eye color change. ‘You wanted to leave!’
‘What?’
Why is he talking about that considering that I never got to leave in the first place? Man I almost had a heart attack back there like I am about to have one now.
‘You were just going to leave without even hearing me out.’
‘It doesn’t matter to me, I don’t want to stay with you Taylor I don’t like you that way.’
‘Don’t lie to yourself.’
I scoff, ‘you are the one lying to both of us.’
‘why would you say that?’ the man manages to look offended by the prospect that I think he may be a little confused about what he feels for me. I am no expect in this field but there is no way Taylor would want to spend the rest of his life with me, we are worlds apart and did I mention that I consider him dangerous right now. I really quite don’t remember what I had based that theory on but it felt reasonable enough for me to want to run back to Charles
‘We are practically strangers.’ I’m not sure I could explain this one to him, ‘I mean- who are you?’
As I say the words out loud they become too real. Who was Taylor? Who was he really beyond the Business Ethics tutor and the form of my obsession? He must be something to have made father release me when he needed me to take care of such a huge debt. To make Charles bow out of the issue and it seems everyone just succumbed to his wishes. There was no fight, there were no second thoughts. And yes, they didn’t even stay long in father’s office, meaning it didn’t take long for the man to change his mind and chase me out of the house.
He understands the depth of my question because his dark brown eyes are now covered with a glassy color and I know there is a story behind that.
‘What do you mean Heather?’ he says the opposite anyway and I have run out of patience.
I’m not sure what I have gotten myself into but I don’t feel good about it.
I feel bile rise to my throat. Oh please I don’t feel good about most things in my existence.
And wasn’t I just trying to live my motto to stay invisible?
I can say that didn’t go so well considering that here I am now with a stranger. Yes, he has suddenly become a stranger now. Reality does that to you. Makes you to see things for what they are.
It breaks cruelly into your day dream with its realistic events and bends your fantasies to ugly truths you can’t escape. I hate reality.
I close my eyes and run a hand on my forehead. I have an imaginary headache and its paining me badly.
‘What do you mean who am I Heather?’
I raise my head, ‘what don’t you get? You seem to know Charles and father seem to know you—and if by some crazy coincidence that is the case I want to know how and why’
He narrows his eyes thoughtfully, ‘do you really know what your father does for a living?’
I shrug, ‘besides squandering money from loan sharks and construction I have no idea.’ I snap, ‘tell me why three grown men came to the conclusion of this arrangement?’
‘I already told you that, I don’t want you to leave, he was not going to stop chasing after you.’
‘You don’t want me to leave or father wouldn’t stop chasing after me which one is the reason.’
‘Both,’
‘First of all, leaving is my decision, you have no right to hold me here against my will.’
He shrugs nonchalantly, ‘well that boat has already sailed, and you can’t leave me.’
I stare at him and he stares back. What have I just gotten myself into?
‘You--,’ I search for the words, hopefully ones that would knock him out of his chair in a heartbeat. But he suddenly seem so tired. Whatever they unloaded on each other in that office couldn’t be good. If he thinks this is enough to tie me to him my whole life he got it all wrong. I am leaving, starting now
I push my chair out and yes that surprises him and I’m on my feet the same instant.
‘Heather!’ I hear him as I march out of the restaurant.
I increase my pace, snaking past the sea of bodies. It’s past seven pm and people are returning home from work. The streets are swarmed. I feel tears sting in my eyes.
I have reached the third stage now. First was shock, anger and now I am terrified and depressed. He really meant it when he said that he won’t let me leave. Somehow that scares the crap out of me. Something must be wrong in my lifetime for me to keep meeting all these creepy people. To have been birthed by the creepiest person on earth. Father is creepy.
I should have known he is creepy, why does that surprise me? The man never bothered to show up my whole life. I only saw mother back then. And then he came up when I was caged in a jail cell and signed a deal with my perpetrator. And he just did it again Except Taylor is not a perpetrator. He could be my second night mare. So what happens to me now? What is the man planning to do with me? The whole marriage thing is a load of crap, and I have seen enough horrors to recognize crap when I see it.
I hug my arms as I wait by the zebra crossing. The traffic is a nightmare during this time.
I join a small group of pedestrians who are waiting to cross to the other side.
And of course it dawns on me that I have no way of escape, no money, not even my cell phone. Taylor made me leave all the things in his house. Or maybe I was just too disoriented to even carry anything.
And as much as it pains me to do, I turn around and start making my way back to the restaurant. I hate this feeling. This being so helpless like I am at the moment. And the funny thing is that no matter how much I hate it I can’t seem to escape from the bondage.
I imagine I am wearing a menacing look as I sight him standing coolly in front of the place. Like he has no worry in the world. The tyrant.
He smiles gently when he sees me. It almost seems like a fond smile, but I won’t fall for that.
My head and my heart are at war regarding this issue. No matter how infuriating and ridiculous it is, I still feel a familiar tingle when I see him. And when he comes closer to me and wears his jacket on my shoulders. Invading me with that bewitching scent of his.
‘You knew I had no way of running!’
His lips curl into a half smile, he’s not even denying it. ‘Stop running off, I told you that you are not good at it.’
I contemplate stomping on his foot. But that would be childish. And tantrums are not getting through to him. In fact the man is so relaxed about this, of course he is, he has all the data and I am just the third party in all this. I hate that as well.
He holds my shoulders, draws me to him and plants a long feeling kiss on my forehead.
My traitorous eyes close as his warm lips touch my skin.
It was easier to run from Charles, I wasn’t attracted to him.
‘Let’s go home,’ he whispers.
‘Home? In case you forgot I was kicked out of mine.’
He draws away a little to look into my eyes, ‘your home is with me now.’
Yes, and that simple statement manages to take my breath away. Maybe I am an incurable romantic. And I am rendered speechless. It’s not fair that he has to affect me this way.
It’s a crime in fact, a big wrong.
He hails a taxi and soon we are cuddled in the back seat on the way to Taylor’s house.
Point of correction, he has me possessively snuggled against him. Yes that description makes me feel better.
‘I didn’t buy you Heather if that’s what you are thinking!’
‘But you did bring out money!’ I accuse,
‘It was not for buying you.’
I shift out of his arms and I sit facing him. ‘So what happens now?’
He searches my face for a moment, ‘whatever you mean.’
‘What do you want to do with me?’
‘What kind of question is that?’
‘Why are you not answering my questions straight up like a normal person?’
‘Like a normal person—and I am not.’
‘No normal person do what you did- you just barge into people’s lives and cause havoc.’
He leans over to me and I lean away, ‘you did the same to me—and I will answer your questions, right now is not the time.’
I narrow my eyes, ‘I say that it is—I won’t be able to sleep all night until I get what this is all about.’
A half grin, ‘maybe you won’t be sleeping.’
I lean further away, ‘you are crazy, and don’t you dare touch me.’
He keeps inching closer, ‘why that’s surprising—I thought we were already past this phase last night.’
I feel heat going to my face as my heart sky rockets into a rapid beat, ‘that’s different.’
‘How is that different, we are married now, it shouldn’t be a problem.’
I glare at him, ‘that’s because of you, you – married me behind my back,’
‘Yes you already said that.’
I glance at the back of the taxi man’s head. Either the man is a total creep (that wouldn’t surprise me because everyone around me is turning out to be creepy.) Or he is enjoying this and can’t read an SOS situation when he sees one.
Taylor moves away and returns to sit place to my relief. I sit up straight and still inch away from him.
‘This is weird. You only wanted to sleep with me out of wedlock.’
‘Stop mention the marriage thing it’s creeping me out.’ I snap.
He smiles, ‘still this is kind of interesting, maybe I should have waited a bit.’
‘So are you saying that you married me for that?’
He gives me a steady gaze, ‘I told you that I want everything, this is one of those things.’
I turn away from him and look out the window, he had been the reasonable one last night and then turned when I mentioned leaving. What is wrong with him? I am pretty much freaked out already, why he is creeping me out some more.
As soon as the taxi comes to a stop I rush out of the taxi and jump into the gate. Hunter barks and of course I jump because I seem to forget that he exists as long as I don’t set my eyes on him. When I try to slide the glass door open, the thing doesn’t even barge. I groan. I hate this door.
And just like de-ja-vu, Taylor’s hand comes from behind me and he slides the door open.
Only this time I don’t turn to look at him. I just want to be as far away from him as possible.
Inside is warm and smell as good as always. I walk around the couch which is by the door. I need to sleep on this and formulate a proper interrogation for him in the morning. Let the shock of today wane a little bit. I am about to reach the entrance to the hall way when his arm hooks around my waist draws me against a strong body. His warm breath fans the crook of my neck. My body betrays me by responding to his touch. I just melt.
Like plastic under smoldering heat. My breath hitches when he plants a soft tingly kiss on my skin and starts to trail kisses along my jaw. I plan to wiggle out of his hold and rush to my room, safe from all this intense feeling he has started in me from inside the taxi but my body turns to melt into his and I meet his lips in a deep passionate kiss.
I shouldn’t be kissing him. I should be getting some answers. What he did was so wrong on so many levels. Why can’t that register through the heady feelings that have clouded my mind.
He pushes me against the wall and presses on me. Either he feels the same way or the man has just figured out a way to get to me.
Just as I reach the point of surrender, he pulls away and cradles my cheek with his palm
‘We will talk tomorrow I promise.’ He whispers
I am still coming down to earth. ‘Okay.’ is all I can manage to say But as I finally mange to get into my room and close the door. I promise myself that when tomorrow comes, I am finding a way to run from Taylor.
I am not confident that I would be able to leave but I must. I just know it.
See what happens next in the next book of the worn series: Extract from Torn
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